Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need some guidance

wedding rings divorce


i got married in 2006. my family had took me back to Pakistan and I was not happy with this marriage.

the same day of our marriage I came back to Usa because I had told my father that if he wants me to get married in Pakistan then he have to let me go back to USA the same day of my marriage and we will have rukasti after I'm done with my studies. he agreed and I came back to USA.

then maybe a month or two later the guy I was married to started demanding me to send him money which I denied and when the next time I called him he told me not to call him and he also said that forget about the marriage. I told my father and he spoke with his father and his father said well I can't say anything about it as of now and never contacted us and we also didn't contacted them.....

one year passed then I heard from my sister in law that the guy that I was married to his family is looking for a rishta and that's when I knew that he wasn't joking about our marriage being done....

everything went back to normal. my father said when we go back to Pakistan he'll get the  divorce papers signed which never happened.

in between that I met someone and fell in love. my family didn't approved him because he is a Muslim guy. I was living alone at the time. I met my boyfriend we dated  for few months and I had told him everything about me being married in Pakistan because he had purposed to me for marriage.

I didn't say anything at first because I wanted to get divorce first but I had no contact with my family or the guy who I was married to in between that. i had told my father and sister about me dating a muslim guy at they didn't agree and my boyfriend use to tell me that they are not approving because they want to use me for money so I was like yea I think he is right. the reason why I thought he is right because if my sister can get married to a guy who she is in love with is also Muslim then why can't I do the same thing?

well my family stopped talking to me when we were dated I had done something really wrong. i had crossed the line - I got pregnant but was not married to the father of my unborn child so that my boyfriend said to me your first marriage was done when the guy rejected you over the phone so since you are pregnant we should get married. I agreed and we spoke with one of his friend who had helped us to get nikah so his friend had arranged everything took us to the masjid to have our nikah done before the nikah I had told my boyfriend to tell his friend everything about my  previous marriage and he did tell him.

so the nikah was done I think there was only one of his friend as a witness after the nikah was done and one thing I forgot to mention I converted at the time of nikah. the imam didn't give us the nikah nama since he wasn't sure of my first marriage being over. now I have a question if he wasn't sure then why did he do our nikah and I don't remember signing any paper well my hasband said to me that it is a  legit marriage and there is nothing wrong with not having the nikah nama so I said ok.

it's been almost 10 years, we have three kids and I've been following Islam but my husband wasn't what he said he was. few months later our nikah he started drinking doing drugs spending all my money and telling me to work when I was 8 months pregnant.

long story short from the day we got married till the day now never supported me or my kids I really don't care if he works or not the thing really bothers me is that he drinks alcohol does drugs and infront of my kids. now I want to know that how can I separate from him when there was no proof of our marriage so what I want to know that was my marriage with him was legit or not..... I want to separate from him but I don't wanna commit any sin I want to do everything in the right way so can you please guide me through because this has been my biggest stress of all

thank uh so much looking farword to hear from you Allah hafiz


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1 Responses »

  1. Honey you are in a deep issue.
    I can see that your ex husband from 2006
    Used you for money

    I can tell that you were feeling lonely and your bf was filling a void in your life

    It's natural to want love
    It's a human right.

    But sis you went ahead of yourself and got pregnant out of wedlock , placing yourself in a deep situation

    Plus your husband of now is very doubtful

    I think you are supposed to have an nikahnama or marriage agreement that I'd written with Witnesses and with the blessings of an imam

    It was Hazrat Ali (A.S.) Who promoted having written nikahnamas

    Since yours was not, what else can you do?
    Can you track down the imam who married you off?

    Since you and your husband are married of common law

    The government or law will recognize him as your kidss' father

    You want to get away from your husband?
    You may need to just pack up and go.

    Or have him evicted from your home.
    You will have to take help from the American law
    Seeing as you technically can not prove your Islamic marriage

    Good luck

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