Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marrying out of caste

Ants have castes (show here are a male, queen and worker). Human beings should not have castes!

Ants have castes (show here are a male, queen and worker). Human beings should not have castes!


I'm  a 26 years old unmarried girl. I am the youngest one in my siblings so always got extra love and blind trust. My family is very religious but they allowed me to study with boys because they trust me and love me alot.I also tried my best to never disappoint them.

My problem is that:

1- My family can never ever allow me to marry out of cast.(My brother loves his class fellow from 8 years, but till now,inspite of all his efforts he is failed to get permission to marry her as she is just not of our cast.)

2-In my cast unfortunately  most of the boys are illiterate,not like girls who love to read books,they  not like working women and will not give me permission to do PhD.

I'm currently doing MPhil, one of my classfelow  loves me and wants to marry me.I like him too, he is religious, hardworking,independent  and respects me alot. Never showed any kind of lust.If i get marry to him he will allow me to continue  studies or do job if i want. Just like me he also likes to read books and travelling.he has many other good habbits.But  I try my best to ignore him,mostly  not reply to his messages, we don't talk much never meet alone. and I pretend like  I don't notice how he feels for me, just because of my family as they will never ever allow me to marry him.

At one hand I don't want to reject him, he is a good man but on the other hand I can't stand up for him in front of my family.No one in my family will support me for this decision.I'm 26 already, soon I will be married to a man of my cast who is not the right match for me.



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4 Responses »

  1. First of all, if you're living in a very conservative place and families don't take any decision that will bring shame on your bloodline, then you can only go to their wishes and marry the one they chose for you. If you have the courage to stand up and explain to them and introduce him step by step I don't think they won't allow your marriage but will support you every step of the way if they love and care for your happiness. Marrying for love is oftentimes scary in many parts of the world mostly resulting to scary events but I will say no further. This has been an on going problem time and again due to narrow minded and selfish people who try to protect the image, reputation and properties of the family. Islam do not teach any of these but iT supports the legal bond in which a man and a woman can be together and that is marriage. If your family is open minded enough and understand where you are coming from then they will give a yes for an answer. 🙂

  2. If He is a Muslim Boy Then You can marry with But You can not marry with Nonmuslim. "The Quran Says Do Not Marry With Nonmuslim"

  3. My sister if you have theeans and education move out and get married...the world is a big place....Your parents will come to there sences....Islam doesn't have cast system or any system but recommends you to marry pious companions you will be blessed in both of world's. ...Don't get me wrong parents are to be respected and loved but when it comes to living a life accordingly to sunnah ...then we should do are best....because life is short and nobody is living your have rights...

    Inquire from mufti menk for details....or tariq jameel least you will have a good idea to take the right approach.

  4. Salaam Sister,

    First of all it is good to hear that you are taking a good approach in this situation by not getting close to the guy, because once you get close to him and in case you both don't get married then it will be difficult for you both to get over the heartbreak. Since you know the situation in your family about the caste system you have done the right thing by avoiding him and staying away from him as much as possible.

    There is no caste system in Islam. This caste system is derived from the Hindu culture where it is still prevalent.

    If you are interested to marry a muslim then you can marry him without thinking about caste.

    Since your parents believe in caste system you have to talk to them wisely and in a beautiful way to make them understand about the non existent caste system in Islam. And make dua. Insha Allah one day they will reallise that there is no caste system in Islam.

    May Allah guide your parents.

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