Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Family problems… things just seem to be getting worse

children affected by argumentative parents

Assalamu alaikum!

My name is Syeda.I am 20 years old.

I have been going through alot of stress due to my family.And I really need help.I have noone to share my problems with.I share them with Allah but I don't see any help coming.

I will tell everything honestly and I hope you can help me out in sha Allah.

My parents have been married for 21 years now.I am the eldest and have have three more siblings,my youngest brother is 12 years old.

We moved to Dubai with our dad when I was 6 years old.And all I've seen since we started living with him is fights.My dad used to drink,smoke and was involved with other women.My mom ,instead of fighting with him,tried to show him Islam and the right path but he started hating her for this.He would abuse her physically with whatever he found,steel rods,chairs,tables,iron,bricks etc.He has broken her hand and finger bones too.

He doesn't give my mom her basic rights.He doesn't even give her some money so that she could get the groceries.I have tried my best since the age of six,to save my mother from him but he would beat me too.

This is my mom's story.Now my brother.

I have a brother who is one year younger to me.My dad has always abused him too.When he came here,he was 5.My dad would throw him on the walls,beat him with rods etc.He embarrassed him in public places,like mosques and shopping malls.He would slap him in front of everyone.As a result,my brother grew up with many insecurities and he doesn't want to go out and face the world now,because he is very insecure.My dad keeps commenting on his looks,walking style or talking style.He doesn't let him live.My brother hates my dad too.

My dad pays for our education and that's the only reason my mom is still living with him.We have no one else to support us financially,my mother has no brothers and my grandfather is very old.

My mother kept trying to help my dad for the past 18 years but she has given up now and hates him,and she has all the right reasons to do that.

Now just yesterday,my parents got into a fight and my dad tried to hit my mom with a steel rod,my brother tried to defend my mom and so my dad started beating him too.To defend himself,my brother too beat my dad.The situation keeps getting worse and I see no hope.I have been putting up with this for the past 14 years and now I feel like everything is going to get over.

Why has Allah been punishing me and siblings from such a young age?I have never committed any serious sins and I can say this confidently.Neither have any of my siblings.My mother is very god fearing and she brought us up in a very good way alhamdulillah.

My youngest brother is attached to both my parents and the thought of them separating makes him very sad.

I don't know what to do?I need your help please.

Syeda95

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10 Responses »

  1. Sis,

    this is terrible. to be scarred in your young age like this...
    i am in Dubai as well and i know for a fact that if you report him to the police...he will for sure go to Jail or worse get deported...i know that dosent serve the purpose since youve mentioned that there is no one else to support you.

    maybe you can contact the police secretly...tell them your situation...and also tell them that if your dad goes to jail you will have no one to support you financially...and maybe they will be able to work something out...

    other wise all i foresee is you living under his rule for as long as necessary and once you are educated...get a job (along with your brother and mother) and move out... at that point your father will not be able to do anything to you.

    i hope that helps sis.
    Our duas are with you insha Allah.

    • Unfortunately due to having no other support I partly agree with Wulk. If its possible grin and bear it and then you can live securely and move out but obviously there is an issue here ... Seems like physical abuse is common and rife - no one should have to put up with that.

      Seems like your mums Imaan is very very strong Alhamdulillah ... So she will understand if yous all moved out ... Allah is the provider have faith in Allah to provide and look after you. You need to protect your mum and deep down you probably have an idea of what the best route to take is.

      Allah will deal with your father jutly dont worry about that. You just need to worry about yourself and your mum and brother for now.

      It doesnt matter about sins or bad deeds, Allah tests his Slaves to see who will crack under pressure. What your Mum and yourself have had to live through has been difficult I can't even imagine - the reward will be with you once you leave this world Insha'Allah.

      My du'as are with you and your Family.

  2. ASSALAM O Alaikum.. I think you people are suffering in devel eye the Shetan.. this is not your story specially, many families are suffering in this. Shetan gets very happy when he makes fight between husband and wife and children and because of this the atmosphere of home becomes so worst, and all familiy members remain in tension, sulky, gloomy so I think whenever your father enters at home so things spontaneously start. Your father are in relation with others so may be someone had applied talismans on him but you are saying it has been happening since long time so it dose not matter, May be there is a devil shaitan behind of your father and family and it's not essential that someone must applied black magic because many time shayateen get connected by their will and usually it is happened that time when we don't pray offer, don't abstain from haram, listening music because Shetan easily comes while listening music and according to the mafhoom of hadees music generates nafak on heart and a person who keep listening songs so easily he get connected to zina, sometimes we go some place where already kafir jinnat are existed so if shayateen get connected by their will and no one applied talisman so shayateen also start doing black magic and entire family members become victims and it keep happening to decades to decades and people don't come to know.. they don't know because they have never faced this situation and no one tell them and nonetheless if any one tells so people don't care about it and think we are in twenty first century and it's all are useless. Actually we are having lack of awareness according to Islam... black magic and it's effects, shayateen, devils eyes it all has been mentioned by Qur'an and a hadees.

  3. So at least say to your brother to go to masjid in Dubai and asked to imam about good amil I mean exorcist who treat of black magic and devel eye and shayateen. So if you get so tell him all situations and if it's hard to tell so write on paper and make check your father.. your father don't need to go you people can do by hidden your father so if the exorcist or imam e masjid will confirm about anything which I mentioned so start treatment because if this is exists and you will not go for treatment so this will keep decade to decade... I am saying this in the light of knowledge and experiments as I have symposium including ulama so for your mother, brother and father you will have to take initiative..

  4. OP: He would abuse her physically with whatever he found,steel rods,chairs,tables,iron,bricks etc.He has broken her hand and finger bones too...My dad has always abused (my brother) too.When he came here,he was 5.My dad would throw him on the walls,beat him with rods etc.He embarrassed him in public places,like mosques and shopping malls.He would slap him in front of everyone.As a result,my brother grew up with many insecurities and he doesn't want to go out and face the world now,because he is very insecure.My dad keeps commenting on his looks,walking style or talking style.He doesn't let him live.My brother hates my dad too.....

    Your dad needs to be examined by a psychiatrist. Has he threatened to kill you, your bother and your mom? Your brother is already showing signs of psychological abuse. Your dad has already broken your mom's hand and finger bones.Your mom needs to leave him to protect you and your brother.

  5. I'm sorry that you're going through this. You don't deserve to. We all go through things. Please don't think Allah is punishing you. You need to go seek help from someone out there. Perhaps a friend, relative, sheikh? Try to talk to your dad about how you feel and how it's making you feel by going through what you're going through, also stay strong for mother (: you'll get through this dear Insha Allah (:

    • I went through tough times as well and what really helped me was seeking counselling services. I don't know if those services exist in Dubai, but I live in North America, and I have an excellent counselor who has helped me to emotionally deal with a lot of tough situations. They can offer good advice to help you get through this in addition to offering salah to Allah s.w.t. If there are no counselors, sheikhs or imams can be there to offer help and support. I will keep you in my prayers. You deserve a happy childhood that will make you a well adjusted adult. One thing I can say, you can learn from your dad's mistakes, and vow to be better than him when you become a parent one day. I noticed that adults who had difficult upbringings in childhood always become great parents most of the times. Remember that Allah is always there for you and he loves you so much more than your parents. If your dad is this difficult, turn to Allah always and also you have a good, pious mother who will offer you all the love and support you need. No one's life is perfect and people are not perfect, including parents. Your father may have psychological issues, maybe he had an abusive past and is doing the same to your mother. Just keep at your prayers and seek help for your family from the mosque or counselling services if that is offered in Dubai. You are in my du'as.

  6. it makes me sad reading all of this and i pray that may Allah s.w.t help you and your family.. Ameen

    i am not a scholar or anything, i am just a normal 23 year old guy so i cant give the best advice but i will try and i hope i can help with what i say

    i think the best thing would be for you to get married and share all of this with ur husband.. this will do 2 things... 1st is that ur stress will be gone when u talk about these things to someone u trust... 2ndly he will help as much as he can in the situation... sometimes u just need to sit down together and talk to ur family with calm and patience for most family related problems to be solved.. in this case i think someone just needs to talk to your dad.. the tone of the voice while talking needs to be calm which is most important otherwise anger will make the situation worse

    trust Allah s.w.t he will help u in sha Allah and i pray that the help comes as soon as possible.. Allah s.w.t might be testing you to see how strong u are in ur imaan... dont think he is punishing you or your family... dont lose ur imaan.. keep strong and have faith in Allah s.w.t...

    another thing that can help the situation is if your brother starts working part time and earning and helping in paying for your siblings education... i am not taking anyones side as i dont even know any of u but if u think from ur dads point of view... Maybe he might be struggling at work or somewhere and might be taking his anger out at home...... obviously he is supporting his wife and 4 children which isnt easy... it is definately wrong what he has done... but sometimes this could be the only reason.. i know your brother is young.. he may be 18 or 19 years old so he is not old enough to take that responsibility but helping in the responsibilities might help..

    the biggest advice i can give u is that do not report your own dad to the police.. it is a family issue and it has nothing to do with the police... he is your dad..... dont go down on that level at any circumstance..you should support your mother all the time and help her but reporting your dad to the police will not solve anything

    i hope your problems get solved... may Allah s.w.t help u and your family... my dua is with you in sha Allah

  7. Your father is a violent man and should be seen by a psychiatrist. These kind of men will find any excuse to start a fight. here is a good example of such a man....

    A Pakistani immigrant beat his wife to death in their Brooklyn home after she made the mistake of cooking him lentils for dinner instead of the hearty meal of goat meat that he craved, according to court papers.
    .......Noor Hussain, 75, was so outraged over the vegetarian fare that he pummeled his wife, Nazar Hussain, 66, with a stick until she was a “bloody mess,” according to prosecutors and court papers.

  8. Dear Muslim brother and sisters Assala mualaikom,
    My name is , Mubarak Ibn Rashid,
    ,I am general educated I am not a Islamic scholar and not study at madrasha,
    but I want to marry a girl who is Islamic scholar like Hafeza Alema or Moftiya .
    , Problem is I rejected by Girl Parents , reason I am not a scholar and not studied at Madrasha, .
    my parents are tired looking for girl as I like, they are force me now marry general educated girl , but I absolutely not interested about general educated girls .
    coz I want someone who guide me, learn me more about islam and Quran ,inspire to me more about akheerat, who is love me for Allah subahanaho wa taala , and leave me for Allah subahanaho wa taala,
    I am not looking for her beauty or her money, I am ready for pay Dowry (mohor) , I just looking she would be good character and fulfill with Islamic knowledge, but I think I going to fail,
    I request to all scholar please give me advice what I can do in this situation .
    Please pray for me All Brother and Sister , jazakallah khair

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