Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Confused between two Proposals

confused between the two


Assalam O Alaikum,

I am confused due to a proposal that came for me recently from a distant relative. This guy seems al right but I still have to get to know him. After this proposal came, I had another proposal from a guy who I know from quite some time as we are in the same class in the college. We know each other for nearly a year now. We didn’t want to get into any kind of relationship as we knew and discussed that it is Haram to be in any kind of pre-marital relationship. However, he asked me for marriage just recently, a few days before other proposal from my distant relative came. My confusion is that, both of them have similar personalities.

My uncle did Istikharah for me on my behalf for that first proposal which was from my distant relative and he said he had a good dream. I have decided to perform Istikharah for this other guy (my college class fellow) as I am confused myself and can’t decide. Also, my relative is impatient and wants us to give them a reply as soon as possible. I have told them to give me some more time so that I can make the right decision.

I am under a lot of pressure however; I have more feelings for the guy who is my classmate in the college. But, I don’t know what to do and can’t decide who to choose.Please tell me what to do in this situation and how to decide which one of these guys is more suitable for me.


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11 Responses »

  1. Salaam , i have this confusion between two boys....

  2. aoa..
    im actually goin thru same thing. ive two proposals....nd both r good....but some how i dont knw i v inclination towards one of them more than the other,, where as my family likes the other one more..
    iv been doin istikhara for quite sometime but i havent come to a confusedd..........
    i sometimes dcide to go with my parents decision as they r more mature but i dont get that feeling of satisfaction with that decision...
    plz guide mee..............

  3. i need help with the ishtikhara......i want to do it for blackmagic but i dont know how to do it....and it would be very much help if someone could help me.


    • Sameena,

      I'm puzzled after reading your question, how bizarre. What do you mean you want to do istikhara for blackmagic? Do you you want to do istikhara so that you can figure out whether you should do black magic or not? Or is it something else? Hmm.

      With regards to black magic, it is completely and absolutely forbidden/haraam. If you want to do istikhara to find out if you have been afflicted by black magic or to find out if someone in particular has done black magic on you, even then, you are heading down the wrong route. If this is the case, there is no need to go fishing to find out who may have done black magic, there is no cure in this. The Prophet(saw) after being afflicted by B/M was shown in a dream by Allah(swt) as to who the person was, but he(saw) did not confront that person or reveal his identity to anyone. He kept it to himself and did ibaadah instead and also prayed the last two ayahs of the Quran: Surah Falaq and Surah Naas and blew over himself. So this taught us that the only cure to black magic is from Allah and one must purify himself, pray his Salaah, recite Quran, leave sins and bring as much of the Quran and Sunnah into his daily life and character.

      SisterZ Editor

    • PS: please click on the link at the top of this page on 'Istikhara'. It will tell you how to Istikhara and can only be done for when deciding a matter with a halaal option.

      SisterZ Editor

  4. Salam Sister,

    Just want to add my two cents here. I have seen first hand how marrying a family relative can turn a family upside down when an argument comes about. It seems everyone gets involved...sisters stop speaking, gossip runs amuck...feelings are hurt and ugliness ensues. It is my personal view that marrying a non relative is the better choice. So for me, it's a no brainer...I'd look towards the classmate. Whatever you choose, may you be happy and enjoy the happiness that marriage brings.

  5. Dear Sister,

    In addition to the other comments above, I will say just two things more:

    - If either of the two proposals is pressuring you decide quickly without allowing you to be satisified with your checks, then perhaps he is not the right choice for you;

    - If you are satisfied with the deen and character of your classmate (after discussing with your parents aswell) and you have feelings for him aswell, why go looking else where? Genuine feelings don't come with every tom, dick n harry. If you have no barriers, do istikhara and go for it and enjoy the bliss of marrying someone you care about inshaAllah.

    SisterZ Senior Editor

  6. Salam Sister,
    As sister Maria has mentioned above, I also suggest that you perform istikhara for both the proposals you received (even though your uncle did an istikhara for the first one, it's always better to do it yourself) and see where your mind and feelings take you. Also, what I would do if I were you is make a list of all the qualities you seek in a potential husband and compare them with both these guys. Also, look for qualities in both these guys that you think will be hard for you to compromise or live with. Basically, try to put both the pros and cons of both guys on paper and then decide which one you think is more suitable for you. And remember, this is about your whole life, so take your time and dont let anyone pressure you. Make it clear to everyone that you will take some time and that they should respect you in this aspect as we are talking about your whole life here :).

    All the best.

  7. As salamu alaykum skalid,

    I would perform Istikhara asking Allah to guide me to the best course of action, then doing what is in your heart and trusting that Allah will help you make the best choice.

    See some of the article links at the top of our website for accurate information about Istikhara.

    Don´t leave your fate in other people´s hands, take responsibility for your own life and ask to the only One that can help you and guide you.

    May Allah(swt) guide all your steps to the best decision for both of you. Ameen.

    All my Unconditional Love and Respect,

    María Editor

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