Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I feel too weak to live

Change your heart to change your life

All I can say about my self is that I feel like standing in the middle of a battle field all alone with all the evil surrounding me .......

I dont have the right words to explain what I'm going though but all I can say is I swear by the name of Allah it hurts cuz I know the problem lies nowhere but inside me

overthinking , social anxiety , inferiority complex , emotional immaturity , lack of self confidence lack of self respect lack of proper thinking and making proper decisions

Where at shops girls would be worried n thinking about which shoes should match my dress ... All I'm worried about is the shopkeeper is coming he's looking at me .... Oh no the woman right next to me is noticing me what shoud I do how should I respond ...

Where at college girls would be into their gossiping n discussions I would be like if she told me this how should I respond .... Oh no the girl sitting at my back what would she be thinking if she noticed me .... I would just run to the washroom n start crying cuz I cant handle it

At my house ... I spend the whole day in my room laying on my bed n crying while thinking about all the incidents of the day where as my mom would be thinking I'm studying

Is this type of condition bearable ?

I tried talking to my mom about taking me to a good psycaterist first she ignored but then said a clear no cuz if anyone in our family found out that I've been to a psycaterist they would just put a stamp of "craziness" or mentally ill person on me that would create problems for my future

Being honest ..... I've developed a feeling of jealousy and hatred for all other girls of my age cuz I see all of them better than me ... I dont have any specific qualities of my own that I can be confident on

I did istekharas .... I didn't see any response usually people are supposed to see a dream from which they might get an idea .... I didn't

I cried screamlingly to Allah n said you're the only one who understands n know what I'm going through n you are the only way of help ...

I dont know what else to do

I'm tired now ..... I dont have the strenght to fight with my self any more I hate myself I hate everything about me ... I'm the only child of my parents n they have quite high expectations from me .... they do everything for me but what am I giving them in return ... Allah has given Me alhumdullilah all the materialistic stuff I ever asked him with out any delay ..... He has listened to my duas since childhood why has He gone silent now .......

I'll turn 18 this year .... I keep thinking with my self what if i never got to get out of this problem ..... What if when I get married after 5 or 6 years n never become a part of my husband's family cuz I have never been successfully part of even my own family than how could I be a part of some one elses

what should I do ... Where should I go n turn to ...

Its too much burden on the heart .... I can't focuz on anything  .... I dont have company I'm too much alone

marry

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20 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    Sister, I want you to know that you are not alone. Looking around you, you may feel like you're the only person having these thoughts and difficulties... but underneath the confident-looking faces around you, a lot of people will be having similar worries (and thinking that they're the only ones, too).

    I wonder if you might find it helpful to try some cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)? This is a way of looking at how your thoughts, feelings and actions influence each other, and can be very helpful in dealing with anxiety. You can probably pick up a self-help CBT book from your local library or bookstore, inshaAllah (look in the medical/psychology sections - avoid things that are in the self-help or mind and body sections, as they tend not to be of professional quality). If not, you might be able to access a counsellor or psychologist through your school, as quite a few schools have services available to help students with these sorts of difficulties without them having to go to a doctor or a clinic outside school..

    When we're worrying about what might go wrong, it's easy to lose track of the things that go right. Maybe try making a list or a diary of the things that go well and try to put something in it every day or so. It could be something big or something little (even things like "I smiled at someone on the bus and they smiled back" or "there was a cute animal in the park") - the goal is to have a record that shows you that life can be good. That way, you can look at it when things feel bad, and remember the good bits as well.

    Another great way to help yourself feel better is to spend time helping other people - maybe get involved in a local charity project, or spend some time helping a friend or classmate with homework, or even using websites like this one to help people by giving advice or support.

    Make sure that you are also doing your best to stay close to Allah by praying, reading and listening to Quran, avoiding haram things, and learning more about Islam (you could maybe go to an evening or weekend class, or an online course).

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • Thank you for u're time ... I would appreciate u if u mention some duas or dikar that would help me stay strong cuz i've lost all my strength ... I feel very week

      • Assalaamualaikam

        At the top of the page on this site, there's a drop-down menu titled "Dua in Islam". If you look there, there's a section about dua for Anxiety and Stress. It might help to try some of those, inshaAllah?

        Midnightmoon
        IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. I understand how you feel and what you going through. Your are not alone in this.

    One of the things I can tell you is live and have a positive outlook on life. No one said it would be easy but you can change things for the better. I agree with the above advice MasAllah and you really shouldn't worry about others around you. People will like you for you and your qualities. You have nothing to feel bad about. You have to make yourself strong and become a better person inshAllah.

    • Sister i've turned my life into a hell ... I even feel anxious when i talk to my mother what can be worse than this ? .... Im having my exams on the 28th of april n i cant study ! I know im gonna fail ... I've come to a stage that i cry n ask for death from Allah ... I dont know how to live ... How to reapond to people how to treat them ... I just cant explain .... I have no oneeee ... No oneeee

      • Concentrate on your exams you dont need to feel the way you do. Think positive and be positive. InshAllah it will it get better, give it time.

  3. If you want to live a happy life. tie it to a goal and not to the objects or people.

    What is your destination? Ask this question to your self. Think about your destination. and nothing else. Your exams are coming so only focus on your studies.
    You are about 18 years old. Not a kid anymore.

    • Muhammad Ali, I edited your comment slightly. There is no need to insult people when giving advice.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Wael, Please delete my comment from there. As I am unable to see any option there to delete or edit my comment.

    • Brother , im not tieing it to people or objects ... But the way people behave around me as compared to others hurts me ... It keeps hurting my self respect n it keeps bothering my from the inside that there is indeed something wrong with me .. I dont have close terms with any one ... Not even my mother ... Im worthless my life sucks !

      • Nothing is wrong in you. Don't think like that. When I was in school most of my class mates used to make fun of me. Because I was always kinda silent around them. But unlike you I didn't care what they think about me. If they are making fun of me. Why they are behaving like that. As long as I'm satisfied with my self.

  4. Don't you have any friends at college? All you need is good friends of your age whom you can talk to. Don't stay all the day in the room alone. Do not cry. Stay strong. Crying won't help. Did you talk to your mother or father about all these issues you are having? It seems to me you are scared. So much scared. Don't be afraid of your parents, talk to them. In this age your education should be most important to you, nothing else. And you need good friends. Don't stay alone all the time. There is book about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Feeling Good, By Dr. David D. Burns MD. You should read the book. that could be helpful to you. If you try those exercises mentioned in book. For the book I am attaching a link below:

    https://onedrive.live.com/redir?resid=da0c8541717bbbe1%21351

    • Thank u so much brother for u're time and response ....
      I did tried talking to my mother several times but she failed to understand the problem n instead got angry the way u did in u're last comment .. That grow up u're not a kid any more n after that i stopped sharing my problems with her ..... I do have so called friends in college that would rather make fun of me n the other girls wouldn't accept me as their friend so i just stay away from others (its not that i never tried) ....

  5. I am sorry. If I was rude? I am not angry with you. never angry. Ok tell me in which country you are living? And what do you do all the day? (Don't mind, if you can explain somewhat). What is your daily schedule? How much time you spend on the internet? What is your problem? (that your mom is unable to understand). Can you explain me somewhat? What kind of thoughts bother you? What kind of feelings do you have? And if you don't mind give this test "phq-9" and tell me your score. I am attaching the link below to get this questionnaire.

    http://1drv.ms/1JeEgpp

    • i gave the test u mentioned above n its result was 19 ....
      i live in Pakistan ... most of the day i spend in my room as i live in an area where there isn't any good place for outing for girls .... i downloaded the book thank u so much for u're time and attention
      brother i'll try my best to make u understand cux i see u as my only hope to be able to help me
      i dont have the right appropriate words to explain but i'll try my best .....
      brother .... it started from last year ramadan when i started to feel like i've never been a part of anything ....i did have friends in school but i felt completely lonely while i used to be with them the kind of satisfaction n feeling of relaxation one is supposed to have with friends ... i still dont have it .... they used to call me with different types of names that still hurt me but i never had the guts or never was confident enough to tell them to stop calling me by those names it hurts me .... instead i used to cry at my home ..... then started the constant anxiety period .... i used to go to an islamic institution for tafseer e quran in ramadan ... i couldn't focus on it rather i started noticing people's ....obesrving their behaviour n stuff n espevially the way they talked to me .. there was n still is 24/7 anxiety ... i couldn't understand it .... i can give examples of the type of incidents that provoke these feelings .... once i went to a beauty parlour for a hair cut .. i was asked to wait for a moment cuz the person who was supposed to do the hair cut was busy ... i kept waiting .. she did the hair cut of a girl who was hardly 1 year older than me ... she talked to her very nicely and friendly ... at my turn she asked me have u washed your hair? ... i said sorry but i haven't ... she got angry n rudely replied why do u people dont wash ur head before coming here ! n made a frowning face eventhough she was fine before me.... then incidents like at a family gathering ... girls of my age would sit together talk for a while n get to know each other... n then after sometime become friends... laughing gossiping ... i dont have such ability .... even i try sitting with other girls they have nothing to say to me neither do i n trust me this has happened alot of times .... alot of times im sitting all alone or rather try to avoid any kind of gatherings and functions ...i feel like people look down upon me ... i dont have what it takes to be a perfect girl ...i overthink on these matters quite much although i dont want to but i have nothing else to do.. my own mother prefer other girls of my family over me and it hurts alot ... i still remember some incidents from my childhood that when the little servant girls used to play in my house n i used to say that i want to play to ...they always rejected me .... what can be worse than this that the servants working i u're own house doesn't let u play with them ?? ...the very current problem i have right now is that im very worried about how to react and respond to other people cuz right now i dont have any self esteem or self respect left in me... i dont want to but im always over observant of how others are behaving n responding around me .... everything makes me so much nervous n confused its helpless .... i've developed a feeling of hatred towards all the other girls of my age or older n i swear i have no control over these feelings.... my mind is always preoccupied by this rubish which doesn't let me focus on my aims my ambitions .... what i do all day is be in my room lay on my bed n think about all the bad incidents that happened with me cuz i have nothing else to do .... i have my exam which will be starting on 28th of april n the whole year i couldn't study because of this problem n i still cant...i know i'll fail it anyways .. i've also posted before on this site for help
      this is all i could explain brother ...

      • Look sister,

        Now if you want to change your life, then you will have to do some thing practically rather lying on bed all the day. You can use internet to learn. You can take any online courses. You should also regularly attend classes in the school. Keep your self busy all day. Do all the chores like cooking, cleaning and everything you can do. Ask your mother if you can help her in the kitchen and other things. Always keep yourself busy. I hope that will help.

  6. Salam Alaikum my dear sister jan.

    listen sister, i myself am a girl and i turned to 17 and i always feel that i am a worse girl ever you know why? i will tell you because i think i am a weird and strange kind of girl, sometimes i feel so pride sometimes i feel jealousy sometimes i feel happy sometimes sad and the worst is that sometimes shaytan(evil) made me depressed when i made a sin and then i become so unhappy and feeling like now Allah(SWT) will never forgive me, to be honest sis you know i had exam too and i was really a stupid girl cuz i never studied and instead of studying i started to blame Allah(SWT) and say Allah please why you are not listening to me why, and you know what happened after exam i passed but i always felt so shameful in front of Allah(SWT) and i still feel the same way because Allah took my exam to see how Patience i had, i failed i failed the most important exam of my life, now i know i was really stupid but now i don't wanna be that lazy girl again i don't wanna let shaytan(evil) take my life and ruin my life, i always prayed namaz and i was grateful but now i started to be more and more grateful and a happy girl, sister i swear to Allah(SWT) that the more you pray namaz read Quran sharif be grateful think positive and believe what Allah(SWT) has given you is best, the more Allah(SWT) will give you happiness and comfort your heart, i swear i had the same problem but i started to change my life, listen sister Allah(SWT) has given you mind and you can think, Allah(SWT) has given you a normal body, face, eyes, nose, lips, ears, hair, hand, foot still you feel you are down, why sister? just look at yourself my dear sister how shaytan(evil) depressed and frustrated you from Allah(SWT), please my dear sister stop being like this, in the day of judgment Allah(SWT) will ask you that i have given you everything why still you felt depressed or Allah(SWT) will ask you that i have given you mind to think and there were people to guide you or to help you why still you follow what shaytan(evil) whispers to you and made you frustrate from my court.
    please sister jan get up pray your namaz properly and make duas and yes remember one important thing that Allah(SWT) is beautiful and everything which comes from Allah(SWT) is beautiful too. and i know you are the MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL!

  7. salam once again sis jan.

    i forgot to mention very important issue never ever feel jealousy because jealousy will only ruin your life and make you ungrateful to Lord, think of people who are down and really have bad situation then what about them if you were in their place, i watched TV yesterday and there was a program i saw there were some young girls but without eye or there are people don't have anything to eat still they are grateful to their Lord, and actually i used to feel sometimes jealousy but after hearing to this Hadith of Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) which he said ""None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself." now i never feel jealousy and i am so happy that my jealousy has gone now Alhamdulilah.
    i envied some girls to have the dress i like it or for their something else but after hearing to Hadith of messenger(peace be upon him) now when it comes to envy then it remind me of Hadith and i suddenly feel relax and cool and i say to myself "no i am a real Muslim girl and i have full believe in Allah(SWT) so i love what Allah(SWT) has given her"

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