Christian girl worried about what my father will say about my muslim boyfriend
Mosque and Church side by side
Hi There,
I am a Christian girl who is in love with a Salafi Muslim boy. We have been good friends for two years and afterwards we confessed our love to each other. Since then, it has been almost two years. He is the first person I ever loved in my whole life. He is a practicing Muslim who prays five times on time and fasts Ramadan.
I am too a practicing Christian and I go to church weekly and I pray daily. Since I declared my love to him, he declared his intention for marriage quickly but I couldn't agree because this would hurt my father's feelings as my father always wanted me to marry according to my Christian faith, which excludes people who are outside my division. The sad thing is this boy is so committed to our relationship that he told his family about it and despite their objections and despite the fact that I haven't dared yet to tell my family to not hurt their feelings (not forgetting he is a boy and it's easier for him).
The problem is that he has been telling me it's hard on him. He even proposed to me with a ring more than a year and a half ago. The sad thing lately he has been telling me he wants to leave me and marry someone else because he can't resist his sexual desires which I think is fair. We have been living in the same complex with other people but in different rooms. We have never had sex and I really don't feel the urge to do it but it seems to me he does. Please help me with your recommondation as it seems he isn't giving up on his religion to marry me in my Church and I'm not converting to Islam.
I really love him I don't want to leave him but at the same time I don't want to hurt my father's feeling or go against my religion. I can't imagine my life without him. I'm very attached to him.
- Habibatu Muslim
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'Habibatu Muslim'
It always baffles me when someone says that they are very devoted to their religions but yet they want to marry someone of another faith. I do not understand it. Surely, if someone is really passionate about their faith, they will want their married life, their house-hold, their children all to be run and raised according to the rules of that faith - right? Because if we all really believe that the true path to salvation is through following our chosen faith, then when it comes to the crunch, we will want to follow the rules of that faith - right?
People of different faiths usually survive through their marriages until they have children. We all love our children so much and when they are born, we want them to learn their holy scriptures, to learn their prayers, to celebrate their festivals and to do be strong in their faith. It is usually at this point that the problems begin to occur. If you marry this man whom you love, which faith will your children follow? Islam or Christianity? There is no such thing as an inbetween. Islam believes that Allah is the only One worthy of worship, that Jesus Christ (peace be upon him) is a human Prophet, he is not God or the son of God. We also believe that Muhammed (peace be upon him) (also human) is the last Messenger and Prophet of Allah. If deep down, you believe this, then you are already Muslim without realising; all you need to do is declare your faith - atleast to yourself.
So many people who have had interfaith marriages have written to us after they have got married and are now experiencing the problems that I have mentioned above. Marriage is a committment that is meant to be for life and as Muslims we believe that it is a gift from Allah, one which if done properly will surely bring us closer to Him(The Most High) and so we must choose our partners carefully. So my advice to you is this: if you believe in the sanctity of marriage, then putting your feelings aside, think of the practical issues that will most definitely arise if you were to marry this man.
A Muslim man is permitted to marry a Christian woman, but it is not recommended. Because surely the Muslim man would have more chance of having a family life with an Islamic lifestyle if he were married to a good pious Muslim woman. Islam is a complete way of life. I have only given you my opinion on this and hope that it will help you make your decision.
May Allah guide you to the truth, aameen,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hi.
I can’t really say I know what you are going through or how hard it must be for you. But the only thing I can give you is some advice. I know how hard is to pleas your parents believe me we all do, but sometimes you have to forget your parents whishes. You are your own person with your own life to lead. Sometimes we have to accept that it’s time to let go and move on, no matter how hard it is. Just try your best and fallow your heart. From time to time you have to sacrifice a thing or two to get what you want. You can’t really expect the boy to marry you in a church; you have to think about his religion too. When you are marrying a Muslim you have to let go some of your dreams. If you want things to work you need to let go of everything that includes the Muslim boy going along with and your religion, you are two different people with different believes. This means that you have to have some patens and respect for one and another.
E.E. Cummings ones wrote: To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. I believe he can’t really make you convert to Islam and you can’t make him convert to Christianity. And you cannot make him marry you in church cause that would make you one of those people that would try to change him, and try to lead him into a path he does not belong.
Just go along with your heart, if its desires a life with the boy, you can’t deny it. If it can’t handle the problems then I guess it wasn’t meant to be. But don’t try to change him or make him sacrifice and go against his believes when you can’t do the same for him.
I hope this gives you some answers, and I really hope you don’t take my words a bit too harsh. Just trying to see things from my perspective as a woman and Muslim.
and ask you self if you are practising you religion for your father or for yourself.
hope gud helps you
Hi,
If you really loved him that deeply, then surely you would be willing to make
any sacrifice, even if that means converting to another religion.
And like what "the girl that might have the answer" said you should ask yourself,
if you're a christian because you have strong belief in chrisitanity or because its
being forced upon you since you were born.
If you're really strong about your religion, and do not plan on making
any changes, then i would suggest that you leave him
because if he has strong faith in Islam and you in Christianity then
theres no chance that you can get married.
I can sort of understand what your going through because i also had to make
alot of sacrifises just to be engaged with the one i love.
Hes a very religious muslim, so he asked me give up my
dreams of becoming a doctor, going to uni and i've been
asked to wear the facecover.
And i did make these sacrifises because thats how much i love him
but it wasent easy and i still feel very bad thinking about it
but it was worth it!!!
So, choose a path that will make you and at the end of the day
you will have no regrets. Hope this helps
and the best of luck to you.
just thought of letting u know. .
tht never wish anybody best of luck or think about ur luck;
cause there is nothing like luck in the world; everything is given by ALLAH.
if u believe in luck then it is a shirk;
assalamualaikum. .
sorry. . earlier i said "if u believe in luck then it is a shirk;" ; now i am not sure about this. . i shouldn't ve had said tht till i was sure. .sorry
Hi,
I can tell you that I went through sort of the same thing. I met my fiance at college. He was an international student at the college I go to and he is a Muslim. I met him last year, my freshman year and we have been dating for over a year now. It's the scariest thing in the world to think that your family wont approve. I remember taking him home to meet my family. My mom loved him right away and they are very close. My dad on the other hand is a little more difficult as well as my brother.
Recently I have decided to convert to Islam because I believe it is the right faith. My mom can understand that but my dad has difficulty understanding. He thinks I am only doing it for the man I love and that it wasn't what I was brought up to believe in but I'm doing it for myself mostly. I committed a lot of sins in the past and have never been very faithful to my religion and over the summer I wasn't faithful to the man I love even though we weren't together and even though I swear to Allah I love him to death.
My thoughts on religion is that you have to let your children decide what religion they want to follow. It's not up to the parents to decide what religion a child has. I truly believe that Islam is the right religion for me even though I grew up as a Christian. Everytime I face Islam I become happy and cheerful but it doesn't always make me do the right things. No religion can do that. It's up to you to change yourself to be the person you want to be. Even though I believe Islam is making me become a better person it doesnt change me all the way.
Also if you really love this boy, you shouldn't care about what your family says. They will accept it in one way or another because they love you. Also that your parents won't always be around but you will most likely be with the one you love for the rest of your life. Don't choose to be with someone who doesn't make you happy. If this man makes you happy I think you should do your best to be with him and he will respect you for the decisions you make.
Kayla
Respect your father - but don't blindly obey him. Learn what he has to teach you - yet verify it for yourself. Yet more than disappointing your father, you might be missing the more important point of whether your God approves or disapproves. The Bible has been known to say for you to not be unequally yoked. That means don't marry someone with whom you disagree about basic tenets of life and/or religion. You might feel really strongly for someone, but if you're not one with them, you can't force yourself to be one with them. Years of marriage will only lead to depression, divorce, or worse.
Good advice Dan.
My dad is Muslim, and my mother is Christian. It wasn't a big decision for my mom to marry a Muslim because in the end, she has her faith and he has his. They are still together until this day. I believe you do have the right to be worried about your religion and faith but don't over-due it (: If you guys really love each other it wouldn't matter what faith you believe in.
And what faith do you follow Jailyn?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor