Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need a new born baby for adoption!

Allah Tests who He Loves

Do not Despair, After Darkness will come Light

Salam All, I have been married for 3.5 years.

These years have brought me lot of disgrace and hatred from most of the people around me, for not having children or in other words, for being INFERTILE!. This word is more abusive than any other word for a married woman and people who are suffering from it, can understand it!

The first year of marriage passed with just prayers and tough waits. The second year, after having lot of social pressures, I decided to visit a doctor in the best hospital of my country. Cutting story short, after few months of medication and a surgery, I found out that I was suffering from a hormonal disease called Endometriosis.

Finally, I was advised to conceive through IVF and was labelled as Infertile medically. Those who have gone through it, know only how painful this whole procedure is....physically and mentally...!

Luckily, the first cycle of IVF brought happiness in my life and I conceived triplets in last September, exactly after three years of marriage. The first few months of pregnancy went very well, followed by the time, when problems started. I miscarried the third one naturally. I was still not much worried as i was carrying two more.

But Allah had planned something else for me. I found it that one baby started breaking waters around him and other fell at bottom most inside my womb causing bleeding, called placenta praevia. I stayed in hospital for a month as doc advised for continuous checkup and ultrasounds. He wanted to give the baby near bottom the maximum chances of survival. I was spending every day in hope and despair. The chance of healthy outcome was 50/50.

Then I found out the second baby also started losing his waters. That was the day when doctor told me that I have no choice other than terminating the pregnancy as the continuation of pregnancy could be dangerous for my life. I took opinions from three more doctors and all advised the same. I was admitted to hospital, was given artificial pains and delivered twin still born baby girls with all the physical and emotional pains!

My dear husband buried the small 500 gms babies in the grave with his own hands while I was crying in hospital bed! This happened exactly 15 days back!

I have written all the details only to let my sisters and brothers know how hard I have been trying to carry my baby in my hands. Due to my disease, I may or may not get pregnant again.

I am so much in fear about IVF that can not even think of trying again! I have seen people here who are pregnant with unwanted babies....See, Allah's plans for all!!!....Some pray hard to have babies and some have them without even planning. I need a baby at this stage of my life whom I can love, care and bring up just as a real mother.

I am very much educated and financially well and the baby will be in the safest hands ever. If there is any one who is pregnant (or will fall pregnant in the next few months and reads this post) but can not bring up the baby due to any reason, can give him/her to me for adoption for whole of his/her life so that I get a reason to live. May be Allah has planned this path for me! I promise my love for him will never never change even if I conceive my own child naturally later!



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3 Responses »

  1. Sister,
    I understand that you brought forward this issue to this forum because you see so many people with surprise pregnancies, but here's a few things you will probably hear from the moderators and/ or members of this site;

    1. They won't allow you to exchange contact information with anyone here. It may be a liability issue or whatever, but they won't allow it. The second a commenter posts their email, phone number and so forth, the comment will be either edited or deleted.

    2. This isn't the appropriate place for such a thing. Sure, everyone wishes it were that easy, but people come here from all over the world and the logistics and legalities would just too too difficult to even consider finding a potential parent with a child for adoption to be practical on a very anonymous website/discussion forum such as this. Some of the things you will probably deal with:

    *Does the person have complete ability to put the child up for adoption, considering the other parent, families and laws of the country the child was born into.
    *Was the mother and father ones that lived a healthy lifestyle, does the child have any repercussions
    from substance abuse, etc.
    *What nationality is the child, what does the child look like. What if the child were from a family in Africa? Would you still be interested? Sadly, many from Indian/Desi/Pakistani backgrounds would not. The reasons why would be cultural.
    *Where was the child born? What kind of immigration issues are you dealing with importing a human being from their country into yours? Do your two countries have the diplomatic relations to communicate an adoption agreement in legality? What would the monetary cost be? How long would it take? Most adoptions take a year on average in the west, and that's potential parents and the child born in the same country.
    *What religious barriers might you face? A child from a more fundamental religious Islamic country may not offer adoption as an option because Islamically it is not permitted, or at the least discouraged. Therefore, forgoing the law in that country to adopt the child might bring forth implications of human trafficking, etc.
    *Who will accept the monetary funds on the end of the biological parents? How will you know if you have not been approached by scam artists since you will almost definitely not be in their location if you meet them by chance on a website such as this that pulls people from all over the world? Adoption costs go into the tens of thousands of western dollars, I guarantee you that these people can furnish false photos of the so-called "pregnant" mother, false documents of adoption and medical records, and so forth for that kind of money. There will be no way to be sure that your adoption process will be legitimate, and enforcing any kind of legal repercussions upon those who took your money would be impossible, should they live in another country. They'd get away scott free, and frankly anyone who conducted such business with a stranger they met on a Q&A website probably deserves as much.

    This IS an Islamic website, and many will discourage you from adoption as Islam frowns upon it, as family and blood relations are so important in Eastern cultures, however I feel it's inhumane to say such a thing, as there are many, many starving children all over the world with not a single sin on their souls marked against them, who could easily benefit from the financial and emotional support of so many established families all over the world. As a parent and an advocate for healthy, happy children, I'd encourage adoption if you are able to do so.

    The approprate thing to do would be to consult an adoption agency in your area.
    I would suggest finding an adoption agency in your own country where you can meet the mother, and the agency has a person who handles the exchange of money for the adoption, so you can legitimize both the agency and the parent(s) involved. Just the fact that you've made this proclomation on this website worries me that you might not do your research before you chose a child or pregnant mother. Let me give you some advice:

    Slow down, take a breath and let the idea that you've chosen to adopt sink in, as it's a new decision. Then, start doing your research. Look for an agency, set up an appointment and let them take the wheel on guiding you down the process to adoption. Good Luck!

    Sister Stacy

  2. Sister,

    First of all, I would like to offer my condolences for the loss of your children. You must be absolutely heartbroken. May Allah lift your heart and heal the pain you are going through. Should you be looking to adopt a child, the best thing for you to do would be to find services within your community that might guide you in the right direction. You would need to be very careful and only go to well known and established places as there are a lot of unscrupulous individuals out there.

    There are also things that you can do to help yourself given your current medical condition should you try to get pregnant again. Coffee increases the level of estrogen and thus causes growth of endometriosis in the body so it is best for you to avoid it. Also, try to include food items such as mushrooms, chicken and beans in your daily diet to enhance the serotonin levels in the body.

    Best of luck to you...Salam

  3. I too offer you my condolences for your losses. I cannot imagine your heartbreak. May Allah comfort you, and ease your pain, and your husband's pain as well.

    Stacy aand Najah said everything I would say, with one exception: Islam does not "frown" on adoption. In fact, Islam considers caring for an orphan to be a great and meritorious deed. The Islamic concept of adoption has certain conditions that are not found in Western adoptions; it is more like guardianship in some ways. See my comment on this post:

    Want to adopt a baby in the USA

    May Allah aid you and grant you the joy of your heart.

    This post is now closed to comments.

    Wael Editor