Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Diagnosed with diabetes and parents want me to lie

Lies, telling lies, lyingI am dealing with a very confused matter. I know I have sinned alot in my life and i am doing alot of tauba. But recently i am facing more trauma. I have been diagnosed with diabetes and my parents want me to lie about it if any proposal comes.

I have tried to explaining my mother that its wrong but she wont understand.

Similarly I like someone who knows my problem and is willing to accept me. But again tests from Allah. The boy is unable to send the proposal in the time limit my mother has given me.

I have explained the same to my mother that we should not lie, but she wont listen. I am confused what to do.

I do istekhara and sometimes it firms my heart so much that I get confident about the fact that things would happen as I have prayed, but sometimes I see pain and despair.

I am terribly confused. I pray day and night.

But I want to know according to Sharia is lying about my present health to my future husband acceptable, or should I go against my parents?

- puffgirl

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13 Responses »

  1. assalamwalaikum,

    please dont lie beacuse sooner or later they will come to know. i am ready to marriage with you. currently i am staying in doha qatar . i am from mumbai india. i am working in airline recently i diagonise with type 2 if u agree plz send me reply.

  2. Salam sister,

    Actually i don't know what sharia says about this. But if I find a good person with good character, I would not care about diabetes issue. But if I discover after marriage that my spouse has hidden in purpose , I would be quite disappointed about this action. Especially if it might be genetically hereditary.

  3. Salaam,

    My husband has Type 1 Diabetes, insulin dependent. When we were courting, he told me right up front, but of course, after having established a certain rapport between us two. Previously, I didn't think I'd want to marry a man with a chronic disease, as I was very picky, but my husband's good qualities blinded me to his illness. We are married now and have a daughter. So I suggest that you get right with your religion, your hijab, and your tauba, and Allah swt will give you what you need, inshaAllah.

  4. I explained your situation to my five year old daughter, and I asked her, "What do you think, is it okay to lie?" And she said, "NO!"

    And of course she is right.

    However, if you need proof from Shariah, here it is:


    “It is only those who believe not in the Ayah (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) of Allah, who fabricate falsehood, and it is they who are liars.” (16:105)

    “O you who believe! Fear Allah, and be with those who are true (in words and deeds)” (9:119)

    “And cover not Truth with falsehood, nor conceal the Truth when ye know (what it is)." ( 2:42)
    “Woe to each sinful dealer in Falsehood."

    Hadith of Prophet Muhammad (sws):

    "Four traits, whoever possesses them is a hypocrite and whoever possesses some of them has an element of hypocrisy until he leaves it: the one who when he speaks he lies, when he promises he breaks his promise, when he disputes he transgresses and when he makes an agreement he violates it." (Muslim and Bukhari)
    “Maintain truthfulness, for truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Heaven. A man continues to maintain truthfulness until he is recorded in Allah’s book as truthful. Refrain from lying, because lying leads to blatant evil, and evil leads to the fire. A man continues to lie until he is recorded in Allah’s book as a liar,” (Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawood and Al-Tirmithi).


    Your mother is wrong in this situation. Aside from all the moral reasons, if you lie, then when your spouse discovers the truth they will be deeply upset and it may ruin your marriage.

    Diabetes is a manageable illness. With proper diet and exercise it can be controlled. Keep yourself in the best health possible, so that even if you tell the truth, it will not be a major issue Insha'Allah.

    Wael Editor

  5. Salaam sister,

    I want to add that you have to obey your parents, unless they tell you to do something that is wrong or haraam - in which case you must disobey them without being rude or unkind.
    As Muslims our duty is to Allah (swt) first, then to our mothers. So in this case you must do whats right even if your mother doesnt agree.

    Please don't lie. You can explain to her nicely that you love her but it would be wrong for you to lie. If she tries to emotionally blackmail you in any way - stand your ground, remember Allah and dont retaliate by shouting or rude words.

    Also I dont think it's an issue either, but it is an issue if you lie. You need to start marriage on the best ground possible, if you are not open and honest now how is a potential spouse going to accept you? Let me put it this way - imagine you married a man and god forbid after marriage you found out he had a condition which he never told you about? How would you feel? Pretty upset, betrayed. Dont do this to someone else.

    Another point - why is your mother giving you a time limit like this? We have a duty to our parents but we also have the right to make our own choices in marriage (while consulting with parents.) If you like this guy and he likes you and if he has a good character and deen and you both seem to be compatible then provided you not engaging in haraam and meeting him alone you should be able to take steps to marry in a halal way. Dont rush into marriage - family pressue is not a good reason to marry at all. When we rush or are pressured we tend to make rash decisions and sometimes even compromise on the essentials.

    May Allah swt grant you the best spouse.
    Sara Editor

  6. Salam sister,

    What your parents are asking to do is haram and if you listen to them you are commiting a sin so this is your main test. Not following your parents advice no matter what the consequences.!

    It is hard but that is what test are , Hard. Otherwise they wouldn't be called test.

    Beside i don't see nothing wrong with diabetes.

    Keep on putting your trust in Allah

  7. Sister,

    If diabete was a sin, then I would say hide it/don't reveal it yet don't lie about it, but because diabete is not a sin (it is a medical condition), therefore you must not lie about it, nor hide it from your potential spouse.

    May Allah (swt), make it easy for you, ameen

    Overall, we need to be honest with potential spouses when it comes to health issues. For example, if an individual is going through depression or is depressed then potential spouse needs to be told about it.

    Allah (swt) knows best.

    Your sister, Parveen.

  8. Assalamulaikum friends,

    I too have same problem. I am insulin dependent from last 14 years. I am 24 now, Don't wanna lie before marriage... And unable to find a guy to marry

  9. I am in the same kind of situation. My family is pressuriding me to get married without telling about my illness to my inlaws. Is it okay to hide about it? They say that you are cured but this can happen again. My condition is quite rare and i am treated but i have to take care about it for the rest of my life else it will happen again. What should i do? They have arranged Nikah just in a month and my heart just disagrees. Plus i need to take medicine daily and taking this medicine can risk in conceiving and child growth properly. I am so worried. What should i do?

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