I want my loved one back, I will kill myself, I can´t bear now.
I love someone too much but my family got me married with another boy. I could not stop that on time. They made too much pressure on me emotionally. But now I found that I can´t love my husband and I want my love at any cost. Please advise me how can I get back my love. Is there any special dua for that? if have please send me. I can´t bear this life anymore.
I will kill myself, I can´t bear now.
safroz
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Salaams sister safroz
Forget the boy you once loved make things work with your husband the halaal way and say ulhumdiallah. You have a beautiful chance to make this work and forget your previous boyfriend. If things were going to get serious with your boyfriend then he would have asked for your hand in marriage through the right channels. Sister I understand what your parents might have done is forced upon you but would you seriously want to throw your marriage away for someone who hadn’t even go to your parents to ask for you. I hope this brings it home to you that you were one of the lucky sisters who did get married and you want to throw this away for someone who didn’t even make you a decent wife. You don’t realise how lucky you are, and why you want to kill yourself for someone who didn’t even front your parents vice versa back to you. Look on the positive side of what you got now and could have otherwise the choice is yours w/salaams.
sister
you sound extremely trumatised and i'm very sorry for that. I don't know what kind of inner turmoil you are going through so i will not flippantly tell you to get over it becasue that is not only cruel but counter-productive.
What I will tell you sister is that God has chosen you right now in this phase of your life to test you- pray to Him for whatever you like sister- i don't know of any specific dua's that you can make for your specific request but know that God understands all languages and He hears all cries of anguish.
But sister I will tell you that you need to re-focus your mind on YOU. Step back and think carefully about what you are asking for. Is it logical, does it make any sense? what led you to this stage in your life? Wrong decisions, pressure, naivety, whatever it was sister it has happened and you cannot undo it.
Turn to God and seek relief from Him, pray much and if needs be then talk to someone.
I can see that you will not do any justice to your new husband in this state of mind so please seek profesional help if you have to. Does your husband know how you feel about him. Its not fair on him, so maybe your first responsibilty should be to inform him. Don't take drastic steps sister- think, if you leave your husband but never attain the one you want- what benefit is there in that.
There is not much information in your post as to why you could not have married the one you wanted in the first place. The fact that you were forced into this marriage is complety WRONG. That in itself kind of invaliates the marriage! However please sister try and let go of the past and focus on the present and on healing yourself. Suicdie will not bring you any relief.
I pray that you can find inner peace.
Aaalamu alikum Warhamathallahi wrbkathuhu,
My dear sister, my heart really goes out to you. I know the feeling of being forced into marriage, and let alone, having to live with someone who you dont love. However, i think you're forgetting that whatever has happened only by the will of Allah(swt). You have to put your trust in allah(swt) and take a step, think about what you're asking for. Maybe if you were to marry your boyfriend, you may have ended up in a bigger turmoil and this is maybe Allah(swt) way of stopping it. I think you;re too busy thinking about your boyfriend that you have not noticed the man beside you. It not too late to get to know him better, i know that you have mentioned that you cannot love your husband, but give him a chance. He like you wanted to marry and surely, he must some desires aswell.
I know of a sister who loved a brother but yet married a another. She was also forced into this. The brother she got married to beat he up everyday, she showed me her scars, he beated her badly during preganancy but would take her out to dinner afterwards. He left her alone at home and went back to my country, she was lonely, no where to go, knows no one so she lived with me for a month. during the month, i;ve never seen any woman cry like that, subhanllah! She heard news that her husband was going to marry again, and all her -inlwas were plotting to ruin her life and they even tried bombing her house back in my country. She went through all this with the help of Allah(swt), Alhamtillah, her husband came back not married, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy and after that he changed alot and dosnt beat her anymore. Just a few months ago, she just had another baby girl. So sis let me ask you this, can your problems compare to anything this sister went through?? ?
Never loose hope in Allah(swt) as hes the only who can help you. Inshallah, i hope you make the best decision and May Allah(swt) ease your difficulties.
Your sister in Islam.
Asalaam u alikum sister,
Under Islamic rulings there is no such thing as forced marriage. The Quran states: "O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good. (The Noble Quran, 4:19)" . Also there is a hadith where a woman approached the Prophet (peace be upon him) and told him that she was forced by her father to marry a man against her will...the Prophet (peace be upon him) allowed her to exercise her choice. [indicating to either stay with the person or to divorce]. Even without the hadith, the Qur'an is clear on the matter. So, if you were really forced into this, then you can exercise your rights.
You mentioned that you cannot bear it and want to end your life. With that regards the Qur'an states: '"And do not kill yourselves. Surely, Allah is Most Merciful to you". (Surah An-Nisa Verse 29) and "And do not throw yourselves in destruction". (Surah Al-Baqarah Verse 195) Your life belongs to Allah first and foremost. I understand that you are really really depressed but suicide is not an option. Narrated by Jundub: The Prophet (SAW) said, "A man was inflicted with wounds and he commited suicide, and so Allah said: My slave has caused death on himself hurriedly, so I forbid Paradise for him."
Narrated by Abu Hurairah (RA): The Prophet (SAW) said, "He who commits suicide by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in the Hell-fire (forever), and he who commits suicide by stabbing himself, he shall keep stabbing himself in the Hell-fire (forever)." For a Muslim, suicide is not an option.
Lastly, you mentioned the word boyfriend. I hope you are aware that Islam does not allow such relationships. Having a boyfriend is equal to committing adultary.
Personally, what I would do in your position is to ask Allah for assistance through Istikharah. Here is a link:
http://www.islaam.net/main/display.php?id=608&category=111
There are a lot of things going on in your life...maybe that is why you feel so overwhelm, however please don't give up on yourself. As some of the sisters mentioned above maybe your husband is more of a blessing than a trail to you. Pray istikharah and see what reply you get from Allah Almighty. Inshallah He will make it easier for you.
Take care and have faith in yourself.
Ayesha.
You cannot call something a blessing that is forced upon you & makes you uncomfortable. If you don't have spark with someone, you just don't. Listen to the story of the man who beat his wife & now they have two kids as if that condones his behavior. Was it God's will for this woman to be beaten in the first place? No woman should have to go through that at all. That's like saying a murderer is forgiven becuase he doesn't murder people anymore. What a coward to have laid a hand on a woman. And you want this poor
Girl to use that as an example. She was forced to marry. But you can't force the heart to love no matter how hard you try. Once you experience true love it's hard to let that go. You will always long for that. Don't kill yourself. You may feel you have no other options. See if you can find help. And to the person who says why didn't her boyfriend marry her, well I'm sure her parents never gave him a chance. But she has to sell her soul to give this stranger her parents picked a chance. Sure he might be a good person but just because somebody is decent doesn't mean that we can force ourselves to connect with them physically or emotionally. My parents have liked a few guys that are decent looking, have good jobs & are good citizens and I can respect that. However, if they forced me to marry any of these people
I would be miserable. Even if the boyfriend, who people say is not allowed anyway, didn't work out her parents should trust their daughter enough to make her own decisions. I see too many times that people say it's the will of Allah. How on earth would you know? Did you have a personal conversation with him & ask him? It was the will of her parents. If it was the will of Allah, she would be comfortable in this decision & there wouldn't be heartache & pain. Marriages are tough with someone you love let alone someone you don't.
I can see that advise given to someone who loves, to say you guys love each other you just fell
Off track & give it a chance. But what is a good reason for her to gice misery a chance? Is it because misery loves company? Also back to the woman who was beaten, you never said that she was happy. She probably just accepted it as her fate & didn't see other options. How sad & pathetic. I wish she never had to endure that in the first place. Her self esteem must be gone & that's what happens to people who are forced to marry. They lose their self worth & live in misery on the inside. I wish you bright moments in your future. If you have no way out, make the best of it. You could let the boyfriend go. You may hold on to the illusion of him if you are unhappy but I hope someday you work hard to get to a point to where you are stable enough to move on & get out of your situation. I hope you find happiness whether it be with the boyfriend or someone else of your choosing. You should talk to the 'husband' about your feelings. He may have been forced too. I hope he doesn't beat you.And you never know he may have accepted this but theres nothing stopping him from going out & doing his own thing.
Salaams choice1
It is Allah’s way of test path, patience and kismet. Whether you agree or not this person wasn’t actually true to her parents either she actually kept a big secret which in my eyes is haraam and should have told her parents about her boyfriend. Maybe she never told them and like you said the boyfriend wasn’t given a chance who knows but being honest to her parents in the first place she could have saved herself the heartache. I have seen so many loved marriages in the Muslim communities and they are a success. Same goes with arranged marriages but behind closed doors nobody knows. Marriage isn’t easy and I wouldn’t want any girl to go through this but unfortunately it is still happening. But what I do know it is the parent’s responsibility to make sure their children are happy and maybe because they have had this sort of marriage as well they think our generation will take it. Also I do not blame her parents but they could have dealt with the situation a bit better by asking their daughter what she preferred not many of use are blessed with that sort openness relationship with our parents. I rather say to this sister in concern to make this marriage work because at least she has given this a chance rather than saying go back to her boyfriend that is zina plus it is committing adultery and the boyfriend who of course might not make her an honest woman the halaal way who knows. You might think it is sad and pathetic for our sisters who are married and put up with the beatings but those women unfortunately do not have other options to walk away especially when there are kids involved and just maybe deep down they do love their husbands it is very sad they prefer this sort of life then being divorced. I do not believe in violence, abuse etc but what I do believe is to make the marriage a success is to give a chance because once you are married for a woman it is a different ball game to the men and I for one rather have this sister forget the boyfriend and move forward with her husband. The choice is hers and inshallah all the best ameen
BTW if someone chooses to really fall in love with someone then it is those two people who should have the guts to tell the parents face to face. Parents don’t deserve the betrayal of their kids doing bad stuff behind there backs it is the child’s responsibility to be honest because if you can’t do that how is your parents supposed to know and you save yourself a lot of hearache. Secondly once you are married you are married in eyes of allah and it is a blessing whether you agree or not kismet is written already and that I believe.
This entire discussion about whether her parents forced her and whether she truly loves her husband etc is all moot at this stage, because the fact is that she is now married to another man.
Safroz, that is the reality. You are another man's wife, and the man you love is not in your life. Whether that was his choice, your choice, or your parents' choice, is not relevant anymore. You must make the best of this situation. If your husband is abusive, then you need to take action and advise your elders, and move to a safe place. If he is not abusive, and he is kind to you, then you must remain committed to making the marriage work.
I am sorry, that is the only option available to you. Pray to Allah SWT that he gives you strength to enable you to be a good wife and, insha'Allah, mother, and that you are happy in the process.
You are asking us to give you advice on a way to bring your loved one back to you. The only way that will happen is if you leave your husband, initiate a divorce and marry this other man. Why would you do that when this other man did not marry you in the first place? You may end up with nothing in the end.
Interesting advise because had the man wanted to marry her, her parents probably would have said no and forced her to marry this other guy anyway. That's probably WHY they forced her. And then to blame her for the marriage....destiny is about free will and choice. Fate can be FATAL if it's not entered into with a choice and acceptance. Other do not choose your fate or destiny...to say that is a terrible cop out and brainwashing tactic. Nobody is the authority is knowing what is best for someone...only they know what is best for them. If she was murdered would you call it her destiny? And in a way, her self worth was murdered. Maybe you should see if the boyfriend will run away with you and take care of you? If he is the one in the end, and the husband still doesn't do it for you, figure out a way to get out on your own. Nobody deserves to be treated like property.
I don’t think so choice1 because I have seen and known some decent muslim sisters and brothers who have choose there own partners and got married successfully with both families giving there blessings. That’s what you call true love when the children have actually admitted what they wanted rather than lying after one lie after another. I really admire those people who are always honest that’s what you call izsaat and respect for the parents. If people have the guts to actually fall in love before marriage surely every child owes it to their parents to be honest don’t you think. I am not sure about this sister maybe she wasn’t honest or was afraid to say, but I am not going to insult the parents because at the end of the day they had to marry their own daughter off it was there duty to do so and that’s why I think she should be saying ulhumdiallah rather than chasing something that can cause her a lot of pain and also end with nothing at least the marriage has given her a chance there are loads of other brothers and sisters waiting to be picked and still cant get chosen because there are not the right matches, at least her parents did their duty sister should be grateful she got chosen. I mean they only wanted her to be happy and like I said before being open and honest with them could have made her destiny how it should have been the first time around. I agree no one deserves to be treated like property but once your married people need to have respect and kadar for the person they have married because once it is gone it is gone and you may live in regret.
"Maybe you should see if the boyfriend will run away with you and take care of you?"
Dear Choice1, this is not something a dignified, intellegent young Muslim woman would do.
There are better and more appropriate ways of dealing with this issues, namley divorce, and marry the boyfriend, openly!
Really choice 1's opinion seem 2 go 2 d excreme...i really know dat forced marriage has no place in islam but d advice u are giving will never bring a +ve solution 2 d victim...o safroz i think i wouldnt say much b/c ur problem is been solved by precious sister, ayesha, samina,khadija nd hafsa.. Is just 4 u 2 do d right thing as u are been given beautifull answers by these.. I dont think am comfortable by wat choice1 opined.. Think about these, what of if ur boy friend runs with u nd end up betraying u. Though am a man but U know atimes men are not 2 b trusted..he may end up enslaving u nd at dat time it will be too worse with u b/c ur parents will not even look at u nd ur husband will not accept u any more.. I think wat u should do is try 2 give ur husband a chance 2 see if he will treat u with care,love nd cherish u..if he maltreats u,neither love u nor cherish u,then u can start thinking of a way u divorse nd den u can go 4 whom u love.... But just 4 d begining threat him with love,respect,care, humility etc
Calling coercion destiny is ridiculous. Yes it is wrong of the children to hide their relationships from their parents- but this happens only because the parents have never fostered an open non-judgemental attitude with their children. The children's fear comes from the belief that their parents will never understand and for this the latter are definitely to blame.
They believe they know better as parents and use this thorughout the child's life to get their way. The children either grow up and rebel completely or become hollow shells of an adult where they doubt their own choices constantly. In either case the end result is the same- either they totally ignore the parents opinion and marry whoever they want or they succumb to pressure and live a miserable life.
I have seen my muslim brothers/sisters do both and will admit that the ones who have listened to their hearts seem better off at the end of the day to the ones who married against their will. Parents should speak up and tell their children what they think and why but to bring culture, religion and caste, community and other such superficial criteria as a "so called" barrier between two people who have similar goals, morals and the ability to support each other physically, financially and emotionally is basically a CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY
Parents should be chastised for forcing their beliefs.I am married to someone who was forced to agree to the wedding and i found out later. Three people's lives have been irrevocably changed because of this and we all are unhappy- HOPE THIS IS A WAKEUP CALL FOR ALL PARENTS.
Its such a sad thing. And for someone in such turmoil to be told to give the person forced on them a chance makes it really hard. Many of the points raised by everyone make a lot of sense. But i know someone in the middle of 'giving it a chance' right now and the turmoil has only grown. It has only gotten worse. They have changed their attitude about the situation and ended the fighting with their parents. Now this person hardly sleeps, is losing hair, gaining weight and looks terrible. This person used to be so happy and joking around all the time...a free spirit. Now they are always on edge looking over their shoulder and in misery. Its not that they don't appreciate their parents, its just there is no interest in or spark with the person forced on them despite trying to get to know them. In fact, the more they get to know the person the less they like them...not as a human being but just as a match for them. Maybe some of my advise is extreme, i just get frustrated when i see people suffering so much.
Is the person you are talking about a man or a women as both react differently to the situation? I am curious as I am the third party in this situation and am looking for answers.
You are absolutely right- choice 1. You cannot force someone to feel a certain way- love happens on its own. With some people we click and with others we don't- there is no standard formula that can be applied. Look at every family- some children are closer with one parent and not the other or closer with one sibling and not the other. Different personalities and characteristics attract people for various reasons.
It saddens me that parents dont understand this and force their children to be in unhappy relationships to keep up pretences in society. What sort of parents would place social acceptance above their child's happiness and future?
The children too need to be reprimanded for not standing their ground- we are all adults and God has given each of us a mind and a heart to be able to think and realize what is good for us versus what is not. If we dont use this when it is needed then who is to blame?
For all such individuals in unhappy marriages - you cannot live this way all your life. If it is not humanely possible to fix the relationship then it is necessary to end it and move on. This is a painful life lesson but hopefully you have learnt that comatibility both physically, emotionally and mentally are key before making a committment and will make a wiser choice next time. You have caved in to parental and societal pressure once and seen the results- dont continue to live in this self-inflicted misery. Also the idea that once divorced - you will never find someone again is a misnomer; keep an open mind and an open heart and eventually you will find the one to share the journey.
The idea that you can continue to live with someone and keep up a non-existent relationship is ludicrous and this will lead to more problems as you go along. Having children is the worst answer to this as they will grow up learning from you and think that it is ok to be this way- you can inflict no greater wrong on a naive child than this. They need love affection and support to grow up as well balanced individuals with a positive attitude. Dont bring them into this world if you cannot give them this.
plz sister try undrstand your husband .dnt suside plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. leve that guy who dnt have dare to ask u from ur parnts.dr sister plz dnt suside or leve ur husband.
asalamualaikum i fall in love with a boy since last 3 years n last 3years before we had break up and iam engaged n after my engagement he is back to me and said now i ready to get marry with u he was taken my some photos for shown to his parents and take a permission from them and he was taken me 10 days time for reply but 10 days have been gone and now his mobile is switch off i don't no where is he, n is he went back to canada i dont no wre is he please help me out of this problem am very worried about him n i loved him lot n i cant getting married with him n i want him back to me and can any special dua for it.
Sister log in and write your question as a separate post. My short answer is that premarital relationships are haram in Islam, may be Allah (swt) wanted to save you and gave you this chance to learn about your deen and start practicing it. If you want to get married then inform your parents, family and friends and make dua to Allah (swt) to bless you with a partner who will be your best friend, husband, protector, lover and all that and most of all your guide to achieve Jannah iA.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, Islamicanswers.com