Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What does Islam say about breaking someone’s heart knowingly?

Islam, and Breaking Someone's Heart

Salaam to all!

I'm a Muslim and a Lecturer of a University. i love someone deeply - and my love haven't changed even when he was well off to till date when his financial state is now dangerously falling apart ! In one word - i love him in his thick and thin. And M glad that my feelings r genuine.

We have unnamed relation for almost 2 yrs from now. He performed Hajj and calls himself a God-fearing man. Personality wise we r at times very different and right from start he avoided commitment - but he is the 1 who gradually persuaded me to become intimate and after a year I had lost my virginity to him. I know its a sin but i did it with love and till date he is a husband for me in my heart and body. I love him so much that at last i cud not resist and gave in all i had !

I thought with time i will win him and our differences will minimize ! But since the start of this relation - he would come up with varying fictitious allegations - and would multiply 10 times with the actual incidents. At times he would say sorry but then again would start the row !

Often i feel - is he recreating and exaggerating stuff so that he doesn't have to give me commitments ? He slept with many women in past - but i never bothered about it ! Y does he make my trivial issues make look so humongous ? sometimes there isn't even any issue but he would recreate ! All these hurt me so immensely that m losing weight and becoming sick!

I simply can't believe that the man to whom i gave my everything can treat me so nastily - this is not how i saw my life as!
Now a days he is acting weird and staying aloof - saying that he is repenting for what he did with me besides his business is falling apart - and asking me to settle down with someone and he is gonna start seeing someone too because we would never end up in marrying !

M trying my best to move on but m finding it so difficult to concentrate in another guy - Guys do take interest in me but i can b friend at best but can't take things further. Simply cant ! i feel terrible inside ! i always wanted to make love with One Man! M so broken inside ! i was always confident of my love and dedication - Now m so shaken !

I know he never gave me any commitment but our acts we all that of husband and wife. My Q is y does he have to drag a person to this level if he never saw a wife in her ? Doesn't he know that this girl will not be able to resist at one point as she loves him beyond measure ? Y screw her ? He is gonna perform Omrah hajj - but will this clean his slate ? esp when someone is devastated inside ?

According to my age and social pressure - i MUST get married but I SIMPLY CANT say '' Yes'' ! m so screwed inside.

I was just wondering that what does Islam say about someone who breaks someone's heart knowingly ?
Is there any punishment that Allah gives to this person,if the person whose heart is broken is in constant agony ?

What do you people think?Please share your thoughts and views with reference to Hadith or verses of Allah.

~ anazu

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76 Responses »

  1. Salaams sister

    Firstly i want to say i am sorry for your pain i am not here to lecture you or judge you.But ave committed sins, may allah forgive you.

    My best friend was in the same position as you and i completely understand your pain. Same thing happen to her and all i will say to you is he used you for your virginity and the fact is it was an easy option for him with no commitment. Us women think differently, it is only matter of time someone does give in because you do believe that person that they will marry you, then the true colors come out and the games start playing. In the end you know it was never going to happen it was all lies to trap you for one thing.

    My strong advise to you is leave him, forget him, i know it is hard but you will meet someone else who is worthy of you and will trust you for being you. God fearing person would have never done this to you no matter what came crashing down. I honestly feel for you, turn to allah for clearer direction and never lose hope in knowing you came back to allah repent and never go back to the sin,change you emails, and phone number. Don't trust any guys they are all the same, have respect for yourself and move on.

    • Also you dont need to get married asap, give yourself time and recover then you known when the right time is for you to marry. Never disclose or tell anyone about your past, you made a mistake repent to allah and that's all you need you do. May allah make it easy for you inshallah

    • Salam dear sister samina . Im sorry to say u that u r not right . all is not same . I want to share my story with u little . before 6 months I married one girl and I love her like u cant imagine . u can say I was slave for her love . for example I treat her like my princes . for example , i always used to feed her with my own hand and apply loation on her feet , comb and oil her hair even when she had pain on her leg middle of the night i massage her all the noght . tell me who will do like this . this is nothing , i did more than this.... my love was pure . but she commited so many things to me but she didnt keep anything . she left me but didnt divorce me . i always pray for her . everyday i cry to allah . i cant eat even i cant sleep. my only worship is that she come back in my life . i love her madly . so sister , my wife cheated on my feelings this is why i cant tell all the girls r same . there is good and bad . when my wife was with me she used to say she did the best things to allah this is why allah gave her so nice husband . she always say thanks to allah for this . we never qurel for one second . but I dont know why she left me . So sister allah bless all of u .

      • @Abu Syed
        your reply is right not all men are the same but some men are and this is where like brothers like you get bad names because often women like me who listen to women who have gone through so much believe that men are users. But i know brother there are decent brothers out there but not many like you who treated your wife like a princess. I am so sorry for your pain, may allah make it easy for you and bring you sabr in your heart to forgive your wife and you to move on, because she dont deserve you if she has no respect for herself or her marriage. Sorry to say that but your wife dont deserve you, may allah make it clearer for you that you become stronger person out of this ameen.

        • Dear sister samina , Thanks for ur reply . Plz pray for me so that my wife come back to my like . I cant think anything except her . Sometimes I feel I suicide . I love her madly . Thanks again for ur kind reply . Allah bless u .

          • please dont think about suicide it is haraam and your wife might not come back to you face he facts brother she chose to leave you she is theslfish heartless one not you. I feel your pain ou have to become strong and move on. May allah always be with you ameen

      • Assalamualaikum ... Dear sister I'm felling sad about ur story but one things that I can say u must move on... Make a lot dua.... Let ur pain in past go.. Let it go . Forgive him n forgive ur self... Life will goes on... No matter happen in past don't need to care.. Focus in the present n real thing... Ask Allah to remove ur felling... Nothing impossible for Allah... When u know Allah with the right Aqedah u will understand... At least one thing that this life is just NOTHING.. N all problem that fall to us is because of us.. In Islam we already have warning"Love n Hate someone in moderation,coz u may hate the one u love n u may Love the one u hate"...
        I have heart break experience n now I'm 28 n I also not marry yet but I'm happy with what Allah SWT give me. In Islam we only one of 3 people.. Married, enggage n single.. No between. May Allah SWT gave us ability to move on n get closes to Him....

      • Respected brother,

        My heart feels for you as I am doing the same for my husband and it's not enough or acknowledged.
        My husband used to be thankful and extremely loving and caring. I could feel his love even when he looked at me.
        He had misunderstandings with my mother and for me he ended ties with his mother as she too had misunderstandings with my mother and went against the relationship although the nikkah had been performed with everyone's blessings.He expected the same from me which I did do.
        However when my father passed away my husband didn't come because of my mother and prevented his family from coming also. I had to obviously speak to my mother during that tough time period and be there for her. Following this my husband stopped speaking to me and is short of hating me saying I backstabbed him. My family says he doesn't care about me nor my respect. Mistakes are made by everyone but my mother's and brother's ego ruined everything and I blame them more for even they made it so much more worse for me when my father died.
        Now my husband and I live together. He fulfills his duty as a provider and carer but not a lover. I do everything as you have mentioned you do and more. But it's not seen as my love. What is only seen is that my mother and I are on talking terms and according to him that's enough to show I don't prioritise him.
        I cry every moment when he's away at work.
        But there is nothingness else to do but pray that Allah passes my husband and I in this test and brings us out steadfast and gives us hidayat and strength and peace always (Ameen sum ameen .
        Brother, I pray the same for you. Being so pure at heart in our love for our spouses IN SHA ALLAH we will get our love back.
        Allah is watching. He won't allow our marriages to fall apart KHUDANAKHASTA for it's something He strongly dislikes Himself. Leave your love to Him and trust and keep faith in Him and He will make it right IN SHA ALLAH.

    • Slaam frst if all i m sad to hear abt u i understand ur pain cz m girl myslf nd two months ago i had a break up wd a person to whom i worshipd indeed. Loved him madly and aftr 3 nd half year wen i came bk from Uk to pak to marry him he sent his family and he cldnt mk thm agree cz thy wet really greedy ppl my lover cldnt fight for me while he was wd me for 3 n half years finally he left me rathr he forced me to leave him and i did bech he didn leave any option to carry on wd the relation ship he bin really cruel in the end didn evn care abt me nvr evn askd hw i m n whr i m bcz he was keeping me as an option may b bt i was loving him deeply . Its hard my sister its really hard i cry alot bt i hv made a strong connection wd Allah nd seeking peace bcz nothing is gvng me peace still i miss him
      Cz i only loved him was mad abt him was ready to do anything for him believe me. Its taugh its hard sister but we have to move on nd evn now sometime i feel lost nd gone m 26 now n my mother wantd me to gt married bt i wana tk smtym to gt out of this shock. M nt ready for any relationship yet.he might b ok there laughing nd enjoying eating and sleeping bt i weep almost daily in my prayers nd smtym in my bed smtym evn walking nd smtym evn eating my tears falling dwn really cz my heart is jus too injured cz of him. He planned all wd me married life evn kids evn evrything n i thought him only bt in the end he lft me wdout any fault may b bcz my family is going thru bad tyms nd he n his family was unable to gt enuf dowry and other matrerialistic benefits.i cried aftr him a lot really bt i got the reality. Its hurting nd pinching to miss him n tym i spent wd him cz tht was fake bcz he proved himself coward greedy n weak in the end. Fear sister i hv strong belief Allah is alive He is a best judge nd He is nvr gna waste my tears i shed aftr him. He will pay inshallah he will i believe. Try to gt close to Allah do tobaa as mch as u can cry before Allah nd ask for His help cz He loves wen we cry n beg frm Him. He will heal yr heart m mch better yeah smtym its hard though. I hv no contacts wd him nw nvr text him or phone him cz i will nvr now.inshallah Allah will do best for me n m waitng for His decesion for me now.may Allag gv u peace nd heal ye heart ameen

    • dear friend i understand the pain of urs... dis is wat guys aree.... its happn very rare dats guys r loyal in a relationship... dear these thing also happen even after marriage too... and after marriage if someone get ditch the life becum hell... majorliy women suffer frm all these... in this condition the woman cant take any decission shee has to suffer... the life becum hell.. i will say god has given a chance to u ... to take a right decission n to find a better one... becz dis person dont love u ... he may also do dis to u even after marriage... so move a head n forget him

      • Peace to you anjum...Allah says...whatever u sow here the same you reap..after sighting all agree wd a view that boys are the like!.but my querry is that why the girls allow boys to play with their feelngs?does Allah allow ths?is not it treachry to your parents family that u r indulging into an illicit relationshp?islam doesnt prohibit to love any can be is a feelng ..but it should be must not does what is haram..if he does so..shaitan is th one when spread tempt(fitna).that makes our life diffclt...s
        o we shoul keep our self aloof of ths shaitani tempts

      • Salam. May Allah blesses you with jannah. First of all im not a native speaker so hopefully you understand my explanation and I need help. Im 22 years old studying medicine in egypt. When I was in highschool I met this guy from australia. He and his family moved to egypt cuz the way people live in sydney was so bad. Short story, we fall in love. We started as friend, then best friend then as a couple. We were so young at that time but we were trying to be better. We learned how to pray 5 times per day and learn couple things about islam as well. But as we were young we didnt know what is halal and what is haram. We did many sins like kissing, hugging, n he saw my body too but we never do fornication. After 4 years being together, we finally realize this is not what we want, we want to have halal relationship. Because of work and school issues he had to go back to sydney. Before going back he asked me to marry him. I said yes. I talked to my mom. My mom said no, she said wait for another 2 years to finish my study first. I told her we wont be having family straight away, we only want to have halal relationship. She kept refusing and at the end she said she was ashamed of having a future son in law who is not yet in university n she cared about what other people said. I was so dissapointed, then I talked to my brother as my wali cuz my dad died long time ago. He said yes, its better to get married n dont worry about my mom. Then the guy that I love talked to his parents. His mom said you should enjoy your life before getting married cuz you were still young. N his dad said collect more money cuz marriage needs bla bla bla. But we still decided to get married with my brother blessing this summer. I was waiting for the day. Until something happend... He had to move from family friend's house to new apartment with bunch of kids he didnt know. They were non muslim n i feel like they were a bad impact for him. One week after staying in the new house he called me n he said he was not ready to get married. I tried to talk to him and convince him that we re doing this for our religion. Then he apologised to me n back to the old plan. Few days after that he said the same thing and I said ok take it easy if you re not ready. After one week he suddenly said he has no feeling for me he didnt want to have relationship for a moment. He is blinded by dunya. I can say that cuz two days after break up he went to party where alcohol is around and girls who didnt close their aurat re around. He is a good guy. But it hurts me alot ustad. He said these whole time was his desire only. Im so hurt n depressed. I feel disgusting of my self. I need help. I want to change. But I still want to get married to him cuz I feel we did soo much. Im so sorry to say I love him. Please help me n if you can reach out to him. No one there can advice him or being a good influence. He just knew this world n he is blinded with the happiness. I feel like he still can be saved. Pls help me... My exam is coming and I cant concentrate. Pls help me... I keep watching your videos. But I could find any video which can show him that this is happiness of dunya n this is temporary. I believe he can be changed n this is not too late. Cuz he was the one himself who asked me to marry him cuz he didnt want to do sin anymore. But now he said with cold voice "im sorry I cant take responsibility." Pls help me. I prayed everysingle night for allah to forgive me n to open his eyes n heart once more to seek forgiveness. He needs help. Thanks ustad. Im waiting for your advice to what to do. The last time I talked to him was 2 weeks ago. I stop trying cuz he just ignored me. I feel like someone else need to talk to him especially who knows more about religion. So he can know what he is doing wrong.. Pls help and pray for me. Thanks.

    • Great....
      But dear the same feelings are mine about you all girls...
      No one is innocent stop blaming boys, a girl ditch me. Does that mean all the girls are whores ??
      Ahan, stop making judgements my dear and try to understand what this world is.
      Leu people do what they do, they will ripe what they are sowing.

      • I agree that we can't blame a specific gender but you are aware that here everyone in going through a heart ache. And how boys are playing with girls... Here i learnt that boys are also victims of heart ache as girls are ditching them...

        It's just a matter of time when life turns upside down or downside up... I think we can't get anything via blaming as whatever happen, happened and there is nothing that can change that... Except we can change ourselves to save us from another heart ache.

        May ALLAH Bless us...

      • Dear sister Anazu.

        I agree with brother Shahzaib,

        Before marriage Physical relationship is Harram in islam (there is no success and Barkat in Harram relationship)

        and after marriage making husband feel unsafe is Harram!

        Marriage is simple concept!

        Water & Fire

        If husband is fire then WIFE should react like water like wise!

        Then the relationship will success!

        Dear Brother & Sister

        Before Marriage kindly learn the responsibility of partners in ISLAM about marriage! Then proceed with marriage.

        Please forgive me if I have been rude to you all but that's the fact..

  2. can somebody answer anazus question about if that person will be punished for doing everything to her knowingly and will he suffer because she is in constant agony? i dont realy know if that person would be punished or why he did such a thing knowingly so i really want to know...

    • We can not decide who Allah Punishes and who He doesn't.

      Allah Is The Lord and the decision is totally His. All we can do is ask Allah for Forgiveness.
      Whether He Forgives or not is His Decision. But we can hope that He Does, because He Forgives every sin on Tawbah, if He Wills so.

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

      • Assalam alekum Wa rahmatullahi Barkatohu

        I am waiting for when my post is published and its about more than 20 days.
        Iam regularly check 4 to 5 times but it remain ready and pending

        i dont know how to explian and sort out my problem, want some suggestion from our brother and sisiter. and regularly pray for not commiting any kind of shirk and kufr. may allah guide us in proper path and give success in this world and hereafter.

        Allah hafiz

    • I think life is too short to be looking for punishment for those who wronged you. Do good for the sake of Allah and instead pray that whosoever is hurting you intentionally or not intentionally be given hidayat and shown the straight path. Allah tests everyone and no one deserves to fail His trial. Please just pray for them to pass Allah's tests and internally you yourself will begin to feel less bitter and more content.

  3. Salaam

    Sorry but yout bother were wrong. There should be not any relationship but marriage.You can not just act as husband and wife if you are not thats sinning.I think you guys are getting punished stop the sinning

  4. Salaam sister,

    My situation is very much like yours-it has taken me a very long time to see my husbands true colours. He has hurt me very deeply, I really don't know what to do or how to react to his abhorant behaviour. So in this trying time I have decided to leave everything to Allah SWT, for he is the best Judge.

    I also need an answer to your question, does someone who creates such immense pain for no real reason get their punishment????

    In your situation though, it will take time to get over this but maybe it's a blessing from Allah SWT as you guys were not married and you have sinned. Turn to Allah and sincerely repent, cut all contact with him forever. Insha Allah you will be rewarded for your patience and you will find peace and happiness the halaal way

  5. Salam sisters,

    I really empathise with you guys as my husband is also treating me badly. Join the club! . We should join a union wives in agony! Lol! I dont know the exact hadith or verse but i am sure i have hearf that if someone hurts you they will not be forgiven untill you forgive them. At the end of ramadhan we always ask everyone we know for their forgiveness incase we have knowingly or unknowingly hurt them. As our repentence eill not be exepted otherwise. How can someone lie and use and abuse someone and not be punished for it. If not in this world they will be punished in the hearafter. Allah knows best.

  6. Salaam sister,

    First of all you should be sincerely repenting for having sex outside of marraige, zinaa. Its a BIG sin in islam and so seek Allahs forgiveness and do not commit this haraam act again. If you truly repent and come to the straight path then Allah will guide you and you will have peace in your heart. Sister Stop all contacts with this man. He is certaintly not god fearing otherwise he would not have had this unlawful haraam relationship with you and have sex.

    Sister you are not married to him and you cant say in your hearts you both see each other as husband and wife. This is totaly wrong. You have to have proper nikah islamic marraige for you both to be halal to eachother!!

    Best advice is get married soon as possible to save youreself from doing anymore haraam acts and relationships. Your heart will heal in time but you must turn to Allah swt and gain islamic knowledge to be a better muslim.

  7. Salaams,

    Allah disposes all of our affairs. He weighs all of our deeds -good and bad- and determines what we each deserve in this life and the next. We may not ever know what our outcome or the outcomes of someone else's choices may be, and that's why sincere taqwa is so important. The issue here is not really about what is going to happen to this man, or what Allah is going to do with him. The issue here is what are YOU going to do.

    Sister, after reading this whole post I see a lot about what he has done, and how it's affected you. You talk about him being a "God-fearing man", but yet his actions are not supportive of this description. A truly God-fearing man does not carry on a haraam relationship, and he does not seduce that girl to have sex with him. A God-fearing man would have avoided interactions with you at all costs until he spoke to your parents about marriage, and made you his wife. Period.

    What I don't see in your post is anything about what you are doing to try to come closer to Allah after all this has happened. Instead, you are talking about how you have rued what has happened and hope that he will be dealt justly. In other words, your focus now is still strictly on him, when it should be strictly on Allah and finding His comfort after this unfortunate situation.

    You have to realize at a point that you have a part in what took place. Even though he is unquestionably wrong for pursuing you, you made your own choices with him as well. At this point, you can't change what brought you here, but you can change where it takes you going forward. You have to get this man out of your head, and you have to start unraveling the ties that your feelings for him have bound you in. Your love and dedication will only find true satisfaction in being given to Allah and the man who He brings to you as a husband. No one else should ever be given this honor, so you must stop replaying the memories and hopes you have attached to him.

    Be assured that Allah will deal with this man with perfect justice as He sees fit, but don't lose sight of the fact that He will also do the same with you. If I were in your position I would take the time to reflect on what your responsibilities were and what you failed in, and identify ways to improve your reactions to such men in the future.

    -Amy Editor

    • ma sha is very true sister...i really like your answer, i really search this kind of anwer..barakallahu fiik... reflect to Allah the only One who play the qadr

    • Exactly what i felt. Very apt reply.

      I hope you are following the same. (To the one who posted)

      May Allah be with you.


      • I want know if boys and girl both together make commitment we are both never broke our commitment also they doing zinah after that girls broke commitment she marry another boy that time boy what he can do please tell me answer

        This boy also informed her family they said we don't care we will try to married another boy very soon also we will invite you please tell me answer I want know this time boy what can do

  8. but sometimes your heart realy wants people who've hurt u so bad to be punished .i dont know i guess it gives u satisfaction is it rong to want punishment for the person who hurt u so much ? and is it true that until u dont forgive that person from ur true heart Allah also doesnt forgive them ? if possible can anybody give evidence from hadis or Quran about this.

  9. Dear sister,

    I am not here to judge u, in fact i have gone throught a situation similar to urs. i was engaged to a guy eho had performed his hajj and u knw after seducing me he left me without any qyualms, even though i did nothing wrong n today he is happily married while i am still single.

    But i know n realise that i was completely wrong when i let the guy seduce me, i have gone against the boundaries set by Allah and his Messenger n so i was badly punish in this world it self and i don't know what punishment are waiting for me in the hereafter. i now cry everyday n repent sincerely after every salaat, but i don't knw if Allah will accpet my repentence as people say that some sins are unforgivable. Everyday i repent n ask Allah to give me someone who is gud for my life n this world n in the hereafter, it been three years now that i am praying and repenting, but at time i feel desperate as am not getting any gud proposalorr meeting someone who will be gud for me.

    i don't know y Allah is not listening to my prayers, he knows whats in the heart of every human being n he know my repentence is sincere. But i hope that one day he will listen to them.

    sister you also shud repent to Allah, he is a great forgiver and in many places in the quran it is mentioned that those who have committed sin shud not be deperate of Allah's mercy. so please ask for allah's forgiveness.

    But please don't focus on whether this guy will be punish or not, thats not for u to decide, leave everything in Allah's hand and turn towards him in this very difficult moment of ur life and as far as this guy is concerned i can say that he is somebody very cheap n a cheater not worth wasting ur time n tear for him, he have ur u, am sorry to say n now that he has had a nice time enjoying he has dumped u, same thing happen to me, that y i can emphatise wiz u n knw how hard it is.

    all u can do is now ask Allah forgivenss with sincerity n hope for his pity n mercy.

  10. My personal experience says that at some point of time, you have to come to a compromising table and make that really nasty, heart-wrenching decision in life. I came across a woman who was 19 years older than me over internet. Initially I was not taking her seriously and were doing just general gossips on politics and religion. Then slowly we came to know each other and I found that she was so much like me. I have been through extreme depression all my life due to many physical and psychological factors and she was somebody that could dive into my heart and hit the nail in the right place. She was like nobody else. She could understand where I would pain and she came forth the best of medicine for me. She would care for me like my mother and would really understand my feelings as much as I could understand hers because she has also been through a lot of depression. Once she expressed her love for me and I was like over a cloud coz I have always avoided such situations. Imagine falling in love first time at the age of 27 and she was 46 and she was never married. After my mother, I havent loved another person in my life as much as I loved her. But she was a Christian and I am a Muslim. When she asked for marriage, I could not say yes coz my culture would not absorb her and everybody would humiliate my parents throughout. I dont care about what people say about me but I cared about my parents. She was willing to be a Muslim but still she was a Westerner and an elderly woman. She kept asking for marriage for 2 years. After 2 years, we had to depart because we realized our dreams cannot be materialized due this sick conservative society. So we severed with enormous pain. Its been many months now but the pain is still lingering inside and my parents are looking to marry me. I dont want to marry but I know i ll have to kneel down for the sake of my parents reputation in the society.... So i will be confronted by another tough decision.

  11. Dear bother, before it take this much long, and at the realy stage I'm sure u knew that ur parents or society may not accept, due to mentioned issue u have could convince the woman to not have hopes and u knew she would have break.and more difcutl for her compair to u coz u broke this relation not her.unfortunitly many men are dose so and then have strong excuse of their parents and society after quiet long time.I do pray to Allah that the Muslim brother stop doing as they may exprience of their family members but they dont realiz that Allah show for them.

    • Salam Aleikun
      I also have a case that is somehow related to this,I have been a muslim from birth but some of us atimes are just muslims and from muslim families,we don't really do and act according to the Sunnah or by forbidding what's wrong and enjoining what's right.I had a girl who we were friends for about 6months but by then the feelings was already growing and by about 9months or so,we started dating,she was a christian and I was aware but I wasn't dating for marriage then I just felt I needed to have a girlfriend,someone to share feelings with,some to love and all that,those were my thoughts,so after over 1 and a half years my conciousness to Islam came and I needed to let go of a lot of things I was involved in such as bad life style,bad friends,dirty things for money and all sorts,inshort I reverted to Islam again with the aim of being a better person and in Islam,if u want to do something for Allah,u have to do it completely not leaving anything left undone(May Allah swt forgive us for our short comings).So leaving things included putting an end to the relationship which Islamically is wrong.She felt hurt and bad but I always made her understand my reason for it,so over time she had to let go and accept,but she says she let go just because my reason is due to my Religion,I actually didn't want to make her feel bad but I needed to fear Allah who is the Creator of us all,so now Alhamdulilah what seems impossible is very much possible.By Allah's whill,Things haven't been as difficult or hard as I thought it would be for me when I was taking the life changing decisions but we had a chat some days ago and she talked about what people she talked with said about the guy not been real from the start and that if the guy was real,he wouldn't just end the relationship as fast as that,though she understands my reason to an extent she can but no one can understand my revert to Islam,Only Allah swt knows best.So just to make things easy for her,I have allowed us to be friends, and for her to know I have nothing to hide and am not a bad person who just wanted to hurt her with my actions.She wants to see me and all that but I want to avoid going because since this issue has started I haven't even set my eyes on her and I don't know what could happen if I did due to feelings or anything.I try to avoid any unnecessary communication with her and when she chats with me or calls me I try to be nice and cool,memories come atimes but I try to forget them.Now the question I have is that,is it permissible for me to still be friends with someone I once dated in a wrong way?I have spoke with some people,someone said as far as I can relate with her without the feelings,another person said I should only relate with her "Only when Necessary"
      Pls I would like to know what Islam says about such a things

      • Walaikum salam brother Muhammad,
        Masha Allah it's great that you have given up all your bad habits for the sake of Allah (swt) and know that Allah (swt) will reward you immensely for this sacrifice in this world and hereafter iA. However, brief answer to your question regarding being friends with opposite gender is NO. There is no concept of friendship between male and female in Islam and know that punishment is severe for this too. All these phone calls, e-mails, facebook are tricks of shaytan who loves for people to commit sins. So, respectfully tell her that why you can't be friends with her; you have nothing to lose Alhamdullilah because you have moved on by the grace of Almighty. Only possible option for you too left is if she looks into Islam (after you invite her to; not saying that preach her), and then if she accepts the message sincerely (not just to marry you) then marry her:). If you need more detailed answer than please log-in and write your question as separate post and it will be answered on it's turn iA.


  12. Dear Sister Samina,

    It is turely sad and deficult for you to accept what happend to you, but belive to Allah and leave to Allah, and Allah watching him and he show to him in this world....the pain that you recived I'm sure he will recieve multiple from his future wife or what ever. and you just pray to Allah to give u patient and peace in your hearth....100 time the the (Humat of Mohmmad S) dose the mistake but again the door of Tawba is open on them. So better forget about the past and just do not lose hopes beacuse of we have GOd and belive on him that he will support us definatly...Allah give you sabr and for all of us in any deficult conditions.

  13. Salams Sister,

    I am sorry to hear of the emotional pain you are in at this time. I too have been through much and although difficult (it felt impossible at the time) I was able to move on with the support of family, friends, a cat that adores me 🙂 and most importantly with the power of dua's. Recently, again I see myself in a painful situation. I never expected this to happen and for someone I respected and trusted so much to intentionally hurt me. It is unbearable but I keep reminding myself that Allah helped me overcome my pain last time, and He will this time as well. Allah does not give pain that which a person cannot take. We all have that inner strength which will help us. From what I know, when we are being judged, it will be based on intention and action. If someone intentionally wrongs you and does not ask forgiveness from you, He will not be forgiven by Allah Almighty. ( Forgiving is our duty - if we don't have a forgiving heart, Allah won't forgive us for our own share of sins too). May Allah give you the strength to move on and to find the happiness you deserve. Don't forget the power of dua. Check out Sister Yasmin Mogahead's halaqa's on you tube. Inspiring and insightful.

  14. And, about Zina - please repent and promise Allah you would never commit such an act again. It is a major sin and you need Allah's forgiveness for that. You need to stop thinking of this man and focus on how you are going to strengthen your Iman. Make dua that Allah forgives the act committed out of weakness, and that Allah sends a good husband to love and cherish you. Allah is most merciful. Allah knows what we are going through, how pure or sincere our hearts are, but He wants us to come to him, to ask him for what we want. Tahajjud prayers, dhikr, sadakah, all of these will beneft you. All you got to do is let go and make room for good things to come into your life.

  15. Give it time will take alot of time for you hearts to healll...

    We all make silly mistakes..sme time more cosyly n painful ful fr sme of us but we cn learn frm these bad experiences...

    our life is short the most important things in our lives. in the eEnd is our islam..

    n our creator truly deserve the most of our love...
    Al wadud ....the most loving n more loving....

    Our gud deeds will lastt... n we always r made to realkse hw right islam was n hw wrng we were...

    lets make tawba hate sinfullnsss n wrk towards overcoming our weaknesses.

    Subhanallah for health n life.

  16. Assalamu'alaikum wr wb,


    For you:

    (قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ( والذي نفسي بيده لو لم تذنبوا لذهب الله بكم ، ولجاء بقوم يذنبون فيستغفرون الله فيغفر لهم

    Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “I swear by Him in whose hand is my soul, if you were a people who did not commit sin, Allah would take you away and replace you with a people who would sin and then seek Allah’s forgiveness so He could forgive them.” [Sahīh Muslim (2687)]

    For him:

    "Whoever comes [on the Day of Judgement] with a good deed will have better than it; and whoever comes with an evil deed - then those who did evil deeds will not be recompensed except [as much as] what they used to do" (Qs. Al-Qasas 28:84)

  17. May Allah help us all....

  18. ...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  19. Hi I'd like to say I met a man too and lost my virginity and he was a criminal alcoholic so called muslim and I met him at the wrong place after I lost my virginity I don't know I was lucky by Allah I guess because he then after few months we got married he then became the worst husband I can ever know he beat me up he came home at 3 am he was not interested in sleeping with me because I was too skinny he didn't love me or care for me AT ALL and I WORSHIPPED HIM then I knew I had to start praying that's the reason my life is a mess so start praying and making dua and crying a week later he gos to jail and I'm then alone and pregnant then he couldn't come out of jail many reasons then I kept making dua for him and I told him u are NEVER coming out until u start praying so he starts praying surprisingly then a week later in court they let him out same day which was a shock to our lawyer he came out and started praying but problems didn't stop then slowly every time I ask god for something from deep down and really need it he granted it for me two years later and during the two years my husband is improving by the day asking as I'm keeping up with my duas everything I asked for god gave me beyond what I wanted but I realized this all happened when I worshipped god and loved him more then my husband now my husband is better then any husband I know and treats me and helps me with everything and I love god number one more then my children and husband that I use to worship

    • Mashallah First is Allah

      Then Prophet Muhammed saw

      Then Our Family[ mother father husband...]

      You have done the right thing May Allah reward you and make it easier.

  20. I want to know what punishment allah gives if a boy breaks a heart of girl...first he gave a commitment of getting married than used her (not performed zina) but he gave alot of feelings n love which was fake but gal has trusted him alot coz he has touched her . suddenly blaming on her character and left her ..actually blaming on her character was just an excuse coz he wants to leave her.she cried alot she is in pain
    Just wanted to know wat punishment allah will give him.i have heard allah will punish on every tears which is given by a boy to gal without any mistake of it ? N wat all punishment allah give.

  21. Aoa
    Dear samina my story is same like yours i m also seeking for guidance what should i do? No any advise and polite words of anyone sooths my nerves or helps to take heart i think i would be mad i remaim all the time thinkg about passed time and all his comitments,promises i am not agree to beleive that it had happened, he left me crying
    All the time i think about spoiling my lufe, sucidal attempts and to torture myself
    Plzzz u all pray for me he come back to me or Allah helps me to forget him

    • Salaams Sonia - It was my best friend who went through the nightmare it was a very difficult time for her and now she is remarried after 2 years masAllah. As you should know in Islam there is no B/F or G/F Relationship it is haraam.

      My strong advise to you is CUT ALL CONTACT. Leave him dont think about him and change your number if you have too. Please dont cry be strong and learn from this mistake. Don't commit suicide think of Allah repent for your mistakes. I agree with @SVS if the guy you loved was serious he would have married you. Leave it hands of Allah and look at the present in front of you. May the pain be eased for you inshAllah

  22. Sonia: All the time i think about spoiling my life, sucidal attempts and to torture myself
    Plzzz u all pray for me he come back to me or Allah helps me to forget him

    Look at this way, it would have been much worse if he had married you and left you. Stop living in the past. Make some thing of yourself so you can find a man much better than one who decieved you.

  23. I use to love one girl truly no bad act only love .. But she had other ideas she use to think I am same like other guys who Would marry other person but I would have married her when after my studies ..
    I was not well at that period still I didn't used to think about my health but I had only one goal of marriage .. Why this happens to person who don't do
    Bad things .. I said to her I won't do any thing till marriage if U want to leave u can ..
    She left me and said U are only my friend this is becuase I can't fulfill those desires as I have to
    Die how can I do

    • Ahmed, you have to prove to the girl that you are serious. The way to do that is to go with your family to visit her family and make a marriage proposal.

      Wael Editor

    • This is Happening Because we are not submitting to the will of Allah and making so many plans without saying Inshallah without proper dua. Allah chooses our destiny the one who we marry is already written so why be upset when things don't work out is Allah's Plan SABR....sabr...sabr...sabr....this life is temporary

  24. Assalam Alaikum sisters and brothers.
    I want to discuss my story...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post rather than a comment. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  25. Asalaamu alaikum everyone I was in a relationship with a girl since 9 year's! We used to love each other so much, but recently she said that she never loved me, I mean nothing to her, she was never interested in me, she does not receive my calls, all of a sudden she changed and cheated me for some other boy! Is it so easy to say goodbye to someone or break someone's heart, now I am trying to cope with my life, trying damn hard to forget her but I am not able to do so... Even when I am writing this msg tears are falling from my eyes! I need help

    • aamir dont feel to much embarrsed alllah will help u inshallah and u will b living ur life confortably and easily so plz dont cry again my story is same but m also girl and my best frnd is doing all this with me so we have to face the difficulties not to run away from them allah will help u

    • My brother had an engagement followed by a nikkah and after six months of the nikkah my brother received videos and photographs my his wife in a physical affair with another man. He denied them initially but then admitted it that she had a physical affair with this man because my brother was in the uk a cardiologist and wasn't there for her all the time. The court even gave the decision in her favor. She didn't have to return any jewellery she took with her. Today she is happily married to that man and has recently had a baby boy. My brother is still single. Within one year my father passes away due to cancer and now my issues of which my family aren't aware and we too have had a deep falling apart although communication hasn't been severed.
      Sometimes Allah tests us but again don't focus on they're punishment. As a reward for keeping patient Allah will reward you with the best.
      I don't know which Hadith it is but it is said that Allah allows some people loose who constantly do bad but then they get their dues so suddenly that they collapse. Allhamdolillah Allah is blessing us with the strength and patience to face His trials and In Sha Allah will reward us also.

  26. hy frnds m not too much older and i just have thorough look on all of ur conversation i really feel pain for all of u m not married i have my best frnd i really love her she also love me but when we become true frnds one girl become in between uss and she took my best frnd away from me i lov e love love alot my best frnd i cant live without her and the third person who become in between us infront of me talking smiling and do all the activities and all that what i do with my best frnd means love her but not truely and my best frnd just believe in her madly i dont know what that third person has done with her that she even didnt like that third person but immediately some days passed my best frnd comes and say to me i want to live with her i cant believe at that time in my best frnd who is asking me that she want to live with that third person i was really very hurt at that tie my best frnd and the third person (who is just like my enemy) took away my best frnd from me hug each other and do all the things which hurts me badly i really cried really to much and m really hurt guys it was my story not at urs level but m hurt as u people are hurt abu syed ur pain is really too much i will pray for u and samina i didnt seen u but i really really like u plz prey for me that my best frnd come back to me

  27. Hello every body .. I want to ask everyone seeing this....

  28. السلام علیکم

    Dear sister u have committed Zanaa,one of the greatest sin in islam

    Prophete muhammad saw said: Control the thing between your lips(tongue) and between your legs(sex) i warranty you jannat.

    Ask and cry for forgiveness to Allah
    Allah is also ar raheem..he would do rehem(pity) on you

    There is great punishment concerning the person who cheated you.Till u sister don t forgive him allah won t forgive ..that is jannat will be haraam to him until u don t forgive him

    Or there is another thing to deal with it can take his good deeds in qayamat to match your pain.if his good deeds are finished u can leave him your bad deeds...that s justice will be done to who hurt someone

    Do not hurt someone or else.....
    May allah forgive me if i tell something wrong

    Sister what s yr ambition in this world?
    Praying to allah that s all...turn that love for him to allah
    Allah never cheat someone

    Think that allah is all for you
    Right sister?

    Do reply me

  29. Salaam sister,
    Loving someone is the most beautiful emotions that any1 can have..& dat too with love as pure as yours its amazing.. U r really spl person and be greatful 2 Allah the He has made u this way..However pls don't wait for ur bf..u have just 1 life & dats it!!! Ask yourself do u want 2 spend your time waiting 4 him..Do u really want 2 be with him in d next life?? & most imp does he deserves 2 b with u..sister there are lots & lots of ppl who really need help..who are in much much worse situation than u are them in your own little way..dis can b ur students, neighbours, your cousins anyone...this will definitely take your mind of

  30. A Salam Alikom, Brothers and Sisters,

    I read the story not fully because with my eyes closed I know the end of it the and the mentality of the man who did this to this Muslim Lady. Let me clarify this my dear sister YOU ARE NOT in Love. It's called affection it's called desire, its called confusion of sin. Anything before marriage in islam NO matter how romantic goes into the sin BOX. Meaning Allah and the angel are writing it down as sin and you get punished is that simple no? If you don't repent. Shaitan Plays us in many methods and I can't believe so many clean muslim ladies fall for this idea in my heart he is my husband LIKE? Don't you have MODESTY self-respect Don't you know your body is Amanat to whom Allah wrote You on paper for proper nikah not to whom you develop some instant romantic feeling and then thinking is Love. You got to learn to control your hearts ladies LEARN to say NO. And don't be scared of Wanas[devil in mankind]. I am here giving this advice but we battle shaitan daily you know even Now....Make sure sister you say asagferullah for everything you did with this man and UNDERSTAND you can't love this man and be with Allah its either Allah or...this man [meaning disrespect,you are used etc] Whatever your fears are remember your prayers your salah Zikr....very very Important

    few duas for you here to come out of this shaitan trap...[see how he beautified your sin you think you are in love] Isn't this what shaitan said[that which is wrong it will be beautified that which is right I will make them lazy for it and loose interest remember this]

    1) Dua of Adam (A.S) to Allah in repentance:

    رَبَّنَا ظَلَمْنَا أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمْ تَغْفِرْ لَنَا وَتَرْحَمْنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ (7:23)

    Rabbana thalamna anfusana wain lam taghfir lana watarhamna lanakoonanna mina alkhasireena

    "Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You forgive us not, and bestow not upon us Your Mercy, we shall certainly be of the losers."

    Al-Qur'an, 007.023 (Al-Araf [The Heights])

    Read this many times Allah forgives our father Adam a.s. with this dua.

    2) Dua of Yunus (A.S) repenting to Allah in the belly of the whale:
    لَّا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ (21:87)

    la ilaha illa anta subhanaka innee kuntu mina alththalimeena

    “La ilaha illa Anta [none has the right to be worshipped but You (O Allah)], Glorified (and Exalted) are You [above all that (evil) they associate with You]. Truly, I have been of the wrong-doers."

    Al-Qur'an, 021.087 (Al-Anbiya [The Prophets])

    3) Dua of Ayyub (Job, A.S) after he was ill for many years:
    أَنِّي مَسَّنِيَ الضُّرُّ وَأَنتَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ (21:83)

    annee massaniya alddurru waanta arhamu alrrahimeena

    "Verily, distress has seized me, and You are the Most Merciful of all those who show mercy."

    I recommend you read them inside your heart as much as possible. Do not let people overpower you and use you my sister either for your body or whatever because I tell you 100% in whatever words this man puts he used you like you use chips bag in shop store you buy eat finish...Woman is not potato bag sadly very few men get it.

    And here is the website for duas

  31. I want to knw why should we do according to Allah if someone hurt ur feeling.. And break ur heart.. And ur trust...
    Forgive that prsn or not...

    • Life is a test from Allah. Don't just because someone hurt your heart u become weak n in other words u blame Allah. This is very dengerouse... no one can question Allah, He do things with wisdom. Maybe now u fell pain but we Muslim we know after pain will come relieve. Make close relationships with Allah. If your heart longing to Allah.. your heart full of love to Allah... in sha Allah no one can break it.

  32. @Shree,


    You should forgive them though they breas your heart. Because sometimes we wont even know the acctual reason for it. And still if you feel to punish them then punishment should not exceed more than he/she hurts you.
    I felt being human when we are in anger and break up state we think to give as musch as pain to them, which is not right. For the extra pain you will give them you will be accountable for that.

    So better forgive them, and then God will take decision for you and related one.

    Everyone have some sad story so do I. But dont make revenge as option.

  33. Dear Sister,

    Assalamoalaikum. I read couple of problems and your answer according to those. I have several questions. I would like to share my story here.

    I am a lady now of age 30 who raised in bangladeshi muslim culture. I did not get in touch with any male ever by mentally yet. I did not want to marry before 2016, that's why i tried to avoid the proposals. My philosophy was to walk on Allah's path from childhood; and I had a dream and rule for myself that if I could marry my husband will be my first and last love. Due to parents pressure, I decided to get married and started to see the proposals they got for me. Among those, one guy from London was primary chosen by both families and me. Our marriage was almost going to happen but when the guy did not get visa for us my parents went to back foot. I was sticked on it because finally i was able to choose someone as future husband. due to my request, my parents were ready but not from heart. We talked over phone daily through texts, those were based on future planning for marriage and have a family , how to settle etc. I was not so romantic in tone with that guy because I know before marriage talking in romantic tone is not good. He complained on this issues often. He was completely committed to marry me while I was wondering his commitment. There was no reason of having doubt on his commitment but without any reason I was feeling doubt. simultaneously I was mentally attached with him. I trust him. I dream to have a heavenly family in duniya and akhirah with him in my mind. We were planning to go hazz together too. Unfortunately after 3 months of decision to marry each other with family, he refused to marry me while we met physically , my father asked for marriage and the rules and procedures as soon as possible. We met, he gave words to my parents that he will come to marry after one day with family, but later he did not communicate, moreover he refused and blamed my parents and me. I requested him to reevaluate the decision , he asked for a meeting. We met in a public place, two hours he claimed and blamed me, I was strong enough, I gave him explanation. later, I was so sad and shocked, I advised him not to take decision emotionally but logically. My trust was on Allah, that whatever Allah will do I will be able to bear. I will not get any sadness because I did not make sins by playing with someone's trust and heart. He asked me whether we need to give more time or not? he wanted to pass more time with me before taking any decision. I refused on that. Because we had enough discussion over phone skype email etc. What else we left? I am not going to pass time before marriage with him while he knew how am i. unfortunately, finally, the possible marriage broken. I lost him. He rapidly posted matrimonial advertisement for marriages. Lot of proposals came to him. He was decided someone to marry but he married after 5months.
    Now my question is
    1. He knew me, I was truthful and trustworthy to him. Why he played with my trust, my family's trust. Will he get any punishment for this from Allah in this duniya?
    2. After seeing the advertisement, I could not resist, I completely broke down. Still I am broken. I am trying since 8 months due to lose him. Because I thought Allah has given him as my husband. I was used to respect him as my husband before marriage. I did not attach with him romantically or the way people are used to do.Although having such, Why did Allah let this happened to me?
    3.I am completely broken, I can not hear about someone else instead of him as my husband. I am repenting since 8 months. Now I am hopeless about repentance and I am now psychologically damaged. I am not normal now to live a normal life. I tried lots of dua, I tried to engage with education, charity but nothing is working at minimum level. My development is 2% our of 100%. My family broken due to my situation. Do you have any idea what could be calming for me.?
    4. Do you have any hadith or quran verses where I can get relief. Will he get any punishment ? He should ,so that no one can do such works in future. If Allah does not provide judgement, then there is no way to keep trust on punishment policies of Allah in duniya. The hereafter !who have seen! Every one will see their own after death. Wrong people will continue wrong works. And girls will pay for boy's fault!!! its not good judgement.

    Keep me in ur prayer, so that I can finally move on and be happy form my depth of heart.

    • Assalamualaikum sister I have read your problems in Alhamdulilah I'm so glad that u keep yourself to be pious woman you can do till that age is not easily. However I want to advise u something very important. First no one can question Allah. Allah the one who created us, we the one who will get questioned by Allah in the day of judgment. Allah created us with purpose as u know. Regardless ur problem to this guy, you still in wrong situation because before nikah he still haram for you even only talk or chat on social media, because no one guarantee that u will marry him. Setan is very smart on relationship matter, n we must know that. But I don't blame u at all, the guy also wrongly. But listen sister what is past is degree by Allah, every thing ready written by Him. To let it go, think positive Allah save you from that guy coz u don't know that maybe after u marry that guy u will be destroyed. So ur past is gone... ur felling sad grief it's all from setan, sake refuge from Allah from that feeling. Now open new page. Tell ur self love beside loving Allah is pain, cor the things that u love is will end n only loving Allah is never end. So my sister in Islam move on u ask Allah to healing ur heart n ask Allah to renew your emaan. Allah can do all things believe that. N sister never questioned Allah okay. May Allah guide u sister. Remember what is meant to reach you will reach you even if it is beneath two mountains and what isn't meant to reach u, wouldn't reach you even if it is between your two lips.

      • May be Sister. You know what, after losing him i am suffering from depression since 9 months. He is married. He is happy with his life. He is quite rude with me since he refused to marry. He was committed to me but he broke commitment. He was committed to my parents but he broke those commitment too. His family also disrespect me and my family. I do not understand, why Allah gave a married life to him? why he got wife's love while he has broken someone so badly.? It seems that, Allah does not do justice. Allah did not punish him but Allah punished me where I was not fully committed neither I showed him dreams. My commitment was with Allah to accept him. Why I am still stucked? Why I am not able to live a normal life?

    • I was very sad to hear your story. What you said here, "My philosophy was to walk on Allah's path from childhood; and I had a dream and rule for myself that if I could marry my husband will be my first and last love." is a very idealistic and romanticized way of thinking about love. I am afraid to tell you that in real life, there will most likely be heartbreaks & pain and almost everyone has to go through with it, even if they are doing things in the halal way.

      While you say you were not romantically attached to him, I believe over the course of your conversations with him, you did get emotionally attached to him and that's normal. You see, whenever one takes a chance on emotions with another human being, there is always a risk and a possibility that the relationship might not work out, and one must always be prepared for any heartache, pain and suffering that ensues after a relationship breaks down. I know it sounds unfair, but unfortunately such things do happen and we must try to get out of our fairy tale bubble in which love is often idealized and romanticized.

      And you didn't lose him. First of all, he was never meant for you and more importantly, he does NOT sound like a good person. He refused to marry you when you guys actually met, he made a promise to come with his family, but broke it and blamed you and your parents, and later on he blamed you? Sister, please say Alhamdulillah that you didn't marry such a person, and keep faith in Allah that He will grant a much better spouse for you, InshaAllah.

      I will try my best to answer your questions:

      1. Only Allah can make the fair judgement whether he will get 'punished' or not, but I would advise you not to dwell too much on this topic. You need to let him go from your thoughts. You attempted at marrying another person and it didn't work out. Let it go and leave the rest to Allah Almighty. Think about it this way, what if this man had married you and made your life even more miserable? Isn't it better that you did NOT marry him?

      2. You said, "Why did Allah let this happen to me?" My dear, it was not Allah, it was the man himself who decided NOT to marry you. Humans have free will and Allah does not interfere in our decisions and the choices that we make. Yes, this is a test and a time of hardship for you, but instead of 'blaming' Allah, WE MUST turn to our LORD and ask HIM to grant us strength so we can heal and move on.

      3. Sister, what you are feeling now are clear signs of a broken heart. What I would advise you is to shift your thinking that you dodged a bullet by not marrying him, and to realize that 'first love' or the first emotional attachment does not always mean that you end up marrying the person, even if you are using halal channels. You HAVE to train your mind to let him go, as he is already married (and isn't even a nice person from what you have told us). Fight the thoughts that pull you down, and realize that you deserve much better, InshaAllah. You need to exercise patience and strength in this test, but you will come out as victor over time, InshaAllah. Never give up!

      4. Forget about him being punished from Allah, and please concentrate on your developing your ownself. Read a lot of the Holy Quran, pray Salah, and perform lots of ibadaah; there is such peace and tranquility in connecting ourselves to Allah. Talk to Allah as a friend, ask HIM to heal you.

      رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ

      Rabbi innee lima anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqeerun

      "My Lord! Truly, I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on me!" [Surah Qasas:24]

      May Allah grant you strength and peace, so you can be free from this broken heart, and may Allah grant you the best of spouse that will be good for you in Dunya, Deen and Akhira, Ameen ya Rab

      • Brother, Thanks for your valuable advise. I tried hard, still trying hard but still I am completely broken into unlimited pieces. I am now hopeless about Allah's Marcy,(though I know, never to give up Allah's Marcy) . I am bagging Allah to let him out from my brain anyhow since 8 months, But the development is still too much slow. Moreover, I am seriously in pain due to my parents pressure. I know If i marry now, it will not be according to my choice and it would be against my right. It will not continue anymore. From my childhood, I had survive as per my parent's demand, Right now I want to live as per my choice. No more on someone else demands. living against my want from childhood, is making my live more miserable than before. I feel I need to admit into hospital. Allah knows better. Keep me in prayer, please, so that how many days I survive I can survive happily than before.

        • I am a sister and I do understand what you are going through. Please do not let your parents pressure you into marriage when you are clearly not ready. In Islam, you have EVERY right to say NO. If you give in to pressure and marry when you are not emotionally ready, not only will you ruin your own life but most probably your husband's as well.

          Stand firm in your decision, and trust Allah.

          As for your pain... Do you have any friends? Talking to them and venting helps out as well. Also you should realize that you have other countless blessings from Allah, but you are choosing to let one bad experience define your present and your future. Sister, be strong for your own sake. There are plenty of good men out there, and this is NOT the end of the world. Keep yourself busy and keep your mind occupied as much as possible. Learn to realize that a lot of things are not in your control, and you simply have to 'man up' and let it go.

          If the pain truly becoming unbearable and if you feel you can't get a hold of your emotions, then I would seriously advise you to seek from professional help. 8 months should be enough time to get over someone.

          • Dear sister, I have started to take professional's help. I have friends. Doing a lot to remove him from my brain. Thing is that, why Allah punished me instead of him. ? I did not commit to marry but he did. He did to my parents too. He is not a practicing muslim. Why I will suffer only while i trusted him in terms of marriage issue. I did not play with anyone ever, but i am suffering. You know sister, Allah does not punish his type o people. All time my type of girls are punished, why because we trust people. He did not do good with me. Allah also did not good with me. I am praying since 9 months to forgive me and to move on my life but Allah is making prolong time for me. I think I will not survive as a normal human. I am scared now. Sister, Allah needs to stop people like him. They do not deserve the lovely relation of marriage until they seek forgiveness from heart.

          • papri, who do you think you are to tell Allah what He should do, or to assume that you know who Allah punishes and who He does not, or to question Allah's decree? Such arrogance, subhanAllah. You are Allah's servant, not the other way around. You say Allah did not do good with you. This is an expression of extreme ingratitude. How do you know that Allah did not save you from a worse fate? Where is your gratitude for all that Allah has given you and continues to give you every day? Without Allah you could not take a single breath.

            You are foolish to think that you understand Allah's plan, or that you can see who is punished and who is not. A man could have all the money in the world and a marriage that looks successful to others, yet he could be suffering in ways you do not see. Furthermore, you do not know what is stored in the aakhirah for people after their death.

            You say you want to move on with your life but Allah is prolonging it for you. If you want to move on, sister, move on. Do not blame Allah for your choices. And do not seek to find fault with Allah when in reality it is your faith and sincerity that are lacking.


          • Salam Papri,

            The main issue that you're having is that you've become really negative and only look at what is wrong and not what went right. There are people that get depressed and become like this. When you're only looking at what's wrong it's really hard to appreciate anything and no one can do anything for you that you will appreciate. You must choose to get out of it by looking at what's right and start appreciating it.

            As for your case, you had a suitor that invested in you and wished to marry you. This is a gift from Allah to you, a marriage proposal where you could have gotten married.

            From what you're saying this man wanted to see how you would be romantic towards him and despite his requests you never showed him for the sake of Allah. The way I feel about this is if you can avoid falling in love that's better. But in this guy's case your relationship progressed by daily private calls. This is how you two probably fell in love with each other. And despite being in love you refused to show a "romantic tone".

            The problem with doing that is that now that he's in love with you he is trying to get an idea of what marriage would be like with you. Are you going to be cold towards him or will you be romantic? This question, despite his multiple requests, was never answered for him. He asked for more time at which time you said choose now or end it. And since he didn't have enough information he ended it. He was able to move on from you more easily because you never showed him romance. You showed business, which would be fine if you didn't talk one on one. But having broken the rule of talking one on one and then not showing love, his idea is that there's a good chance you're not going to show much love once you're married. So instead of marrying, finding out you normally act cold, and then divorcing you it would be better to end it. Also your disbelief in his commitment shows that you aren't really that committed. Overall your image in this would be that you're cold, are willing to drop this relationship at any time, and your ultimatum to choose or end it is in line with that image.

            Past this point I recommend appreciating Allah for sending you a suitor. For appreciating that someone spent months in moving forward towards a relationship with you instead of rejecting you after a quick glance. And hopefully with this experience you will either chaperone your talks in the future or if you do go one on one then reciprocate the guy's feelings verbally.

            In terms of your question about punishment, his heart was broken too. He put in a lot of effort in you and never got back the romantic tone or his questions about it. If Allah was to punish him then I would expect you to be punished as well. But the way it is is that actions are judged by intentions. He was honest with his intentions and didn't try to pursue you just to hurt you. I don't think there is a punishment for that. You two talked without a chaperone, there's no way he would ask for a romantic tone if you had your father listening in. And for you to be in love with him now means that he was romantic towards you. You aren't depressed because he was bad to you, you are depressed because he was good to you and now he's gone.

            So be grateful that he tried that hard for you, appreciate his efforts even though it didn't result in marriage. Now that he's married, move on and try not to make the same mistake of talking one on one. And please try to understand the other person's issues, just handing out ultimatums will cause the relationship to end. Salam.

  34. i feel sorry for you my sister ....i know you are in great pain...well i have seen many girls who faced same n are facing too ....but i will advice you just to get rid of him ....forget him truely...and just to do is go back to ALLAH to ALLAH HIS help ...nd sister m sure ALLAH will listen to uh and will help uh ....NOW what's happening to him or what will happen JUST leave it ...its the matter of ALLAH and that guy ....surly he will be punish for the shity hell he made ....ALLAH is the only one who have the power to forgive ....and start believing STRONGLY in ALLAH ...stay bless 🙂

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