Muslim husband asking for divorce
I am a Hindu Girl who got married to a Muslim guy last August. Religion was never a problem before marriage, as he himself told me that he is accepting and loving me the way I am. He even did the Hindu wedding but not Nikah. I told him in the beginning we should do nikah but he told me if I do nikah I have to convert.
At first I was shocked, as I know Nikah is sacred as any other marriage ceremony, and I must do it but he never told me before that I have to convert to do it. After 9 months of marriage, now he tells me that he wants a DIVORCE. It's a shock for my family and for me because I love him. My parents even accepted that I would convert and do the nikah to make my mariage work as for us, in my family, when we marry, we marry for a lifetime, especially in our case where we fell in love in 1997 and got married in 2009 because of religion issues.
I asked him now that I am accepting Islam, why divorce? The silliest answer I've heard till now is that because I am not doing it with my heart. On top of it, he tells me he was used to his lonely life although we used to talk on the phone. Our love story was like a fairy tale one as everyone thought he is not an extremist and that he loves me a lot. Even I love him a lot and even if he broke the promise of not converting me and asking me for divorce, I am still ready to start everything from scratch and accept Islam.
What do I do? Am totally broken as it took 12 years for us to unite. It was Allah's wish. Sometimes I wonder if he is a true Muslim as he is asking me to go back to my parents. Please help me.
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Salaam my sister,
I am sorry that you are going through this very confusing time with your husband.
Often, when there is a big build up to marriage, people get so hyped up and hyper that after all of the excitement of the courting, wedding, marriage ceremonies the actual marriage itself is a bit of a let down, and the reality of it all hits us. We need to make huge adjustments to how we live our lives, and we can no longer think or act selfishly. This is why the first year of marriage is often a tough and difficult one as the couple try to adjust to this new way of living, and also to this new way of knowing someone in real life. It is natural to blame something outside of our responsibility for these difficulties such as religion, or work, or hobbies or something else.
It is quite natural after marriage to feel that you have made a mistake, or that you have married the wrong person - but these feelings are natural adjustment feelings that need to be worked through as a couple. As the differences between two people become clearer through living together and being together every day - it is natural that these differences can shock us and we find it difficult to reconcile them. This may be what is happening with your husband - the differences he felt that theoretically he would be OK with, are now, in reality, uncomfortable for him.
Do not panic. Many many couples go through this, even those of the same religion. I know many many couples who spend the first 6 months of matrimony in shock and upset and then having resolved those feelings have gone on to have successful marriages. Marriage is a set of scales, one scale is the wife, one is the husband and the key to success is to find a lifestyle combination that allows the two to exist in harmony together - in balance. One cannot find balance without trying and testing different elements on the scales. Sometimes one side is up, sometimes down - sometimes wobbling, but if both sides are working towards harmony it should be achievable.
What I would recommend is sitting down with him and telling him that you are dedicated to trying to make your marriage work before giving up, and try to get this agreement from him as well - i.e: get him to agree to trying to making it work before he quits. Once you have secured some determination from him, you can sit down and establish what his concerns and problems are and see if there are ways that these problems can be solved. Solving problems means finding solutions that BOTH parties are happy with and finding balance. The solution could be as simple as him needing an exclusive space that is only for him, so he knows that he has an area that he can be alone in, or it could be that he feels overwhelmed by the amount of people around him, in which case you can reduce visits, or visit people without him etc. Make sure you are not agreeing to anything you are not happy with.
But first you must secure his allegiance in trying to make it work. Have a try at that, inshaAllah he will agree to having a try at making it work.
Peace,
Leyla
Respected Sister,
Really sad to know about this disaster that you faced.Sister ,one thing is really sure that one can not accept Islam just for the sake of any human being happiness. Islam is accepted by soul . I think you have passed a great span of time with a Muslim so you would be aware of the basic teachings. The best solution is you should start learning Islam and then judge your feelings for Islam. ALLAH Bless you and shower his blessing on you.
your brother
Taimoor
My respect to you,
Yes its true that for someone to do Nikah that person has to be a muslim or has to convert if not a muslim. If doing the nikah just for the sake of marriage or without converting seriously, the nikah is INVALID! Try to understand your husband, he is looking at islam with different perspective! After all he is a muslim. May be he is realising that he done a mistake for not talking to you or might fear something else!
Even you convert and do the nikah and get back to your previouys religion, the nikah wil become invalid.
Successfull marriage in any religion is where both the couple prqactive the same religion.
I would ask you to think again if you really want to convert to islam for your sake not for him. Try to understand what is Islam is first before you make your decision. Would it not be better for both of you to talk nicely and decide what you want to do in your life. How could both of you live like where there will misunderstanding between both of you? Islam and Hinduism are totally diffrent religion and there have always controvercies.
It would be better for both of you to take an adult decision so that both of you would be happy always!
Its never too late in life! think wisely!
May the almighty bless you always!
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu
If you are sincere about your desire to revert to Islam then I congratulate you and welcome you as a sister in faith. May Allah swt give you protection and continue to guide your heart toward the beautiful religion of Islam.
I must point out something, which I am surprised that no one else did, that when a Muslim man marries a Hindu woman, his marriage is not valid as it is prohibited for Muslim men to marry Hindus or idol worshippers. The Holy Qur'an is very clear on this:
"Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters) until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise." Surah al-Baqarah 221
This may seem harsh or unfair, but we have learned the hard way through history that entire nations were misguided and led away from worship of Allah swt because of intermarriage with those who worshipped idols. We see the same today, with Muslims even allowing their children to celebrate pagan festivals and participate in their rituals, which is not permissible in our religion.
It seems as if your partner was fully aware of what he was doing, which is why he didn't want a nikah. He knew that with you being a Hindu, the marriage would not be valid. He knows that this relationship is haram (forbidden) and that he has been living in sin with you all this time astaghferullah. It could be that he finally woke up and decided to repent for this evil, which is why he has decided to break it off with you, Allah knows best. What I suggest is that you try to convince your partner that you are sincere in your desire to revert to Islam. In the meantime, accept his decision to separate but ask him to consider it a physical separation for a time. Tell him that you don't want to lose him and ask him to just give you some time to study more about Islam because your heart is open to accepting it not because of him but because you believe that it could be the truth. InshaAllah if you accept Islam then contact him and ask him to be reunited, this time with a proper nikah. May Allah swt ease both of your hardships and may He guide you to the right path sister.
Hello,
A Muslim male is only allowed to marry Jews and Christians. The Quran called them people of the book because they follow the books that Allah swa sent down before the Quran, but they have to be a pious woman. The Muslim husband also have to make sure that his kids will be bringing up as Muslims and not as a Christians or Jews.If a Muslim male marry a Hindu, the married is not valid. Unfortunatley we are having lots of ignorance in our religion. We have Muslims who don't really understand the teachings of Islam.
May ALLAH SWA guide those who are willing to be guided for His sake only. ameen