Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mum doesn’t love me, I’m lonely and sad

Say boy, unhappy boy, little boy

Sad boy.

i don't know if you are going to reply or not or even look at this message, or post this. I'm an 18-year-old student going university. and i thought sending you a message might change something in me.

lately i have been feeling sad and like always i feel lonely. i feel like my mum does not like me anymore and that has been making me feel down. this has caused me to look for the love i lost from my mum by looking on the internet and trying to find women who would do stuff with me.

i never had a girlfriend before and never had that kind of person in my life either plus i'm losing faith in Allah and don't know what do. i cry everyday at night downstairs and in my bed. i don't know if Allah loves me anymore i don't know if i should be alive i feel sad everyday.

- wasim

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11 Responses »

  1. Salam brother,
    Last night, I happened to be discussing the same issue with a friend of mine who went through that. I am sure she loves you, she loves you because she is your mother and nothing can ever compare to a mother's love. Thing is, not everybody can express their feelings the way we wish them to. It is probably how she was raised. If she shouts at you and that's what make you believe she doesn't love you. Think about it the other way, she shouts at you because she wants the best out of you. Parents only want the best. My mother is very harsh on my brother, she doesn't spend a day without calling him stupid, she happened to raise her hands at him. But he doesn't see the faults in her but he acknowledges he has done things that do not make her happy. Also, perceive what you are going through as a test of Sabr (patience) Allah (S.W) may be testing your faith. Or He may be trying to get you closer to him in your deen. So brother, have patience and do not ever think she does not love you. I don't know a lot about your situation, but please get close to your Creater. Indeed "Verily, it is in the Rememberance of Allah (S.W) that hearts find rest" (Quran 13:28)

    The Mercy of Allah in Regard to Forgiveness

    "O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."
    Allahs says, Call on me and I will respond to you. One of the most important conditions of making dua is that one must completely trust that Allah will respond.

  3. Brother,
    It seems like your mother is just like mine. I would think that your mother is not very affectionate- neither is mine. As a result you believe that she doesn't love you- I can assure you that she does. Brother, instead of thinking of all the negative points with your mother, think of the positive ones. I'm sure you can think of some.
    Some people are like that- just not very affectionate, its normal. Like Beggingforforgiveness said, it might have something to do with how she was raised. Don't beat yourself up about it.
    Please do not lose faith in Allah, I'm in a similar boat as you and feel lonely everyday, turning to haram will not help at all, it will worsen your condition, and probably move you further away from your mother. Try to take time out for your mother and spend time with her, help her around the house, things like this will bring you closer together inshallah.

  4. i always ask her do you want help and i insist in helping her with certain things and some times she says no i don't need help and when i don't ask her she says i am lazy i do not understand. I want to be closer with Allah but that can't be done for now because of demand of university work. the work can be done but there is always pressure from university and every time i go there i feel uncomfortable going to my university because lots of people stare at me because i am the only brown Asian guy in the whole university. when i become a police officer and i have an apartment. i will then learn how to pray for myself and for my future children if i ever have the chance of fulfilling that dream. a lot of the time it's about not having what other people have e.g. i see couples on the bus, train and in university they are happy but it is at the same time haram i don't understand.

    • Bro, this is the problem- you cannot put your creator on hold, remember Allah says " if you remember me I will remember you and if you forget me I will still remember you." but do not take advantage of this because you do not want the anger of Allah upon you because if Allah turn his back on you, you are doomed for the destruction. Nothing will go right in your life if you neglect Allah. Allah has made it very easy to praise and worship him that is why you have no excuse, also remember, " correct your affair with your creator and your creator will correct the affairs between you and the rest of the creation."

  5. Brother Wasim,

    You sound very depressed. When i was 18 (your age) i used to keep a diary and in that diary almost every entry read how depressed i feel and how my parents don't like me, they like my sister more etc...i was always sad and depressed. Now many years later i look back at that diary and realize that i was miserable because i didnt pray.
    Brother, you need to start praying from today. It will make a world of difference in your life. Allah says "only in the remembrance of Allah does the heart find contentment' that is so true! That same year when i was 18 my father died and i started praying 5 times a day and i never looked back, I cannot think of a day that goes by w/o me praying my 5 salah alhamdulillah. I urge you strongly start praying and within a week u will notice a difference. Recite 'law haw la wala quwata illah billahil alyiul azeem' often. Prophet (saw) said that it cures 99 disease the least of them being depression and anxiety.
    Also you sound like you have very low self esteem (it comes out through your writing) try to work on that. At the end believe in your heart that whether your mum loves you or not isnt the matter. What matters is that Allah (swt) loves you and He created you and His love is always consistent and ever lasting. The only one we need in this life is Allah (swt) everything and everyone else is insubstantial. Never think of suicide or ending your life as the punishment for that is severe. As bad as things may seem in this world nothing can compare with the punishment of the hereafter.
    Try to keep the company of good people, pray, read good books and do a lot os zikr in particularly the one i mentioned above. Leave the rest to Allah and in a month you will feel sooo different and so at peace. Trust me. In prayers lies contentment and the remembrance of Allah will bring peace to your heart.

  6. Your at the age when your hormones are raging,you have physical and emotional needs,this is a normal part of growing up.just hang in there inshallah u will find and marry a wonderful Muslim woman who will give u the caring and love that u need,be patient your time will come,focus on your deen and studies for now and have faith

  7. I have the same problem, I'm 30 now my mum has never shown any love to me! She loves my brother and sisters allot in fact she will do anything for them, sadly I am treated like I'm not her child. I was forced to get married when I was 15 despite my husband being abusive and violent I never share this with my mum because she blames me. I have a daughter who is 14 she asked me why my mum doesn't love me like my brothers and sisters I didn't know what to say, it's clearly having a negative impact on my children. Sometimes I have so much anger for my mum I wish I can shout back at her knowing it's wrong but I get scared so I stay quite and put up with it. On many times I have tried to take my own life but Allah doesn't want me yet. Your only 18 don't let it ruin your life ask her why she is being like this with you? Sorry I'm not the best person to ask for advice I was just asking google why my mum doesn't love me, crazy it seems I have to ask google.... I can't wait for this life to end and I pray no one has a mother like mine, what she's put me through as a child no mother should do that.

    • Assalam alaikum,

      Don't be sad--and this is possible, even the though you may have to learn how to handle the pain of it all. I understand what you are going through.

      Perhaps look into getting some counselling. One thing you should be aware of is your mother's behaviour could be part of a cycle of abuse--you may be the "scapegoat" child with a narcissistic mother. The reason for her behaviour is most likely not logical--and if you continue to search for the reason, when there isn't a logical reason for it, it will pain you more.

      Seek refuge in Allah's remembrance--understand that your mother's behaviour is not acceptable and that you are allowed to have healthy boundaries to keep yourself safe--even if it is emotional safety.

      You do the right thing to respect your mother, no matter how difficult. May you continue with your strength and may your pain heal, Ameen.

    • I'm the exact same

  8. I have strange issue in this regard my mom is very kind nice and sacrificing and I always consider that n always loved her a lot but in recent few years I been away from her as I went abroad for studies during that time I kept coming to see my family on holidays for a month or so but now wen I am back permanently I feel change in my mom no doubt she still loves me but I often feel that she doest appreciate me as she does others I try hard to impress her I help her in everything I show her my feelings I even tell her tht she doesn't appreciate Me n I feel tht but we start a discussion n tht ends up on a fight or severe argument becz she just gets angry n I feel more hurt and angry then n I start saying things too....I have no idea how to deal with this situation I feel so alone and aparted cz I m otherwise going thru an emotional decay cz of loosing my love in my life tht a long story m pretty religious now and feel like I will nvr get anything in my life now may b my mom doesn't pray for me cz of all complains n arguments I do with her on this issue tht she doesn't value as she does my sister n others.I feel my all ibadh will b wasted cz Allah will support my mom too but not me Nobody will understand me I feel even no one will understand my love

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