Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t bear the knowledge that my husband will have hoor al ayn

Dunya versus Aakhirah

Dunya versus Aakhirah

Salem aleykom

I have this issue that I am really struggling with. It is the hoor al ayn for EVERY man in jennah. I feel like the only one I could always count on is against me and disappointing me. I am Afraid I have done koefr and still do. Further I cant enjoy anything anymore.. not my salaat not my husband even my daughter I cant enjoy. I am trapped. I even prefer that I did not exist at all. Please can some one give me advice of how to tackle this. That I will love ALLAH again and that I can love my life and family again??

Please don't come with you are more beautifull you have not jealousy. I already know but does not change the fact that he does not only loves me and There is not True True love in islam/jennah. It hurts more because my husband always said and says I only want you but I don't dout the words of Allah that he will have hoor al ayn.

Seriously I cant even make dua for paradise for my husband or daughter. And when I think about my husband becoming a martyr and receive 72 I throw up. All this does not feel like jennah to me but a less worse hel.

Some May think that I am overrating my feelings but no I don't. I feel empty all Day cry a lot want to be alone not even my daughter.

I am really feeling nothing. You can hurt me or my daughter before my eyes, and it does not affect me. Whether I am with islam or kefir I can never be happy.

So please advice me!! BarakAllah fiek

Moslima


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88 Responses »

  1. Waleykum salam sister,

    First of all, relax. Really just keep doing your salat and make dua. Obviously you have fallen into a trap, it is important not to neglect any of your duties towards Allah, your husband and child. I recommend you listen to some of the lectures of yasmin mogahed, or read a book of hers. It's really helpful regarding relationships. In the end the most important thing in this life is that you recognize that everything belongs to Allah and to Him we return. Your husband is something given by Allah to you, just as you are gifted to him, appreciate this fact alhamdulillah. He is not your possession nor are you anyone's. The fact that you love him so much that jalousy has consumed you for something that is basically of the unknown, is a little over the top (to put it lightly), clearly shaitan tries to lure you into despair. So please read and recite the quran, that will definitely calm you down. Because of the stress of losing him to other 'better creatures' for instance, you lose track of the real purpose of life as well as the actual enjoyment you can experience with your family now that they are within your reach. Please enjoy the time you have with them. And your purpose is to get closer to Allah and to depend on Him for everything.
    Secondly, before anything else, Allah loves you better than anyone can and does. You walk, you breath, your heart beats, you can see!! Alhamdulillah! So please please don't let yourself get trapped any further. Don't forget that the shaitan always is the enemy and he likes to take away people's from Allah's path. I mean everyone (Muslims) knows this, but you need to internalize it as well. Therefore, these are small matters that you are worrying about, you need to think of the bigger picture here. Allah is Rahman and Raheem, repeat to yourself His names. Also, you were put on this earth with a purpose: become the best person you can possibly be to make those around you better people too. And more importantly, return back to Allah.
    Thirdly, I don't dare to say anything about marriage life in the afterlife, so again I'd ike to point you towards lectures from nouman ali khan or omar suleiman and yasmin mogahed.
    Again, relax! And recognize your issue for the test it is. I wish you the best!

    Salamaleikum!

    • Ba, this is a good comment. Jazak Allah khayr.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Wa iyyakum, just passing on some things that I've had to learn as well.

        • To put it out straight.
          Allah, promised hur, like he promised wine, servants, and all those jewels...

          But, do you want them all? Does every Muslim have to take them all and want them?

          I personally don't like marjan. Would Allah change my mind about it in hannah?
          Why bother?
          Allah would give us other things. There is no way he could mention everything he can give in a limited book, and there is no point in doing so. Do we have to like them all the same and accept them the same?

          Is there anything in the Quran saying that all men and women would have to like and take everything in Jannah

          The answer is no. And, people know this.

          But, when it comes to hur, men feel offended, by other men, saying they want to be faithful and stay with their families. I've looked into comment sections about the videos related to hur el ayn and men who were complaining that they just want to stay with their wives were shamed and called 'kafirr' , 'who dare? Allah knows you best?'. This is emotional abuse. May allah forgive them for uselessly hurting other Muslims.

          Do you think that it's fair that Allah would give both men and women jealousy in life. Then, only motivate men with that jealousy ('the hur would only look at them') while torturing women because of it (and remove it for them, the other day).

          This is clearly very unfair to every woman on earth. It would never be fair. And, Allah is very fair.

          If your husband turned out to be a different person, happens to chose the hurs in the other day, then he's unworthy of your love in the other day. You would just forget him and move on with your daughter. You won't have trouble moving on. Allah would make the truth easy for you to accept. If he loves you like he does on earth, then you'll be happy together.

          And, may allah forgive those imems for their pitiful selfish mentality and the takfir they're doing for nice muslims like you and their families.

    • Salem aleykom,

      it is not the problem that I love my husband that much. The problem is that the thing I want most a man who only loves me, isn't possible. So I began to astarfillah not love Allah and his creation, specific the man and his lust. But I know Allah exist so I will burn in hell. I am not happy here, and there it will be terrible. I do not know what to do, I just have to accept that a man never can only love me, but I don't know how, it is affecting everything. Please some advice or sister had the same situation.

      • My dear Sir,

        As i have read your story i have to the conclusion that, You were mis understood by the hoor al ayn, did you know that when a man goes to jannah his wife who support him in his deeni works and work to please her husband and Allah. will be the head of all the hoors that Allah has given to her Husband.
        The hoors are the maid of Jannati man and his wife. Allah has made hoors to serve Jannati.
        So dont be afraid of it.
        may Allah guide you sister

  2. As Salam Alaikum !

    What exactly is your question ? What is troubling you ? All that i could understand was that you dont want your husband to be with a hoor in Jannatul Firdous. Is it this what is bothering you ? Please correct me if i am wrong.

    But if that is what is making you obsessed about , well than thats future which only ALLAH knows. But in present is your husband fulling all the duties loyally in this life to be credited with Jannah hereafter?

    • the problem is, I am not, I want to be a moslima, but I do not know how anymore, I know I HAVE to be moslima because of hell etc. but I don't know how to love Allah if he created man the way that they can never love only one woman. I know what I am saying isn't allowed but I don't know what to do anymore. And I know it is weird I say this, since my husband never talked about marrying another woman, I have a child and food and everything but I can't see the blessings of that anymore because I have no joy and I prefer that I was not created which is obviously impossible, but to live in a world where man are created the way that they can never love one woman forever. I hear also who says your husband will have hoor al ayn if he only wants to be with you, but then I think about other sisters, if only it was 1 man, I feel bad for his wife. I don't know anymore.. I am struggling for about 6 months and I feel nothing has changed I am waiting for my hell, feel pain for me but my family too.

      • Was your questions ever answered? I feel just like you today, lost upset and alone and I can't talk to my partner as he'd never understand, i don't know who I can talk to

        • Assalam O Alayikum sisters! I know my reply is very late but I just want to say that it is ALLAH's great wisdom and mercy that HE has hidden the rewards for women in Quran because a woman by nature is shy and modest.. but at the same time ALLAH revealed many verses in Quran that hint towards Muslim men and women receiving the same rewards.

          (Surah 3: Verse 195, Surah 40: verse 40, Surah 33: Verse 35, Surah 4: Verse 124)

          My sisters I want to tell you that please don't believe what scholars and other people say about Jannah and what women will or won't have there because NO one has seen Jannah and even our beloved Prophet (S.A.W.W) wasn't given complete knowledge about it.

          It is the matter of unseen. If we talk too much about the unseen we will lose our focus on ALLAH because the devil is in the details. Its true that ALLAH has promised men reward of hoor al ayn but don't for a second believe that a woman who wants her husband all to herself will not be granted her wish. How will ALLAH satisfy both the male and female's desire at the same time? Its ALLAH who knows about that and there is nothing impossible for ALLAH. The laws of this world do not apply in Jannah so please sisters have faith in ALLAH and trust me HE (SWT) will not disappoint us. ALLAH loves men and women equally and HE would never prefer a male's wishes above a female's wishes.
          Men and women have different obligations and duties in this dunya but the Paradise is a place for rewards and ultimate happiness. It is not a place for compromises and sacrifices.

          "And no soul knows what is kept hidden for them, of joy as a reward for what they used to do" (Quran: Chapter 32, verse 17)

          Please have faith in ALLAH and do not fall for the waswas of the shaitaan.. He so badly wants you to leave Islam.. please don't let him win

  3. Well don't fret sis
    If your hubby will have a hoor in heaven

    You will have a Ghillmaan (male hoor reserved for ladies)

    But your jealousy issues show they you may have some internal, deep dug insecurities
    This is something we all have

    Were there any times in your life that you were let down or abandoned?

    There are times we all wish to look like a rock star and have the brains of a scientist

    But we are living in the real world and have to deal with the realities

    Why not talk to a councilor about your feelings
    Or even an Iman

    It is their duty to give you guidelines upon having a more positive outlook on life

    Don't lose hope
    Pray for self acceptance
    When you accept yourself
    You will have less doubts regarding your husband

    • it is not about jealousy or maybe it is, but I think not. It is about true love forever together which is not possible. Possible but with maidens. I do not want him to run of to some other woman as I do not want to run of to other man or ghalliban or how did you call them. I was never abandoned or something like that. Not sure who to talk to, don't think anyone can help because talked with many..

  4. OP: Seriously I cant even make dua for paradise for my husband or daughter. And when I think about my husband becoming a martyr and receive 72 virgins I throw up. All this does not feel like jennah to me but a less worse hel..... I am really feeling nothing. You can hurt me or my daughter before my eyes, and it does not affect me. Whether I am with Islam or kefir I can never be happy.

    Are you depressed? You imagination is out of control. You are obsessed with sex.. Stand before a mirror and say "no one can hurt me or my daughter". How long have you been married? How old is your daughter?

  5. the answer to your question is in Quran Surah Waqia. the wives will be raised virgin and they will be given to their men. the 72 hoors are for those who migrated in the path of Allah, bore difficulties, the companions , the prophets, the shudah, the army men who fought for islam. martyr is only that person who fights for islam and Allah and to protect Islam. these days the army men die in accidents, fighting for borders, nuclear power game and considered themselves as martyrs they are not martyrs and very few in current era, the very very pious, full of taqwa, they will get hoors.

    the men we see, moderate like us, we are all sinners, such kind of men will get their wives as virgins. think of the labours who watch blue prints, the teachers who are corrupt these days, people like us who backbite, lie and are sinners. will they get hoors 72 hoors ? no!. in this Surah.. Allah has divided the people in to three groups As Sabiqoon Group ( the excelled ones)
    [Waqia`h 56:39] A large group from the earlier generations.
    [Waqia`h 56:40] And a large group from the latter.
    2- the right ones group
    3- the left ones group

    if your husband falls into the category of the first regarding the characteristics then definitely he is going to have hoors if no then not to worry you will be given to him as virgin. is your husband very pious and God fearing?

    if you fall into the first category regarding the characteristics then definitely you are going to get what Quran has not revealed and may be Allah will gift you with male hoor , i m not sure about that but for women and men all the things have not been revealed only few rewards of jannah are disclosed. we have no idea how infinite rewards we are going to get and hoors will be one of them.
    in Quran Allah says in jannah you will get whatever you will wish for. so it includes everything. you should nt worry what other people says. you should trust Allah. he is full of justice he will never leave you alone and give your husband hoors and you alone in jannah, no. Allah will reward everything with justice and not according to gender.

    • it is not about my husband or so, but about me, I have big issues with Allah and my deen now. it is not about jealousy or maybe it is, but I think not. It is about true love forever together which is not possible. Possible but with maidens. I do not want him to run of to some other woman as I do not want to run of to other man or male hoor or how did you call them. So I do not have what I want (and most woman I think) And even if my husband don't get them, he was created that way, and others will have them and I feel for their wifes. I do not know what to do. I also now you guys are going to think, she's crazy has a husband who only loves her, child, food, but I can't see the blessing of it anymore because I know of hell I am going to, a husband who never can only loves you I don't see anymore as blessing, child is less special because it is not just you that your husband wants kiddies with and so on..

      • dear sister, ...oh my dear sister

        I complitely understand you beacuse I feel the same, all last year and now...today I read your queestion and I cry again. may Allah protect us, but sometimes I feel I am not motivated...I never ask for jannah, Only to protect me from hellfire...When husband told me" you know, You and me in jannah..." I start to cry, and ask him not telling me about jannah, because I will always cry....I'm crying now too....

        • Ok but if he were to die wouldn’t you replace him anyway with another man? What does he get then in return? You only love him as long as he is alive but when he died with time you will forget him and turn to a new man in your life. At that point, so what if he gets Hur al-Ayn, you’re only his wife as long as he is alive, after he dies, what you women like to do is forget everything and move on to someone else for your own reasons.

          • Never if I were to find my true love and if he died I would never ever marry an another man just so we could be together in jannah for ever alone not with hour or male hour or anyone else just me and him forever

      • Assalamu alaikum!
        I just wanted to know if you found your peace again?
        Were you able to win all your struggles?
        I am feeling tha same right now...
        Nothing makes me happy.

    • But according to bukhari a muslim in the lowest level of paradise who will enter jannah after his time in Jahanum will be granted ATLEAST 2 WIVES. For example if you have 1 wife in this duniya, you will get her and one more wife who will be from the women of this duniya, some say it ll be one of the hoors. No matter what it is still unfair. I know what i am saying is against islam but that's how i feel. Instead of removing jealousy from hearts of women why not remove the obssession of sex from the hearts of men? Why not grant every man their wife of this duniya and let them enjoy jannah alone? It is not fait to women. I do not care about any amount of gold, silver, silky clothes whatever is promised in jannah. I rather have my husband just to myself.

  6. I can't believe this. I'm so sorry you've been mislead this way. There is no such thing as hoor al ayn. The idea that jannah is a sexual paradise for men is disgusting and degrades both genders. The Quran says that both men and women in paradise will have companions, and the word for companions is gender neutral. It does not indicate a sexual relationship at all. A few scholars have noted this. There will be no sex parties in jannah, and the idea that there will be is horrendous. It is shirk. Please see: http://quransmessage.com/articles/sexy%20female%20virgins%20for%20men%20in%20heaven%20FM3.htm
    You are absolutely right. The idea of hoors degrades women and is actually unIslamic and has no basis in the Quran. The Quran states in many verses that men AND women who are righteous will have whatever they desire in Jannah. There is no discrimination. The repugnant idea of female virgins for men in paradise was invented by biased male scholars and is used to blackmail women.

    • The thing is Allah (S.W.T) has mentioned Hoor in the Quran and even the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) has mentioned about them in his sayings to further clarify the meaning of what is said in the Quran.

      Men in Jannah will have both the Hoor (women of jannah) and many women of this world as wives. The quantity of both types depends on how close they were to Allah (S.W.T) and the Prophet (S.A.W) in life and death.

      The OP has nothing to worry about really. She just needs to focus entirely on her Imaan and live on as a good Muslimah. Too much thinking about stuff we don't need to just means we have made our minds idle and an idle mind is considered to be home/palace/heaven for shaitaan so we just gotta keep ourselves busy with useful and important things whether Islamic or wordly stuff and in the end we will die with Imaan like we should Insha Allah.

  7. Sister, I understand what you are going through. It is very understandable and humane not to want to share your husband in Paradise. Just like many men who wouldn't want to share their wives in Paradise. Why oppressing the desires of a woman and not those of men? I also understand why you start doubting about even the religion.

    It also sounds ''unfair'' that our destiny is in the hands of a man. A man getting many woman and a woman must accept that and has no say in that. Do you think God, the most fair, would allow something like that? God said we would get whatever we desire. If you desire to be the only one for your husband, why would you not be able to be that? It is sad that woman of this world even feel like they are in a competition with ''hur al ayn''. Those creatures are made for Paradise as a reward and we as woman deserved Paradise and worked for that. God allows woman on earth to choose to be in monogamy or in polygamy. Nobody has to be in a relationship they don't desire to be in. Some people prefer polygamy and some people prefer monogamy. Fine. So are those people trying to say that here on earth we have the freedom to choose in what type of relationship we want to be in and in Paradise not? God knows what you feel, sister. God is the most fair. He knows what you desire and need before you know it yourself.

    It is not something you have to believe to be a muslima. Many scholars have said that ''hur al ayn'' have no gender. The Quran translations of two very respected scholars called Muhammad Asad and Yusuf Ali have translated the word ''hur al ayn'' to pure companions for both men and woman. Dr. Zakir Naik said the same. They have no gender.

    At the same time, we can't fully know about ''hur al ayn''. Also those people who claim they are females and for all muslim men can't fully know if this is true or not. What people believe came all out of questioning too. Wondering what those verses and hadith would mean. Not everybody believes they are females. So you are also able to take this opinion for yourself and believe in that. 🙂 Have faith in God my dear sister.

    I wish we could speak about it personally.

    Allahul ‘Alem.

    • Sister I would like too. U can contact me at *****

      • Moslima, we do not allow posting private contact info on our site, sorry.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • So how can I contact her?

        • But according to bukhari a muslim in the lowest level of paradise who will enter jannah after his time in Jahanum will be granted ATLEAST 2 WIVES. For example if you have 1 wife in this duniya, you will get her and one more wife who will be from the women of this duniya, some say it ll be one of the hoors. No matter what it is still unfair. I know what i am saying is against islam but that's how i feel. Instead of removing jealousy from hearts of women why not remove the obssession of sex from the hearts of men? Why not grant every man their wife of this duniya and let them enjoy jannah alone? It is not fait to women. I do not care about any amount of gold, silver, silky clothes whatever is promised in jannah. I rather have my husband just to myself.

    • I too would like to speak with you as I am also facing the same situation. I am not married yet the thought of having a husband who solely wouldn't be yours that too in Paradise is very disturbing and I just feel depressed about it. I know Allah knows better but, I feel extremely hard accepting it and also feel less worthy of myself.

    • I would also really like to talk to you sister, I'm going through a really tough time right now and my iman is just plummeting and the way you explained really spoke to me, is there anyway I can contact you to talk?

      • yoyoma, we generally don't allow the exchange of private contact info, but you can both discuss here in the comments if you like.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • I too am struggling, I have a partner that I'm looking to marry but this is upsetting me a lot, I keep crying and really struggling with all of this. My partner is Muslim however, I don't feel I can talk to him at all and I don't have any muslim friends, not ones I can speak to about this anyway. I feel very alone right now and need some help with all of this, im a new muslim of 6 months only.

  8. as salaamu alaykum sister,

    I wonder, are you aware that we will be a New Creation in Jannah? The Flaws of our personalities here in Dunya will have been Erased, along with all feelings of hurt, or any other Negative emotions. Those of us fortunate enough to have been saved by Allaah t'aala, ourHoly God, will be Perfect in Akhira, even more so than the Angels!

    There will Only be Bliss in complete Harmony! Dear sister; you will not even be Able to feel Jealousy! Peace and love and Gratitude and Happiness for All. What Ever you Wish for will be granted you, by our Lord, the most Generous! This is His promise so will you Believe in Him and drop the apprehension?

  9. I will say that I feel the same as this sister even though I am an unmarried man. However, Allah swt has strengthened me not to leave the folds of Islam Alhamdolillah. For even if I will never give up my tawheed and my deen for a mountain of gold. Even if I was made to suffer the worst suffering I will still say There is no one worthy of worship but Allah swt and that Muhammad saw is His last and final messenger. That said, I am not going to lie. This has effected my devotion and iman to a great extent. I continue to have trust in Allah swt and fulfill my obligations to Him. First I want to clear something up for which some people have pointed here and elsewhere that do not have any evidence in the quran and sunnah, may Allah swt preserve us from such lies:
    1. Women also get an equivalent of a hoor
    2. Hoor al ayn are non sexual
    3. Only martyrs get 72 virgins
    The other thing is that when analyzing the shariah only the foolish one relies on one single statement for the answer and is content as soon as he sees it. For example, in jihad many people quote the hadith in which the prophet saw told a mushrik who wanted to fight alongside him that go away for I dont seek help from a mushrik. But other reports confirm safwan bin umayyah(who was a mushrik pagan) and some jewish tribes fighting alongside the prophet saw in battle of uhud and hunain. The true scholors of the deen attain a holistic knowledge to understand the bigger picture and the context of many such traditions. One of the signs of the coming of the hour as narrated by the prophet saw is that knowledge will be sought by lowly ones.
    Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I have seen some well known scholors who rebuke married men and women from desiring, making dwa, or even saying/thinking about this. They equate this with rejecting the blessings of Allah swt and this is incorrect because it is well known that the ummul momineen particularly Aisha ra used to ask such questions and sometimes even be very critical in their jealousy both from the worldly women and the women of paradise. Never once did the prophet saw rebuke, insult, threaten, or divorce them for this. So this kind of a response is unnecessary and does not comply with the shariah. Yes, the rejection of the blessings of Allah swt which Sheikh al Islam talks about in kitab ut tawheed is a different matter altogether. One cannot take the rules of dunya and apply them on the akhira.
    One of the things that the believers are promised in the Quran(also) is that they will get whatever they desire. So where such people get the notion that all the traits of jannah such as marriages, weather, food, etc are fixed and have to be accepted the way they are. Its like saying if a Muslim does not marry 4 wives he is sinning. Where is the proof of that? and I follow the manhaj of the salaf and never accept things without proof.
    I am not a scholor but Allah swt has blessed me with some knowledge that allows me to seperate truth from falsehood. I ask him swt to give me and those affected with this problem patience because the shaytan is after us. If He ever granted me a spouse and I loved her. I would want only her in the dunya and only her in the akhira.

  10. I'm going through the same as you sister. But a voice inside me told me today: What if the mention of the Hoors in the Quran is Allah's test for all of us women, to see if we will be patient for all the beautiful rewards he has yet to reveal for the women. The Prophet said that there will be more women in Hellfire than men and I think any woman who has had an issue with the Hoors, including myself, is speaking in one way or the other against Allah and his promises - and as one who committed this sin, I can say that I understand all my sisters. Allah is aware of how his Quran will be misinterpreted by false hadiths and how these things will affect women like us. But today I tried to think not as a wife, but a sister to my big brother and suddenly I told myself: Why can't my brother who is a devout muslim in this life, can't have all the beautiful wives in Jannah. I cheered inside me. Yes, I want to see my brother getting rewarded with everything that Allah has to offer for him, including his wives from Adam and his wives from the Hooris. Then, of course, I think of myself as a wife and I tell myself that if I will be happy for my brother if God rewards him with Hooris, then why can't i feel the same about my husband? Then my judgment becomes clouded. And it's not jealousy that I feel, deep inside I know that, I think it's anger that I feel that is clouding my judgment. Not anger towards my husband, but anger towards the degradation of women present in many Hadiths.

    There are many bad muslim men out there, and there are still many good muslim men out there. I think to myself, if a man loves his wife, is good to his wife and children and remains faithful to her and on top of that does his duties towards Allah, then he deserves all the delights that can be found in paradise, including sexual pleasure with his many wives in Jannah if sex is such a thing in Jannah.

    But I go back to the main point, I'm angry at how some hadiths mock women and even put words in the mouths of the Hooris against the women of Adam: "Keep annoying your husband and he will one day leave you and come to us." Blasphemous as there is no such thing as jealousy, hatred or all these evil sentiments us women feel towards other women.

    I posted a post too and it's being reviewed and I wanna see what others would say

    • My view of this question is like this:

      Allah has commanded both men and women:

      Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.24:30
      And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.24:31

      Therefore, the command is the same. Than Allaah describes the reward for men (ayahs about hoor) BUT says:
      Is the reward for GOOD [anything] but GOOD?(55:60). Allah says in another ayah:

      Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.(33:35)

      In this ayah, Allah promiss for woman reward for what?...For Guarding their private parts, so don't worry, just make du'a to Allah to be concrete 😉 and the next time someone tells youR man gets hoor, tell him "the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so 🙂

  11. Its not fair right. Then do something

  12. Hai sister, you will be the wife of your husband in jannah,if you love your husband from here. And the hooruleen will just be his servant there. You will be most beautiful woman than them.

    • First of all the hoors are not slaves they are wives for believing men in paradise.
      secondly, please do not talk about what a woman will get on Jannah or not when ALLAH himself hasn't talked about it then it is HIS Almighty's wisdom to conceal women's rewards. I do not like how men and scholars are so confident about what women will have in Jannah when they themselves have not seen Jannah.
      ALLAH himself has promised in Quran that a believing woman and man will get whatever their hearts desire and both of them will not be wronged even as much as a speck on a date stone.
      It is mentioned in Surah 3, verse 195 that both believing men and women are equal in rewards.

      Jannah is a matter of unseen. Do not blindly believe every scholar who has to say something about it seriously its not a joke. Your reply can easily divert someone from the path of ALLAH. A believer (male) will get whatever he wants and a believer (female) will get whatever she wants (and it could be ANYTHING. Her wishes are a matter between her and her Lord). Its ALLAH's promise.

  13. hearing all of this, I can’t take it anymore. I dont want to be beautiful I want to only be loved by one person who wont love anyone else. I’d rather be ugly than have to share, I’d rather be inferior to the hoors than have to share. There is no way Allah (SWT) would do this to women. There is no way. Allah said so Himself that we will get whatever we desire, and the Hadith that said people will remember what they desire in this world and will get it. Allah is Just. Allah would never do this. He knows how I am feeling and He knows how I am hurting so badly. I attempted suicide multiple times because of this, since I felt that if there is nothing to strive for in Jannah, and the fact that I am thinking this, i may just be destined to Hell so I should just leave. Am I a curse for being a woman? I wish I was never a woman, i wish I was never born. Why do male scholars think they know women? Why educate women about being a woman without being a woman? How does it make sense? Yes, my lack of understanding of the Hereafter is there, but how are male scholars so confident that they have an understanding and I don’t? Allah says we will get whatever we desire. Men and women. Are men just better creatures? Were they made better, are they more favorable than women? I am losing my mind. I stopped wishing to marry after this. I gave up my dreams of marrying a wonderful man and settling down, my deen is in danger, my life is too. If adultery is haram in Jannah, then at least give me what is Halal, a loving man to myself. Is that too much for a woman? I am not asking for more men, but rather just one handsome loving one to myself that won’t love anyone else. And if I can’t then it’s only fair that I get male hoors as well. I know Allah is most Just, All Knowing, and He would never favor men over women. He would never change women to facilitate to a man’s desire. There is no way. I cannot believe it. Yes I am a woman, i am preferably monogamous, why should I facilitate to a man who is so called “polygamous by nature”? If Men by nature like women, then women by nature want unfiltered loyalty and a man to themselves. Allah is the best. I have to trust Him, but how can I if this is what I am promised? Am i insecure for wanting love? Am i bad person for being jealous of love? Am i not worthy of a perfect love that i have dreamed about for my life? Does Allah not listen to my dreams? Surely He will give women what he promised and that is everything they desire right? Or am i just.. not worthy enough cause i am a woman? i am a flawed creature that was made just for a man’s pleasure

    • Same, inshallah in jannah Allah will create men better than dunya men maybe like the hoor but male version, and be ours only.

      I would chose him over men who has other wives, easy men go with hoor and we go withe special man who wouldn't have other wives. It is a halal wish to, if you think about it. You ask wants one husband made in jannah since men in this life will have hoor, then they aren't an option. Even if I got married, I wouldn't want my husband their, he can go with hoor, I wish him all the best, but inshallah I will ask Allah for my special man or go into anime world and marry my favorite charaters.

      • Mimi,
        Exactly! I don’t understand why having one all to myself is such a bad thing. It’s not haram. I’m not even asking for multiple men now it’s just I want one to myself. One man all for me. Is that such an impossible wish? Will everyone be coerced into polygamy in Jannah? I don’t think so. I think in Jannah we will have free will. If we did on Earth, why can’t we do so in Jannah, which is the best place where all my dreams can come true.

  14. hearing all of this, I can’t take it anymore. I dont want to be beautiful I want to only be loved by one person who wont love anyone else. I’d rather be ugly than have to share, I’d rather be inferior to the hoors than have to share. There is no way Allah (SWT) would do this to women. There is no way. Allah said so Himself that we will get whatever we desire, and the Hadith that said people will remember what they desire in this world and will get it. Allah is Just. Allah would never do this. He knows how I am feeling and He knows how I am hurting so badly. I attempted suicide multiple times because of this, since I felt that if there is nothing to strive for in Jannah, and the fact that I am thinking this, i may just be destined to Hell so I should just leave. Am I a curse for being a woman? I wish I was never a woman, i wish I was never born. Why do male scholars think they know women? Why educate women about being a woman without being a woman? How does it make sense? Yes, my lack of understanding of the Hereafter is there, but how are male scholars so confident that they have an understanding and I don’t? Allah says we will get whatever we desire. Men and women. Are men just better creatures? Were they made better, are they more favorable than women? I am losing my mind. I stopped wishing to marry after this. I gave up my dreams of marrying a wonderful man and settling down, my deen is in danger, my life is too. If adultery is haram in Jannah, then at least give me what is Halal, a loving man to myself. Is that too much for a woman? I am not asking for more men, but rather just one handsome loving one to myself that won’t love anyone else. And if I can’t then it’s only fair that I get male hoors as well. I know Allah is most Just, All Knowing, and He would never favor men over women. He would never change women to facilitate to a man’s desire. There is no way. I cannot believe it. Yes I am a woman, i am preferably monogamous, why should I facilitate to a man who is so called “polygamous by nature”? If Men by nature like women, then women by nature want unfiltered loyalty and a man to themselves. Allah is the best. I have to trust Him, but how can I if this is what I am promised? Am i insecure for wanting love? Am i bad person for being jealous of love? Am i not worthy of a perfect love that i have dreamed about for my life? Does Allah not listen to my dreams? Surely He will give women what he promised and that is everything they desire right? Or am i just.. not worthy enough cause i am a woman?
    How come men who don’t want to have multiple women be coerced into having them? Some men just don’t like multiple women and that is perfectly okay.

    • i don’t why but my messages aren’t going through, or i just can’t see anything but.
      I have been feeling so hopeless again and in too much pain. All because I am a woman.
      More women will follow Dajjal
      More women will go to Hell
      I will only have my last husband in Heaven and that’s it.
      Am i curse for being a woman?
      Astaghfirullah but should I have stayed being buried alive so I don’t feel any of this pain?
      Was I made as a woman to suffer?
      Was it the point of every staying upon this world as a woman if this is what is my destiny because my genitals happen to be different?
      I want to leave once and for all
      I am sorry to anyone who has ever met me.. i really don’t know how much i can take this burden of mine
      To anyone else who is feeling this.. do you also want to leave as well?

      • Zoe ,

        You need to take things positively .There are many hadiths about women who will get highest honour in Aakhirat .Few examples I am putting below

        There is one Surah in Quran with name Surah Maryam itself .

        Asiyah, Wife of the Pharaoh is mentioned in the Quran .

        Asiyah is praised because in Q 66: 11, which is dated into the late Medinan period, she prayed to God to build her a house in paradise and save her from her wicked husband, Pharaoh.[2]

        "And Allâh has set forth an example for those who believe; the wife of Fir'aun (Pharaoh), when she said: "My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Fir'aun (Pharaoh) and his work, and save me from the people who are Zâlimûn (polytheists, wrong-doers and disbelievers in Allâh)."

        — Quran, Sura 66 (At-Tahrim), ayat 11 [n]

        There are many such examples if you search .So don't get lost by reading few out of context or selective things .

        Also below is good read

        https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/articles/woman_quran.html

        • I’d rather have no honor than share a man who won’t love me exclusively. Men just don’t understand us women and what we feel. If they are naturally polygamous, then I dare say women are naturally monogamous and their nature asks for a loyal person because our hearts hurt so much. I’m not sure if you are a man or a woman. If you’re a man, then you will never understand how a woman feels. What’s the point of honor when our honor, having a man to ourselves and being in love with someone who will love us indefinitely and with exclusivity, is being removed so a man can be satisfied?

        • I’d rather have no honor than share a man who won’t love me exclusively. Men just don’t understand us women and what we feel. If they are naturally polygamous, then I dare say women are naturally monogamous and their nature asks for a loyal person because our hearts hurt so much. I’m not sure if you are a man or a woman. If you’re a man, then you will never understand how a woman feels. What’s the point of honor when our honor, having a man to ourselves and being in love with someone who will love us indefinitely and with exclusivity, is being removed so a man can be satisfied?
          :C

          • Zoe not true. I am a man and I definitely understand your pain. On the bright side, if I were to be in Paradise with my wife I would only want her exclusively because she would deserve to have such a pure love for eternity. She shouldn't ever feel that she isn't good enough and therefore I wouldnt need nor want more women. I mean come on, the perfect model was made in Paradise between Adam and Eve. It wasn't Adam, Eve, Zaynab, Ayah, etc. It was a union between one man and one woman which was meant for eternity (until Satan made them disobey their Lord and now we are here). The same way you said a man wouldn't understand you I often feel a woman wouldn't understand me because if I were to die and leave behind my wife I wouldn't want her to marry another man. I am not comfortable with some man sleeping in the same bed as my wife when I die, it is very grim and morbid thought. And that also goes to me, I wouldn't accept any woman to sleep on the same bed or take the same position as my wife. Why is it when a mother, father, brother, etc dies they are irreplaceable and you can't get anyone to take their place but when a spouse dies you can simply replace them after some time/procedure. That doesn't sit right with me. A wife and husband should be eternally loyal to each other despite all circumstances and that is indicative of true love between two people. More men should value the virtue of loyalty to their wife (and she should as well) and never forsake her by wanting another woman and chasing empty pleasure. And Zoe try to have a good assumption about Allah because he will not force your spouse to be with many women in the Hereafter, if your husband loves you he could see no other woman besides you. The rest who want many women in the Hereafter resemble pubescent children with raging teenager hormones disguised in a adult bodies and do not despair about them. In time, Allah will bring the person you yearn for, the one who will love and nurture you forever without end, fi dunia wa fil akhirah aydan. Stay strong Zoe and OP.

        • also to that article you sent, I don’t understand why my only rights with men are superficial items that are to just clothe, feed, and protect. And I sit here to sacrifice my body to a man cause that’s a right of his. He has no obligation to sacrifice his body. everything I stated in my comment and this all make me hate men. I truly despise them to measures I can’t describe. I decided to not get married and Inshallah get the man that I want all to myself in Jannah. Just one anime man is enough for me. That’s all I’m asking for.

          • Omg it’s a rare breed of a man :O.
            Zakaria,
            I guess it helped knowing that some men love their women. A lot of the men that speak about this, especially scholars, seem to have no care for their wives because of their own selfish desires. It’s not that I don’t want my man to have women, it’s just that if he can have women. I can have one man to myself. It’s really not that difficult. Not only is it halal request (to which some men are like women cannot wish for multiple partners there which is not a solid argument at all), but it’s a really simple one in a sea of requests that could be made. If I can have that, I would need nothing else. Surely, this request can be given to me right? It’s not a big one.
            Plus, there are some men that are like “every man gets 2 wives because there is an excess of women”. It’s the dumbest argument I ever heard since why would there ever be a shortage of men in Heaven? It’s like their being blasphemous but assuming Allah can’t give more men in Jannah to those women??

            People are dumb sometimes.

  15. No Zoe you are not a flawed creature meant to facilitate the desires of overly sexual men. You are a woman from the creation of Allah, He will give you something good just have faith in Him. He will give you the man you want the one that wants you and only you forever, whether you are tall, short, skinny, fat, young, old, strong, weak, beautiful, not so beautiful, alive, dead; there is a man somewhere that you will take the part in his heart that crowns you as his one wife for eternity. Why does it sound so crazy to you? Us men aren't all the same believe me. It disgusts me to think about being with several women, rather it is more fitting to be with one woman; a monogamous lifestyle. I know the pain you are feeling and I once (yes, even us men) feel pain concerning women but only in trusting in Allah does your heart find rest and you eventually realize that the man you were hoping and dreaming about will be a reality because Allah loves to see His servants happy with that He has blessed them with. Allah created you, he knows all your intense desires, needs, wants, hopes. He will never waste you Zoe (and to all girls suffering emotionally about this).

  16. First off I am not a rare breed, there are many men as my friends are that share the same opinion and some to an even greater magnitude. P Zoe, how would it be a big request for Allah. Everything for Allah is easy, wa dalika 3ala Allahi yaseer. What you want he will grant until you are pleased and more. The thing with the every man will have two wives is false because even mathematically speaking the population of women isn't double the population of men and besides that Allah doesn't force anyone into polygamy. It seems in our time there is an influx of "scholars" who exhibit hypersexual qualities pushing some hardline form of politicized Islam.

    However I must say I am a bit disturbed that you don't mind your man can be with other women, that you would remarry after your husband is gone (you said you don't want to be with only your last husband, I am assuming you want to be with all of them). I think if you were to remarry after your husband died why should he only be paired with you in the Hereafter if you were with other another man/ men...in that case wouldn't it only be fair if he was with other women? Its not clear if you are trying to say that your remarriage after your spouse dying is all good and clear but if he were to be paired with someone else in Paradise alongside you it would be unacceptable. Remarriage after the death of the spouse can be likened to a virtual form of polygamy since you now have had technically more than one partner. Monogamy in it's true essence and form is staying, loving, and cherishing your partner no matter the circumstance. Can we agree on everything or is there a disagreement Zoe?

    • Sorry for any misunderstand, I sometimes don’t type properly when I’m mad.
      Just to be clear, I am not married yet. I always had aspirations to get married and all of that. However, with more men these days seeking superficiality in women, my lack of personal beauty, my emotional instability, I am sure men would not want me. I had many bad experiences with men in general and so I have been traumatized to the point where I decided I am going to go without a man. Seeing all the rules and regulations for a woman in a marriage also has strayed me away from it. Cannot refuse intercourse? Need to obey? Can’t see my parents without permission? He has the right to polygamy whether I like it or not? Can divorce me whenever I want, but I can’t divorce since I need HIS permission to divorce??? I refuse to be in this situation. I am terrified of men, of love, of being loved because that would mean I am signing myself up for that risk. I called you a rare breed because truly good men are rare to find these days, the ones that Allah had in mind when bringing up those rules. Nonetheless, I said I wouldn’t mind my man being with other women because of the sheer multitude of men bringing up how “men are more sexual beings” “they deserve more women in Jannah” “they will get this” “they will get that” and so I jus gave up and said I wouldn’t mind, but I would want at least one man to myself while he can have all those women. That’s all. If I loved my man, why would I even bring up the thought of him being with other women? I would throw up seriously.

      • zoe, I did not read this whole comment chain, but I saw this comment of yours and I think a lot of this exists in your imagination. Who says that more men these days are seeking superficiality in women? Men have always been attracted to female beauty, but any man with common sense knows that it takes much more than that to build a marriage. Furthermore, it really is true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Good character, kindness and respect make a woman more beautiful than any physical shape.

        You are imagining the worst case scenario, where your husband would be a controlling monster. I don't know any men like that. The vast majority of the Muslim husbands I know are not interested in polygamy, have happy relationships with their wives, don't try to prevent their wives from seeing their parents, and are not sitting around dreaming of a Jannah where they will have multiple partners. Yes, I know one man who used to curse at his wife and punch the walls, and they got divorced. But I also know a man whose wife used to scream, abuse the children, and cheat on him. People are people. Most are decent and good-hearted. Men are not a separate species. They have the same wants, hopes and dreams that you do.

        If you want to remain single, that is your right. But don't do it because of some imaginary male boogie man that exists only in your nightmares. And by the way, what you put out into the world matters as well. I would avoid you as a marriage prospect, not because of your appearance, but because of your anger and bitterness. Sometimes we conjure our own fears into reality.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • “I would avoid you as a marriage prospect”
          I brought it up in my comment that I know this was the case because of my emotional instability. I am aware that that part of me is a reason why I can’t get anyone. So I understand where you are coming from and 100% agree with you. I am not worthy for marriage and so there is no use for me to seek for it anyway. That was the point I wanted to bring up.

          Back to the case,
          Well I brought up the idea of superficiality because a lot of men have been going into the MGTOW movement. I suggest you do some research to understand more of their case but in general, they are men who are becoming against modern women and feminism in general. As a feminist my whole life, I thought the whole goal was to make men and women equally valued and loved and cherished as human beings and to recognize each one as capable to do things. I apologize if seems like I made the generalization to go to all men. It definitely did not include the good ones. It’s just my personal lack of trust and my experience along with delving into these movement, and seeing people in my own life go by those doctrines, I started to lose hope. Definitely, there are good men are there. But it’s what risk I need to take to find them. If I end up with one who does dream of women all the time and puts up a facade to tell me he loves me, won’t it hurt me more in the end? If I end up with an abusive one, a manipulative one, a liar, a sociopath, all who can put up a fake mask and show they loved me, would it no be more painful in the end? The extent to my argument is just: I don’t think I’ll ever find a good man for me. Firstly, cause I am unmarriageable. Secondly, I lost trust in all these real men, and third, because of the many claims made about the Hereafter that I can’t bear. It made me feel like just because I was born a woman, I am unflavored cause it’s always going to be a man first and last.

          One argument that hurt me the most was:
          Well Adam (AS) was made first, prophets were all men, and Imams are man. so obviously there is a natural priority and supremacy put on a man.

          After hearing that, how can I ever be happier? Especially if I am threatened to be a bad muslim for not listening to a “scholar”

  17. So Zoe answer this. If.your husband died would you remarry?

    • I don’t know cause I am not married and choose not to. But if I loved him and he loved me then of course I wouldn’t remarry.

    • You see, you yourself don't understand my struggle. Why is there an "I don't know", does that mean there is a chance if you were married and there was great love between you two that certain circumstances may lead you to remarry?

      • I meant and I don’t know cause I never really felt anything close to love. I am not someone who goes for a man’s money. Money is not important to me. I grew up in a lower class family and am the only person who is going to make at least double the amount of my current household income. I don’t care if a man is poor. If you’re implying I’d remarry for these reasons then no I wouldn’t. But if someone were to love me and only me, regardless of how many other options he has. Why would I ever even think of remarrying? It’s wrong and it would hurt him, just like you’re hurt to hear what I said.

      • Wael, as she said earlier, she knew you wouldn't understand her feelings and essence of her argument. I know how she feels–she is posting on a comment chain that discusses this issue, just look at OP's post for example. She wants to love someone who loves her, and to love someone is to be vulnerable to them and so she doesn't want to be hurt if the man she ends up loving will not be with her forever as in it would be a crushing disappointment and of course that would hurt her. Just because according to you there aren't "men who sit down thinking about their wives of Jannah" doesn't mean she won't fear what happens in the Afterlife. I totally understand her pain and it takes experience to understand and empathize with that.

        • Zoe, what about other reasons like perhaps you didn't have any children from him or he died when you were young. What would be a reason? Or that doesn't matter as well so long as he loved and wanted only you despite all options available to him?

          • Love to me is am extremely dominant emotion and even if I was in the worst conditions, as long as I had someone to love nothing could even prevail. If I had no children then I would be happy feeding children from an orphanage or fostering. If he died very early on in marriage then I still wouldn’t marry. It’s not fair to the person I loved and who loved me back.

          • I understand Zoe. Thank you for your time and answers. May Allah grant you a husband who will love and be with you forever, this life and the Hereafter without Hur al-Ayn. Be patient and face Allah in du'a. I want you to know we men aren't all the same and Allah is my witness that I have no desire for the Hur al-Ayn and how beautiful of a life it is to live with my wife for eternity in Jannah, one on one.

  18. I understand Zoe. Thank you for your time and answers. May Allah grant you a husband who will love and be with you forever, this life and the Hereafter without Hur al-Ayn. Be patient and face Allah in du'a. I want you to know we men aren't all the same and Allah is my witness that I have no desire for the Hur al-Ayn and how beautiful of a life it is to live with my wife for eternity in Jannah, one on one.

    • It is beautiful to live that way. I just hate that people are saying it’s impossible that I can’t have a man to myself. Why is that such a bad thing? Why are people so fed up with me wanting a single person to myself? I a, promised whatever I want and though I may not want to marry in this world but I know in the next, if I get there IA, I’ll get whoever it is that I want. Thank you for listening to me and -putting up with my frustrations.

  19. I would say try being more open, I know many men would love to marry a woman like yourself. You are the loyal kind of woman and Allah would only give you a loyal man. And what scholars say isn't the end all be all, they even disagree amongst themselves, listen to someone who has similar viewpoints to you. It will bring you a lot of relief for sure. One day In Sha Allah a man of your liking (personality, character, loyalty) will decide to marry you and love you. Don't feel bad because Wael said he would eliminate you from his marriage prospects lol, you could care less. You need someone who can understand your feelings and frustrations not someone who just dismisses as if it is useless banter. I am not fed up with you wanting to have a single person to yourself, in fact I support and pray for you to get that and for your heart to be content with that one person forever and ever. Ameen

  20. Hello everyone. Sorry if I am bothering you all with posts like these but I seriously am in a mental health crisis and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I am going to do something to myself because of how hurt I am. I just hate being a woman. Ultimately I don’t see any benefit from being a woman. I really do feel like I am born for a man. (Need to obey him, cannot fast without his permission because he needs his desires to be satisfied, in heaven I will be there only for him to use and he will be unfaithful to me because of his desires to be satisfied with hoors, women were created as “gifts” for men because they need their desires to be satisfied.) I truly cannot take it anymore. I feel like I am deserving to hell for this but how can I ever feel happy anymore? I wish I was a man, I really do. Then, I would be able to go outside without fear, I’m not going to feel the need to be beautiful to be loved and wanted. My gender would not have the need to destroy themselves in society through pornography, modeling, etc. I would be strong enough to fight someone who is attacking. I would be considered superior in the workforce due to my physical strength and my natural born higher intellect. I would be better as a man, because I as a woman have never been anything more than a gift for a man. I wasn’t born for myself, I was only made for a man. And that fact has broken me to a point of suicide. I truly don’t know how much I can restrain myself. If I call any mental health services I would just put a burden on my parents. I can’t take it. It’s too much. Once again, I am sorry to everyone in this post and especially brother Waël for having to deal with me but I don’t know what to do.

    If I leave, would I be missed.
    I am so sorry everyone. I hope I can be here to see your advice.

    - Zoe

    • Asalamualaykum Zoe,

      Which country are you in? If you are in the U.S., please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. In fact, you may be able to call this number from overseas - I am not sure. This line in anonymous and your parents will not find out. Call from your room or under the bed covering if you are worried about it.

      Zoe, none of what you describe should be a reason for you to end your life. You are going through a sort of existential crisis and need to treat it as such by getting help from a mental health professional. We all go through this type of thing from time to time, albeit for different reasons, and come out on the other side of it...you will too.

      Why do you feel you are being a burden on your parents by seeking help? Regardless, you have to put yourself first and not worry about what they will think. You owe that to yourself. You are a smart, honest, and kind human being, and have lots of worth beyond being a "gift for men." I think you've gone down a rabbit hole and you need to pull yourself out before it gets any worse. The farther down you go, the harder it will be to get out.

      Please talk with your parents to get you a therapist or a counselor for your depression. He or she will also be able to help you get psychiatric help if you need it.

      Zoe, each human being is so critical to the world. Without even one of us, including you, the world would not be the same. You have no idea how much you impact the world. The smallest action of yours has such a wide reach that you cannot imagine it.

      Please take care of yourself Zoe, and do not be embarrassed to talk about your fears with a professional. We can help you here as well, but you need to take that first step Zoe.

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • I don’t like therapists or mental health professionals as I feel like I’m being assessed rather than helped. If I call the suicide prevention hotline then my parents may potentially be arrested because the system is so bad here in the U.S. Yes, I am having a existential crisis and I don’t think anyone but Allah can help me at this point. I’ve truly given up. I really did. And I do think the reasons I mentioned are valid since, why live when you are only known in this world to be used for someone else. Why live when I truly do have nothing to live for? Besides, won’t there be more benefits if I wasn’t here?

        - Zoe

        • Zoe,

          Your not trusting mental health professionals is actually your own problem, not theirs. You need to acknowledge that Allah created them, suited them to their professions just like you or I were well-suited to ours, and guided those who need help their way. I live in the U.S.too and I've been seeing mental health professionals since 2006. And it has done nothing but help, but you have to be open-minded and trust. Do you honestly think you can see your situation objectively when you are the one in it?

          I feel like you have a lot of anger, which is fine, but you need to direct it towards helping yourself rather than blaming men or Allah or the way the Universe was designed. Honestly, the better of a person you are, the more you will trust others, because you will not feel like everyone is out to get you or spite you.

          Bottom line is, you have to survive, and it is ok to seek help. There is no shame in it. Inshallah with the help of others created by Allah, He will help you through them.

          Nor
          IslamicAnswers

          • i am angry.. i guess it is my fault. It goes to show that I really am a bad person like I was told I was. I truly am the one alone to blame and I don’t think I am one to ever be saved. Nonetheless, thank you all for taking time to respond to the mess that I am. I truly do love you all. I’ll make my decision in a couple hours.

            With love,
            Zoe <3

      • Zoe don't hurt yourself please. I told you there is a man who will love you perfectly and won't view you as a toll or gift for him. Don't let Satan get to you. I know you are stronger than that. I meant what I meant when I told you what I did. You are valuable. :'/
        And there is a man that you will love so much and he too will love you, you don't ever have to share him. You have all the right to feel that way. You should never feel like someone is forcing you to share the person you are meant to build your life with.

  21. Hello. I am alive, i wanted to apologize for saying that all in front of everyone out loud. Yes i had a terrible existential crisis and am now in severe chronic depression, but I thank you for worrying about me Nor and Zakaria. i still do feel everything I said beforehand, however, keeping on talking about it is mentally exhausting. So though it will be in my head all the time, I’ll stop talking about it unless I’m having a crisis again.

    - My apologies,
    Zoe

    • Zoe, there's no need to apologize. That is what we are here for. Please get treated for your depression. May Allah grant you peace of mind and tranquility.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Asalamualayum Zoe,

      I mimic Brother Wael's sentiments in that you never have to apologize for speaking your mind or being yourself. In Sha Allah people will take what you say in the way that you mean it, and look past their own prejudices. Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. Please take my advice to see a mental health professional seriously. I've been there, trust me, things will get so much easier if you trust Allah's plan for you and the professionals He created to help you.

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • thank you for worrying about me,
        i will resort to medication to attempt and treat my depression and anxiety because therapy is off limits for me, and I know no would really understand me.

        • Zoe,

          I can understand why you might feel that way about therapy. But the therapist will let you talk for yourself, "get everything out" and should only steer the conversation...not necessarily understand every feeling of yours. It helps you by bringing your own feelings to the surface and sharing the burden with another.

          Medication is a choice, and if this continues to bother you, a good one in my opinion. Look into Anafranil and Luvox. They both help with constant worry/OCD.

          Hugs,

          Nor
          IslamicAnswers

          • Nor,

            Thank you for worrying. But therapy is something I always had bad feelings about so I am trying for medication after an evaluation.

            -Zoe

  22. Hello my dear sister. First of all I want you to know that you're not alone in this, MANY women suffered from this problem but Allah has revealed to me the solution so I can tell it to all my muslim sisters to ease their pain, because Allah doesnt want ANY muslim woman to cry and suffer or even lose her faith from this! So listen carefully to what I will tell you next! I had a mental breakdown when I learned that my husband will have multiples wives and female creatures in Jannah, I cried hysterically for almost 20 minutes. Then I prayed in my heart for understanding, and Allah opened my eyes. It’s funny how short sighted we are while in the dunya, I guarrantee you you’ll laugh at present self if you manage to get in paradise! First of all, our imagination is too limited and we assume that the same laws of time and space will apply to Jannah, so we’ll have to share our husbands with other women! That’s simply not true. The physical laws of this world don’t apply to the hearafter. There is a simple solution to your problem: Have you ever heard of parallel dimentions? Quantum physics speculates that there is a posibility of infinite parallel dimentions, with every single possible outcome that we can imagine. Do you care if your loyal husband is cheating on you right as we soeak in a parallel dimention? As long as he’s faithful in your dimention of reality, no sane person would care about other planes of existence! If mere humans can imagine something like that, imagine what Allah can do! You won’t have to share your husband with other women or hoor of paradise. You husband will be able to enjoy all of them simultaneously, at parallel dimentions, while he’s giving you 100% of his attention and affection! Plus, you will never come into contact with ANY of those other women. But even though you’ll know about their existence, you won’t care. I guarrantee you that. Just imagine if your husband came right now and told you that, in a parallel dimention, he’s havimg sex with another woman right now. Any normal person would just laugh and not even think about it! If your husband is giving you his undevided attention in your plane of existence, if he’s madly in love with you in THIS realituy, why wpuld you care about other dimention? It makes no sense to be jealous of parallel verions of our husbands! Plus, in jannah there is NO jealousy. You wont be able to get jealous even if your husband is having sex with another woman in front of your eyes! Most probably, you would get immence pleasure from his pleasure! There are polyamorous people even in this world who feel this way! If imperfect humans are capable of not having jealousy and not be possesive (which are both based on incecurity, which is an imperfection) just imagime how much more free of any flaw we will be in Jannah! There is NO imperfection or negative feelings in paradise. Just pure bliss and overwhelming happiness beyond any imagination! Even your very idea that true love should be monogamous is planted in you by modern society and based on your brain’s chemistry (that causes you to become jealous if your man wants another woman because of fear of abandonment that he’ll leave you and your kids and go procreate with that other female, leaving you and your offspring vulnerable). It’s not your own idea. Your jealousy is not a trait of your personality or who you are as a person. This is all just biological traits imposed to us by Allah to ensure our specie’s survival and then of course society’s ideals that shape our concept of romantic love. Trust me, if sources were unlimited (unlimited food, unlimited material goods, unlimited love and attention from your man) you WOULDN’T be jealous if he had many women! The ONLY reason humans are jealous is because of survival instincts. Men, for example, are jealous because of their biological need to ensure that the offspring is theirs (so their DNA can continue existing). This jealousy trait is present even in animals. Male tigers, for example, expect fidelity from their females, and if they find out she has mated with another male they will kick them out of their territory, even percecute them and kill their young when in doubt that they’re indeed theirs. I hope you are able to see clearly now that when you are in Jannah you will have NONE of those characteristics that define you now. You will be unable of experiencing jealousy, or any negative feeling whatsoever, as there will be no biological reason for them to exist any longer. The sources will be unlimited and infinite, so you will have NO survival instincts. Even the physical laws will no longer apply. Your husband will be giving you his undevided time and attention, and you will simply not care about parallel dimentions. If you still feel jealous, there are deeper emotional issues you need to check. Even i, an incredibly possesive and jealous woman, am able to relax, smile and feel content knowing that Allah will make sure I will have no idea what jealousy even feels like in heaven, and i won’t have to share my husband with ANYONE. What he does in parallel dimentions of Jannah is simply none of my concern to be honest. If i dont care what a parallel version of my husband is doing now, even in the dunya, do you really think there is the SLIGHTEST chance I will care in Paradise? Our Creator is all knowing ladies, he has created us to our very last atom, he has created our psyche and He knows even better than us what we need to be happy. The real question is, do you trust your Lord? Do you believe that He would never do anything that would cause you pain and suffering in the next life (even tho He may cause you suffering in this life, He does this for a reason -this life is a test and training for the next, but He has no reason to test you in Paradise!). Do you trust that His imagination exceeds yours by infinity and do you trust His capability to make the seemingly impossible, possible? It all comes down to how much you trust Allah. Your Father and your Master would NEVER EVER betray you. He knows best. Return to him my sister and rest assured that he WILL NOT make you share your husband in the next life!!!❤

    • Matina, this may have been the most interesting and original comment I've ever read on this website, lol.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • So inevitably,
        I would not matter anyway since there will always be accommodations for him. I won’t be feeling anything so he could be accommodated. Male sexual instincts would be intact, but I would be given other dimensions, other ways that I would accommodate and facilitate for a man, regardless of what I want. My jealousy would be taken away for a man? Do not call my Lord a “‘father” because that is humiliating and blasphemous. “no survival instincts” yet a man could keep his biological makeup. Polyamorous people are polyamorous. They feel that way because they do. I do not feel that way, but so long a man could get what he wants, my biological makeup doesn’t matter. I would be considered nothing but an animal he could kick away if I wanted someone else. So that he could always enjoy himself, and I’ll know, but only because I am the inferior sex i should not care, and would be made to not care. I just accepted that I am not as loved as a man would be, and that it is my fault because I am a woman and I exist. That because I’m a woman I make the majority of eternal damnation, that because I’m a woman I’m made to get raped, killed, and oppressed against, but yet because I’m a woman my gossiping and ungratefulness to a man would get me into Hell. That as long as a man is happy with me, I go to Heaven, and if he’s not that I am doomed to Hell. I know Islam is true and that if I stray into another religion I will never be forgiven, and so I just need to sit here and accept my inferiority. I don’t even have the option to be alone in Heaven. I just want to be alone. If that were a thing I’d 100% do that happily. But I can’t do that. I can’t be happy. I suffer forever, no matter where I go, simply because I was made a woman. It’s the reason I have such severe depression now. I am truly waiting for the day that I could die. But even so I will suffer.

  23. Greetings Zoe,

    I feel your pain believe me. Disregard everyone else's comments, as I told you have faith that Allah will grant you that which your heart yearns for. We should have a good assumption about Allah that He is generous and that he knows every single one of us personally. Allah is our Creator after all, we all have different wants and needs as people. I, like you prefer one man and one woman forever ♾️, a relationship that death cannot separate. Others don't think like us. Allah said that He is as you assume Him to be. If you assume Him to be generous you shall find him so and if you assume Him to be harsh, you shall find him so. Zoe you are in my du'a, a loyal man for you in this life and the Hereafter. You will be exclusive to each other Ya Allah.

    • Thank you,

      It’s been an extremely difficult time for me, and I am severely tired of everything. I just want to be happy. Why do people tell me I can’t get what I want in Jannah? Ramadan is coming and I want to be happier or at least take that time to try and heal myself. I appreciate your Duaa.

      - Zoe

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