Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My boyfriend married someone else, what do I do?

Muslim convert woman in Hijab

Hello Everyone,

I met my boyfriend in 2013, in a couple of days, it will be our three year anniversary! I met him when i was 17, and he has been my first serious relationship!

During those three years not once did he ever let me speak or meet his family.
Most of his family are all over the globe, but his parents are from pakistan! I am french born with indian roots. We were in love, and even though we had our ups and downs, we would always make up. He would never let me go out or see my friends, so for those almost 3 years all i knew was him. I saw him everyday until one day he told me he was going on holiday to pakistan! We even went shopping together for his parents, and siblings! When he reached pakistan, he was not in contact with me for a few days! He left on october the 6th, and then on the 11th i got a message from one of his friends, because his skype account was logged in on my computer, saying congratulations for your wedding! At first i thought it was a joke, then i tried calling his phone again and this time he picked up. When i asked him about it he confessed to me that he got married. I still remember how my heart sunk when he said that.. I was in utter shock! My mom spoke to him and he told my mom what happened! I cried, my mom cried! I was still in shock. My mom then told me that she knew this was going to happened, and she had warned me in the past that pakistani men had this bad reputation in france and they were known for doing this kind of things.
After a couple days, he called me and explained that he was forced, and he will divorce her and that i shouldnt worry! He would always insult his "new wife" and how she's not his type!
He asked me not to leave him, and told me to wait for him!
When he came back from pakistan, he said he couldnt leave his wife!
And that he hadnt had any sexual relationship with his wife. He also told me that he cannot divorce her otherwise harm could come to his family!
It was his dad that promised him to the girl's family and if they refuses, they would kill his dad or him.

He told me, if i wanted to go i can leave him! But i cant! I love him so much! I tried moving on, but i cant! He told me to marry him and be his second wife! But i just cant accept that! My heart is really puzzled! I dont know what to do! Please can someone help me? I dont know what to do! Im so lost and confused, i cry every night! What do i do?

Joy

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9 Responses »

  1. Discuss with your mother and get married asap!

  2. Hi i understand your pain. It is really hurtful when a person does something like this and unfortunately it does happen all over the world. Yes it will hurt for a while, but you're better off without him. He went overseas and then he's married to someone else? and then comes crawling back to you? Tell him leave you alone. You'll find another, better man.

  3. whatever you do, please do not become this mans second wife. He kept you in a relationship knowing he had no intention to marry you. He left you and married someone else. not once did he disclose his marriage plans with you. He has made it clear he will not leave his wife for you. frankly, i don't believe he's not had any relation with his wife. this is just a way to to keep you in his life and keep a relationship with you. as hard and painful it is to accept, please cut contact with this man and let your heart heal. he made his choice to marry this other women regardless of his reasons. men always blame parents, but reality is no one did force him. he choose to go on holiday. he choose to accept this women as his wife rather than take a stand for you. let him deal with the choices. if he was that unhappy, he would not have lied to you, cut contact with you. I'm guessing he would have continued a relationship with you as a married man had you not found out. you have nothing to gain by staying with this man. he will use you then leave you as he has done now. just think, 2/3 years down the line, do you really want to say you have been having an affair with a married man, because you loved him and let your emotions cloud your judgement.

    • thank you am reading this in 2018 all i can say is thank you
      am in a situation similar to hers anyway its painful but all in all moving on is the best medicine.

  4. This is the result of both of your actions ..Haram!your life will not get any better if you continue.And hell will be an evil end....Allah wants us to be clean and obedient to his commandments that regulate this world.Don't live like the animals do .Understand your purpose of life

  5. OP: My mom then told me that she knew this was going to happened, and she had warned me in the past that pakistani men had this bad reputation in france and they were known for doing this kind of things.
    After a couple days, he called me and explained that he was forced, and he will divorce her and that i shouldnt worry! He would always insult his "new wife" and how she's not his type!
    He asked me not to leave him, and told me to wait for him!
    When he came back from pakistan, he said he couldnt leave his wife!
    And that he hadnt had any sexual relationship with his wife. He also told me that he cannot divorce her otherwise harm could come to his family! It was his dad that promised him to the girl's family and if they refuses, they would kill his dad or him.

    Very familiar story....happens a lot. You have not learned your lesson yet. He is still hoping to use you more. He may even tell his wife about you .....he may even tell her are just a friend.........there is no sex involved

    • What a sneaky snake. He is a cheater and obviously a huge liar. He is playing you as a fool. Please don't ever take him back, he is a very bad man just using you. He does not truly love you or he wouldn't have snuck behind your back. As others have mentioned move on. You need to remind yourself he snuck behind your back and married someone else that will help you get over him. Life is short and you have wasted enough time on this low life. I wish you the best.

  6. Run far away from him. He is a spineless man and doesnt deserve you.

    He is most likely lying so he can keep you as his side thing. Honestly don't lower yourself. This man is a typical man who prefers culture over religion ... If lets say for argument sake he does leave her and becomes your husband (I can say 99% this will never happen) he will treat you judf as badly.

    Read about Islam my sister in Humanity and see the true beauty of the Religion and maybe use this heartless mans actions for some good.

    But please don't give into him ... Your life will become even more complicated.

    May Allah guide you to goodness my Sister.

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