She won’t accept Islam, should I leave her?
Assalamo Alikom wrwb,
I came to the USA when I was 25 years old and I had to get my papers in order. I married a Christian girl who helped me with getting my legal status. I didn't feel it was just to leave her after I got my papers so I stayed with her and we fell in love with each other.
We now have a 3 year old and we agreed on upbringing him as Muslim. However, I am trying to help her to become a Muslim so we can be a whole family but she is against the idea and she keeps saying that she doesn't want me to change her.
I am not very good at da'wah and I fear I am going to waste my afterlife if I stay with her. In the meantime, I want to be there for my son. What should I do?
Please advise,
Jazakom Allah khair,
Tariq
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Can you please answer a few basic questions, to help me understand YOU a little better.
So please, read on and enlighten me on the following,
Was getting your papers right to settle down in the US of A more important than following your religion, God's path or ensuring a good afterlife?
Why is it that now that your immediate needs / desires are met with, you're thinking of doing everything to qualify for a *GOOD* afterlife?
You should have ideally, resisted tempation of meeting with your immediate needs in this life, as against what God's promised, an eternal afterlife. I think, had you been a true follower, you would have chosen suffering for a moment, than upsetting God and disturbing something that he's promised to everyone who truly follows his.
Do you think, leaving someone who bailed you out of a certain situation, who eventually loved you and now is even a mother to your son, would PLEASE GOD or ensure you a Good afterlife?
Also, do you think, your son's going to respect you or forgive you for depriving him of a happy and normal childhood, in the loving guidance of both his parents, a couple, who he can look upto?
Just few questions, if at all they help you understand things. God's the best judge, and nothing's ever hidden from him, not even our trickery, not even our manipulations.
Just wondering , are you muslim ?
Well, are you a MUSLIM?
I certainly doubt that! Contemplate about some very VALID questions I have raised, before covering up the situation.
Free will, is all about making decisions, some make the right decisions, some make wrong decisions.
Who's going to judge it? The Almighty Lord!
If the man who's posed the question here, didn't think of AFTERLIFE and facing GOD, while marrying a woman, he believes his God wouldn't appreciate then why is he now contemplating this, when his needs / desires are met with???
The woman is not a MUSLIM, the way ordinary HUMAN BEINGS think, but this man's SON, his own blood and flesh, is a MUSLIM. And the woman, has not even objected to it. He's given the man his right to raise his child as a Muslim.
In that case, is it going to be fair, if this Muslim MAN makes another Muslim (his innocent Son himself) suffer for a "mistake" he's not committed! Is God going to forgive this act?
Don't always bring religion in between to our defence, to cover up our human failings! God would be hating it, when people manipulate his words, to their convenience!!!
God does not forgive people, who rush into an act before giving due thought to the consequences, only to repent later on hoping the MERCIFUL will forgive me. Please remember, God forgives them, who made mistakes, not them who made mistakes for their own greedy purposes!
Pray, God blesses us all with the wisdom and strength to do WHAT IS RIGHT!
Wetschmaz and lala, you have not answered this gentleman's question., you are just adding more to his problems and you are getting him confused.. The deed has already been done and he came here for advice, by blaming him you are just adding more to his confusion and problems, you are not helping matters..
just to clarify bro mohd , my question was directed towards this non muslim lady weltschumerz.
That does'nt matters lala, wiltschtmez is welcomed to give a reasonable and comforting advice to the questioners
Hey weltschmerz,
Hope your well. I cant find the post where you gave me advice...i just really feel like reading it again just for my own comfort. 🙂
Thank you.
Here I am :)... Check the link, I have pasted below,
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/she-wants-to-marry-me/
..have also left a new post for you, scroll to the bottom of the thread, to read it.
God bless you.
Much affection,
Weltschmerz
Check this link out inshallah. You'll get your answer from a learned Ustadh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd6iYdQytTc
Was salaam
Is a good thing that you are now concious of your akhira (hereafter), but always remember that Allah is oft-forgiven, most mercifull... ... My humble advice to you brother is not to force her into the religion.. Allah has commanded us in the koran to invite to His way with wisdom and beautiful preachings and argue (and reason) with the non-muslims in the way that is most gracious... Be discussing things you know about islam with her and get her books on islam so that she can do the research on her own. Be motivating and enticing her with the religion and atimes you should be inviting her (not forcing) to some islamic lectures.. Of course all this may not work out fine unless/until you your self are a practicing muslim... You have to be firm with your salah prayers, be nice good and sweet to her, be kind to people, and do all what Allah has ordained for you.. This way, you will be an example to her and she will be seeing the real islam in you... You should also train and bring up your son islamically and indoctranate him with the concept of the deen.. Insha Allah with time your wife would slowly embrace the religion after she knew much about it.. ALLAH KNOWS BEST.
@ lala / wiltschemcz
It doesn't matter if u r a muslim/ non-muslim ,
And comment based on your experience ,wisdom or understanding or religion , it might contradict with ppl and their beliefs
And trust me it will
But it will piss ppl of if u go of the limits like some so called muslim/ non-muslims and comment , which in any way be hurtful to the ppl belief
Until so u do that ppl like wiltschemcz irrespective of their religion have right to share their unbiased view point to share
@Mohd & True Blood,
Thank you very much for your understanding. I really appreciate your words.
Lala, I, by any means don't intend to offend anyone, not even you, not the person who's posed the question, not just about anybody, and never by discriminating between people on basis of their religion or philosophy.
I have raised few question here, not with the intention to confuse or offend Tariq, but to help him, contemplate about the possible consequences.
He's already taken a decision, which he now PERHAPS repents, and what I am trying to do by raising some questions right now, is to help him contemplate, give due thoughts to everything, think properly before again rushing into a decision, to PERHAPS repent eventually!
He's a married man, and has a son. Seems to be a loving husband, but is confused when he thinks of his religion. Do you think, it would be fair of him, fair for his loving wife and the innocent son, to go through the pain and trauma of a wrecked family?
God would never like to wreck a loving family, never in his name or cause, at least.
All Tariq perhaps needs is some time, to think with a clear head and mind, to deal with the situation with complete patience, and not rush into any decision.
You see, Gold can never be turned into a fine piece of jewellery unless and until it is heated and beaten and carved with much patience.
The process may be painful and may require lots of patience, but the end will then justify the means greatly and to everyone's utmost satisfaction.
Also, why is religion becoming an issue here, the lady in question is a Christian. When Prophet Muhammad himself has guided his followers into respecting and following Jesus Christ, then why would a Muslim man have problems with a Christian woman, who seems to be a good, chaste and loving houswife and a mother.
And Lala, I am a non Muslim, but if you go through my post on other threads, I have mentioned, that I am equally thankful, as much as the Muslims here are, to have found this forum. I am healing myself, as I am trying to help heal others.
I was with a Muslim man for 5 long years of my life. I cared for him, and saved him from certain death, when even his own family (yes, Muslims) had abandoned him. But after 5 years, of every struggle I had put up with him, he left in the name of religion.
Now do I hate him? NO!
Now should I hate islam or every Muslim on this planet, because of what he did?
NEVER!
In fact, I feel sorry for the man, who did what he did, because he failed to understand what exactly God expects out of us. There are lot of stories around on this forum itself, where people have used RELIGION as a tool to cover up their own shortcomings. A lot of people have suffered because of it. Especially, in the light of such events, chances are plenty and sometimes people (especially Non Muslims) get a reason to justify, to promote Islam in the negative light. All I am trying to say is, is it even justified, that some people bring bad name to the community because they use it to their convenience? NO!
And, although, I am born into a certain religion, I am someone who believes in God, and respects all his faith / religions / followers. Whether I approach from the east or the west, my destination is not going to change. And only because I am approaching my destination from the east, I can say and claim with certainty that the route from the west is wrong or doesn't exist. We are human beings, and all os us have our individual journeys to follow, and we must respect it the way, perhaps, God does!
Pray God blesses us all with the wisdom and strength to do what is RIGHT!
TYPO (from the post above, last paragraph):
And only because I am approaching my destination from the east, I CAN NOT say and claim with certainty that the route from the west is wrong or doesn't exist.
Your advises and comments might be nice and comforting to read but the bottom line is , you apparently don't have understanding of Islamic law and fiqh .
Your comments are based on your understanding and your religion . Although there are similarities between Christianity and Islam but there are also huge differences . Your intentions may be pure and your writings may also reflect goodwill but it will be difficult for muslims to take advise from someone who has no understanding of Islamic jurisprudence.
I must also mention that , I have nothing ill against you . I just wanted to make a point , thats all .
Lala, I am happy, that WE have realised that we do not have just about anything against each other!
Also, I am happy you have said "Your comments MIGHT BE (and not MAY BE) nice and comforting..". Very glad.
No, my advice is not based on my understanding of my religion, I am ONLY trying my bit, to reduce human misery, relieve people of their sufferings, give people some hope, make people believe in God (above religion) and his justice!
I am a very ordinary person, and what I am doing right now, is all perhaps what OUR God wants me to. Believe me Lala, I have suffered miserably at the hands of a person, I loved the most. And I still do not hate him. We need to realise, our job is to do what is right and what is MORALLY right, something that doesn't hurt our fellow human beings, for we're all, whether good or bad God's children, his creations. To judge our actions, is entirely our Lord's business. So let us leave it for him to decide.
For me, God is the ONLY absolute truth, while religion is man made. And the versions we have in hand today are diluted and to an extent distorted.
...My only contention is God can never ask us to do anything that contradicts or damages the human moral fabric.
ALLAH hafiz
@weltschmerz i have read your recent post they have been helpful as always