Islamic marriage advice and family advice

When I saw my father crying, I decided to change. Please help.


"O ye who believe! seek help with patient perseverance and prayer; for Allah is with those who patiently persevere." Quran 2:253


I am a Muslim Teenager and i need help to better myself!
Ever since i used to hang around with a friend aslo a Mulsim girl i have changed dramatically, i lie, wear clothes i wouldn't normally, meet boys and act like a Non-Muslim!
I am incredibly proud of being part of Islam and i take pride in who i am, but i got into trouble with a guy who i wish i had never met or got involved with i am now known to be 'easy' and this is not who i want to be! My reputation is ruined, i have dragged my family down with me, and i don't know what to do! What i did is so disgusted when i had to re-cap to my mum what i had done she was incredibly dissapointed, and when my father found out, it was the first time i saw him cry, i promised i change my ways, but i need guidance!  am incredibly sorry for what i did, but i can't trust myself part of me thinks i will do it again part of me whats to run away from the situation like it never happened! Tubaa, the great shame i bought on my family is un-real! BROTHERS AND SISTERS I NEED HELP!

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6 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    There are several enemies we have as we try to fulfill our true potential and purpose as human beings. Our nafs constantly works against us and counters each step we try to take in the right direction. Shaytan himself has been working tirelessly to bring us all to a despicable level. Then there's the world, and all it's distractions and sinful attractions that keep us weary and make it harder to do what we know we should.

    It's going to take time and better choices to rebuild your reputation. You know you have made some bad decisions but you have the chance to turn it around now. It's not going to be easy, but it is definitely possible.

    Self reformation (taskiya) is a major part of Islam. There are shaykhs and scholars who make the practice and mastery of it their sole focus. It's easy for someone to say, "Oh just read these ayats, or do these salats, or recite these duas", but sometimes we need more focus on how to become more disciplined and make better choices. Sometimes folks will pledge allegience to a shaykh, and follow the shaykh's specific directives on how to become more in control of ourselves. Sometimes people will denounce certain things in their lives and make their faith their only priority. Even some have said practicing martial arts brings a strength and power to the soul as well as to the body.

    Take your choices day by day, and try to build consistency in making the right ones and not haraam ones. I also suggest you read Ihya Ulum Id Din by Imam Gazzali, as he talks a lot about purification of self and how to overcome our strongholds in it. Try to spend as much time with your parents as you can, and work on rebuilding your relationship with them and the foundation of trust. Since it's ramadan, you should pay close attention to your fasting as well since that is known to build discipline.

    We are all struggling through this together sister- we are all trying to conquer our inner disharmony and find our ways back to fitra. None of us can succeed without Allah's mercy and support, so make sure you continually suplicate Him for help and we will continue to do the same for you Insha'Allah.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Do as your family wants if you go against them you will never be happy sorry i had to be honest & straight to the point I am 24yrs of age my self I have lots of fun in my life but i never go against my family no matter what .. you could have a good time in good ways

    like go to the movies with Muslim girls do things within your boundries we don't need to invlove guys in our life

  3. Oh wow thats so tough. I find that if I look inside my heart & ask what my heart thinks of you, it says without hesitation "I forgive you." I am sure with Allah is the same. People, on the other hand, are harder to convince.

    Hold your head up & figure out how to salvage your reputation best you can, but at the end of the day don't worry too much about it.

    Or maybe get out of the country & away from it all? I don't know the answer that will lead you to your best life, only you do.

  4. Salaam,
    Even i suffered from the same sentiments when i was a teenager i was so shameless that time that it hardly mattered what others and my family members are saying,i did what my nafs told and i was so wrong i realized after marriage,when i am away from my parents,my mom literally wanted to die because of me at that moment i thought to change but couldnt,,my nafs was more stressing on my wishes.....
    Dear,what i beleive personally is parents are the only one in this whole world who'll never do wrong to you neither will they be happy when you are in grief,they love you unconditionally....

    After i became a mom i realize each and every word of my parents what they wanted me to do and stopped me from,that all was for my benefit not for there own,each and every word they say to us is exactly correct but we realize after we have gone wrong.i feel guilt from inside today also for what i did, i repent...
    Thank Allah swt i did one thing according to them was MARRIAGE,i never met the guy but my parents liked him,but the one whome i loved they never liked,i sacrificed my love for them,and later thank GOD that they refused because he was the man who told everything about me to my fiance just before 4 days of my wedding that,if he really loved me he would never do that and always wanted me to be happy.
    The decission my parents took its result is in a fruitful a successfull married life,my hubby loves me a lot and trusts me.
    I Suggest try the best way you can to win there hearts once again,never go to that way again coz its for your good what they are saying.
    Allah hafiz.

  5. asalamu aleikum,some time its not easy to make you parent happy,but the good thing you knew your mistake,and you willing to correct them,as parent we want our kids to have a better life,and we always have place in our heart to forgive them,please don't follow sheytan again and correct your mistake. wallahi they will forgive you and forget,when there is good placement in your life.
    i will put you in my dhua,and may allah keep your strength strong,and iman.

  6. W.Salam sister

    What you might have done might be wrong as I cant say nothin Im no one to judge we all make mistakes
    And I know it hurts us when we hurt our parents deep down inside you have Mash'ALLAH relised ur mistake and I can tell ur guilty of what you have done but all I am going to say is sister be strong and ask ALLAH for forgiveness us ALLAH is whom we have to ask for forgivness and no one else not even our family we r going to return to ALLAH S..W..T

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