Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His parents are not ready due to different caste

Assalamoalaikum,
We were classmates in our masters, but at that time we didn't even talked with each other, we didn't have any kinda communication. Now after having our PhDs at different places he called me and asked my hand. I asked him to contact my parents and he did so.
His parents visited mine parents and meanwhile we talked a number of times. Although nothing forbidden conversation. But then his parents refused it saying they are Pathans and we are Turks. However my parents are happy for us. Both of us are good practicing Muslims.
The problem is his parents are very rigid and uneducated to understand or listen anything. And he is desperately wanting to marry me is in severe depression. It effected me as well, now I don't know what to do?

We both want everyone to be happy for us.

Please provide Hadiths and references so that he can easily convince his parents.

muslimah16

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5 Responses »

  1. Walaikum Salam ask him to ask his parents the true reason why they don't want you to marry because it may be hidden. If they say because of different ethnicity or culture then refer them to the farewell speech of the messenger of Allah pbuh and in particular where he said race is insignificant. If this should be enough to open their mind but if it does not refer them to the famous ayat in Surah al rum where it says that Allah has created people in nations and tribes so that they would know one another and the best of you is best in conduct - meaning difference in tribes is irrelevant what is relevant about groups of people is what you can learn from the good amongst them. Sometimes people are heavily culterised without being aware of it because that has been the environment in the world especially since after ww2. If your intended has a Phd all this should make sense. If his parents cannot give him a valid reason then if they do not judge by Islam then they are judging like kufar and they should not and he does not have to obey them. Masalama

    • His parents clearly said that they will never marry him in different caste as it will effect their other brothers in their marriages as well.
      They even said that if he wants to marry then he can but they will not attend it or accept it.

      And now he clearly told me that in any case he will never go against his parents.

      • Maybe he can still convince them by asking them how they would feel if they would be rejected only because of belonging to another caste or nationality.
        On the other hand, it may be better if you do not marry him under these circumstances. You should ask yourself:
        Is there any point in marrying a man who does not have the balls to stand up for me? Will he defend me if I have an argument with my in-laws and I am right or will he just step aside and leave me to struggle alone?

        • Thank you both Terence and crazybull for your concerned answers....

          things are quite clear but I also know that the guy is very good in deen and duniya and he loves me a lot....but yes no point to hold on when he can't even stand for me now.

  2. His parents clearly said that they will never marry him in different caste as it will effect their other brothers in their marriages as well.

    And now he clearly told me that in any case he will never go against his parents.

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