I want to marry him but my mother refuses because he is from a different tribe. How can I convince her?
Assalam O Alaikum,
I have been looking for the right man for many years. Now, I met him who has the personality and qualities I desire. I am a true Muslim. He is very devoute Muslim. Proposing marriage is so difficult because we are from different tribes. The concept of no dating, no falling in love first before marriage is totally forbidden. He wants to get married in a halal way, but my mom disapproved him because of his tribe. I want to be married to him because I love him. I don’t want to disrespect my mother because I love her to death but how can I make her understand this good Muslim guy, who prays five times a day and knows the religion better than me. If I date him, I am doing something against my religion. What is the best way to make her understand and tell her stop being judgmental without disrespecting her?
Please help, Jazak Allah.
Tina84
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Salaams,
It almost sounded as if you were saying your mother would prefer that you date him instead of just marrying him. Is your mother Muslim?
We get a lot of posts on this site about young men and women who want to marry, but the parent's prevent it because of the tribe/caste/race/social status etc of the intended. It seems parents are having a hard time understanding not only how to help their children find what's in their best interests, but also what are the most important factors to look for in a spouse according to Islam.
Islam does not make any distinction between Muslims based on color, region, social standing, family background etc. Muslims are ranked according to piety, good deeds, and obedience to Allah. If there are two young people who want to marry who are doing their very best to be good Muslims, and have every intention of trying to be the best spouse for the other, there should be nothing to prevent them from getting married. Try to talk to your mother about what Allah requires from a potential mate, and explain to her the importance of being devout over having "correct" lineage. Have your mother agree to meet this young man and get to know him for his inner qualities, and hopefully as she becomes more comfortable with him she will be supportive of your marriage.
Even though there is no dating in Islam, it doesn't mean you can only see someone once and then you must marry. There is halal courtship, which entails you spending time to get to know each other in the company of your families or other trusted chaperones. You can take as much time as needed interacting this way until the marriage plans are finalized. If you can explain this to your mother, while honestly sharing your own thoughts and frustrations about what's going on, Insha'Allah she will become more reasonable to your wishes.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor