Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Consequences of Adultery

bringing up child baby

What should a person raising illegitimate children of his wife do to calm down his mind and remain in his right senses?

One of my friends has 2 children that don't resemble him or his wife at all. He thinks that they might be illegitimate. He had fight with his wife several times on this issue, but she always confirms to him that he is the father. Also the parents of my friend take the side of his wife. This guy is very worried and thinks that he is raising someone else's children. He does not believe in doing a dna test. Please advise.

ahm


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8 Responses »

  1. assalamu'alaikum..
    I have doubt that if your friend is of sound mind.I mean how come
    he is not sure that if they are his children.anyways as for the solution,
    just tell him to do DNA test of him and his children(P.S.if this has become
    very much important then only he should do it because suspecting a good muslimah's character
    is a deadly sin)..

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    It's quite common for children to look different from their parents - there are even cases where a Caucasian couple have had a baby with dark skin and where a dark-skinned couple have had a white-skinned baby. This is because of genetics. A person has DNA from both parents, so the combination of this can lead to a person having a very different appearance from their parents.

    Your friend may be fixating on this issue due to feeling insecure about whether his wife has been faithful to him; if so, does he have any evidence that there has been any infidelity? If he doesn't have any evidence, then he's risking a lot based on suspicion alone.

    If he wants proof one way or the other about whether he is the biological father of the children, then he would need to do a DNA test. If he isn't prepared to do this, then he needs to consider why he is holding on to this idea so strongly - constant accusations of infidelity risk destroying his marriage, and having the children brought into this in such a way risks destroying his relationship with them.

    I think it might help for him to speak with a counsellor about these worries. He needs to decide whether to act on his suspicion and do a DNA test (with all the consequences that will have), or whether to accept what his wife is saying and put this issue behind him.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. OP: One of my friends has 2 children that don't resemble him or his wife at all

    Do the children resemble some one your friend knows, like milkman, postman, a neighbor?
    Only 100% sure way to determine paternity is to compare his DNA with kids DNA.

    All kids should be raised with love. If some adultery happened it is not kids fault.

    Why your friend does not believe in DNA?

    Your friend needs psychotherapy to calm down.

    • Salaams,

      Are there still milkmen in the world today? Seriously, I'm curious if that exists anywhere.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • .... well there is Peapod lol

      • Yes milk men exist at least in Pakistan .

        To OP
        If ur friend doesn't want DNA test this means his suspicion is not that strong even in his mind. Is he functioning normal in other aspect of his life? It sound he has paranoid personality ,fixed ideation.He can benefit from psychiatrist . If kids blood groups are similar to parents ,it can give him some satisfaction may be.

  4. Assalam alaikum,

    "One of my friends has 2 children that don't resemble him or his wife at all."

    Maybe the mother isn't the mother afterall either!?!

    First, this topic between this man and all his friends about his wife needs to be dropped and he needs to handle this either on his own or with the help of a counsellor.

    2ndly, if he doesn't believe in DNA tests (although I don't know if he means he doesn't beleive they are authentic or doesn't believe they are ethical??), he needs to stop living his life in suspicion because that is going to boil up a real mess for him and his family and especially his kids in the future.

    Finally, if he does get a DNA test done if he decides in believing in them, he can than make the best decision for his family and himself accordingly and privately.

    May Allah guide us all, Ameen.

  5. Assalam. There was a story in Russian TV about a 25 years old woman who suspected that she did not belong to the family she grew up in. Her mother, father , sister looked different then her. She was surrounded with loving parents,siblings etc, but something inside of her was telling she might not belong to this family. It turned out, when she was born , nurses in the hospital made a mistake and gave her to a different mother. The other girl who was born at the same time at the same hospital was given to other family. They did DNA test and found out she indeed did not belong to her current family. Thru hospital records they found another family who had a girl on the same date and time . These families were both from the same town . The ending was good- two families will be close to each other for the rest of their life. What I wanted to say is perhaps there was an error in the hospital?

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