Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I didn’t disclose my correct age during Nikah. Is my Nikah valid?

internet wedding marriage

Hello,

I was 28 when I got married but my age written on nikahnama is 26. He was almost 27 at that time. I have so much regret about the incorrect disclosure of age to my husband that I cannot even sleep at night. My husband is extremely caring and I am blessed to have him in my life.

Before wedding we both were very happy to find the desired person to get married. Due to guilt, I tried to disclose to my husband about my age that I am older to him and that the year of birth told to him is incorrect.

When he probed about my birth year, to cut the conversation short and due to embarrassment, I said "If I am older to you either by 2 months or 1 year 2 months, how does it matter to you?" He also didn't press the issue and said he is ok with it but his family might not be, so no need to disclose it to them.

I told him that I am 27 but I was 28, as I was embarrassed to be older than him. Now I am guilty and feel I betrayed him. I also doubt that when my age is not mentioned correctly on papers, is my nikah valid?

I don't know how to confess the truth to him. I am also scared that because of my confession, I will lose his trust and love. I cannot imagine my life without his trust and love.

I some times feel to let the life continue as it is without disclosing anything and face him when he himself finds out. But my guilt is getting stronger day by day, as I do not want to fabricate my age further and want to confess and face the consequences.

I am living a fairytale with him but due to this fear, I wish Allah give me death so I do not have to face him after he figure out the truth.

My mind is struggling in two directions.

Please guide as the age written on nikahnama was 26 and I was 28

Sister

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3 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaykum Sister,

    What is better? Death or having him be angry and upset due to your incorrect disclosure of age? And most likely temporary anger? Uncomfortable as you are now as a consequence of your actions, I don't think it warrants death!!

    I think you should approach it as follows...and this may seem a tad bit manipulative but I understand how embarrassed you will be so maybe this will take some of the load off of you:

    Tell him that you have something "terrible" to tell him about yourself. Tell him that after he hears it, he will "hate you." Have him fearing the worst and wondering what it could possible be, just for a moment. Then break the news that you are 2 years older than him and made a big mistake at Nikah time. Ask him if he will forgive you. He may think you were going to tell him something SO MUCH worse than this, and be relieved!

    But first, pray to Allah and ask Him to forgive you, as this is more important. This is a test that Allah has arranged for you to learn that you needn't fear anyone or anything but Him. After all, what's the worst that could have happened if you'd disclosed the correct age at Nikah? The brother may not have been interested in marriage...there are many other brothers out there and plenty of fish in the sea, right? We should always go by the truth except in the few instances where lying is acceptable in Islam.

    So try to practice telling the truth at times when the matter is not one as significant as marriage. You will flex your truth-telling muscles and learn that the truth really does conquer all!

    Best,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

    • Your husband sounds like someone who wouldn't care about your age. I would come clean but be prepared to explain to him as to why you lied. Lying about your age is weird, expect him to have suspicion on other things too. Starting a marriage with a lie is the worst start. Don't lie again.

  2. I did some research and as far as I can tell the nikah is still valid.

    In the old days people often did not even know their true ages, as such things were not recorded. This is still true in some countries today. So it's more like, "what you see is what you get." And I think that is significant, actually. He saw you before marriage, he can see with his own eyes your approximate age. What's the significance of a number on a piece of paper? Very little.

    I am surprised your husband has not discovered your true age. Has he never seen your driver's license, passport, or other documents on which it is required to disclose your age? Normally I advocate concealment of sins, and not disclosing something that might damage the marriage unless there is some benefit in it. In this case, however, it seems that discovery is inevitable sooner or later. So I'd say it's better you tell him, rather than he find out on his own. Maybe you can do it in a playful way, like make a joke out of it. On your next birthday (if you celebrate it), put 30 candles on the cake instead of 29. When he notices, you give him a kiss and tell him the truth. Something like that.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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