Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m in severe pain, confused and lost

Man with guilty woman in the background (cheating)

I'm married with two wives but my second wife always behaves in a way she makes me feel suspect her... at times when I come back from my place of work I will silently go to her chamber and see her taking her janabat bathing, so I will let go without changing or reacting. this happens on and on until one night when she came back from her mother's village and I went into her.. met wit her.. sunna... but I discovered that my something manhood fell in like ..she was much roomy too much gap like never before.. putting on light I saw tear and stretches sores below her I snapped the place with camera so she can see but she swear nothing happened even before I say a word ..i am Aali sunna... a thought went into me to see a magician another thought said no cry towards Allah. please right now I'm confused, lost and my iman is Swinging.. help me Asap... save my soul.. yaa sheikh..

Yahya

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2 Responses »

  1. Bismillah
    If you go to a magician you leave the fold of islam and burn in hell for eternity for a wife that's cheating on you! But even if you do go to a magician and he confirms your doubts, he is lying because through sunnah and quran we already know that the shaiyateen tell lies and you cannot believe them IF SHE IS, you can proceed from there but as long as you cannot prove that she has actually done what you are accusing her of, you cannot say that she did something like that! It is actually a sin for you to accuse her of something without proof its a bigggg sin!!! Have her followed or follow her yourself!

  2. as-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah,

    Dear brother, forgive me but it appears you're letting shaytaan's whas whas (whispers) control your thoughts. You're letting shaytaan overwhelm you with doubts and suspicions and perhaps jealousy.
    Please remember you have no proof of your wife doing anything wrong, and your doubts might just be because of ignorance (lack of education about women's bodies)!

    i.e. just like men, women's bodies especially change during the monthly cycle, and over the years after marriage; and depending on climate and food. What you're describing may just be because of lack of exercise on her part - perhaps she's eating better now after marriage, and she's not doing much walking or exercise? Another reason may be because she loves you more now than before, and based on her psychology when you approach her, she might want you more in intimacy, and thus the private part of both men and women change!

    Brother Yahya, pelase control your ignorance and doubts, and learn more about how much women's bodies change based on heat, climate, psychology, age, and especially after pregnancy and childbirth. Remember also that not all women are the same, they're not mechanical, and each women changes in her own way, just like men.

    You say that you see her taking a janabah bath, but how do you know that perhaps she wasn't cleaning the home, or the weather was too hot, so she decided to take a bath/shower?! What's the difference between janabah bath and a normal shower in which one decides to do wudu?

    Again, I think you're letting shaytaan control you and create doubt and suspicion between you and your wife - and perhaps your doubts are causing your wife undue stress. And because of this, perhaps your wife will not love you as much as before.

    If you don't control yourself now, you will let satan win over you and break your marriage apart for no reason except your own ignorance and silliness.

    Remember, the best thing the shaytaan can do is to cause a division between husband and wife!

    Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam) said:

    Iblis (satan) places his throne upon water; he then sends out his helpers (for creating dissension);
    the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension.

    One of them comes (to satan) and says: "I did so and so."
    And he (satan) says: "You have done nothing!"

    Until one of the helpers of shaytaan comes and says: "I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife."
    The Satan goes near him and says: "Well done, you have done well!"
    A'mash said: He then embraces him as his closest helper.

    [Authentically reported in Sahih Muslim, book 52, hadith 60]

    Our Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam told us that every person has a "qarin" (a shaytaan who is attached to him).
    And the companions asked: "ya rasoolAllah, even you??"
    And he (sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam) said, "yes, even me; but I have taken control of my qarin and made him a Muslim".

    [can't find the source of hadith]

    And I would strongly like to remind you of these ayah of Allah aza wajal...

    And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fasiqun (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allah).

    Except those who repent thereafter and do righteous deeds, (for such) verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

    [Surah an-Nur, ayah 4-5]

    Remember, to even accuse a chaste women (a good wife) who never thinks of such a thing, is a major sin, and when you spread this accusation, you are helping shaytaan and destroying your own self.

    If you don't control yourself now, you alone will be responsible for destroying your marriage and your wife's life, for no reason except because you allow shaytaan to control you. Anytime suspicious thoughts come to your mind, say "a'oothubillahi min as-shaytaan ar-rajeem", and make a quick duaa to Allah to help you.

    Before you go to bed, please remember ayah kursi, and again when you wake up; and recite the muwaddatain ("the 3 qul's") after fajr and maghrib for Allah's protection.

    and may Allah subhanahu wa-ta'ala increase the love and mercy between you and your wives and make your children and wives the comfort of your eyes, ameen!

    was-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah.

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