Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My ex cut himself – what should I do?

Several months back I met a very cute n sweet guy. We shared many special moments together. I am not religious, but he is muslim, and i never forced him to do anything, we both agreed on everything even though I always reminded him of his religion he didn't care. I thought he was a good boy.

Then one day I checked on his facebook and I saw that he is adding girls on there that have purely sexual content in their profile, but I never knew if he was in contact with other girls I never asked for his password to check his messages. I asked him why he did this and he is saying he does not know how this is happening. I know it is a lie. I became upset with him and I tried to forgive him but his behaviors continued and finally I told him to stop talking to me and leave me alone. My heart was broken. He kept contacting me, and we tried making things work many times but I couldn't get past the fact that I wasn't enough.

After a few weeks with no contact he suddenly sent me a message with a picture of his wrists cut - this picture was so graphic I felt completely sick. I was in such shock and I never wanted him to hurt himself because we can't make our relationship work. I know he still loves me, and maybe I feel the same about him. I don't know what to do. Is he crazy, should I run from this guy? Or is this a true act of love?


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7 Responses »

  1. Is he crazy, should I run from this guy?

    you have answered it yourself.

  2. if he cuts himself because he can't deal with his emotions...he needs a councillor not you.

    Maybe send him the number of a local distress centre/councelling in your area, but that's about it. Just stop all communication. Don't let him cutting himself be something that makes you feel sorry for him. He clearly has issues that he needs to work on if that's his come back to me tactic.

  3. Maybe send him the number of a local distress centre/councelling in your area

    no need to add to his misery.

    stop all communications!

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    It's important for you to remember that you are not responsible for his actions; if he has harmed himself, it is not your fault. Neither is it a sign of true love or devotion - people may self-harm for many reasons, but if a person feels true affection towards another, they would be very unlikely to send that person graphic pictures of their injuries - that sounds more like an attempt to get your attention in an unhealthy way.

    This boy may very well be disturbed and in need of help, but you don't have any obligation to be in a romantic relationship with him. In fact, he probably needs to spend some time getting to know himself without being in a relationship, in order to re-build his sense of self and address his issues.

    I would agree with the advice above that he might benefit from a counsellor - again, this is not your responsibility to sort out, so don't become involved in attempting to convince him to do this if he isn't agreeable. You could perhaps find a couple of contact details for local counselling services and send these to him, and leave your involvement there. If you're in the UK, it might be helpful to give him the numbers for NHS24 and a counselling service such as Breathing Space or The Samaritans (which aren't religious organisations but provide support and advice to people of all backgrounds and faiths).

    The fact that you still want to help this boy despite how he has treated you says a lot about your strength of character and kind heart. Please remember that his actions are not representative of Muslims - Islam has strong principles of kindness and respect for people, including guidance on how to conduct romantic relationships to protect the rights and well-being of all parties. If you wish to learn more about Islam, please feel welcome to look through this website and ask questions if you like - or visit your local mosque, where inshaAllah you should be able to learn more in person.

    Take care.

    Midnightmoon editor

  5. OP: After a few weeks with no contact he suddenly sent me a message with a picture of his wrists cut - this picture was so graphic

    Picture may not be even a real thing. One can do anything with a pic, take someones head and put on some one else's naked body.. Even if it a real picture, this guy may be a psycho, you better stay away from him. Nothing to do with love. If there was love he would have told you and his parents he wants to marry you. He just wanted to have some fun with you.

    Many men from some cultures will say "I love you" to a girl just to be intimate with her.They are interested in her body only. All of sudden they break the news "my parents are forcing me to marry my cousin".

    People can appear religious outside but just opposite in their behavior. Many religious girls are more or less same as their non-religious sisters. Every one needs friends.

    You are not religious but man you met you think is religious, but you did the same things. I hope you learned a good lesson.

  6. He needs help. He may be cutting because he is emotionally ill; he may be cutting as a means of manipulating you. In either case, please cut off all contact with him. I would not even suggest to him that he see a counselor since the sort of behavior he exhibits has been regularly covered in the media, along with advice to those who do so to seek help.

    You do not need the stress; and if he is doing it for reasons of manipulation, he may decide to start cutting *you* if you do not do exactly what he wants when he wants. Manipulation seems more than a slight possibility since his facebook page has filled up with women with rather public interests.

    Depending on what those special moments were, I'd suggest having yourself tested for every sexually transmitted disease known. Those who manipulate to get what they want, when they want, are not known for responsibility.

  7. It’s an act of love, that’s how much he cares about U and I rlly think u should give me a chance, if he does that to himself it’s obvious he cares sm about it more then anyone could know

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