Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband beats me like an animal. My in-laws never liked me. I want him to love me the way he used to

domestic violence

Assalaamualaikum brothers/sisters.

I'm a married women from durban. i got married 4 years ago. when i got married, me & my husband loved each other alot. but i dont know what went wrong my husband started beating me like animals and abusing me in front of his family members.

slowly slowly i got to know that my in laws never liked me & accepted me as a daughter in law. my mother in law, who is a widow has done some black magic on my husband & told my husband when you look after your wife & fullfill her all doesn't shows that you are a good husband but it shows that you are a husband who dances to his wife's tune. etc etc

now whenever i try to talk to my husband about clearing all the differences & misunderstandings between us then only one thing he says me & that is " now, we should get separate"...but how can i get separate & why should i get separate?

i still love my husband alot. i want to spend my whole life with him.

i can't think of separation or divorce.

i want my husband back & i want him to love me the way he use to do when we got married.

please pray that my mother in law should get away from our (me & my husband's) life for ever & ever.

please help me...


-C. E.

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17 Responses »

  1. salam alikum sister
    i understand your situation but what i could tell you to do is ask from Allah he's the powerful from all things you need to know that the way you situation is if you pray 5 times a day your prayers will be answered and as often as you can say astagfirullah because you dont know what mistakes you have made that these situations are becomming bad for you read as much as you know like ayal kursi drood shareef it'll help you trust me allah will find you a solution in a good way try reading surah yasin too. it's because i have tried and when i done that all my problems seemed like it was a dream. noone used to listen to me and i was in such a struggle i didnt know who to talk to and where to get advice so i got a sign from Allah pray do good and Allah will listen to you. so i tried and yea i feel like my situation is better than it people are getting a better understanding. trust me it'll work if you believe in it.

  2. Salamu'alaikum,

    Sister, you said magic has been done. Bear in mind that it is a major sin. Infact, practice, and even learning of magic is Kufr. So, when you accuse someone of having practiced it, then you actually say that person has done Kufr. And if this is not true, the accusation bounces back on you. So, be careful and never say something, until you are sure of it.

    You said your husband loved you initially, but his mother probably brain-washed him and he started hating you. And you see the solution in staying away from your mother in law. Right?

    He wants to separate from you. Ask him the reason. If he beats you, ask him the reason for this. Have you mistaken? What is your crime, that you are being punished?

    Know the reason, and then you can work on how to solve the issue.

    Make use of what Allah has given you of the beauty, and make sure you respect him and keep in the boundaries of respect and love.

    You can try one thing. Try to win the heart of your mother in law. Serve her, be good to her, bear some of her words, but try to win over her heart, wisely. Thus, the root of your problem can be accessed, in order to solve the problem.

    If this does not work, then try to talk to your husband. Make his mood good, and look for an opportunity. Then put a word forward, saying that staying in a separate home would bring much peace in your life, than what you have now.

    See if any of this works.
    I pray that Allah Helps you in this, and strengthens the bond between you and your husband
    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  3. hi brothers i am niaz muhammad from afghanistan i love this site very much

  4. sorry : dear sister really you are in a bad state i pray you very much may Allah help you very much and i like your this power that your mother in law do bad but you dont make your self bored from your husband you must bear this state and i am sure you will succeed too because you love your husband Allah loves those who love their husbands and i am sure your husband is also not objercate dont hate him his mother is objercate try to understand your husband by the cause of his mother bye have a long life my dear sister

  5. Assalamualuikum,

    I understand you are going through a hard time..May Allah help you..Well Surah baqarah is recommended for protection against black magic and evil eye..That is the beginning chapters of the Quran..Inshallah everythnig will be alright..Have full faith in Allah.


  6. Dear Sister,

    I am really sorry you are having to go through such hardship,

    May Allah make it easy for you. If you feel like you need to talk to someone about what you are going through and need advice on your situation maybe you could give the muslim community helpline a call
    Their number is 0208 904 8193 lines are open mon - fri 10 til 1

    There are also other organisations that help and advise women on situations were violence is occuring

    National Domestic Violence Helpline
    0808 2000 247

    I really hope I've helped.

    Good luck x

  7. If I was in you situation I would have run right out of the door and wouldn't even look back.

  8. salaam upon you

    sister, the answer is in your question/post, your mother in law has used the worst type of disbelief in Allaah to come between you and your husband, he has used black magic.
    you need to do ruqyah on your husband and make sure you read athkaar on him when he wakes up, when the sun rises, when the sun sets and when he is sleeping, likewise for you.

    you should tell your "mother" in law that he has committed disbelief in Allah by learning magic.

    Sister, iam trying my best not to blame you, but why on earth would you marry into a family who disbelief in Allah by committing magic?

  9. Akhi Abdallah, Assalamualaik.

    The sister is not sure if someone has performed magic. She is just suspecting it.

    For sure, Alhamdulillah, Ruqyah Shar'iyyah is the solution for magic, but when it is not proven, then her belief that her mother in law is wrong in this would call a great fitnah.

    Magic is Kufr. And according to a Hadith, as you may be aware, false accusation of Kufr would make the accuser Kaafir.

    You may not be aware, but in the Indian Sub Continent, the practices of magic are common, but the suspicion about this matter is even more common. So, one should take care, before concluding that it is magic. And Allah Knows Best

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • Brother, i judge upon what is written, and no where in the original post does the sister say she "suspects" magic was done.

      "has done some black magic on my husband & told my husband when you look after your wife & fullfill her all doesn't shows that you are a good husband but it shows that you are a husband who dances to his wife's tune"

      without a shadow of a doubt, the mother in law has done magic what what she whispered to her son.

      add to this that the man loved his wife, and all of a sudden he starts to hate her, this is one of the biggest signs of magic, and is mentioned in the quran


  10. Brother Abdallah,

    I believe it is not a good way, brother. People may be mistaken and sometimes may be seriously in error. This is why they seek advice here.

    And I would like it if you mention the Aayah from the Quran, which you said, mentions the symptom of magic you mentioned. Because what I know of is the Aayah of Baqarah mentioning that the Shayateen did kufr. But it does not have any such thing you mentioned. Is there any other Aayah for it in the Quran?

    And, Allahu A'lam, but I still say that the matter is not sure yet.
    I know that sudden change of one's behavior is a symptom of the effect of magic, but this does not necessarily prove that it is magic.
    For example, if someone has a headache, it does not mean someone has brain tumour, if someone has a pain in the chest, it does not necessarily be a heart attack. Further investigation and tests are necessary for a conclusion.

    In the same way, just the change of behavior need not necessarily be the effect of magic.
    There may be other reasons for these, which the sister isn't aware. So, further investigation is required for conclusion.
    I do not say you are wrong. It may be magic, but there is no substantial proof.

    Allahu A'lam, but I always abstain from jumping to such a conclusion. I fear Allah, I fear His Wrath, His displeasure, His Punishment. I would not like to take the risk of the fatwa of Kufr being applicable to me. Because practice of magic is Kufr. And declaring someone of having practiced it without proof is very serious. The fatwa of Kufr could bounce back on us if we turn out to be wrong.

    May Allah forgive us all for our ignorance and may He be Pleased with us

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • Saying someone committed disbelief in Allah, does not mean he is a disbeliever mutlaqan because there are six barriers which stop a person from becoming a complete disbeliever as Bin 'Uthaymîn mentioned, so therefore no one called another a non muslim.
      also, i don't know how many times i have to repeat the sister has accused her mother in law of magic without any hesitation

      • My brother, you do not need to repeat. I understood what you mean. But perhaps you do not know the Hadith which I am trying to speak about. I am not sure what fatwa of Shaikh ibn Uthaimeen you are talking about.

        The Messenger sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "He who says to his brother 'O Disbeliever', then it returns upon one of them."
        (Bukhari and Muslim)

        Imaam al-Haafidh Ibn Hajr says, "And what is correct is that the hadith (narration from the Messenger sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam was said as a warning against a Muslim saying that to his brother. It is said, "What returns upon him is his speaking ill of his brother and the sin of declaring him a kaafir (disbeliever)", and this is reasonable. It is also said, "It is to be feared that this will lead him into kufr", just as it is said, "sins leads towards kufr". Thus it is feared that if he continues in that and persists in it then he will have a bad end. I prefer from these sayings that it refers to the one who says it to someone from whom nothing is known except Islaam and there is no justification or reason for him to claim that he is a kaafir. So in such a case he becomes a kaafir himself because of that, and this will be explained. So the meaning of the hadith is that his judgement of takfeer (making someone a kaafir) returns upon himself, so what is meant is takfeer not kufr. So it is as if he passed judgement of kuft upon himself since he passed this judgement on one who is like him (ie. a muslim)"[Fathul Bari]

        Imaam ash-Shawkaanee said, "Judging that a Muslim has left Islaam and entered into Kufr is something that is not fitting for a Muslim who believes in Allaah and the Last Day except with a proof (Burhaan) which is clearer than the daytime sun, since it is established in the authentic hadith reported by a group of Companions that he who says to his brother "O Kaafir!" Then it returns back to one of them." In another wording, "Whoever addresses a man with Kufr, or says 'Enemy of Allaah' and he is not that, then it returns back upon him" (Muslim)

        Apart from this, Ramadan Mubarak. May Allah enable you and me to Worship Him in the Best way possible. Aameen

        Muhammad Waseem Editor

  11. & told my husband when you look after your wife & fullfill her all doesn't shows that you are a good husband but it shows that you are a husband who dances to his wife's tune. etc etc

    In my humble opinion, this looks less like black magic and more like a mother (widowed at that) who is lonely, and afraid she will lose her son to another woman. Sometimes mothers and fathers have a difficult time dealing with the marriage of their children. For some, it can be hard to let go, for many reasons. They feel as though life is moving on and leaving them behind. The mother-in-law is not doing black magic. Instead she is playing upon her son's mis-placed guilt and putting him in a situation where he must choose between the woman who gave birth to him, and the woman whom he loves and is his future.

    • Sister do you have experience or detailed knowledge of sihr? I say this ONLY becauese if you do not, then please i request you not to give an opinion because if you are incorrect, it may cause harm to someone which you did not intend. May Allah bless you and grant you all the good in this life and the hereaft,

  12. The Quran placed obedience to parents immediately after worship of God.

    "We commanded mankind to be kind to his parents" [Noble Quran 31:14]

    And then speaks of the mother. In a very succinct statement, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Paradise is at the feet of mothers." Once a man came to him and asked, "O, Messenger, who among mankind is worthy of my kindness and love?" The Prophet answered, "Your mother." "Who next?" "Your mother." "Who next?" "Your mother." Only after the third time he said, "And your father."

    Sister please please do not wish such thing like this,"please pray that my mother in law should get away from our (me & my husband's) life for ever & ever." its sin to wish such thing like that even good or bad she is a mother even yours and you know because of her you got your husband. She might feeling insecure that he will avoid his mother, that why maybe she is telling him like this. I also donot think it's black magic because if it's that then he will have other symptoms for sure it must be only behavior change dosent mean black magic. He will have lots of strange symptoms.

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