From a pious Muslimah, I became ‘a sinner’, now I want to love Allah
True love comes from Allah Alone, rest all is from Shaitaan
Im a 20 years old girl...I'm in a great trouble please help me...I'm surrounding by many people but no one to help me answer me!
I was a girl till 18 for whom even thinking of a boy was sin. I use to pray 5 times prayer with all hijab and abaya with a small coummunity of good 5 girl friends, very good in study. For my Final Of HSSC II I joined a Co-education academy. I use to Go with the whole body covered with abaya and face with veil ( Full Naqab ) .
15 july 2010 I dont know what to call it either a good day or a bad day A boy In my class seen me ( Not actually seen me because I use to wear hijab and cover my face) . he had a crush on a girl with covered face and started liking her and then finally was in love with her, as the girl was very good she don't even had any network for communication i-e Personal Mobile phone or Facebook / yahoo.
He kept on loving her without letting her know for almost 2 months. Girl ( me) use to contact friends from her mothers phone. He first contacted on my mothers phone ...My mother insulted him. he stop doing it so, then I joined facebook he got my Id from some one and started sending me messages ( long) confessing me that he loves me alot and all that! I was a girl for who thinking about all that Love was a sin.
I use to block his each and every Id. then this all part continues for almost one year he kept on loving me without even seeing my face, without knowing me , about my self , about my nature, without talking to me. He at last attempted Suicide, He was by the Grace of ALLAH paak saved, and had a new life. till that moment i was so strong girl but after hearing and knowing about his suicide I unwantedly started thinking about him.
I use to cry Infront Of ALLAH that why its happening to me. I dont know how but a soft corner developed for him in my heart. I still didnt replied to any of his texts. After that I got to know that he is SHIYA! I was surprised, the boy for whom my heart was started being soft again shuffled, But as I was a girl with neutral Islamic idea's No sunni No shiya I didnt reacted that much on it. just making it a lame excuse i kept on avoiding him.
this countinues for again a year that he kept on loving me and trying, Co-incidencly I've taken the test of university in which he already applied and i also got admission after I got admission and payed my fee I got to Know that he also got admitted. at that moment i had nothing to do.
I was all day im my home nothing to do and study ( as i've already got the admission ) I started taking him. he use to smoke , drink, didnt obey his parents, dont pray salah. when i started talking him I told him what is right what is wrong. and he started obeying me and from that day till now he never ever touched cigarette , drinks, obeyed his parents because i made him swear of Quran not to do these kind of things.
then i also started loving him and accepted his love he started a relation. Our relation infact i must say a sweet relation with all the fantasies started. after our relation I joined university first day . I did not covered my face but covered whole body with proper hijab and abaya, he saw me after loving me like a mad person for two years..we two were very happy that we are lucky we are in same university studying together,
but once i was regulary started going university I felt that having a relation and meeting ( I just meet him once) is not good , i started ignoring him and finally said No to him. He again attempted suicide this time his faimly got to know each and every reason and his mother called me and insulted me even his brother scolded me, this thing spread in my class and many of our fellows in uni,
I was pretty degraded among them, and after that our first semester result was out i got a very good GPA and he failed.
I felt so regretful because of the people and him i was force to think that i was the reason because of his all problems. I again contacted him and this time promised my self not to degrade him. I'll try to give him Love. we had a good relation within semester break, when university opened we use to study together and getting more attached emotionally and to b honest physcially as well.
we both were drowened in the sea of Love, we went out of uni I think 3 times and touched each other and Done touching and all that but not *sex* .
At that time i didnt knew where am i going, i stopped thinking about who i was and now who i am, people started thinking about me as a bad girl and all that, then finally that semester ended with good results of both of us. we were happy I told my mother about him as my friend and he told everything to his mother as she already knew about me at the time of suicide his parents were agreed,
But! a time came we both realised that we have cross the limits we have broken the rules by our ALLAH. we both sought for forgiveness and promised each other that we will not even touch each other till marriage, and yes! we did the same, we didnt touched each other.
After all that, as all relations have fights. we started fighting and for the first time he abused me insulted me like a dog or a servant, used slang language and several F* words. At the first time i was shocked i cried but at the end he apologized and finally I forgave him, after that there were so many fights and he use to abuse me always and end up with the sorry's .
Now the time came when i was sick and tired of being hurt being abused and being degraded. he always do it, today we fought and he abused me not only me but my parents as well, he called me and insulted me as well. I know not now but after 2 or 3 days he'll b back with again a lame sorry.
This all happened to me and i deserved it! I really want to Love just ALLAH to ask for forgiveness, I just want to pray and be a good girl, I want to b purified from everything. But because he'll come back and make me emotional by not studying and doing something harm to his self and i Know my self i'll again go for him which i really don't want to!
please help me I want just ALLAH Just ALLAH. i STOPPED PRAYING BECAUSE I THINK I AM VERY MUCH UNPURE AND BAD GIRL THAT I DONT EVEN DESERVE TO STAND IN FRONT OF ALLAH! I want peace , peace in my mind. I want to obey ALLAH just ALLAH
please help me! I've first time shared my story with someone.. I dont have any close friend to share with her.
Regrads!
A sinner
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Dear Sister,
What you're going through is something quite common and almost everyone has been there. It's called a 'phase.' Alhamdulillah, your piety really reminded me of my days, I used to be in the company of the ulema and the pious, not that i was pious, but I was greatly influenced by Deen until I got into relationships.
I can tell you from personal experience, that these things do not count. Today, after having passed that phase, and been involved with a lot of people and broken the laws of Allah, I have only seen dismayal. There can be no road where there is disobedience of Allah and yet you will find success.
Today, when I look back, it feels nothing - what back then i thought was obsession - the reason to live - was merely just infatuation, that i could not fully understand because of my flaring youth, inexperience and most importantly, Shaitan's efforts on me.
Now the solution that i would advise, first of all begins with introspection. Ask yourself - leaving aside everything, would you marry this boy? Forget the love you have for him. Let's assume, his family sent your family a proposal, and you know this guy and his personal habits, would you like to say yes to him?
This is where it all hangs. If your answer here is yes, then you two must talk to your parents and get married, IF they approve.
However, if the answer is No, then you know, you're using heart over mind.
If I were in your place - i would never be with this guy. And I have my reasons:
1) Loved you without knowing you.
That's ridiculous. So, basically, he loved a black cloak. Not YOU. The person that you are. He did not love things that are unique to you. What is the guarantee he wouldn't fall in love with some another woman in a black cloak?
2) Emotionally unstable.
This guy attempts suicide at the drop of a hat. You are supposed to spend your life with him. He is going to be the head of the family and the father of your children. Do you want someone who breaks down and gives up at every challenge in life? What will you do if he attempts suicide (and naoozubillah, succeeds) if he faces some another problem in your married life? What will you do?
3) Is not steadfast about the laws of Allah.
I am not trying to show him down based on his sins, or because I sin differently than him, I hope you understand my intention. So, he is not steadfast about Salah, the little deen that he got acquainted to, was because of you. Is that really reliable? What if he wears out of it? What if you two have a fight? Most probably, he will also lose his affiniation to Deen, because you were the intermediary. If you're gone - he has no connection. Hence, what are the chances that he will uphold your laws as prescribed in Shariah?
Trust me, this heartbreak and pain of separation is only shortlived. Maximum a year. Get over him. Break all contact. Remember, even if he does anything to himself, you are NOT responsible. Allah ta'ala has made suicide haraam. And he is committing haraam because you're not supporting him in haraam. Allah is the All-Seer. Do not feel guilty. Allah will support if you take a decision that does not earn His anger. As the famous saying goes "Do not displease Allah to please others."
I generally don't post on here, but I can relate to your story so I thought I could throw in a word or two of caution. Today, i am very happy, going to get married soon, inshaAllah. I found better - because I was patient.
Be patient, you will find better.
Salaam.
Jazak Allah for such a wonderful response, brother. I copy the same advise.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
JazakhAllah khair for such a comprehensive and excellent response.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
salaam
very good advice
one more thing i would like to add is to tell your parents about him tell that you have made a mistake couse as parents from both sides know about this you will need to explain it to your parents
allah hafiz
Assalam'alykum,
Masha'Allah Saud Ahmad gave a wonderful advise.
This is very true, There can be no road where there is disobedience of Allah and yet you will find success.
Its very unfortunate that you have to go through that 'phase' with the help of satan but fortunately you've realised what you did was wrong and now you want to be a better muslimah once again. Its wonderfull that you have observed proper hijab till you're 18 but were you aware that pre-marital relationship is forbidden in Islam ? I hope now you are. This is one reason why in my place we hate and discourage co-education system because no matter how strong ones faith, once they intermingle with non mahrams, thats it, satan is on the upperhand. Anyways, now its very possible for Allah to forgive you sis as Allah said “Say: ‘O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful’”[al-Zumar 39:53]
, “And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)”[Ta-Ha 20:82]
but for repentance to be accepted, the sins has to be stopped. You have to sever all ties with that stranger boy. Even though your intentions are pure now, even though you guys are not touching each other anymore, even though you guys are planning to marry eachother, you both are forbidden to stay in this sort of relationship in Islam as haram is haram even with good intention. There is no friendship between a non mahram man and a non mahram woman in Islam because satan is waiting patiently for another chance to destroy you both. Don't underestimate satan's wispher. Therefore, stop all evil deeds and then repent, if you keep on contacting that man, your repentace would be of no use. “And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him (in Islam) before the torment comes upon you, (and) then you will not be helped”
[al-Zumar 39:53-54]
“Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves”
[al-Baqarah 2:222]
Secondly, that man who you wish to marry is in my opinion and man with evil character and poor religion and is not deserving you. He abuses you and your parents, that is somthing huge atleast for me, I would have tortured someone for abusing my parents seriously. I can only think that he'll be more dangerous after marriage. Anyways you said that he smokes, drinks, dont obey his parents, dont pray etc, I really wonder how come you've got yourself attached to this sort of devil ? My only guess is satans wisphers and infatuation and possibly peer pressure which you should be carefull as Prophet said Whoever sought the pleasure of Allah though it was displeasing to the people then Allah becomes pleased with him, and will make the people please with him, and whoever sought the pleasure of the people though it was displeasing to Allah then Allah becomes displeased with him and will make the people displeased with him (Ibn Hibban/ Tirmidhi)
. I would strongly advise you to never marry this man, do not even think of him, there is nothing to envy in him and he seems to be a play boy as he sees that you are an easy prey. Since he never obeyed his parents its easy for him to insult yours. Since he dont pray, its as though he is a kafir because prayer is what differentiate us and non muslim so abandoning it is result of that. You said he stopped smoking, stopped drinking, obyed his parents etc because you taught him about that and he "obeyed" you ? What about Allah taught him that ? Why didn't he obey Allah ? well, its possible that he was oblivious but still its his duty as a muslim to learn about religion and not go chasing girls. Anyways, how do you know that he stopped smoking, stopped drinking etc ? You can never know, you can only belive what he tells you and what he does when around you and ofcourse he would act good just to reach his agenda. You are and will never be certain that he stopped those evil deeds because its easy for him to do it when he hangs out with his friends and because smoking, drinking etc is never never easy to quit and many people can testify to it. but it seems that man has magics lol. I would advise you to never trust any word that man says and never marry a person who abuses you and you family because parents has a high position in our life as a muslim which that man lacks. Leave him for good and may Allah give you someone you deserve and pray salat al istikhara for Allah to guide you.
Since he is a shia, I would be more careful in dealing with him because their beliefs are sometimes very deviant and sometimes shirk. But I wonder what Islam you follow ? I'm guessing sunnism but you mentioned "neutral Islamic idea" ? Whats that now ? What basic sources you follow ? Is it the path of our Prophet and his four rightly guided khilafas or something new ? Lastly, just be careful in your religion, I would also advise you to learn more about Islam from its authentic sourses.
Asalamualaikum sister,
I wish I was able to hug you. Many times I felt that I am too far away from Allah and so I stopped doing what I needed to do to get closer to Him but I realized that no matter what you do it will not erase the fact that He created you. Allah was the one who created you and He is the one who decides what is sin and what isn't. We have all sinned some times in our lives because we are not perfect but when we realize that we sinned it should bring us closer to Him because it should remind us how weak we are.
From personal experience I have realized that nothing good comes out of sin and when you look at things from a broad perspective many of the things that are considered haraam in Islam has real good reasons to be bad. For example pork is bad for your health because pigs eat many things that would not be considered clean and they have a poor digestive system so everything they eat gets transferred to their meat and when we eat pork we consume the bad things too. You have to think of it that way as well as a command from your Creator.
You are never too far away from your Creator. He will always be there for you even when everyone in your life is gone. Repent for what you have done in your past and Inshallah He will heal your heart. KEEP PRAYING, NEVER NEGLECT YOUR PRAYERS NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU FEEL. Make sure you do not make the same mistake again. You can not love someone you do not know. Your hijab, abaya and niqab is supposed to protect you from men like him, not attract you to them. Inshallah Allah will send someone better for you who will marry you and treat you will love and kindness and never abuse you. Inshallah I pray this for you and all of my brothers and sisters, Inshallah Ameen.
Once you repent, have faith that Allah will forgive you. When your sin is forgiven it is erased which means it is not there anymore. With that in mind, if you are forgiven then you are pure so do not call yourself "unpure". Do not call yourself "A sinner" as well because we are all sinners and we all need to repent. Thinking negatively of yourself will only make you feel worse and this is shaytan's way of trying to keep you away from your Lord. Do not let him win.
Inshallah the day we will all find peace will soon come but till that day we have to stay patient and get closer to Him because we find peace in His remembrance. This is the truth.
-Starclusters
Beware of the traps of the shaitan.
do not stop praying.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The covenant that stands between us and them is prayer; whoever gives it up is a kaafir.” Narrated by Ahmad, 22428; al-Tirmidhi, 2621; al-Nasaa’i, 462.
And he said: “Between a man and shirk and kufr there stands his giving up prayer.” Narrated by Muslim, 242.
and stop communicating with that boy. Learn about Islam, listen to lectures which will benefit you, think about the hereafter - heaven and hell.
This life is temporary. Do not be deceived by the Shaitan. Here is a link to a website where u can get alot of information about Islam inshaAllah -> http://abdurrahman.org/tawheed/index.html
and remember that Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better.
also go through this link -> http://islamqa.info/en/ref/4569/marrying%20shia
" i STOPPED PRAYING BECAUSE I THINK I AM VERY MUCH UNPURE AND BAD GIRL THAT I DONT EVEN DESERVE TO STAND IN FRONT OF ALLAH! I want peace , peace in my mind. I want to obey ALLAH just ALLAH"
One of the shaytaans biggest trick and one of the different tactics he would use to derail people from the path of Allah.
Allah would forgive your sins
The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.’” [Tirmidhi]
Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) loves it when people ask Him to forgive their sins. He is overjoyed with their repentance, since He hates to punish anybody. At the slightest excuse He washes people’s sins away. The only condition is that the human being must truly regret in his/her heart that they did what they did. The sinner should be ashamed of their misdeeds, and discontinue committing such sins. If the resolve to avoid the sin is not there then one has not actually repented.
In this hadith, Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) tells us that no matter how many a person’s sins are, should they even reach the sky in heaps, Allah would forgive the sinner if they were to turn to Allah in repentance. In a different hadith, the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) told us that Allah’s bounty is so vast that He would actually convert all the sins into good deeds, should the person truly repent. We should not postpone repenting of our sins and reforming ourselves to when we become old, since nobody knows when they will die.
http://dailyhadith.adaptivesolutionsinc.com/hadith/Even-If-Sins-Reach-the-Clouds.htm
Who can forgive your sins if not Allah. I think you are doing a greater sin by rejecting one of Allah's promises to the believers.
If he says he will forgive you I SWEAR BY HIS HONOUR that he would forgive you.
As for your relationship I think best to drop it like a bad habit.
Tell me this would you disobey the Allah Who loves you, cares for you, and even at this moment has given you blessings that if you were to count them, you would run out of numbers but not his blessings to a guy who could/would stop loving you at this very moment.
It May be the case that Allah is telling calling you back, May be has destined you to Jannah but just wants to defiblirate your soul back to Life by giving you a minor wake up call.
A mother saw her son playing with other kids blindfolded hide and seek and suddenly notices that he is heading toward a ledge that drops 1000 ft down, she tries calling him and with every cry her voice get louder, but the son still could not hear her as for some reason he was only focused in playing not answer his mother's ever persistent cries, then the mother to get her son's attention chucks small pebbles beside him, intending on just getting his attention but not hurting him , but still he ignores her and finally the mother has no choice but to pick up a big stone and aim straight at him to get his attention, and he finally pulls up his blind fold thoroughly annoyed at the person who hit him with that rock and when he knows it was his mom he yells at her, and later when he comes back to his senses does he realize the ledge behind him, and feels an unfathomable gratitude, love and respect to his mother and all that anger and frustration turns into just one solidified emotion LOVE towards his mom.
Now think about it There is no comparison to Allah but Your minor problems are the pebbles Allah throws at you which do not hurt but can cause you enough discomfort for you to get back to your senses, The big stone is some major trial that Allah puts you through so that you are shaken example death of a family member, sickness, loss of welath etc .. to make you understand that your current path heads just one way to Jahannam and yet some of us never take our blind folds as we would rather fall into the ledge than have Allah save us by putting us through a trial and the first thing we say is "Why is this happening to me".
Subahan Allah the plan of Allah is perfect and he only wills for us.
A trial that brings us closer to Allah is better than the Universe and everything it contains.
Assalamualaikum
Dear Sister! One day we shall die in the last there is death
Do whatever you want in the last there is death
Many people were died and will die
O the brave and braveless
In the last there is death.
In the day of Judgement, it will said to the bondmen that Read the book of your deeds and all the awwaleen and aakhireen will present,the Earth(land) will be of copper and the sun will come very near to us so at that time how we will read aur book of Deeds, Alas we are sinners and we Suplicate to Allaah that '' O Allaah 'azzawajal! Please forgive the entire sins of us by the wasila of your Prophet( may peace and the Blessings Of Allaah be upon him)
AameeN
Keep watching Madani Channel that throuh this channel. Many non Muslims have accepted Islam and Many Sinful Muslims repented from their sins
Also visit http://www.dawateislami.net
Assalamualaikum