Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is stoning the only way to repent for this sin?

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The Door of Allah's Forgiveness is Still Open!

Hi, I'm a 23year old girl. All my teenage life I used to abhore girls who had bfs and relationships. I thought I would never get into any such thing. Sadly, some 2years back, I did. Even though it was a proposal to marry, we became close. We are getting married in 6months, but all this time it has haunted me that I've become physically so close to a man. We didn't get into zina. But we came close to it. I know I'll be held accountable for that and I want to repent. We tried a lot, to even stop holding hands, but it didn't help. And i couldn't repent because I couldn't stop.

I just want to ask, Is it too late to repent? We still meet, we love Islam but couldn't stop ourselves. Will kissing be counted in zina as well? How much gunah i have gotten? How do I repent? Is stoning applicable for all bases? Is stoning the only way to repent? Is there any ayah/hadith saying I can do taubah and there won't be any gunah for all this?

I've made mistakes, more because I knew he would be the husband. I feel dirty now, stoning will tell the whole world, how do I make it all okay now?


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5 Responses »

  1. Sister, before giving you any advice about your "stoning question", the thing that is more worthy of being answered is "Is there any ayah/hadith saying I can do taubah and there won't be any gunah for all this?" l would comment on it from a general perspective, not specifically in relation to your sin.

    Dear Sister, if you have ever read the Qur'an (with translation/meanings), it is all about our well being, both here and here after. That's why ALLAH has provided us with valuable tools like conscience, controlling our nafs, our lust, saying Istighfar if a sin is committed, replacing a bad deed immediately by a good deed, and last but not the least, Tauba, means affirming not to repeat the sin again. Tauba is the greatest tool of a believer because Satan makes us think this way that now you have committed the sin, so there is no way to get pardon from ALLAH, ALLAH is only Al-Jabbar, Al-Qahhar, where we know that He is at the same time Al-Rahman and Al-Raheem, Al-Ghafoor and Al-Wadood. So how can you even think or ask like this way that ALLAH will not forgive you? Now consider this Ayah from Surah Al-Zumar [39:53] that contains tremendous hope in it for sinners like us:

    Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

    Now your second amazing question "Is it too late to repent?". Sister, when there is "not too late" for Satan to make us stray from the right path, he continuously whispers and goes back, then whispers and again goes back (Surah-Al-Naas) till the time that we eventually do that mistake/sin/disobedience of ALLAH, then how can we being the holders of ALLAH's faith and promise (The Noble Qur''an) can step back and ask this way? All l can do is to make you logically convinced that there is not too late to repent or leave the sin completely. Kindly watch this small visual reminder by Sheikh Muiz Bukhary about Tuaba/Repentance:

    This video will surely bring your heart to ease Insha Allah, provided if you are sincerely looking to repent.

    Now about stoning, l am not sure about whether it has appeared anywhere in the Qur'an but may be there is some reference available via Hadith. I would like the other commenters here to correct me if l am mistaking. Committing adultery before marriage has a punishment of beating with 100 lashes. .And such punishments are applicable after listening to the believers who have witnessed the sin. Refer to the tafseer of Surah An-Nur [24-2] .

    (Now look, you are talking about being too late to repent when you are even not married and did not do intercourse, human beings have a great tendency to be sinful even after marriage, so there is not "too late" to repent as well).

    To sum up, as you have n't done adultery, although there is zina of eyes, hands, feet and every part of our body being used in such a prohibited way, all you have to do now is to hide your sin, sincerely ask ALLAH for tauba, stay away from your fiancee straightaway as such shameless acts will destroy your after life as well as your worldly life too even if you get married to the same person. One cannot remain in peace by repeatedly committing a sin. ALLAH brings the consequences of our acts in our lives sooner or later.

    Last advice sister, your fiancee may threaten you if you do no fulfill his desires, this is your real test after repentance whether you are powerful enough to fight the Satan or not. Please do not led yourself stray at this moment, please. Fight this moment at the cost of this engagement relationship, you may have to break your engagement if he continues to force you to repeat the sin. May ALLAH protect you.

  2. Alhamdulillah .Good advice.

  3. assalam o alikum ,
    I am a muslim girl ... but now i think i dont deserve to call Muslim
    i live in kSA i have done uncountable UMRAH Alhamdulilah .. but for study issues em in pakistan I love a boy and he loves me more .. but after reading your blogs i said to him that we will not talk to each other any more one thing more we have met many times now i have fear of ALLAH i love him and i want to marry him but after completing my studies i told him we will never meet again and we will not talk to each ither not on call and messages,, besied this i also want to marry him with Razamandi of ALLAH and my parents i dont want to angry ALLAH ,,, Please tell me what to do Is stoning applicable for me too ?? is the only punsihment to get rid of sin ?
    P,s I pray to ALLAH if he is not my destiney then take away his love from my heart and his too
    Please help me

  4. Sisters
    Stoning for kissing and hugging ? that is completely irrelevant to your question and situation. Where did you get this from? even if you commit zina, may Allah forbid, it is still irrelevant to you as an unmarried woman

    It seems you have misconception about the sin of Zina and wrong physical contact with the other sexs.

    The simple answer is ,
    - you already regret what you have done,
    - then just Repent, and ask for forgiveness.
    - Follow this by doing some good deed

    Whenever you have done some bad thing, hurry to follow it with a GOOD deed(s). It will erase it. This the proactive positive way a Muslim should fight sins and Shaytaan at the same time. A very POWERFUL way indeed

    in the Hadith it is narrated by Abu Dharr , that the prophet SAW said :
    "Be conscious of Allah wherever you are. Follow the bad deed with a good one to erase it, and engage with people with beautiful character (good manners)." ( Tirmidhi )

    Do not be so hard on yourself, you have done a mistake, but if you repent , you are among those Allah loves.

    Allah indeed loves those who are contentiously repenting , and very fast to return to him when they are made to go astray by the shytaan. He doesn't only accept them, but they are among his loved servants.

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