Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Cheating spouse and STD

Hi all. I will try and keep this as brief as possible. I appreciate sincere advice.

Since beginning of our marriage my husband has had issues of not being faithful to me. Our marriage started in a bad way but I still stayed. Fast forward years later, when I was pregnant  I caught him signing up to affair websites etc. Moved on from that. After I gave birth, after six months or so I caught him trying to contact about more than 8 prostitutes. He never admitted to having sex with them. Since finding this out I have not been intimate with him. We went marriage counselling etc. Slowly I thought maybe I could give marriage another try, however after seeking guidance through prayer I feel as though something bad was revealed to me which has stopped me from reconciling. After about 3/4 months of the above incident I found warticon on him, which is a cream to treat genital warts. We had discussed him getting tested on the day he found out about the warts and he insisted to me that he does not need to get tested as he is clean. He lied to me but Allah revealed the truth, as husband left the cream behind in the room. Genital warts is an STD. For women this can be detrimental to health as this virus can cause abnormal cells and lead to cancer. Alhamdulillah all praise to Allah so far as I don’t have this std.

I have one child with him 2 years of age. Please advise me on what to do. Do I stay with this man? I’m in so much despair, I have given him so many chances and didn’t reveal to his family what he had done. I can only assume this is allahs punishment. What do I do? Do I give him another chance or do I save myself? I don’t want divorce as this whole separation is affecting me, I don’t want my child to go back and forth to see his dad and it kills me that his dad takes him for a day to see inlaws and I’m not there! I hate it, my child should be with me, what kind of life is this?! Why am I being tested like this? I want my marriage but feel stupid if I go back knowing he has std. please make dua for me I desperately need my life to change.

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26 Responses »

  1. AssaalamMualaykum Waramatulahi,
    Please stay away from him I mean don't let him to touch you and have sex because this is dangerous . Asked him to see the doctor because I believe this can cure if not very bad but is take lot of times and he needs lot of medicine and advice .

  2. You are playing Russian Roulette with your health. You husband has absolutely no concern for you or your child. He may very well be some kind of sex addict, but his situation is not your priority right now. Ending your marriage with a good lawyer and financial settlement with child support is. Why is your husband even married, since he wants to go to prostitutes? His behavior is not that of a man who wants to be married. As a mother of an infant, you have a duty to your child first. And that requires you to be healthy. You would never use a dirty utensil, wear dirty clothes or live in a dirty house. You should not even consider keeping a relationship with a dirty person. Do not let anyone, try to convince you otherwise. If you had an brief affair once with a man you would probably be called all kinds of vile names, be divorced and your child taken from you. Get your spine in shape. Respect yourself and end your marriage from this horrible human being. You will only be creating more and more problems for your child and yourself if you stay.

  3. Get divorced as soon as possible. There is no point in wasting one more minute with this man. He's never going to change, and the next STD he might lie to you about could be HIV or AIDS.

    • Thanks, he says he has a ‘wandering eye’ but it is more than that. I didn’t even go looking, I walked in on him using a secret phone and then everything came to light. He hasn’t admitted to going that far with the prostitutues and promises to change. I feel like he has duped me into marrying him as before I married him he was having an affair. Unfortunately I decided to put it past us as a mistake on his part. I just struggle with divorcing as I fear I may be making a wrong decision, after all people can change. We have no other issues apart from him cheating / looking. I don’t know why he does this

      Thanks to everyone for their reply

      • He doesn't have a wondering eye, he has a wandering penis. A wandering eye just looks, but this man does more than looking. So it's not his eyes that are the problem, lol.

        And your husband has sex with other women, pays for prostitutes, lies and comes home with STDs...that is more than enough things to have wrong with you. You say it's the "only" bad thing about him - what do you mean ONLY bad THING? They are all many INDIVIDUAL problems, and a HELL OF A LOT of individual problems to have with just one person!

        Well, I know women like you that defend men like this and talk about being "too scared", or whatever - I know you are most likely going to play victim and convince yourself to stay with this man. So good look not contracting the same STDs as he's contracting, that's all I've got to say. I can't feel sorry for you if you remain in this marriage and still complain about your husband's behaviour.

        Oh, you also need to think of your child. Whether you have a son or a daughter, do you really want them to grow up and see you tolerate this bullshit from your husband? Your daughter will think it's normal behaviour for men to come home with warts from unknown sources, to be lied to and to play 50th fiddle after mistresses and whores. While, if you have a son, he's going to look at your marriage and your husband and think this reality is normal and okay.

        • Lol wandering penis
          He says he contracted the std from his actions prior to marriage as these infections can take years to develop. I have a son. And yes you are right, I do need to break away but need the courage to do this and will take some time to accept

        • Please stop coming to this website and giving advice. I hardly read past your first line and gave up reading. You give awful advice, as a Muslim we should be more sensitive on how we give naseeha. You will be held accountable by Allah on how you guide others. Fear Allah and stop giving terrible advice to vulnerable people on here seeking help.

          • Brother Sabr , as someone who has complained about Lindita in the past for her harsh advice. I agree with you.

            "I can't feel sorry for you if you remain in this marriage and still complain about your husband's behaviour." What kind of support is this. This is what you call emotional abuse. So you would feel sorry for her if she wasn't part of the relationship ??

            "Well, I know women like you that defend men like this and talk about being "too scared", or whatever. " And You can't just assume the woman's situation because it's a lot more than just that. She has a kid who she needs to look out for. She may have to move house etc. There many things that could come into play.

  4. When someone shows you what type of person they are believe them. (8 prostitutes & affair websites) His actions are speaking louder than words. AID's is a real possibility. Also there have been cases where people were intentionally exposed to STD's out of spite. I suggest that you take care of your child and focus on your future. There are worse things in life than divorce. Getting remarried in the future will be difficult if you have to tell a future spouse that you have a STD. Please know Allah will help you, so be strong.

  5. How on the earth can somebody think about staying in this type of marriage .?
    Get out of this marriage .Quickly .
    Its danger to your life as he might pass STSD .
    You have genuine reason for divorce so don't bother .Allah will help you .

    ...Assalam O Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

  7. He will pass you deadly disease .
    You need to separate out from him immediately .

  8. I suggest you shouldnt come online to discuss matters of your marriage to strangers who would more than likely suggest you get a divorce. Sister, I recommend talking to your family and his, and coming to a mutual agreement in shaa Allah. In the mean time, don't seek advice from strangers when it comes to the matter of divorce.

    I pray Allah guides your husband and provides you with the consolation you need.


  9. The moment you caught him signing up to affair websites and contacting prostitutes, that's when you should had dumped him. When a partner is capable of being unfaithful it's a big red flag because they know that they're not supposed to, but still decide to do it. Lies in a relationship is also a big red flag. You should had dumped this man a long time ago , but do it now. Don't risk your life for this idiot. Do you know how filthy it is to sleep with prostitutes, they are so filthy that men are not even allowed to marry them

  10. Salam,

    You need a divorce now. There is no trust in this relationship, he says one thing and then you find the opposite. You have no STD now, what's going to happen once you get it? Then is he going to say that well, no one will marry you anyway because you have an STD, and now since you can't leave him he can openly be with prostitutes? I'm sorry about your son but that divorce needs to happen now. Salam.

  11. By the way I wanted to add. My family have already advised me to leave him due to the issues but still hard I guess

    • Okay, forget what everyone is saying to you. Remain with the man and remain happy. Just don't go complaining to people about your man. when he doesn't treat you well. If you won't even listen to your parents , then god knows who can convince you. so enjoy your relationship with him

      • I don’t understand why people have to comment like this? Thanks but your message is disheartening. Obviously I don’t want to remain in this, but going through grief. It’s normal

        • Please ignore comments like his. He doesn't know the proper way to give naseeha. Little do people know that they will be asked on the day of judgement on the way they advised people. Harsh advice may turn some away from the Deen.

          I'm happy to hear you have gotten your family involved. I pray Allah gives you the strength to move on. You deserve soneone worthy of you. In shaa Allah everything works out for you and your family.

          • Thank you. May Allah bless you all

          • How is everything sis? I'm hoping youre seeing a light at the end of the tunnel in shaa Allah.

          • Salam. Still the same, he is trying to make amends but I’m not too sure, I just feel like giving in to be honest as I am tired of all the issues. All I can see is that it won’t work but I still feel stuck. I obviously don’t want to be in a marriage like this but feel bad for taking the step to leave. And worried about where I will end up in life. Feeling quite depressed. Thanks for asking

  12. Salam my sister, what have you done? Please don't judge the sister, making a decision to leave is not easy. A friend of mine is in a similar situation. Her husband had an STD before marriage and told her. She still accepted to marry him. Now though, she has been diagnosed with HPV, but the husbands attitude has been of defiance, and she is scared to leave him because of the children. He has blamed her for that and many other things which are his fault and the marriage has broken down. He has lots of audacity because he keeps blaming everything on her. She was willing to stay with him had he been a man, owned up to what he did, but he is not and is treating her like garbage, abusing her in everyway possible, except physically. Where do you draw the line between sitr and taking care of your health? Her husband continues to bring people in to "solve" the issues, with this being one of them. She, however, has not told the third party involved about the STD because doesn't want to embarrass him. He knows that and is using that to his advantage. He has cheated in the past, and may still be cheating. The trust is gone and the sister does not want to risk her health anymore with this person. Everyone is telling her to work things out, the only way she can though is by living apart in the same house. He does not want this.

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