Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My past is ruining my future

guilt sins forgive


I know if Allah has concealed your sin one should not reveal it. When I was younger I made a mistake and committed zina I repented many times and promised to never talk to that man ever again. It has been 6 years since then. I have asked Allah swt for his forgiveness and repented many times over and over. A few years ago in college I met a good Muslim man and asked me about my past. I hid my mistakes and never revealed it. But then someone from high school told this Muslim man about the other guy I had been with,  when he confronted me I said yes it's true but I do not wish to revels my sins to anyone. He seemed fine and got over it. He did fb message the other guy who I committed zina with but never got a reply . I never revealed zina part to him either. We have been engaged for 3 years since then, and have committed zina bc we were going to get married. Now 3 years later the other guys replied to the fb messsge, and has revealed everything to my fiancé. My fiancé not only continued speaking to him he asked for every single detail. He called me a liar and a whore. I said I repented for my sin and do not wish to reveal them to anyone. The other guy told him everything and even made up slot of lies. My fiancé broke it off with me saying he cannot marry a girl like me. I said my past is my past and I have sincerely repented. Is this sign of my sin being revealed mean I am not forgiven for it? I pray and recite Quran daily. Why would I reveal my own sin once Allah has concealed it. He said he has the right to everything about me if i expects marriage to take place. Now after all my sins have come to light 6 years later my engagement has been broken off. I was a different person then and since then have changed and become much more practicing. I admit I made a mistake but have asked Allah swt for his forgiveness. I don't know what to think of this now. I repented a lot and continue to do so, but how come my sin has been revealed after so many years after me trying to hide it.


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12 Responses »

  1. That's so bad sister am sorry to hear that the guy you wanted to marry wasn't even a Man if he wants you . your past shouldn't have mattered to him and for the people who's trying to uncover your sins and broke your engagement whether that's your or Ex and your friend . Allah will ask them the day of judgement. Plse move forward and don't talk to those people . If you had married your fiancé he would abuse you . For your past I have known people that happened to . SubhanAllah people are horrible these days . Insha Allah you will marry someone better

  2. Your past is what it is The Past. Move on. Start with getting rid of your feelings for your current fiance who is living a double standard and has been involved in a sexual relationship with you. He has some serious issues and needs to grow up. He is living in another mindset where his fragile ego will not allow him to accept that you were once in love and involved with someone else. Had to go sneaking around finding out about something that took place years ago before you even knew him. He could not handle you being honest with him. Your relationship with the other man has nothing to do with him. It seems that both men are poor examples of men, of humanity, a waste of space and time since they have no reservations about talking about a relationship with you from more than five years ago. These two men deserve each other. Losers. Make taubah for the current failures and sins you have committed. Learn to be alone without being sexually involved with anyone. Learn and realize that some men are not honest and sincere about sex no matter what they tell you. They want to have illegal sex, like the man you were engged to, but want the woman they marry to be pure. In the future if you find love again, and that man starts asking questions, I would strongly advise you not to go into detail about anyone you were ever involve with. Or ask him if he was ever involved with someone else. So many men want what they want, but are not deserving.

    • Learn to be alone without being sexually involved with anyone.

      Thats what she did and ended up with Zina both the times .

      • Then she did not really learn anything about how to be alone, did she? *Sigh*.

        • Being alone with opposite gender is not allowed in Islam and clearly prohibited in hadith .

          The Prophet (pbuh) says: “No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytan is the third one present.’” [Narrated by Ahmad, Tirmidhi and Hakim)

          Islam forbids free-mixing of men and women in case it leads to fitnah and illicit relationships. In the West, it’s extremely common to have a girlfriend or boyfriend, whereas Islam prohibits this. Instead, it is encouraged to marry early to prevent problems.

  3. Salam,

    I would like you to consider a few things:

    1) If Allah is indeed hiding everyone's past sins then how do crimes ever get solved? Why does one who committed a bad act ever get found as the culprit? Based on this I would say that there is no universal hiding of sins.

    2) Do you have anything in the Quran that says it is upon Allah to hide your sins? I would say you don't so please don't make this assumption that it's getting hidden.

    3) You repented for zina and yet are still doing it with a new person. Why are you worried about whether your repentance for your previous zina was accepted when you are actively engaged in it now? And that was not the past ruining your future, it was the past and the present. The only thing that stopped your zina now was the breaking off of the engagement.

    Moving forward please assume your sin will be known. If your sin is such that it changes your value at marriage then I think it should be revealed. And I think this should be true for both the guy and the girl. But the way culture is, neither the guy nor the girl want to admit they've committed zina. And this in turn is increasing the value of a non muslim that converted and will not hide the truth than to marry a muslim that wants to mislead others in believing that he/she never committed zina even though he/she has.

    • M, what the poster here mentioned about the concealing of sins is factual and true. She did not make it up, it comes from ahadith: “All of my ummah (nation of followers) will be excused, except for the mujaahireen (those who make their sins known). And verily it is a kind of mujaaharah (exposing one’s sins) that a man does something (sinful) at night, and then in the morning, when Allaah has screened his sin for him, he says, ‘Hey So-and-So! I did such-and-such last night…’ And the night passed with His Lord screening him, and he wakes up casting aside the screen of Allaah from himself.” - Sahih al-Bukhari

      From this hadith we can understand that we are to conceal our sins and that Allah conceals them for us too, except in the case where we expose ourselves. There are exceptions to this, such as when we commit a crime, in which case we must turn ourselves in and receive due punishment according to law in order for justice to be served and for us to repent.
      I agree with everything else you wrote except for that.

      • Salam hi,

        Thanks for the response. I was aware of this hadeeth and that's why I was asking for a reference in the Quran. Some people are reluctant to read the Quran for fear that they may misinterpret it and then get their Islam from Hadith. I feel that they misinterpret the hadith and justify their actions. For this hadith it does make sense to hide a certain level of sin as to not encourage others to do the same sin. But there are other sins that the person would benefit from reporting both here and in the afterlife. Zina as a sin, I feel should be reported if it changes the value at marriage. By eating the consequences of reporting this the person is having to deal with it as a problem. By not reporting it there is no consequence and the person doesn't mind committing the sin again with the hope that Allah will hide it and they will get away with it again.

        In marriage, I don't think past relationships should be kept hidden. Past relationships have a direct impact on the marriage and each person needs to know who they are getting married to. Even if that information was just shared amongst the bride and the groom, it still needs to be shared.

        • Salam M,

          Apologies for my late response.

          There is nothing wrong with getting your Islam from hadith, in addition to the Quran. The hadith is sunna, the Prophet's example for us, which we should all strive to emulate. You said you were aware of this hadith, but still asked for an example from the Quran? I am kind of confused here. Do you not believe in the legitimacy of the hadith? Would you only believe it if it was in the Quran too? Please correct me if I am wrong about my conclusions from what you wrote. I do agree that there are some who misinterpret the hadith and twist it to justify their wrong behavior. But I did not see anything like that from what the poster mentioned above. I do disagree with her actions, but when it comes to the hadith she mentioned, it is a legitimate one.

          Who you are is made up of what you do currently. If you have completely left the sin behind, then you are not the person who commits that sin anymore. You are different. Hence, you should be judged on your current behavior, not your past one. I do kind of see your point. The poster has not completely left the sin, but is still engaging in it. This does affect her relationships. However, I still do not think she was incorrect for believing her sins would be hidden when she (at the time) repented for them.

          • Also I would like to add, I disagree when you said this:
            "By not reporting it there is no consequence and the person doesn't mind committing the sin again with the hope that Allah will hide it and they will get away with it again."

            This is not how it works. This hadith is not meant to be used as some sort of escape route for sin. Allah is aware of everyone's hearts and intentions, and if one tries to use the hadith in this way, they are only deceiving themselves, and will receive their due punishment from Allah, because they were never truly seeking repentance in the first place. There is consequence still, even when it is not reported. The consequence and punishment comes from Allah, who sees all you do. There is no such thing as "getting away" with it. Every sin you commit is written down and noted. The only way you won't receive punishment for a sin you committed, is if you sincerely repent and seek forgiveness from Allah, and don't return to the sin again. Then, because you have changed as a person and no longer engage in the sin, you will not receive punishment. (But obviously repentance is a process: feeling ashamed of what you did, apologizing, leaving the sin altogether, and doing charity to expiate your sin.)

  4. Im sorry to say this, But what is the point of repenting for a past zina sin, when you are doing it with this new guy again. And this is a very Grave sin, its unbelievable how you justified it so easily " we do it coz we will eventually get married" .. I see things going downhill from here, and this new guy is not a respectful guy either, hes equally involved in the sin. Just spend more time with family, try to heal yourself.

  5. Bismillah

    Allah gives you a test for any phase of life. who knows, this could be a test from Allah.
    also you are living life of sin and expecting mercy of Allah!??

    may Allah forgive us all for our shortcomings !!

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