I love a muslim married who wants me to marry him, but his love for his 1st wife makes me die inside
Hello,
For a few years I'm in love with a muslim married man. He wishes us to marry, for me to be his second wife. First, he said he'll never divorce because of kids he has from his wife but few days ago I saw a love message from him to her.
Frankly, I've been expecting sooner or later they will pass the difficult moment from their marriage life, but i didn't expected will be so deep painful to see him love somebody else. Even if is his right to love her.
I feel dying because of this. I asked him to stop saying he loves me, but he said I'm wrong when I think his love for me is not true one.
I'm confused, because I know I have to stop this relationship. Even if we'll marry, i'll cry and cry and cry and be unhappy till he'll get fed up with me. Probably his wife will do same or not anyway, she'll be hurted too.
I'm confused and if somebody my answer, please tell me. What's into one man's mind and soul when he says "love you" to two ladies at the same time?
Why do he needs two relationships in same time?
- leaf of cedar
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you made the biggest mistake of loving a married man. What is this a competition? If you are unable to bear the fact that he loves his wife, have you ever imagined how his wife would be feeling? Women like you are really foolish and easily fall a prey to men like him. Not only will you be causing pain to his first wife but to urself too. Understand why polygamy is allowed in islam rather than use it to rationalize loving a (married) man which is haram. When its said in our religion for men to lower their gaze and not look at other women, how in the world did you let yourself be emotionally involved with a married man. If he can hurt his first wife by loving you, it will not be too long for him to hurt you like that by loving another girl.
Wake up. Ask for forgiveness from Allah. Practice proper hijab. Do not freely mingle with men. Leave this man and move on. Ask Allah for a good partner.
Marhaba Strong
thank you because you stopped to my message and took few minutes from your life to answer to me
Allah bless you
"For a few years I'm in love with a muslim married man. He wishes us to marry, for me to be his second wife."
The reality is that you have both been having an illicit relationship for a "few years" behind his wife's back. And another reality is that if he had really wanted to marry you, he would have married you a long time ago. And you have obviously not insisted on getting married, but have been willing to go ahead with this relationship without marriage for all this time. Whether you are a Muslim yourself or not, this is not acceptable. It is totally unacceptable to have a girlfriend in Islam, and this man knows this. You cry now about him sending messages of love to his wife? How naiive are you? He has used you and you have been a willing accomplice. Have you considered how you would feel if your husband was doing this to you? Never try to build your happiness on someone else's pain. Dry your tears, and end it now.
Salamualaikum sister,
Stop putting urself in this situation.
U can clearly tell he loves his first wife.
Y r u comin between her love, do u really wanna b a woman who breaks other women's home?
What he has for u is clearly lust, which will end when he marries u.
B smart about this and end this haraam relationship of urs.
Tell him, if he's not fateful of his first wife, how can he ever b fateful to u.
He isn't the only man left on earth, he probably wooed u by his sweet wrds and prob gifts but don't fall for tat.
Everything lies in ur hands, u have to end this relationship.
Don't b a cause of breaking others home and takin others men's.
Am pretty sure ur smart enough to know better.
If u cant handle his love notes, how would u b able to handle him spending nights with his first wife?!
Or u can marry him and share him with another woman. And have her speak ill of u and curse u.
So pleaseeee make the right decision and move on.
Inshallah u will find a better man.
Ameerah, Strong and BeAl, thank you for makeing time for my problems into your life time.
also, thank for your replayes
Allah bless you all
Dear Sister,
A man can marry more than one, but the way he must find his first wife in a halaal manner, he must also find the second wife in a halaal manner. Their is no exception to this rule of remaining 'halaal'.
You already know what you need to do. You have already realised that you are doing completely wrong by indulging in this illicit relationship, so:
- STOP YOUR SINNING: Break relations with this man. You do not need to convince him that you love him while leaving him. It is much more simple than that; phone him or write to him. All you need to say is: Asalaamulaykum XYZ, I cannot continue this relationship because it is haraam. I want to marry a man who is God fearing and want to live by Allah's Law. Please do not contact me again'. Of course that will be hard, but its the best way.
- REPENT and VOW: You know you have sinned majorly. Make sincere tawbah, use the last few days of Ramadaan to re-connect with Allah(swt). Make a vow never to return to this sin again.
- INTENTIONS: Purify your intentions, so you leave this man not because it will hurt you if you don't, but because you do not wish to continue sinning and breaking Allah(swt)'s Law. This transition period will be very hard, but if you leave something for the sake of Allah; you are making a sacrifice and He(swt) will surely help you, reward you or save you from some other calamity. You have a chance to do this for the sake of Allah; so turn this negative aspect of your life into something positive.
- STEP UP: Learn your place as a Muslim woman, look to our role models, i.e. Aasiya(ra), Maryam(ra), Khadija(ra), Fatima(ra). You have a great responsibility as a Muslim woman.
May Allah make this path easy for you,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear SisterZ
your advice to keep on my eyes the model of great ladyes is a wonderfull way to try to help me.
And i'll listen to it, becuase is into my benefit. Thank you for it.
about the "illicit relationship", i don't know what to say. Judgement in a hurry is not allways a sucess...
I said extremelly preciselly "I'm in love with...". It hurts me to see all whom answered to me, altrough good heart people, all udnerstood i'm talking about a dirty, cheap cheating relationship. I didnt defenced, because i understood the good meaning of each answer to me.
But you acuseing so strong. If you acuse me, i don't mind. but in same tiem you acuse one man who didnt made any sin. I can't stay silant and see you blameing him for soemthign he never done... He never kissed me, he never hugged me, and certanlly we never had intim relationship...but is tru...we have a comunicative relationship ..because we talk...and we both agree we impotant one for another...and he told me, as well as Ameerah says "is forbidden to have a gf. I do love you but you'll not get anythign from this love till we not marry. I share my love only with wife. but because i'm already married and i'll not divorce, you ahve to choose if you accept to be my second wife or you'll have to leave me...is your choice"..and that was all... I don't know why people allways think to bad as first choice...whatewer...
So, i presume, he was a correct man
and me too, said very clear, that relathionship, with meenign relationship as comunication between two people, should get over
all i asked was...what's into oen man's mind or soul when he pretend, think or belive that he loves two lady in same time...because, i think is impossible...hoped one answer from one man....BeAl's answer i think was most calm and logikal one
in this days of human's selfish , i admire you all because you tryed to help me
May last days of blessed Ramadan to keep faith's light into your souls
il·lic·it [ih-lis-it]
–adjective
1.
not legally permitted or authorized; unlicensed; unlawful.
2.
disapproved of or not permitted for moral or ethical reasons.
sister, ur prblm sounds just like mines wow... my guy asked me too my him has 1st wife we've been friends for 2 1/2 yrs. i'm confused my self my heart says yes, but like you too he's wife only wants him for the sercurity. she doesn't love him at all. and he knows this but feels sad tht she has no education no means of providing on her own out there in the world but i told him whats was she doin before you came along so is this a cop out too or what and they don't even live in the same house he lives in another state. about 600/800 miles apart. he might go home 3-4 mths for bout 3days to visit and most of the time she makes up excuse to keep from sleeping with him. so like you i feel pulled in too with my heart for him...
I agree I should not have assumed you have had physical relations with this man, I apologise for that part. However, this man is married to another woman and whilst he is married to this other woman, he has got to know you in such a way, that he tells you he loves you and you are in love with him too. If a man is married to another woman, why is he being emotionally intimate with another woman? Surely this is not halaal. I cannot see any purity or innocence in this. If you found out your husband was having a 'communicative' emotional relationship with another woman, would you see that as innocent? I think not.
I understand that we are all human and we all flaw; so this man may very well be striving to keep away from having physical relations with you, that is good maashAllah. But his behaviour and conduct with you and your's with him as you describe and imply is still not right. This relationship has been on going for three years; so he had ample time to legalise it through marriage. Are you sure that he has not just been enjoying your time?
Anyhow, of course this man is permitted to marry more than one woman. In answer to you question about how men can love two women at the same time, clearly it is possible for a man to love more than one woman at the same time, thats why he is allowed to marry up to four. Our Rasool(saw) loved all his wives, most probably to varying degrees. Narrations and stories tell that he(saw) loved Khadija(as) and Aisha(as) the most. The main thing is that all wives are treated equally. In any case, we all need to be wary of the warning signs that Allah(swt) presents to us when choosing our marriage partners. Feelings of lust are often mistaken as love.
May Allah guide you and us all in choosing the right spouse in the right way and grant us with a spouse who will accompany us to Jannah, Aameen
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam leaf of cedar,
I agree with Sister Z.
An emotional affair is still an affair, whether it is in person, on the telephone or on the internet. It is also still cheating. If my husband did such a thing with another woman, it would hurt me more than even a purely physical betrayal. You have to make your decision - marry him or stop this. Please stop fooling yourself that this is an innocent situation. Have you told your family about this? I doubt it. Your mother or your father would not have allowed you to continue in this way for so long. You sound like a good person, but maybe rather young and not thinking clearly. You need to use your head here and not just your heart. Please either end this relationship, or else marry him, and accept the difficulties you will face being a second wife.
Salaam, and may Allah SWT guide you and keep you safe.
Salamualaikum sister,
I understand what u might b goin thru.
I know that u didn't do anything together but still it will b called an affair.
It's also very clear u have feelings for this man.
But please understand that if u can't handle the fact he still loves his first wife and she loves him, u will not b able to handle sharing him.
As men, we do not like stress. Majority of them don't.
Let's say am the guy u like, we get married and my wife finds out and calls u and harass u and calls u names, and u on the other hand crying, bein sad when I leave u and it will just become chaotic and no one will b happy.
The question I have is, do u really wanna live in stress?
If u really wanna marry him, have his wife, him and u sit down and talk about this.
Put urself in first wife position and ask urself wat will u do?
I just wanna tell u, he's not the only one left.
But if u know that u can't move on, talk to his wife.
You have to keep everything under consideration.
Good luck sister.
Salaams,
I agree with all the above advice so there is little left for me to say.
Keep away from this man. Men like this are devils, luring women with sweet talk. You were his bit on the side and will be nothing more. He sends messages to his wife whilst he's with you? How crass! The reality is he only loves himself in an evil way. In thinking he can play happy families with his wife whilst having at least an emotional affair with you. He is not a decent man, so how could you expect fair treatment between you and the first wife?
I don't understand women who get attached to married men. Don't they spare a thought for the woman he is already with? As said above, put yourself in her place. Imagine in the future, a man does this to your daughter!
As Muslims we should be concerned for the welfare of our brothers and sisters and the suffering and betrayal committed on them by wrongdoers. Not assisting the wrongdoers and making it bad for yourself. You should have berated that man instead of allowing yourself to be lead astray.
As for hoping to become his second wife, forget it. How can you be jealous when he is HER husband? He belongs to HER. You are just secondary and he is just passing his time with you for an ego boost, just to prove to himself, he's still got pulling power. .
Stay away and repent for your haraam interactions. Even if he was a single man, you are not to behave in this way. Nevermind what other people do, so don't get lead astray again and follow other bad examples. You will have to answer for yourself and no one will intercede for you.
Hopeful
Dear friend,
I know it must have been painful for you to read some rough messages from some people who called you the one trying to break a house.
I do know from my experience that love has no boundaries at times, it just happen. we women have soft heart, that is why men take advantage of us.
i can underatand how difficult it must be for you when you sae him sending love message to his wife.
It is not easy or acceptable for some woman to share their partner with another woman, and you seem to be like this, same as me. It would beimposible for me to share my husband with another woman.
To tell you sincerely, I believe he was not sincere with you.
Are we woman only objects of pleasure for man like him?
I feel you won't be happy if you were to marry him. He won't leave his wife. And according to islam he will have to give all his wife same rights, which also means spending nights with both.
you know now what you can accept and what not.
Hope you have courage and if it makes you feel better do cry it helps. You are not the only woman who is in this type of situation.
May God give you courage.
yislamo Sarah
Allah bless the steps of your life
I apologise Sarah because, with your answer to my comment, I've been exposeing you to public and superficial judgement...
what is good or wrong..was already ment by Allah....and we all know it....I didn't came here to be popular...I came to one islamic site because is supose to be a spiritual site...
but...
where i hoped I'll found one advice...i founded stones dropted into my face
where i hoped I'll found a hand of help to go back to Allah's way....I founded hands to slaped my face
where I hoped I'll found modesty...I founded self proud
where I hoped I'll found understanding ...I founded pleasure to hurt a already hurted person
where I hoped....
I'm happy I founded you...Allah made you wise and modest
a real lighted spirit
Thank you for your answer for me...and also...as i said on beggining...I'm sorry because I exposed you to judgement...altrough, as far as i know....to judge is the right of Allah...not of humans
bless you
Sister, no one here took pleasure in hurting you or intended to hurt you. You asked for advice. If we tell you, "Go ahead you are doing fine," then we are not giving you honest advice. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes the truth is not exactly what we hope to hear. But a person who is truly seeking the best way will listen, and open her mind to what is being said, without getting defensive.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ahla w sahla wael
actually...my post was "I'm confused, because I know I have to stop this relationship. Even if we'll marry, i'll cry and cry and cry and be unhappy till he'll get fed up with me. Probably his wife will do same or not anyway, she'll be hurted too.
I'm confused and if somebody my answer, please tell me. What's into one man's mind and soul when he says "love you" to two ladies at the same time?"
about defencing...i presume is my duty to defence people who get involved into this situation..like Sarah and the man i've been talking about...didn't defenced myself, because, as i said...what is wrong is wrong..even if i like it or not...i can't chance life's rules ..they 've been already ment by Allah
as part of this site administrator team, you know i 've got message from your site is a agree to become public the repaly for my message...and i 've been accepting all...i didn't deleted none of them...because i apreciate that all those who replayed to me..all took a piece of theyr life time and gaved to me...
and...you said a great tru...a good friend doesn't say "is fine" when the situation is not fine..as i said..i didn't came here to be popular...but..i've been expecting at least, before to be judged and executed..at least somebody to read my message...and to give me one answer to my question...was a spiritual question about what is inside one human's mind and soul...
if my messages crossed the line you wish to keep it for your site, all i can say i'm sorry....wasn't this my intention ...
my peace over you
Sarah: It was kind of you to show understanding and compassion to the sister.
To the sister of wrote the original post: I am sorry if I came across as harsh, I understand you must be going through a very hard time. May Allah make the right path easier for you follow.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sarah I have just re-read your post.
Although I think it was kind of you to show compassion to the sister, I do not believe in your statement:
"I do know from my experience that love has no boundaries at times."
Love does have boundaries. If the love causes one to disobey Allah, then we have broken the boundaries. Anything beyond that cannot be called pure 'love'; as it is unhealthy and an obsession and will lead to misery and grief.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
what I meant by love has no boundaries: was we love with the heart and that at times love just happens. Love just happens.
Love is just a word to which we attach meaning. You may have different meaning to it.
We love our parents: love between parents and children is there.
Love betweern sisters and brothers is also called love.
Love between husband and wife also called love.
You see one single word love has different degree and deepth.
did someone teach you to love your parents? No it just happens you love them: love has no boundaries, its a feeling: if you are a person with emotions.
If you don't have emothions that love is just a word.
Love for Allah resides in our heart you can't deny that. If a child makes a mistake the parents forgive. In the same way allah our creator is like our parent and we humans his children.
who are we to judge leaf of cedar. We are humans too and we are not as white as snow all of us in some point did a small mistake or told a small lie.
I understand her. If You put yourself in her shoes, you would understand her better. She is confused. But she knows what is right and what is wrong. she is in pain because she is suffering. Its not easy to know that the man she loved so much trusted so much played with her emotions and used her.
Dear sister leaf of cedar. Man don't have emotions like women. There are exceptions. A man can tell you things to please you when it suits you. To him this word doesn't have much meaning. If he really loved, as per norms of islam he should have loved his wife, the woman with whom he spend years or made a child or children. Love means loyalty, sincerity, friendship(between partner through understanding and opness to speak to your partner). If he really loved his wife he wouldn't have been able to love you. Now if he never loved his wife when he meet you and said he loved you (his so called love) he wouldn't love his wife and as you said he sent her a message of i Love you, it wouldn't have been the case.
I know it hurts. Right now what sister leaf of cedar wants is to understand how this man played with her emotions. Its has nothing much about religion or allah. All of you commenting remember this. Its more about understanding the male gender, at least this one she interacted with. How could he do this to her or his wife. Those words he said didn't it had any meaning to him.
for you sister the words I love you is sacred in the sense that you meant it with your heart and with every word of it.
Love is a feeling. Those who love accept their partners without judging. The same way that you are not taught to love your parents you just love them automatically. What was my meaning of love has no boundaries.
Note for users: If a person is here, it means the person is here for advice and perhaps already knows that a mistake has been comitted. Don't be harsh. Give advise how to solve the problem. Maybe that person wants a bit of comfort. If the person could speak her mind and had someone to share her feelings or what she is undergoing, the person whould not have posted online.
If a user made a mistake and narrates it, then don't go in saying yes u did a mistake. it was bad.. etc...try to give solution to the person problem.
If someone is confused she only need some encouragement and boost up. She is in pain and need some encouraging to take steps which he/she may find difficult.
I was not here to hurt anyone but to tell those who are in problem and difficulties or going through hard time that they are not alone, if I can help I will.
Its in your difficult times that people tend to live you. during happy days you alwayd have people around.
All those who made a mistake, If you repent allah will know you have a pure heart, at least you realise it.
May god enlighten you path.
Life is a series of events we learn through our mistakes. The lesson for sister from her bad experience will be: never trust a man easily. Always be on guard as there are all types of predators waiting for us(girls/women)
my name is arslan khan i m from afghanistan i read ur comments but i m thinking you are all want fun from some one but this is not fair bcz our quran say that don,t cross the red lines i mean don,t meet namoharam s bcz is give u a wrong path u spend ur life in the line of islam .god give u hounar izat respact .f u crose the line of islam .this is damging ur parsnality ok i m a single f any want marry me i wil spend my life with a islami rule regulation with my wife .cell #0092********
actually..you from Pakistan
my sin is love....what's yours?
I need advice..dont know wat to do..???totally confused
i was inlove with a guy then after an yr got maried..the guy i was inlove came to know abt it bt he had hope that we wil be together cause its arranged marriage,i dont wat to do..??i dont thnk so i can hurt my families nd hurt him at the same time..dont knw hw to tel him nd plus dont knw hw to forget him...he is always in my mind..i feel if i tel him he wil get hurt,he wil hate me nd he wil feel i cheated wich i didnt...i really dont knw wat to do..iam in terrible condition..i really love him wich i know its harram to love another guy while ur married bt...............m dying inside..
totally confused
Marhaba Confused Soul
I don't even to try to imagine the public reaction for your comment...I imagine will be like lions ripping the flash from theyr victim's bones.....yeah, plastik imagination, i agree....but...unfortunatelly is close to reality
you know your situation is not correct one...is nothign to comment here...you married with a man who not even noticed, or if he noticed he doesn't care, that you don;t love him...so....the comunication between you and him is zero...no need to tell me....seems to be a pretty common person who feels fine and content if he comes home on evening, and found a clean home, good food and a available partner for intim moments...on the other hand...you seem you need much more to feel happy and content...you need emotions...none of you two is not guilty because you difeerent and simplly not mach as spirits..
I think you agree ...if you continue in this way..on the end you'll get menthal sick...because no offence, you crushed now into two parts.. your situation is a sin, but also is not a healthy situation..and nobody knwos how long will you resist....so..you have to do soemthing to take off yoruself from this situation
if you are from a comunity where arranged marriage are common..then..your freedom to manage your own life is zero...so...bite your lips and try to be at least, if not a happy wife, at least to be a good mother for your kids...because your love story is impossible one...stop it...
or.....before to give up, talk with that man you love him....or, you have the illusion you love him...ask him for a solution for yoru situation..don't feel afrraid to show him you weak....is in man;s way to be to help the one who love her...if he comes and only makes presure under you with blames because you are married with other man..then...i am sorry..but he also doesn't understand you more then understands you your husband..he just knows to be a little bit more sweet..but that's all...if he doesn't helps you in such situation..then..what's his love?...only sweet words?
so..take him and talk calm about your situation..now..is a sin....Allah doens't allow it...comunity doesn't allow it too....is normal to end this situation and in a way or other to solve it...ask the man you love his advice...oh ya, you afrraid he'll blame you too...so?....or, mayeb you afrraid he;ll go and leave you...again, i ask..so what?... you just say clear what you ahve to say it..and he get upset is his problem,..and if he's running away...let him go...if he loves you..he'll be back...he'll run, he'll be angry as much as he wish ..but on the end he'll be back ..with solution....please, don't keep him into yoru life only because you inlove by idea to be inlove...if you not sure he will allways stand by you forever...then...let him go...you don;t lose nothing...just a lier....or a fierfull...
also...as final word...i sugest you to read Sister Z's answer to me...the one from 5-th september...is a wonderfull life lesson..which will be usefull for you in any situation...rather then to think to those two men from your mind....think to Allah....the more you'll get closer to Allah, the more clear you'll see the answers for your situation
Dear Sister Z and Wael
i would like to cancel this topic (to be deleted) with all its comments attached.
Unfortunatelly, i didn't founded the option, so, my request for you is to do this for me.
Thank you for the oportunity to share my problem with islam comunity.
I think the answers till know were clear and usefull.
The problem i had it i've been already passed, and now i would like to close this topic, as i said.
i would like to keep opened my account, because who knows, maybe i'll need it in future again.
Allah bless you
thanks aloot really..felt comfortable by reading it...i dunt wnt in the end to loose both...i dunt wnt to hurt my family,m stil newly married and everything was arranged.he was nt ready nd i was nt also...how to know if my husband loves me the way the way this guy does.we are not living together.
I love the guy which i was with him for 2yrs,i trust him.we kept promises..bt m seeing myself weak nw..unable to fullfil it.cant face my family,cant face everyone..i just feel living my world all alone without sharing with anyone.but thats harram...me being married nd talking,thinking,dreaming nd loving another guy is harram..cant take him out of my life,cant hurt him...i dont know really...i feel m lossing myself,dunt knw wat to do nd how things will be
Asslam O Alaikum sisters and brothers,
@Sister Z,
I really feel sorry to hear about what you have been going through but at the same time I am happy that your problem has been solved Masha Allah. Now regarding deleting you question and all the replies you had from brothers and sisters (though most of them you said were hard and I agree with you on the fact that some brother and sisters assumed that you had an illicit relationship when you and the guy even never hugged, kissed etc). Sister there could be misunderstanding as well as we are all human beings, some of us are soft, some of us are hard while answering but then there are such issues where you have to do some tough talking with facts and stats especially when you need answer in light of religious teaching. AS FAR AS YOU ASKING TO DELETE THE WHOLE THREAD SISTER WITH COMMENTS, I MUST SAY SISTER YOU AREN'T THE ONLY SISTER(in fact there are brothers with the same situation. So, sometimes answers/solutions could be similar without any gender exceptions) IN THIS SITUATION. From my knowledge, why all the questions with their replies/answers are left on the site so that other people who are in the same situation could benefit from the knowledge shared here by brothers and sisters.
And sister most of us are just not being lucky in love (there is nothing sinning in that etc) and also look at it this way that sometimes what Allah does is beyond our understanding but best for us in the long term. Believe me I feel sometimes this works when I wanted something but couldn't get and after sometime I realised that it was for my own benefit. So, connect with Allah on a more spiritual level. May Allah help you.
@Arslan Khan!
Brother! I trust you are all right insha Allah. I really liked you advice but there are things I don't agree with. Like,
1- You shouldn't have even mentioned that you are Single, Pakistani, a number (even country code, I don't know if it was deleted by administrator or you did it purposely just for fun). It's funny that what some of us guys believe when they drop their numbers on different websites, hoping that some "Mona Lisa" will contact them and then things will take off from there on.
2- I mean brother, there are so many single girls out there(good looking), so you are going to drop number to every single one of them. Even if we say you have noble intentions of getting married, is it the right way to get what you are looking for brother. There are even more women in number then men looking for the guys to get married then what's the point to do all this. Register on websites (Single Muslim, Muslimah etc), attend events and pray to Allah Almighty to help you. Don't sound like a DESPERATE but SERIOUS.
3- Brother, be a gentlemen (in fact if you are a practicing Muslim, then, you are the one). Believe me what a real momina women will like in you is that you are being modest, practicing, Allah fearing, supportive, a good sense of humour, focused, motivated, etc and this is something people can judge even when they speak to you, your way about, how you are in your practical life etc. Even if you pull a girl by dropping your number like this, then I bet you will realise after a while that she isn't the one who you can spend rest of your life (but just a pastime which I am sure you are not looking for:)- )
I will finish here now brother but I think I should mention that I am from the same place where you come from, currently in UK. Believe me brother ground realities here in Europe are way too different from our perception people have back home in PK.
May Allah bless all Muslim, help them with their problem, keep them on the right path and help them make the right decision with their HEAD rather than listening to the HEART. (Amin)
Mks1982,
Its actually 'Leaf of Cedar' who wrote the original post, not myself. I only replied.
Jzk
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamu alaikum sister. Sorry again for replying to this post so late. I am not so much giving my opinion
as advising you sister. Please dont feel offended or upset by the replys here, the intention is to advise and help you alone, not to put you down in any way.
You are my sister in Islam and wanted to say. Dont turn away from this site or from doing whats right because you feel people are harsh or even if they insult you directly. Sometimes Allah puts a test on us as an opportunity for us to come back to Him or to improve in our faith and make us strong.
We dont know if wel get another opportunity - so please dont be offended and take the opportunity Allah has given you. He has placed a difficulty upon you to bring you back. I dont have to reiterate that it is wrong in Islam to even be emotionally involved with someone whos married -you know that sister.
But also try to think about what this relationship will do to you. It will cause you nothing but pain if you continue it, he can't commit to you, u seem to have realised that from your post alhumdulilah. As well as your pain, it will also destroy his wife.
And you deserve better than to have 'half a man' or to be kept a secret. Dont let this destroy u.
I sincerely advise you to make sincere tawbah and leave this man. Turn it into as much as a positive thing as u can. I am not saying that you dont practice dont get me wrong - but every one of us can improve, even the most pious muslim. So improve your relationship with Allah, read Quran, do night prayers. Try to meet more Muslim sisters and spend time in good company.
Yes it will hurt to leave him, but what is a few months of pain, followed by freedom compared to a lifetime of pain and deceit? You will not regret it! You know have to leave but start taking the steps and cut him out of your life so your not tempted to go back.
In answer to ur q, I dont know how. What I do know is men are made different to women in many ways. In general Us women have a nurturing nature and a big heart because Allah made us to be mothers. Men are different, which is why Allah made it permissible to have upto 4 wives.
You have a big heart MashaAllah, its Allah's blessing so we should use it in the best way. InshaAllah you will find a husband in time and Allah will place love, and mercy between your hearts.
May Allah have mercy on you, strengthen u (& us all) and give the Ummah Jannatul Firdaws. Ameen.
dear brothers and sisters whatever answers u have posted I am very surprised to know that still honesty resides in the world. Though i m a Hindu i agree to all your suggestions. And to dear sister who asked this question i want to simply say dat im also passing through same mental state. aaaaaaaafter reading these things today only im going to break the relation though i love him more tham my life but being a woman i can;t make other woman cry. i love him so dearly that it is extemely very difficult to forget him. Dear sis please try to remain away from him. u deserve your own love only your forever. May god bless u and give strength to face the reallity because u have to be honest with ur parentsand urself
Eventhough in th law of islam men are allowed to marry more than one,but i strongly believe and understand how much of pain their first wife feelings would be..Some people talk about polygamy as if Islam was the first reason for them to permit it. This is incorrect and as for the condition set forth by Islam for polygamy, it is the self-confidence of the Muslim to be fair in his treatment to his two wives in food, drink, clothing, housing and sustenance. If one is not sure of his ability to fulfil such duties equitably and fairly, he is forbidden to marry more than one wife.Bacisly men are the great liars..like what you asked in the first place "What's into one man's mind and soul when he says "love you" to two ladies at the same time"????? First of all, men don't always cheat, but when they do, here are some possible reasons:They no longer feel satisfied/stimulated in their current relationship and are too cowardly to end the relationship..Secondly,they like various sex partners.They need to feel desired and their partner does not fulfill that need ( When Their wife getting older and fatter day by day )The woman's SEX DRIVE isn't what it was when you first got married.
.Some men cheat because they think they can get by with it and they don't take their relationships seriously.Men cheat because they are bored in their current relationships, SORRY TO SAY THIS BUT MAYBE THEY WANT their spouses to be interested in doing the sexual things the men want to try out (e.g. oral, greek, 3-ways, etc.) or morally against such kinks.My conclusion is plz don't marry a married guy...they are just looking for sex pleasure..think of their wifes at home that has been waiting for them at home like a mad dog..
Hiya i know this is a bit silly but im a little worried about my own circumstances here i just need some help....
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Reality of life is the happiness only occurs in jannah. in this dunya there is only temporary happiness and i know how you feel entirely and yes people make mistakes allah didn't make us perfect and everyone needs to realize that you need to repent to Allah n do salaatul isthikara asking for guidance. Ameen 🙂 i hope everything worked out for the best.