Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can a Muslim father disown his Muslim daughter simply because she chooses her own partner for marriage?

Family shattered by husband's addiction

Assalam o Alaykum,

My question was ‘can a muslim father disown/reject his muslim daughter simply because she chooses her own partner for marriage’, especially if she was happy with marrying in the family but her father had other ideas.

My younger sister had a certain preference to marry a cousin in the family.

She was told by my father that I was first in line for marriage and that my sister should sacrifice her interest in this cousin. So basically I was to marry him. This cousin had no interest to marry me when asked.

My sister was very unhappy about this set up but my father ignored this and went along with his plan which wouldn’t/didn’t happen. In the meantime my sister found a Muslim gentleman of good character and family background. Without committing haram, they conducted Nikkah. When my father found out he rejected and disowned her and said I will never forgive you and when you mother dies of a heart attack it will all be your fault. These were his words exactly.

He also stated to us, remaining family members, that if anyone keeps in touch with her, they too will be rejected.

Second short question: ‘What can a daughter do if her father has an aggressive but non violent, emotionally blackmailing type of nature…. Also if he is cold and unaffectionate’….

And is seen treating our mother in a similar way…. Not violent but a lot of emotional blackmail, very unfriendly, always confrontational and negative.

Can you please provide me with a transparent Islamic view on the above scenario. Jazakallah.

Assalam o Alaykum
Emaan US

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5 Responses »

  1. A wali (father/guardian) is required for a nikah to be valid .If there was no wali in her case then her marriage is invalid .

    As far as properties are concerned if those are in your father name i think he can choose to whom to give and not to give .

    what do you meant by exactly disowning here ?

  2. I mean, Allah has given your father a free will, so he can choose to do whatever he wants with his own life - but he has to understand that Allah has equally given you, your sister and everyone else in this world a free will. And it's in everyone's nature to want to make own choices and define one's own happiness.

    It's absolutely not in your father's right to steal the authority to dictate the lives and choices of everyone around him. That's not a father's job, and that's not a father's right. No one but Allah owns us - we are to respect our parents, of course, but many parents' - like your father - seem to want to be treated like they're in fact Allah by their kids. It's wrong and it's deeply haram.

    You also mention your father is aggressive and emotionally abusive - in which case, it sounds like your sister did the right thing in getting out of a bad situation. It's of course sad that it had to come to this, but when you push any person into a corner you leave them with no other options than submit or run away. Your sister chose to run away.

    Any normal person would go through something like this and wonder what they did wrong. But people like your father are just going to look at what the other person - in your case: your sister - did wrong.

    I can't tell you what to do. All I can say that is in Islam, we're encouraged to keep in touch with our family members. Even when they do things we don't like, believe in or approve of. Essentially, your sister didn't really do anything wrong - she wanted to get married, and your father denied her the right to choose her own husband. It's not really a valid excuse to cut contact to someone for...

    • Lindita,

      This is one side of story from kids who have always problems with parents .

      Agreed .There are many parents who do wrong by forcing their choices but there is no guaranty that she did right by running away .What if that boy itself turned out to be abuser once honey moon phase is over .

      Marriage is a complex thing whether you run away with some one or by arrange marriage or by staying together for few months in Live In (Haraam) etc etc ..

      Be sensible and make a sensible and calculated move .

      • The issue isn't whether or not I can predict the future for OP's sister. OP presented us with her story and her information about her father, and I advised her based on what she has written. That's it. There's no need to complicate advice-giving on the internet. I don't have time for that.

  3. Your father should not disown his daughter .Islam does not allow to disown his daughter or son if she or he choose their partener if i say wrong someone plz correct me.

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