Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m South Asian he’s Arab, how can I convince my parents to accept him?

Cross cultural greetings

I am almost 18, and I have met someone I want to marry. We are only best friends right now, but we have spoken about  marriage. We don't talk like a couple but only friends, and we sometimes discuss marriage and how we will try to convince my parents.

I am South Asian living in London, and he is Arab, however, he lives in another country with one hour time difference and we met on twitter.

He is planning on visiting me in two years, just to meet up. We are planning on getting married by the age of 21-23. However, my parents are extremely cultural and backward minded, where they do not like love marriages or interracial marriages, due to the language barrier.

I really want to marry this person, but I do not know what to do? I am so scared when the time comes my parents will disown me. Please tell me what I could do so that by Allah my parents do accept it when the time comes?



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1 Responses »

  1. Al Salaamu Alaykum,

    Let's talk about the facts, not predictions.

    Fact #1: You are 18, and the marriage in question would not take place for another 3-5 years.

    Fact #2: You are not engaged.

    Fact #3: Carrying on a close relationship with someone of the opposite sex is forbidden in Islam.

    These three facts come to one common conclusion: there is no justifiable reason to be trying to sort out the details of how to make a future relationship work, at this CURRENT time.

    Here is the correct way forward:

    1. Cease the ongoing relationship you have with this boy until your parents are ready for you to talk to them about marrying anyone.

    2. Have him and his family send your father a proper proposal when your family is ready to start receiving them.

    3. Leave to Allah the details of how a possible marriage between you and he could work until it's actually in the works. Allah may surprise you. He may change your mind about that boy by the time you're that age. You can't know the future, and you certainly can't make any meaningful plans for it now, when nothing is moving in a certain direction for marriage at all.

    If you find yourself still thinking about "what will happen", know that it's pretty much nothing but speculation and fantasy. Real life is out there waiting for you every day...I suggest you start enjoying what Allah is actually giving you now, instead of pinning happiness to an uncertain dream.

    -Amy Editor

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