Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to stay on the straight path

Straight path

Staying on the "straight" path.

So I'm a Muslim girl and i have always known that i have a bisexual tendency. But i am Muslim first and foremost, and i know the sin of homosexuality and premarital sexual experience, and i also  know that my body is not truly mine.

Alhumdulillah i am 23 years old and have maintained chastity, have steered clear of romantic involvment with girls and I have had guy friends and been EMOTIONALLY involved with guys, but when I see that he has no intention of engaging me in marriage i cut contact to a minimum. I never go on dates and have alhumdulillah never been touched, I'm proud of that.

My problem is recently i ended it with a guy that i knew it wasnt gonna work out with, but now I am very vulnerable. Its been a month and that fear of being alone forever is starting to take control again.

There is a girl in my uni thats a good friend, and i think shes been making overtures. I'm not a hundred percent sure but the alarming thing is I enjoy it. A little too much. I've started fantasizing about her, and I just can't help but spend time with her even when I know i shouldnt be leading her on because i have no intention of indulging in such sin. I secretly love it when she touches me or hugs me, I almost crave it.

I know its one of the worst sins and i consciously and awarely want it to stop, but I simply cannot control my behavior in her presence. I try to avoid her and hang with other people but by the end of the day I'm walking to the library in search of her. How do I end this? Is there a specific prayer that will make my will power stronger or make me feel less empty? What can i do?

Another thing is i cannot pray properly, the words just twist in my mouth. I mean, I stopped praying completely about 4 months ago, astughfirullah, but every I tell myself, "the next azan i hear im gonna pray" but something or the other always gets in the way. this past jummah i had a strange experience with snakes (we went to a venom study center for class) and it scared me so I prayed jummah, i had to start over 6 times and even then i couldnt do it right. And I can never make dua after salah, its so strange. I honestly think its some sort of magic or jinn taregeted on me (i used to see jinn all the time when i was little, i still see them sometimes if they are bothering me, but i havent lately)...

Or maybe im just totally derailing from Sirat-Ul-Mustaqeem and not willing to accept blame? How can I build the patience to be more regular with prayers?

Either way, and in both situations, i want it to stop. I want to go back to being as close to Allah as i was when i was younger.

-allu

Answer from Editor Wael

Dear Allu, As-salamu alaykum,

What's happening to you (as far as the feelings you have for your female classmate) is not so strange. It's well known that women tend to respond not so much to gender as to closeness and intimacy. Because of this the Western scientists say that most women have the potential to be bisexual. Allah knows best. But the point is that you need to stop your contact with your classmate. You have to guard yourself from inappropriate physical contact with others, whether male or female.

Of course since you are a woman there's nothing wrong with hugging another woman, holding hands, etc. But in this particular case - since you find the contact with this woman exciting, you need to stop.

Also it sounds to me like your contact with guys may have been misguided or inappropriate. There's no need to "get involved" with guys, even if you are not getting physical. If a man thinks you are a potential marriage partner, he can approach your family properly and discuss it.  So I think you need to take a serious look at your lifestyle and the people you are spending time with.

About the issue of prayer and dua', this is a serious issue. I doubt very much that there is any kind of magic on you. What's happening is that your guilt and confusion are interfering with your spirit and mind. The reality is that you simply have to make the choice, and do your prayers. It is a choice you make every day. By saying it's magic and that you "cannot make dua", you are trying to avoid taking responsibility for your own choices.

You have to make a decision in your mind and heart to return to salat.

It can also help tremendously to spend your time with people who pray. That way, when it's salat time, everyone automatically makes wudu' and gets ready for prayer. Again, I think you need to reconsider the people you are spending time with. Seek out people who will encourage you to do good, and will journey with you on the path to Allah's pleasure.

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4 Responses »

  1. Answer from Editor Wael
    Dear Allu, As-salamu alaykum,

    What's happening to you (as far as the feelings you have for your female classmate) is not so strange. It's well known that women tend to respond not so much to gender as to closeness and intimacy. Because of this the Western scientists say that most women have the potential to be bisexual. Allah knows best. But the point is that you need to stop your contact with your classmate. You have to guard yourself from inappropriate physical contact with others, whether male or female.

    Of course since you are a woman there's nothing wrong with hugging another woman, holding hands, etc. But in this particular case - since you find the contact with this woman exciting, you need to stop.

    Also it sounds to me like your contact with guys may have been misguided or inappropriate. There's no need to "get involved" with guys, even if you are not getting physical. If a man thinks you are a potential marriage partner, he can approach your family properly and discuss it. So I think you need to take a serious look at your lifestyle and the people you are spending time with.

    About the issue of prayer and dua', this is a serious issue. I doubt very much that there is any kind of magic on you. What's happening is that your guilt and confusion are interfering with your spirit and mind. The reality is that you simply have to make the choice, and do your prayers. It is a choice you make every day. By saying it's magic and that you "cannot make dua", you are trying to avoid taking responsibility for your own choices.

    You have to make a decision in your mind and heart to return to salat.

    It can also help tremendously to spend your time with people who pray. That way, when it's salat time, everyone automatically makes wudu' and gets ready for prayer. Again, I think you need to reconsider the people you are spending time with. Seek out people who will encourage you to do good, and will journey with you on the path to Allah's pleasure.

  2. there are many many supplications you can recite during the salaah in order to sek regure in Allaah from the evil of others and yourself.

    inshaallaah, i'll post them on later.

    but what you said about the jinn was astonishing.

    you should really never sleep without reciting the 3 Quls 3 times and wiping it over your whole body for protection.

    also, recite the 3 Quls after every salaah, recite each of them 3 times after maghrib and fajr.

    this is certain to work, and so long as you keep it up, you will never see another jinn again inshallah

  3. Asalamu Alaikum
    My sister, May Allah guides all of us to the right path. You are good if you need to repent so don't hesitate to do that. My advice to you is first stop going to bad friends and start going nearest mosque and make new pious friends. Regret what you did and make decision never do it again. Allah is generous and likes when his servant come back to him also Allah forgives any sin you commit if make dua. Start reciting Quran and remembering Allah so that you will be close to Allah. Don't forget that our beloved prophet (peace be upon him) said that towbah break any sin before it. So will be after that somebody who never commits sin. May Allah make us easy and smooth to stay on the straight pat Amen.

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