Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need her to take khula so I can marry the girl I love

Forced marriage

Asalam u alaikum,

I am need for your opinion really bad..

I am male from indian origin. I got my nikah done with my cousin one and half years back, it was kind of forced on me not physically but mentally as my mother liked that girl and she was not listening to anything and I gave up.... Before nikah I was in contact with other girl. I liked her and proposed her to marry me but my mother rejected her and whole scenario was out of my control so I just gave for the peace of my home. As soon as nikah was done she flew back to her country. We never spent 5 mins together. After nikah I made my mind that now I should concentrate on my career and the girl I married, but as time passed I was regretting on my decision why did I do nikah with her, why did I gave up on the one I love so easily, I used to blame my mom for the things it was horrible phase of my life, the girl whom I married is look-wise and thinking wise we both differed a lot...

I told her parents the whole scenario how I was forced mentally for this nikah and I told them that if we both stay together then things might work, but they were waiting for her citizenship and all, and the girl also was not that much interested (god knows).... And one fine day I told them up I could not continue this thing. I told them to take khula coz if I divorce her then it could be a problem to her, coz neither I wish to go that country where she stays nor she wishes to come here..

Meanwhile I contacted the other girl (whom I loved) parents and explained them the whole scenario. My parents also agreed, the girls parents demanded a copy of khula and told me that after that they would proceed further. Now the scenario is like its been 4 months since I told my uncle that I could not continue nikah till now he did not sent me the khula paper...

One thing which is terribly bothering me is the cousin whom I had nikah done will she be getting right proposals or not, coz many proposals came for her and rejected her coz due to the fact that her nikah was done.... daily i wake up with a guilt that due to force or something but am I ruining her life. I don't know what to do at one hand is a girl whom I love will be mine after khula and on the other hand is my cousin who's being rejected for marriage due to nikah......

I just dont understand what to do whether to marry the one I love or leave her. Sometimes I get the feeling that the girl whom I love will get proposals and she can get married easily but not my cousin. The girl I love is very much emotionally attached to me - if I dont marry her now then she might do something bad or will have nervous breakdown..... please advice me what to do ..And please dont comment how a man can be forced or something, I know I did that mistake but now I am looking for a solution...


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3 Responses »

  1. Aslaamualikum brother,
    I know how ur feeling and how canfused u are. May allah help u chose whatever is best for u and the other girls, ameen. Firstly Instead of thinking and worring too much on ur own have u talked to ur cousin?? Have u asked her what doea she want?? Will she be happy without u?? Is she ready to divorce u??? After divorceing u will she be able to have a normal life and will she be able to trust anther man to get married. Does she love u and want to be with u?? U need to know all these anwsers before u make any disition. U need to talk to ur wife instead of her perents. Its her life her choice and her marrieg not her perents or ur perents. U need to find out what does she want??? U cant just judge her and ask her perents for khula. That will be very unfair with ur wife becaz u married her for ur mum,s saick and now want to leave her without knowing what does she want??

    Secoundly, if u are 100% sure that ur wife dosnt want to be with u and not intersted in u then go ahead and divorce her. Dont wait for khula. If u think by asking khula people wont judge her then ur wrong brother. U cant make this socity or this people whom like gossiping behind others happy nor u can stop them from jedging ur wife. Once a woman is sapretted from her husband they will talk rabbish behind her and judge her whether she's been divorced or has takken khula. It wodnt make much diffrence.

    Lastly, after talking to ur wife and knowing what does she want. If wants to be with u and dosnt want divorce then as a husband its ur duty to fullfill ur rights. Try to love her. Take care of her talk to her and make this marrieg a happy marriege!! Until u dont find out what ur wife wants U need to stop contacting ur gf and giving her more hopes. If think ur gf is too much attached to u then i wod say take her as ur secound wife. "IF" boths girls are happy with this.
    Or if ur wife also wants to be out of this marrieg and is not happy then divorce her instead of wating and westing ur time for khula.

    Learn from ur mistake and just try to make any disition on ur won whtever ur happy with. Dont sacrifise ur choice and happness for others. (Like u did for mum)

    I hope i have made it somehow easy for u to come out of this hard time of ur life. May allah help and have marcy on u

  2. You should get some credit because of your conscience here. However, it is unfair to now divorce your cousin knowing how society looks at a divorced woman even if she was not living with her husband.

    You made this decision and now you must honour it and/or consider the second girl as a second wife.

    Allah knows best


  3. Dear Brother

    I believe you make the best choice for you, yes you are in this hole from your mother. The thing is brother all of us as humans make mistakes your a wonderful person with a big heart. Marry the girl that you love, and as for your wife before you divorce find her a husband so your conscious is free from guilt. From what you wrote it doesn't seem like you are interested in the women you married so find her a husband that will love her. The marry the girl that loves you, because she will be scarred for life. Your cousin I assume just find a good man for her if your not interested. I understand, I've been deep in a hole cause of my own parents choices. From being divorced, illegitimate intimacy's, feeling lost, suicidal even at times. Which all stemmed from parents making bad choices for me and me not knowing how to deal with it brother so I went the wrong path. Why I am telling you this is because I don't want you to feel like your a terrible person I know some people will be like oh how could you blah blah, or don't blame your mom. Sometimes Allah subhana Wa Talah has things happen since it's written but it's how we as humans react to it that's what I think anyways. I am not a scholar I just want you to make the best choice for you and find a solution for both of those woman. Which ever one you don't stay with at least find them someone. As if they were your sister take care of the situation whole heartedly. There's always a solution to every dilemma stay positive and I believe in you brother inshallah Kheir

    Brother Isaac

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