Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m in a desperate need of help……..can’t receive any help from anywhere… Someone please help!


I have been in a relationship for 4 years now. He is my best friend and we love each other alot. We really want to get married as soon as possible just to avoid haraam relation anymore. We want to get bound in the pure matrimony. We both are 23 years old. And we are from different cast. He's Punjabi and I'm Urdu Speaking.

My parents surely like him and they agreed for the marriage but they want his parents consent as well. His parents don't want us to get married as I'm not tall enough and my color complexion is not fair and that I don't live in a very place. He's taller than me and he's fair in color.
He has been trying to convince them for 7 months now but they are complicating things for him such as not talking to him, always taunting and insulting him, cursing him, don't invite him to any parties or gatherings, leave him without food so that he has to cook food on his own. They also threatened him that if he'll marry me they'll cut him off from their family and won't fulfill the rights.
He had already agreed to give everything up but they are still not agreeing for the marriage. And my parents won't let us marry each other if his parents won't bring the proper marriage proposal.

We cannot talk them with any Religious points because they are not very religious people.....This is guy is far much religious than his family like offering prayers fasting follows most of the Sunnah......but they are not even in to praying or fasting most of the time..

We love each other so much that all we want is to get in to Nikkah. We don't have any wrong intentions all we want is to get into a Halaal Relation.

What should we do to make it happen?? I badly need someone's help. It's too difficult to even think of living without each other..
Someone please help... all I do these days is crying because I don't want to loose him... He's the only best thing ever happened to me.. :'(

We seriously need some guidance or dua or anything sounds fair.... We are asking for help after getting all tired of trying and sorting things... Please help us...


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 Responses »

  1. Wasalam you both do not sound very religious actually since you have had a relationship for 4 years. If I was your parent I would be ashamed and certainly not accept your boyfriend to be for your husband. If your families are not religious or judging according to Islam then their opinion is invalid, you would need to attempt to convince them islamically but if they judge by other than Islam then they are judging other than bun Allah's religion and you need not obey them in that.

  2. Salaams

    1) 4 years haraam relationship between you and your boyfriend.
    2) Your parents don't mind you and your boyfriend getting married if his parents also don't mind.
    3) His parents DO mind and want you to get away from their son.
    4) You and your boyfriend love each other so much you can't seem to live without each other.

    Option 1 is get married secretly to make the relationship a halaal one. At least it will be much better than to keep going as a girlfriend/boyfriend. In this scenario you two can stay in good terms with both your parents and your boyfriend can just tell them he is never gonna get married to anyone else giving them the impression he is gonna be alone forever.

    Option 2 is you and your bf go by his parents wish and you two will just have to break up as you are committing a sin endlessly by staying in a haraam relationship. It will be extremely hard to move on but what other choice you will have if it is all about your parents' and his parents' happiness.

    Option 3 is you and your boyfriend runaway and get married somewhere and live wherever. no more dramas from his parents and you and your boyfriend just live your life having nothing to do with yours and his parents.

    Might be few more options out there but it all depends on what you want the most. What you can do is you and your boyfriend get married which would allow yours and his parents to know too and even if his parents stop talking to him he can still stay in touch with them so he can carry on fulfilling his duty as muslim. If his parents are being babies then they are the ones that need to man up but their son shouldn't have to stop living life because they chose not to be religious and want to control their son's life. They will be questioned on Judement Day for their bad behaviour but your boyfriend should stay in touch with his parents often, even if he will be married to you, which is against his parents' will.

    Overall follow your heart and ask Allah for mercy and guidance for both you and your boyfriend as well as both your parents.

    May Allah make it easier for you all.

    • as-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah,

      Although this may not apply in this case - just a kind reminder for all Muslims and a warning from our Prophet sallalahu 'alayhi wassallam: -

      Our Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam said:
      "Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian ("wali"), her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.
      But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian ("wali") of the one who has no guardian."

      Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709. (source)

      Our Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam said:
      "There is no marriage except with a wali (i.e. permission of the girl's father) and two witnesses of good character."

      Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from the hadeeth of ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ 7557. (source)

      The guardian ("wali") of the woman is her father; or if he has passed away, then his father (i.e. grandfather); otherwise the son of the woman, or the brother.

      So we know from this and many other ahadith that there is no concept of a "secret" marriage in Islam, primarily for the protection of our sisters.

      As for answering sister "Muslimah"...
      My advice is simply to ask Allah subhanahu wa-ta'ala for help through istikhara (more info here).
      Perhaps He will open up a path which no one could envisage.
      Or perhaps He (subhanahu wa-ta'ala) may bless either one of you with someone who is better and more suitable in the long term - even though we as humans think we know best, rather, we never know what negative consequence may come about because of our short-sighted actions.

      And Allah subhanahu wa-ta'ala knows best - and may Allah al-wasi' un-aleem bless us with more knowledge and wisdom, and soften our hearts with true imaan, ameen ya-rab!

      take care,
      was-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah.

Leave a Response