Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Too ashamed to ask for forgiveness

Ashamed woman, sad woman, depressed woman

I have been committing sins way too much. I don't even want to list some things because the shame I'm in. I honestly don't even know why I'm on here asking for help but this is the only place I could come to. I feel like I'm worthless and should be ignored and abandoned. I am so shameful and words can't explain.

When I commit a sin I do it knowing it's a sin and I feel like my desire is what drives me and I let shaitan win. I don't even think Allah will forgive me for them anymore. I just wish I could stop. I can't even ask for forgiveness because if I were to watch myself I wouldn't forgive even myself. I dont deserve to be forgiven. I want to be forgiven but I'm afraid I'll do it again. I'm at a point where I'm losing control of my self esteem and I feel like such a horrible person and to this point I don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I challenged God in a way. I feel worthless and sick. I don't know what to do.. what's happening to me I feel like I'm becoming this evil thing and I can't control it! :'( or maybe I can but shaitan is getting to me.


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , ,

5 Responses »

  1. Assalamwalekum sara

    I'll quote a Hadees to you i recently read and which i hope will bring you as much hope as it bought me.

    Abu Hurayah recorded Allah's Messanger (SWT) told of a person who had never done a good deed in his life asking the members of his family to burn his dead body when he died, and to cast his ashes to the wind and to the ocean. He said: 'By Allah, if my Lord takes hold of me, He will torment me as he has not tormented anybody else!' T hey did as he asked them to do but the Lord said to the earth : 'Return what you have taken' (and also said to the ocean), and he was thus restored to his (original form). Allah said to him:'What made you order that? ' He said: 'My Lord it was fear and awe of You. ' And Allah pardoned him, because of this (awareness). ' (Muslim 6637-6638)

    That dear sara is the extent of Allah's forgivness. Nothing you do will be big enough that He does not forgiv you provided that you are aware of Him and your mistakes and are in fear of Him because of those mistakes. And that my sister you definitely are otherwise you wouldn't have posted this issue. You are aware.
    The forgivness of Allah is far beyond what any Human being has a right to expect, and far beyond what they deserve n but its there for sure.

    May Allah always be there with you.

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    You may recall that shaitaan erred by not prostrating when Allah commanded him to and Hazrat Adam AS ate fruit from the forbidden tree. What happened next is the most important part. shaitaan did not ask Allah swt for forgiveness and instead made du'a to Allah swt to give him until the Day of Judgement to misguide and lead astray humans and jinns and Allah swt granted his du'a. Prophet Adam (peace be upon him) sought Allah swt's Mercy and asked for forgiveness. This is what you should do. Yes, you have accepted your mistake, but shaitaan has tapped into your psychology like tree roots in the ground and he knows you really well--he is good at what he does with everyone. It is about time that you take control of your thoughts and own them. Start being aware of where your thoughts lead you and the sensations you feel when you are about to sin. Connect with yourself and instead of becoming the victim of shaitaan's plots, take hold of your actions through your mind. It isn't easy and it is something we all have to work on everyday--you are not alone.

    So, stop thinking about what you do or don't deserve. Stop thinking about if you sin again that you will be insincere. Instead, START asking Allah swt to forgive you. Ask Allah swt for His Mercy and Guidance. Ask Allah swt for power over your feelings and actions and cry your heart out to Allah swt. Allah swt loves you Sister and it is shaitaan that poisons your thoughts making you think that Allah swt will not forgive you. In fact, that is exactly what he wants you to believe and he wants you to be hopeless so that you will continue to sin. Part of staying in sin and sinning more stems from being hopeless regarding forgiveness. So do not give up hope in Allah swt's Mercy. It is greater than your sins and it is greater than the evilness of shaitaan.

    Allah's attributes of mercy and forgiveness are stressed to encourage humans not to fall into despair. No matter how great the sins of human beings may be, Allah can forgive them if man turns back to Him in sincere repentance. The Prophet (pbuh) was quoted as saying, "When Allah created the universe, He made an obligation on Himself [recorded] in a document kept by Him: My mercy supersedes my wrath." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

    May Allah swt ease your difficulties and help you towards the light and out of the darkness that surrounds you, Ameen.

  3. Salaams Sara,

    Honestly I used to feel the same way about my past sins. There was always something inside me that told me, "Why would you even for a moment think about raising your hands up in supplication? He will never forgive you!"
    And these, sweet Sara, are the accursed whispers of the Shaytaan. Don't let him get to you! You are better and stronger than all this. In fact, a sheikh once said that most really good muslims are the ones with a dark past who want to change themselves and strengthen their faith, which led them to being the amazing people they are today.
    Don't ever for a moment think you are worthless, just tell yourself to be tough and move on with life, no matter how dark your past may have been.
    Just do your best to strengthen your iman(faith) in Allah(swt).
    I know you can do this:)

    Your sister in islam,

  4. salam

    i just want to ask a question that ALLAH will not forgive those who commit a sin and repent and then commit the same sin after some days and then repent????i am i a confused and depresses stata and i am afraid of ALLAH's anger....i just cant move on with this feeling....plz somebody help me???

    • Allah will forgive every time, as long as you sincerely regret the sin and do not intend to do it again.

      Wael Editor

Leave a Response