Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents of girl not permitting for marriage in non syed family.

A/A All,

This query is related a marriage proposal between an syed family of a girl and a non syed family of boy.

We both want to marry each other and we have maintained our distances as well.we were mostly connected via text and used to call eachother somtimes just to discuss something important.

We came to know each other through our university where we studied. We had a large and good friend circle where we used to discuss our routine work. We have never met alone till now. We always met as friends with other bunch of friends all together.

After my graduation i got a job and decided to tell my parents about her. I was able to convince them and then it was turn of her parents but they are creating the hurdle known as CASTE.

I am a khan,, a non syed born in a well educated family. i am an MBA graduate and my other siblings are doctors. My parents are well educated and they are good followers of islam.

The  syed family dont  have problem with my family but with the catse.

As we all know in islam there is no such prefernce given to caste.

The girl tried to convince her parents ever after months of rejection we contacted the imam and peer of that family. He tried to make them understand but they still rejected.Even their close relative who happend to be my father's friend tried to convince them but it was all in vain.

So after trying ever possible way for the last 6 months we are still stuck on the first stage. Her parents are more concerned about their so called society.

Now please suggest what other measures should be taken and what are the rights of a girl if her parents are not willing in such case even after all such efforts are made.

She is very much disturbed by their reaction as she is helpless. I just want to know what are the rights of a girl if her parents are not willing to marry her in a family with out having a legitimate or valid reason. What should a girl do beause she is being forced about all this.

Please help me and show us some way. May Allah help us All. Thank you.



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4 Responses »

  1. Dear Aaqib

    It might be time to give up pursuing this girl. You have exhausted every possible avenue to get her parents to agree and it hasn't happened. For whatever reason it is not good for the two of you to marry each other. This is the wisdom of Allah swt and a test and you need to accpt that this is from the qadr of Allah swt.

    I do not say this lightly. I think many people will have experienced the pain you are going through. I know that I have.

    You have spent enough time in this effort. It is not good for you to keep fighting this losing battle. It's not good for your iman, your health, your worldly life or your akhirah.

    Allah swt is the one we must make the absolute focus of our lives. Nothing else. Draw closer to Allah swt through acts of worship. Not because you want to marry this girl but because we all need to strengthen our bond with Him.

    Who knows where life will take you? Is this the end for you and the last chance for your happiness? No. Absolutely not. Be of good cheer and expect good from Allah swt. It may be something or someone other than this girl.

    May you find peace. May Allah swt the One is giver of peace comfort your distressed soul.

  2. Prayerful sister's advice is absolutely horrible. Telling someone to accept unislamic behavior is not the wisdom of Allah. In Islam there is no caste system. The young lady's parents are doing something that is haram. Again, in Islam there is no caste system. And it does not matter what your lineage is. If your friend's family is, in fact, a descendent of the Prophet (a sayed) that is also debateable. I bet if a blood test was taken, the majority of those who claim to be sayed would find out that they are not. I would suggest you have a consultation with an imam and perhaps the imam can reach out to the girl's family with more correct understanding of marriage rulings.

    • I did not ask the brother to accept unislamic behaviour and certainly not the caste system.

      You advised him to involve an imam.
      Have you actually read his post? He has already had an imam speak to the girl's parents. He has also had relatives of the girl who are friends of his father speak to the girl's parents, without much success.

      He himself concludes that he has tried every possible avenue to convince her parents. All to no avail.

      How much longer should he keep trying to convince her parents? Her parents are wrong to oppose the marriage. They have no good reason to oppose it. But he shouldn't marry her without their approval. Or keep wasting his time fighting a losing battle.

      I asked him to accept that this marriage is unlikely to happen, and maybe there is some good reason why it won't happen. This reason is known to Allah swt alone.

      If something doesn't work out despite our every effort we need to accept that this is the qadr of Allah swt and His wisdom. It wasn't meant to be. This is what I asked the brother to accept.

  3. Asalamu aleikum brother
    MashaAllah you've tried your best but the girls parents are not cooperating just because of useless caste issue which is unislamic, if both of you are ready to get married Islamic way I advice you to go to nearby masjid explain your situation to the imam.i pray that Allah make this easy for you if she's your better half

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