Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to change myself

Woman alone

I don't deserve to be called a Muslim, ever since I was little I kept 'promising' Allah that I will learn namaz soon and i'll be more closer to Him etc but I never fulfilled it...I kept giving myself time like "I'll learn it in 2 months," "3 months", "before I turn 13", "before my birthday", "on the month of my Birthday", "I'll be a new person by the time new year comes" or "that's it!! I'll have to start today" and the next day i'm back to square 1. I've always been ashamed and guilty to Allah but now I can't even feel it anymore because I'm so used to doing it. I am now a 14 year old girl, who doesn't know even the basic things about Islam. I have stopped thanking Allah for all the blessings He gave me, for making me the way I am and everything  because I feel like I don't care anymore, I just don't feel the need to. I feel empty, Allah has given me a very good life that I should be happy with and I had my fair share of difficulties or "tests" by Allah. Some events have occured in my life but i'm no longer bothered by them, I don't think about them anymore but they have taken a toll on my mentality. I spend my time doing nothing, nothing at all. I have stuff to do, I have school to deal with, I have to prepare for my exams and my assessments, I have to exercise and diet to make sure I'll be fit before my aunt's wedding(need to lose 4kg), I have to make sure that I 'talk' or 'interact' with people, I have to stay focused(adhd) and stop getting distracted all the time, I have to stop eating when I'm not even hungry(binge-eating disorder), I have to stop letting my thoughts consume my mind since they make hours pass without me even realizing it. I have lost motivation, I don't even feel the need to get out of bed anymore. I am not positive anymore; I don't think the worst about anything but its just that I used to be very cheerful and was always excited about everything, I had wanted to change from a long time...but even this feeling of wanting to "change" is slowly fading away...I DO NOT WANT TO STAY LIKE THIS ANYMORE, I want to have control on my life, I want to be that bright, cheerful little girl I used to be. I once used to go to a place where I used to learn the Quran and even teach kids below my class. I was also the brightest in school, some events happened that made me bitter for a while but I came back on track...I know i'm being dramatic right now but I don't know any other way to vent out my feelings. All I do now is read fictions or imagine myself in another world

I always felt like I had a purpose in life, there were many times I had almost died but Allah saved me every time, there were experiences that made me mature early and now I feel like I have seen the world even though there's probably a lot more for me in store ahead

I have done wrong and I have disappointed Allah many times, I don't want Him to change His mind about what He has stored in the future for me...Allah writes our fate, but it can change too depending on how we live our life.

I still can't pray but I'm trying and please don't blame my parents for this as they tried a lot for me but I think they think of me as a lost cause now and they have other priorities as well

I want to be a perfect muslim girl, I have stopped listening to music from a long time for the sake of Allah and I've stopped lying and cheating on tests in school. I'm glad that I'm not one of those girls that like wearing western clothes and that I like to be covered I mean I even wish I could go to school in a burqa. I'm glad I have no interest in making "boyfriends" like my friends(they're 14 -_-)  and almost every pakistani these days and I'm glad I'm not ashamed of my religion. I want to follow and act according to that which is told in Islam, but the problem is that I don't know where to start, the surahs from Quran look familiar but I have forgotten everything and I don't know how my lifestyle should be...I don't know all the names of Allah and I don't know the stories about other Prophets. I know the Holy Prophet Muhammad SAW is the perfect role model for us but there are many questions that I don't know the answer to. Like isn't there a book for "Be the perfect Muslimah" or something? I hang out with a bad crowd, I thought they were good people but they are always swearing and using bad words and think too highly of themselves and I'm glad I'm gonna transfer schools soon  ALSO HOW DO I MANAGE TIME I HAVE A LOT OF STUFF GOING ON HOW DO I FIND TIME FOR ALLAH??? I want to memorize and understand Quran, learn namaz, live life like a good muslim OH AND whenever I imagine myself in the future, I always get a vision of myself in a cozyyyy home...wearing a burqa, living alone with a shelf with trillions of books, standing with the Quran in my hand...I mean i'm proud of that however I want to be a doctor or join the army but for this I have to study cause i'm not the brightest in school and I have to focus on my eating habits cause I eat like a pig and I need guidance soooooo bad I don't even know what I'm asking for anymore tbh


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9 Responses »

  1. OP: I want to be a perfect Muslim girl, I have stopped listening to music from a long time for the sake of Allah and I've stopped lying and cheating on tests in school. I'm glad that I'm not one of those girls that like wearing western clothes and that I like to be covered I mean I even wish I could go to school in a burqa. I'm glad I have no interest in making "boyfriends" like my friends(they're 14 -_-) and almost every Pakistani these days and I'm glad I'm not ashamed of my religion.

    Well you are doing better than many of your friends. Make a list of things you want to change and start changing one by one.

  2. its going to take time to change but have strong faith in allah you will change. little by little things will come your way . just pray make dua live life knowing you will accomplish something. try waking up being positive listen to islamic lectures that will motivate you and pray a lot so allah will make things easier don't going chasing it because when praying and asking allah trust me allah will make thing chase you. . don't force yourself to change overnight do little things like maybe start listening to quran it will heal your heart than slowly start praying also whats going to help is if before you sleep you make wudu and than just cry all your heart to allah make dua ask him trust me don't think that allah is not listening allah is there allah will never let you go .think positively about yourself and remember you are not a perfect person you will make mistakes thats okay just don't forget to get up head high and be stronger. you will have weak times just remember get up and be positive. inshallah keep me up with how your going. and always remeber that with hardship comes ease.

  3. Pray 5 times a day and after each prayer sit for 5-10 minutes and soak yourself in ZIKAR.

    Never return back and fight with temptation, ASK ALLAH that I'm helpless, help me and he'll help you. GUARANTEED

    Seek companions who are seeking paradise in the hereafter.

    “Content yourself with those who pray to their Lord morning and evening, seeking His approval, and do not let your eyes turn away from them out of desire for the attractions of this worldly life, and do not yield to those whose hearts We have made heedless of Our remembrance, those who follow their own low desires, those whose ways are unbridled.” (Quran 18:28)

  4. Salamaleikum,

    If there is one thing you shouldn't do is despair in Allah and give up on thanking Him for all the blessings you have in your life. If you don't you will simply regret it. You will also miss His presence in your life, especially the feeling that you are loved no matter if no one else does. You can have nothing in life, but having Him and keeping your faith and trust in Him is enough to sustain you for your entire life (because He takes care of literally in forms that you don't even know). You also feel numb because you have kept yourself from thinking of Him. The shaitan is quite good in making you feel that you are worthless and that you might as well give up; that means you made him win; you are not a loser. By being a Muslim, by declaring llā ʾilāha ʾillā-llāh, muḥammadur-rasūlu-llāh, you are already a winner in this life and the next. Don't let yourself get of the path of Allah by the evil whispers, you might not feel that that is the case, but reading your story I can assure you that this is almost what you can call a classic ploy of shaitan.
    So, first thing you do is stop feeling guilty. Except for the Rasool s.a.w. (and other prophets a.s.) no one is and can be the perfect Muslim. Yes, sure you can strive to be perfect and that's fine, because you can only strive for it, accomplishing it is impossible. You need to see the Deen, Islam, as simple, it is a way of life that you acquire step by step, you cannot do it from one day to the other. It's a process that Allah also will make easy for you, don't let go of your belief and you will see that it all will come easier to you. Allah doesn't ask for your perfection He only asks that you try. For example, it's like an exam you've really learned hard for but still fail, in the eyes of the teacher and society at large you have failed the exam so that's not good, but in the eyes of Allah because you studied hard and you kept trying, you passed your test.
    Furthermore, if you want to learn namaz/salah, there are many that have put online courses and youtube videos on this matter. And just start from the beginning, I got this website from a friend who converted in the past year and she said that it was really helpful:
    So, there is definitely no shame in not knowing anything, don't feel bad about it. You just have to move on and accept that you need to learn these things on your own pace. There are converts as well as other Muslims that also don't know everything that doesn't mean they give up. You'll get there inshAllah, don't let yourself be overwhelmed! You don't have to know everything at once, just compare it to the example of a kindergarten child who wants to desperately do her PhD, this is impossible to do, she first needs to learn the basics then finish her first grade, middle school, high school, Bachelor, Master.. you see where I'm going with this? Rome wasn't built in one day. Therefore stop punishing yourself, as long as you breath, Allah will forgive you and He loves you more than anyone. You were put on this earth with a purpose: to return back to Allah. Don't lose this out of your sight.

    I wish you the best and good luck!

  5. I too have problems with morals and I am only 15 I lie sooo much I don't know what to do. I mean I don't lie about HUGE stuff but I knw its still sinful.

    like every single day I lie about something to my mom, like if she'll ask me if i used some lotion on the table ill say no and even promise that i didn't even when i did, she'll ask if i did my homework and ill say yes even when i didn't, she asks me if i finished the cookies and ill say no i swear i didn't even though i did. even if she'd ask if i gave my brother his clothes from the laundry after she washed them i'd tell her that it has already been done than later on i'd sneak into the laundry room and give him his clothes...

    The problem is every time she asks me small stuff like this ill say no, and everytime i TAKE AN OATH and tell her that i am completely 100% honest even when I'm not. i always tell my parents and my brothers "you can trust me" when honestly, they really can't once they know all I've done.
    the problem is I'm too scared to tell the truth to my mum because she'd kill me if she finds out i lie everyday.

    i heard a punishment in the grave for the liars how do i fix this issue without telling my mom?

    • "badgirl" (how about if we use a different name from now on?) - do your best to tell the truth as much as you can. Do the things you know you are supposed to do so that you don't have to lie about them later. If you tell the truth and get in trouble, so be it. Face the consequences. At least you won't have to live with guilt.

      Wael Editor

  6. i am 16 years old

    today i did something very bad
    i never done this before, except i think twice in 4th grade (i was really little and i hope it does not count as a sin since i was young then)

    today i cheated on my psychology exam
    i had notes written down on my mobile phone, and would turn it on and look at it from under my desk whenever the teacher was not looking

    i sit in the very back so none of the students were paying attention to me anyways

    i feel like i do not feel guilty enough as i should be, what should i do? any advice from an islamic perspective regarding cheating in school

    i am struggling in psychology and french and i have very poor grades, that is why i cheated on that exam
    normally i am a good student with decent grades (A's and sometimes one or two B's)
    this year is the first year i ever get such poor grades and it is in those two classes

    my parents have been very disappointed in me, so i really wanted to get a good grade today. also, with such failing grades i cannot get accepted into a good college when i graduate next year.


    these are the reasons i did what i did today.

    • I will suggest you don't cheat in future .
      If you are weak in those subjects then get some tutions for those subjects .
      If you are getting bored of studying then innovate new ways of learning like talking to friends ,discussion with friends ,group study etc etc .

  7. basically i've been really struggling in school these past 2 years. last year was horrible and i barely passed with such low grades. this year i am getting ready to take final exams to submit applications for college, so i really need my report card to be good in order for the colleges to accept me. my grades are soooo bad:

    English: A-
    Music: A
    French: B+
    (AP) U.S. Gov: B-
    Physics: C+
    Geometry/Trig: B
    CommunicationTechnology: A

    I have been cheating this year on my Physics and AP Gov you can see those are the classes im really struggling with so i need to get my grades up as i am barely passing. earlier in the year i was failing psychology but when i looked at answers during the test (sneaking study guide/answer sheets during exam time). I also have cheated on my US Gov exams, but not as much as I have in Physics. I am so stressed out about final exams, tests to apply for college, assignments and projects, etc..... i have a test this week and i feel like i have to do the same thing to pass, otherwise i would fail the class and dissapoint my parents. my brothers excel in school without even trying and do so well, much much better than me (literally have all A's on their report cards, if not then maybe one or two B's, but thats it!). Last time my father saw my exam grades for phycs class earlier in the year, he shouted at me and smacked my head. this was when i was failing the class earlier, so after that i started to cheat. my parents would kill me if they found out, and beat me up if they know i cheat so i really dont know what to do. my brothers are being successful and i am the failing one. even my little sister gets good grades!!!!!!! ugh. i am lost

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