Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I commited so many sins, …I feel inferior

pain heart ache

I had a man in my life. he left me for  other lady which is more than 8 year older than him.

I prayed a lot to Allah 4 his sympathy, love and care. when I prayed and did vazifas, the man loved me. After 24 hours, when I stopped praying and doing vazifas 4 him he became a stranger to me. It was a very hard time. I also did istikhara 1year ago 4 him which was resulted very badly, but I could not have strength to live without him.  Now he consistently says that there is no need for us no need to talk and that he cannot leave that women at any cost.

I turned psychotic. My mama forced me to eat by hook or crook one day. I started abusing her and then slapped her...What should I do now?

I belong to a broken family. My father gave divorce to my mom when I was 2 year old. The environment of my home was never healthy or comfortable.

I have no friends in this world.  Nothing remains 4 me now... no one even likes me to talk and befriend with me. I cannot do anything properly, I feel very inferior. I also happen to commit so many sins; like searching pornography sites and masturbation. I am accountable to endure Allah’s rage because I do everything with full conscious but I find no courage to fight with my own Nafs.

plz suggest me something...

- hayya

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2 Responses »

  1. salams hayya,

    Firstly im very sorry to hear about your loss of love..but you have to know that it was probably what Allah wanted, seeing as you did do istikhara for the two of you and the results turned out very badly. Due to attatchment I realise that it is difficult to let go just because of this..but he has let you go so I suggest you do the same, and pray that Allah will help you move on.

    About your sins, repent to Allah sincerely for them..and inshallah he will forgive you.

    - maz.

  2. As salam alaykum, Hayya,

    Alhamdulillah, thank you very much Hayya for opening your Heart and sharing all your pains and sufferings.

    Seeing the background you have and how is affecting you, my advise is to seek for professional counselling, someone that can listen to you and can help you to go to the inner core of all your suffering and solve it. You need tools to take away all that grey smoke that surrounds you and become who you really are with all those wounds healed, insha´Allah. You deserve a healthy life.

    Have you asked for forgiveness to your mother? How are you behaving with her now?

    Please, under the feet of your mum is the door to Paradise, treat her as she deserves, one day, you will be a mother, insha´Allah. Learn to love her with all the strength of your Heart, forgive her if you feel hurt by her anyway and love her unconditionally.

    Related to that man, I hope you have learnt the lesson, we don´t pray to get others´ favours, we pray to Allah(swt), He knows the best for us.

    See that once you begin to change, you will see people in a different way, and people will react to you in a different way too. Give yourself the time you need to heal all your wounds. You are a unique human being going through struggles since you were born, then your loving, innocent nature was hurt unconsciously for your loved ones, you need to go to Allah (swt) to help you to forgive those that has given you so much pain and tears in this world, and to forgive you for the pain and the tears you have caused others, I know there is a soft Heart inside of you, that is why you are so hurt, ask Allah(swt) to heal all your wounds, little by little, for you to become the best of yourself, insha´Allah. Let the Light shine in your Heart, insha´Allah.

    It will help you to keep your body in shape, sleeping 8 hours, eating properly and exercising, at least walking 40´a day, insha´Allah.

    And if you have no friends at all, you have a friend in me already, you can come here to help others when you feel like it, that will be good for all of us, insha´Allah.

    Aknowledge and repent from all your sins, at the top of the page you have two links, one is for Tawbah in Islam, the other one for Duas, please when you have a minute take a look.

    The following steps collected by Wael in an islamic forum, may help you, insha´Allah.

    1. Recognise and Repent

    All humans commit sins no matter how hard we try to avoid them. Engaging in evil deeds decreases our Iman. Actions like lying, cheating and stealing, to name only a few, take a toll on the human heart which makes us more susceptible to being lead astray from the Path of Allah . It is important for us to reflect upon our deeds and weed out the ones that are contrary to the teachings of the Holy Qur’an and Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad . Allah has gifted us with an innate sense of justice and the ability to reason and make sound judgements. Our fitrah (natural disposition) necessitates that we all know when we are committing a sin. And if we don’t know, we certainly have a bevy of resources to find out from!

    2. Perform Salah Regularly

    Completing the five daily prayers, on time and according to the Sunnah, is an excellent way to increase our Iman. Not only are we performing an obligatory deed when praying, but by doing so we have a standing audience with the Creator of this world where we can ask for help and mercy. The effect of the salah on the human soul is cooling as Muhammad once said that it cooled his eyes. The salah connects us with our Creator and, along with obedience to Allah , helps us to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil.

    Allah Almighty says in the Holy Qur’an:

    “The believers are only those who, when Allah is mentioned, feel a fear in their hearts and when His Verses -this Qur’an- are recited unto them, they (i.e. the Verses) increase their Faith; and they put their trust in their Lord (Alone); Who perform salah and spend out of that We have provided them. It is they who are the believers in truth. For them are grades of dignity with their Lord, and Forgiveness and a generous provision (Paradise)” (Qur’an 8:2-4).

    3. Qur’anic Recitations

    Medical studies have shown that simply listening to a recitation of the Holy Qur’an has a physiological effect on our bodies. Research has also proven that the Qur’an has healing qualities on the body, mind and spirit. What better way to increase your Iman than to listen to a recitation of the Holy Qur’an on an audio device! Listen to the melodious rhythm of the Qur’an and while doing so try to reflect upon the meanings of what you are listening to.

    4. Engage in Dhikr

    “…Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (Qur’an 13:28).
    Remembering Allah much through acts of dhikr brings peace to the heart. It also gives us a sense of taqwa, a consciousness that makes us realise that Allah Almighty is ever near and that we should always strive to please Him.

    Some beneficial dhikr include:

    Subhan’Allah – ‘Praise be to Allah’
    Al-Hamdullilah – ‘Thanks be to Allah’
    Allahu Akbar – ‘Allah is the Greatest.’

    5. Carry Out Good Deeds

    Doing good deeds for others can be like switching on a light bulb in a darkened room. No matter how awful we are feeling there is just something about offering a helping hand to someone in need that lifts our spirits and brightens our Iman.

    Allah Almighty says in the Holy Qur’an:

    “For those who believe and work righteous deeds is a reward that will never fail” (Qur’an 41:8).
    Types of good deeds that any of us can fulfill include acts of dawah, feeding a poor person or donating something of value to charity. Not only does the deed benefit another person but it also benefits our own souls by polishing up our Iman.

    6. Trust in Allah

    The best way to increase your Iman is to completely submit your will to Allah by following every command in the Qur’an and Sunnah. Live your life according to them and you will find success around every corner. Turn to Allah in times of distress and be thankful to Allah in times of bounty. Have patience in Allah’s Decree and always remember that no matter what trials or tribulations we face in this World, one day we will be called to account for our deeds which were hopefully sent forth with much goodness and patience.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María Editor

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