How can I repent and forget about my past relationship?
I have a question that what should I do ?
Currently, I am engaged and I am getting married but before that I was in a relationship of 4 years with a guy. Whom my mom and elder siblings simply rejected when I told them that I love a guy and I can't marry a guy to whom you want. My mom warned me not to inform dad about this affair otherwise he would get a severe shock .
In that 4 year, I also had sexual intercourse with him, every time I used to stop him and used to tell him this is a big sin but I don't know under pressure I also had to do. Now, I am regretting and just asking ALLAH for forgiveness and repentance.
Tell me how to do real tawbah? I am always thinking that am I doing wrong with my future husband? If he gets to know what is going to happen? I am getting weaker and weaker day by day.
Please help me, will Allah forgive me for my sins ?
Regrads,
Mehreen Najam.
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assalamu alaikum..
I want to know what is that guy doing..
Is he not doing anything to get u now..
Cant he speak at ur home regarding this matter and islam permits you to get married to perosn u love but i would say that u hav done a sin of zina and repent n ask for forgiveness from allah..
Do not be weak be strong and ask allah for forgiveness and pray all the times read quran engage your self islamic stuff and dont tell your fiance about your past if he finds out then tell him you regret what you done and wish never done it and tell him that you just want to be with him and you forgot about your past inshallah it will be fine and he would find out do not worry believe in allah and he will help you.
Salaam Mehreen.
Zina is a big sin, but Alhumdulilah no sin is greater than the mercy of Allah swt.
The conditions of repentance
Taken from: http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1069
You will see that repentance is something more than seeking forgiveness.
Because this is a serious matter, there have to be conditions attached. The scholars mentioned the conditions of repentance, based on aayahs from the Qur’aan and ahaadeeth. There follows a list of some of them:
1 – Giving up the sin immediately.
2 – Regretting what has happened in the past.
3 – Resolving not to go back to it.
4 – Making amends to those whom you have wronged, or asking for their forgiveness.
NB: As for seeking forgiveness from those you have wronged, this should only be done if the good outweighs the harm but in most cases of having a previous relationship - (assuming someone wronged their ex) it would be harmful to contact the ex or someone related to him who you have wronged. DON'T contact the ex. If you cant seek their forgiveness then pray for them and it will suffice InshaAllah."
You should not forget other important matters connected to sincere repentance, such as:
You should give up the sin for the sake of Allaah and not for any other reason such as not being able to do it or repeat it, or being afraid of what people will say, for example.
To tell or not to tell?
Another thing - you are not wronging your husband - because your past actions are just that - past actions. Which should be kept between yourself and Allah swt. The only way you a person would wrong their future spouse is if they didn't tell him/her something that would affect the marriage or the couples health. e.g. if they had a child or an infection as a result. So I strongly recommend you get tested for STIs and other infections before you marry.
Please read the link below on hiding our sins:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/boasting-about-sins/
I appreciate you are not boasting but it deals with the topic of telling our sins too.
It was narrated that Saalim ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: I heard Abu Hurayrah say: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“All of my ummah will be fine except for those who commit sin openly. Part of committing sin openly is when a man does something at night and Allaah conceals it, but in the morning he says, ‘O So-and-so, last night I did such and such.’ His Lord had covered his sin all night, but in the morning he removed the cover of Allaah.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990)
This is why it is important to conceal your sins where possible - unless they are such that they will have a bad affect if not disclosed. So there is no need to tell your future spouse about this - it is far better to conceal the sin.
If you feel that there is a very very high chance he will find out later however then it may be better for you to tell him before you marriage so he doesn't find out from someone else. Be aware though many men (and women) cannot cope with the idea of someone being with their spouse before them - so it is opening up a can of worms and he may leave you. Again I strongly advise against telling him unless he will definietly find out. In most cases this is unlikely.
If he does ask you questions about your past:
you cannot lie and say you are virgin but you do not have to give details. An answer such as 'I became practicing when I was *insert age* may suffice InshaAllah.' Or you can make it clear you were not always practicing and gage his response from their. If he continues pressing for information you may want to reconsider.
Lastly the issue of whether or not the wife is a virgin matters a lot to some men and not as much to others. Some men are virgins themselves and are well within their right to want a virgin wife, (and of course virgin women are within their rights to seek a virgin hubby). If you know your fiancee is one of those men who is a virgin and places a huge importance on virginity I would think twice before marrying him. Such men often dig for information etc and it can cause guilt each time he asks. So do consider these things but the general rule is hide your sin.
I have left the most important points to the last.
The mercy of Allah swt
Hadith Qudsi: Allah, the Almighty, has said:
O Son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O Son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O Son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins as great as the earth, and were you then to face Me ascribing no partners to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.
Prophet (SW) has said:
A certain person had committed 99 murders. He went to a scholar and asked, is there any chance of my being forgiven? The scholar said no, you have committed too many crimes. The man killed the scholar too, but his heart was restless, so he went to another scholar and asked the same question. He was told yes, but you must leave this town of bad people and go live in the next town in the company of good people.
So the man set out to the town he was told to go to. On the way he died. A man passing by saw two angels arguing over his dead body. The Angel from Hell said, 'His body belongs to me as he had not done any good in his life.' The Angel from Heaven said, 'His body belongs to me as he had repented and was set out to be with good people.' The man who was the passer-by said, 'Let us measure the distance of his body from the town he left and the town he was going to.'
This was done. He was found to be nearer to the town he was going to. In another version, the earth was ordered by Allah to shrink and make the distance smaller, so that he was admitted to Heaven
"Those (are the true believers) who, when they commit an evil deed, or wrong their souls, remember Allah, and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who but Allah forgives sins? They do not insist upon the sins they have committed, and they know (that Allah is forgiving)." (Qur'an 3:135)
So sister please do not despair of the mercy of Allah (Swt). As long as we are alive and remorseful and we turn to Allah (swt) we always have that door of forgiveness open. There are many people out there who have committed such sins and feel no remorse - so Alhumdulilah that you are among those whom Allah must really love because He has given you this beautiful chance to repent and make amends.
Be aware also that should a person commit a sin, repent sincerely and stop the sin then Allah swt will not only wipe the sin but He (Swt) will also turn the sin into a good deed, SubhanAllah.
"I heard Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) saying: ‘There isn’t a man who, when he commits a sin, rises, makes ablution, and offers two rak'as of prayers, but Allah forgives his sins.’
So do this and ensure you are regular with your salat. Read Qur'an regularly and cry to Allah (swt) at night. Give sadaqah if you can and do Tahajjud.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
masallah beauitfual reply and i agree with all above replies and sara's
I was in relationship for4years with a who when ever I was with him was demanding tohave intercourse with me but I always resisted but he always succeeded in having a feel of my parts of my body.although he never succeeded in having sex with me and now am married with another man but I can't just do a single moment without thinking of him. Sometimes I end chatting with him in order to to relieve from my ego. I sincerely need help to forget all about him.
Assalam u Alaikum.
Dear Hajah;
Repent to Allah. You committed a big sin. Why did you even let him touch you. If he loved you he should have married you and then he could do anything he wanted. His insistence for intercourse and touching your parts proves that he only wanted to use your body for his lower desires.
I advice you as follows:
-Offer 5 time prayers. I mean it because it will help you deviate your heart from your ex-lover to Allah.
-Repent to Allah and make dua as follows "Oh Allah swt i Did so and so bad sins Please forgive me and remove him (your ex-lover) from my heart"
-STOP Chatting with him. Stop all contact with him. Cant you see? He will destroy your marriage. What if your husband finds out? You are married. So commit to your husband. Love him. Ask him to get up for fajr so that both of you pray. Try to be intimate with him. Care for him. Inshallah. If you start loving your husband you will surely forget your ex-lover.
-Is your life stressed? Why you chat with him? Try to remove the issue that makes you desire to chat him. Make sincere dua, Cry before Allah. Pour your heart out. Ask him to detach your heart from him
-Read LOTS AND LOTS of Quran. It helped me and inshallah. Reciting Quran will also help you.
-Visit a homeopath and ask him to cure you for "Unrequited love"
Your mind is a field. The Thought you plant bloom up as actions, Find company with your female friends. Find good company. You are in charge of your mind. Shatan wants you to commit sins. Don't let him.
Try to have a baby. This will distract you.
I pray that inshAllah you will forget him.
Remember that Allah is the only one that can Help you so ask him. Their is nothing that Allah can't do.
You started chat with him ? That's the worst thing you are doing .One thing will lead to other .You might end up sleeping with him next . It seems you have to seriously think about your imaan and akhirat .You need to put efforts in becoming good muslimah .
Hi am Shahethya, had a 3yrs relationship with the person Siddiq. We loved each other and we planned to get married eachother but last year Oct16 he got married with her cousin due to his family situations suddenly. initially he hide his marriage and later once my friends inform he accept that he goes to get married and finally after many problems he got married with her cousin with blessings of his parents. But after marriage he still wants me and want to spend time with me and I am even now could not forget him and he also feeling the same and could not leave each other.I am unbale to accept him aswell as forget him. Please help me in resolving this problem and I wish to get out of from this.
Shahethya, he is playing with you. He already made a choice, which was to marry someone else. You must cut off all contact with him, and stop seeing him, talking to him, or chatting with him. Change your phone number if necessary. As long as you are tied to this player, you will never be able to receive the true partner that Allah has destined for you, Insha'Allah.
IF you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I was in love with a girl who also shared the same feelings. We talked a lot, then we got intimate, had no sex but did haram things like kissing and hugs. She left me coz her parents wont accept us if she tells them and i am unable to get over her. I think about her all the time and all the memories i shared with her come rushing in my brain. I donot know what to do. Help me!
As-salamu alaykum brother Alkhawaldeh. You'll get over her in time. It just takes time and distance, meaning you should not have contact with her, look at her photos or social media, etc. Try to put her out of your mind, and keep yourself busy with halal things you enjoy.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor