Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Unmarried and my siblings need my support

Family shattered by husband's addiction

Our family is fractured...

I have a messed up life. My mother died of blood cancer and my father died of brain hemorrhage when i was 12 and 16 respectively, leaving my younger siblings as well.

My step siblings supported us by giving food and some financial assistance but we never have had those basic necessities. Our father left us nothing.

Now one year back, one of my step brothers agreed to take my blood related sister and brother with him, and the other step brother took me with him because we neither had resources nor job to spend our lives. Now we are living apart.

I struggled to get reasonable job so that i could bring my siblings back to our home, i found the one but salary is not up to which i could run the home. I am still struggling to have a good job.

On the other hand, i have turned 27 and i am still unmarried. I myself found 4 match makers, all of them sent only one proposal and after then they never showed up. But they did inform us getting my rishta is tough because i don't have any financial background.

I am worried that my age will no longer be for marriage and i can't see even positive response from anyone. when i think about marriage, my siblings get struck in my mind what would they do after I get married.

My blood related brother is one year younger than me and he is jobless because he has no confidence for doing a job and my sister is in the second year of intermediate.

I don't know what to do. Get married or bring my siblings back after getting a reasonable job? Please guide me.


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7 Responses »

  1. Tough situation brother. May ALLAH make it easy for you.

    You did n't mention how your siblings are living with the step siblings? l mean if they are having no issues living their except the financial one for which you are already struggling, then let them live there for some more time. Meanwhile what you should do is:

    Brother you have to convince your younger brother to do job, you have to make him realize his responsibilities. You and your step brothers have to make him understand that being jobless is contributing to his confidence in a negative way which he seems he does n't have so he can't do a job. This is the first thing you all have to do.

    Secondly, is it possible if you can get your sister married before yourself? I am just saying so because it will bring an ease to your worries for your siblings which are indeed valid as they are younger than you. If she is willing to get married although intermediate education is what l don't think is enough for girls these days. They should be at least graduated so they can stand on their own in tough times. But look at this option too. If not then what you can do is that first make yourself financially sound and stable, never let your trust in ALLAH shaken by Satan in any circumstances as this is key tool which we require to survive in this world and fight with the problems. Then you can get married and keep both your wife and siblings together. You have to make clear to your future spouse and his family that you would be supporting your siblings so after getting married, let your siblings live with the step siblings for sometime, as soon as you are able to make enough finance, you can bring them back to home.

  2. I don't really know but the beast advice I can give you, is to make istikhara for a choice you not sure about. Allah promise in the Quran. After one hardship two easy, and Allah never fail on his promise. Everything inshallah will turn to the best. I will keep you in my dua inshallah. May Allah make it easy for you and your love ones amen

  3. As Salam O Alaikum

    Brother only one sentence reply. Nothing is IMPOSSIBLE in this world when ALLAH (swt ) and his Blessings are counted.

    You are Masha ALLAH a Man and 27 is not the untoward age to get married. You have lot many years Insha ALLAH. And when for this thing you are considering your siblings first then it is SAWAAB.

    Why doesnt your Brother has confidence to get a Job ? Ask him what is worrying him ? Does he want to pursue further studies ?

    And as you said your Job is not giving you adequate pleasures to take care of your siblings then brother dont worry at all if you really try taking ALLAH (SWT) s name you will soar the skies Insha ALLAH

    I wish you all the very best.

  4. Focus first on finding a job,then if your siblings aren't happy where they are then work to reunite them with you after finding a job. Then get married. If they're happy where they are, then go a head a think about marriage right away.Once you find a job, things will fall in to place inshallah. It's hard for a woman to say yes, if you don't have a job,let's be honest.

    So that's how I would go about it if I were u

  5. Dear Brother,

    I pray to Allah to relieve you of your problems soon and make your family's life better.

    Keep practicing Islam and pray namaz regularly and keep making lots of duas. Inshallah you will be rewarded for your troubles on the day of judgement.

    I would like to say that 27 is not so old age. I got married at 30 and Alhamdulillah I found a good wife. I would suggest if you have strong will power, to first marry your brothers and sisters and then you yourself get married.

    Don't worry about finding a girl to get married. There are lots of unmarried girls sitting in the houses everywhere in the world, hoping someone would come and ask for their hand in marriage. They don't expect anything from the guy except that he must be a good guy. You just have to look for such girls and Inshallah you will definitely find a girl to get married, no matter what your age is.

    As for your brother who is not working. You are the eldest in the family and it is your role to motivate and encourage your brother to become a better man. First motivate yourself put your trust in Allah and then go and motivate your brother and ask him to connect with Allah. You have don't have to change the whole world. If you could just help change one person in your whole life to become a better person ( your brother ) then you would have done very good.

    Learn more about Islam and the ways you can increase Rizq. Inshallah you will find barakah in your earnings and find a way to earn more.

    Please watch a video on YouTube by Mirza Yawar Baig titled " Get Connected to your Rabb ". / " Cut the rope of this Dunya "

    May Allah make it easy for your family.

  6. Dear Brother,

    You should get married and find a wife first because whoever marries for the Sake OF ALLAH has completed HALF THEIR DEEN,

    Also Allah will provide for you and your blood brother and sister inshaallah.

    Secondly, you should try and hang around your younger brother & sister more at least once a week and make sure that he doesn't do anything HARAAM I.e. smoking, going to clubs which is POSSIBLE with so much free time and no parent tostop him.
    Ask them when they want to GET MARRIED?


    Encourage him to take a Job at the local Supermarket and help contribute to the finances for a house to live in :cuz the Rasool (SAW) said "their is blessings and barakah in the money you earn for yourself" and even going to the forest to collect wood and then selling it is a job. THE lesson your brother might be thinking working in a supermarket is LOW but a job is a job.

    he will learn how to be MORE SOCIAL, he will come in contact with many positive & negative people and have to control himself and become more enthusiastic.

  7. Brother,

    At first I thought it is a girl who has concerns that if she get married her siblings will suffer. But then I read your name. You are not a girl that if you get married you would have to leave the home and your siblings will be all alone. You are a man and you can still support your family after getting married.

    and yes SPREAD your responsibilities, Ask your brother to do job too. Talk with him politely and make him understand that even if he starts at low salary he will make progress with time and effort. And even your sister can also help in sharing the burden> Girls can always tutor kids at home to earn some money. And start looking for her proposal too. By the time she will get a good proposal she might get her education complete. But you will have to start looking for proposals now.

    and if your bother is just 1 year younger than you it means he should also get married soon so talk with him on this issue too that if you want to get married you should start earning 🙂 and don't loose heart. In sha Allah you will find a good spouse .

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