Islamic marriage advice and family advice

my third abusive husband wants to get another wife

abused woman domestic violence %photo

salam, if u remember i told my story here before..i met my 3rd husband, and i thought because he have beard and does his prayer,he is a good muslim man..at first he is very kind towards me and to my kids..we just married 6 months ago and now i am pregnant with his child.i am 20 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child alhamdulillah.ive been into a bad relationship before..my 1st and 2nd husband are too abusive towards me,physically,emotionally and verbally..my 2nd ex husband abandon me and his son..now this is my 3rd marriage..he was uk born but originally from morocco.

he do his prayer 5x but after 1 month of our marriage,he ask someone to be his 2nd wife but that woman reject him..my husband is 21 yrs old and no job.my mum is helping us in terms of foods and bills..my 1st ex husband is helping me too financially..my husband start joining a singlemuslim.com and start finding for a 2nd wife..luckily he find one.shes the same moroccan like him..i called that woman and beg her not to marry my husband for he is not financially capable,but it seems that i cannot stop both of them.my husband start become abusive towards me whenever im textng that woman and asking her not to marry my husband..my husband start asking me to leave the house and take my kids..he become physically abusive aswell..once he slap me in my mouth and my lips start bleeding.hes calling me so many bad names such dog,bitch,desperate dog,prostitute..

he recently grab my neck for the reason that im not giving my mobile to him.hes calling that woman using my minutes and im the one whos paying for that bills..alhamdulillah im practicing muslima.i wear abaya and niqab coz i know im the respect of my husband..i change a lot since i married him.i pray 5x and even praying tahajud prayer..i read quran and trying my best to please Allah swt and my husband..im not against with polygamy..coz Allah swt allowed polygamy..but what Allah swt aswell say in the quran to marry of ur choice,either 1,2,3,or 4 but if u fear that u cant treat them equally then marry only one..since my husband is not stable and not capable financially,how could he be so selfish and think of having another wife for his own benefit..he couldnt even buy my clothes but i dont mind for i am not materialistic,nor i married him for money reasons..he dont have job and hes planning to go to university this coming school day..

the woman he wants to marry is divorced and she got 2 kids from her ex husband..and ive got wo kids myself plus the one in my tummy,my kids are still young aged 3 yrs old and 10months old...he keep disrespecting me an dtelling me how bad i am whenever he is on the phone talking to that woman..he even telling her how good person she is not like me and he can tust her but he cannot trust me..im his wife and i dont know why hes treating me like this.he evn calling me money hunger when i never even ask him even for a single penny.if my mum give me money,i used to buy something for him and for my kids and nver think about buying for myself.if i do the grocery,im buying food that he likes not what i like.he evn asking me to buy his cigarette and ask me money to pay his bills..im giving him and even asking my friend if i dont hve money.how cud he call me a money hunger when i nevr ask him nothing from him at all..

he is too unfair.i dont watch tv nor listen to music,im doing things to please Allah and him. but in the end im still the bad one.i dont know what else i have to do to make him happy.even i told him that he can get marry though but atleast wait till he got a job and finish his studies.i dont know how he would cope up having two wife and ive got 2 kids and the other one got 2 kids aswell plus i am pregnant.he dont have job and want to go to school.my mum is complaining that shes getting old and keep telling me that im not her responsibility but becoz she feel pity towards my kids thats why shes helping us.i am feeling so ashamed wallah but what to do.my husband keep beating my older daughter.

i keep telling him not to hurt him coz she is just a child..but he said he wants to discipline he.how could he hurt a child and knowing that it is not his own child.just today,he beat her face and theres a bruise all over the face especially the eye part of my daughter.her mouth bleed aswell..i dont know exactly what he have done to her..he told me that he slap her coz shes too naughty and dont want to listen to him..i went outside to buy our food and pay the electric bill when it happened..before he beat her in her bum aswell and bruise all over her bum..now he beat her in the face..most of the time,he keep beating her and telling me that hes beating her coz shes too naughty and annoying..i cried a lot today and dont know what i have to do..

i wanna leave him coz i dont want to take risk maybe he can kill us..my husband mum dont like me coz shes thinking im using black magic to his son astagfirullah..and shes thinking im using his son..i dont know for what reason,shes thinking like this..when she knows that his son is not working and im contributing in the house more than his son.the hous eof my husband is a council house,so hes not paying for this.all the time if we had  a fight because of that woman he wanna get marry,he keep telling me to leave his house..im tryin gmy best to be a good wife,im cooking for him,clean his house,wash his clothes and wash it using my hands even..prepare his food..

im doing everything to please him.i dont know why he still keep hurtin me..i don tknow why this men love hurting me when im doing my best to be good to them.ya Allah,Allahu alam how im trying my best to stay with him.this is my 3rd marriage and i dont want this marriage to be failed again like my 1st and 2nd marriage..my 1st and 2nd marriage,even they are hurtin me,i never leave them coz i fear allah but they gave me divorce.now whenever me andmy husband are ok and if i start telling him maybe one day i will leave you coz of him hurtin gme,he will tell me that if u will do that,allah will gonna give u punishment coz u ran away from ur husband..

but most of the time he keep telling me to go and blame me coz im not obedient wife,hes telling that im not obedient wife coz i dont accept that he will get another wife..hes telling me that im so ungrateful wife whenever im telling him to do his obligation as a husband coz im feeling shy to ask my mum for money every now and then..my mum is complaining a lot an dtelling me that  i always end up in a wrong man..pls give me a good advice..wallah i dont know how would i cope up with my 3rd marriage..wassalam..i badly need an advice my sister and brother.

-ysrah


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36 Responses »

  1. Salaam,

    Sister....I am a mother and I could not stand looking at the face of a man who would bruise my little daughter like that. How could you? PLEASE for the sake of your children leave him immediately.

    Wake up sister before you or your innocent little kids end up in hospital one day. I have been in a relationship where you know something is wrong yet you just find it so difficult to do the right thing by leaving it..because of the fear of what may happen after that - all the problems that will come as a result of that. Trust me sister, i left and Alhamdulillah ALLAH swt took care of me and my child.

    I realise that this being ur 3rd, you think u will have difficulty marrying again and u really want this to work etc...however...at what cost? Ask yourself this q...at what cost sis? If your own wellbeing and rights and respect as a human being is something you are (wrongly) willing to sacrifice, is it something you should do knowing how its affecting your children?
    The whole point of having kids from a previous relationship and getting remarried is to have a stable life where the man who will join ur life will provide them with the missing love and be a role model for them. This man clearly hasnt got any feelings for your children to be able to beat them up to that extent.

    Everytime you feel like you should not walk away from this relationship and you wanna drag this torture on and on, I want you to remember your daughters bruised up face, bleeding. If that doesnt make you wanna leave sis then nothing will.

    Was salaamu alaikum

    May Allah swt help you out of this situation, Ameen.

  2. Assalamu alaykum Sister Ysrah,

    I am happy to read the amount of efforts you put it, I am happy to see that there are committed women like you in this dirty world around us with people trying to cause harm and fight each other most times, I am happy to see your honesty and I am sad to see the result of all this. May Allah make it easy for you.

    Sister, something which came to my mind in the middle of your post while reading it was that how and where did you find this 3rd husband? Where did you meet him and how it led to your marriage. To know this is very important to have an idea as to why he is behaving like this with you. Please write to us on this part.

    Sister, you pray 5 times, tahajjud, read Qur'an, Masha Allah and you run the house as well inspite of having small kids, which shows that you are a strong woman capabale of undertaking responsibility of married life and fulfilling it more than what is required from you.

    Sister, I would like to say something to you: Try to please Allah and do all acts of worship for Him only and not for this man or anyone else. Insha Allah.

    Sister, first of all Praise Allah and then if you know of any wrong things you may have done in past, seek forgiveness of Allah. After this, thank Allah for all that He gave you and ask Him for guidance in this matter.

    I think you made enough efforts to make this guy understand things. I believe he may be younger than you and he must be thinking I am capable of handling women, more than one at a time and so he is showing his heroics which Insha Allah will fail badly if he does not control his abnormal behavior.

    There is no madness in him, rather he wants to enjoy. Sister, you provided him with lot of comfort and he does not realize it, may be he is thinking that if she goes away, I'll work and live alone, I have none to answer. But he forgets, we have to answer Allah on the Day of Qiyamah.

    Sister, you tried your best, but what you did on your part as goodness and help turned against you. If your husband is not working and enjoys to sit idle, never get money from your mother's side even if they are billionaires, because this will ease his way for him. He now knows that this woman loves me, where will she go. I have also made her pregnant and now I am a father of the child in her womb, believe me, some men think this way, they take everything for granted.

    So teach him a lesson. Tell him one last time, if he fears Allah, is he ready to work out marriage with you and maintain peace at home and be faithful to you and start to work for earning a livelihood and concentrate on the family at hand first rather than comforting another woman with two kids by marriage and stop violence and physical abuse to anyone at home and live in kindness and love being a good Muslim.

    If he agrees to it, makes Allah a surety to what he says and he shows improvement, then you may give him a chance. (Only if you wish to work out this 3rd marriage, this may be a last effort).

    And if he does not agree to it, continues the current behavior, my advice to you would be to take divorce and go to your mother's place, you have very young kids and one yet to come in this world Insha Allah, so once your child is born, and you find some settlement and stability in the new born, do some self employed work from home or near by, earn for yourself, pray and be a good Muslim as you are now and even strive more.

    Raise up your kids in kindness, pray to Allah for another good man to come your way. I know it is tough to move on from one person to another, but ask Allah for your good and that of your kids, Insha Allah He will provide for you as He promises in the Qur'an:

    128. If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, Lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
    129. Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so): But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.

    130. But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All Embracing, All Knowing.
    - Surah An Nisaa.

    Also, my advice is do not start any physical relations with a man even after marriage until you know his 'fitrah' well and see his 'akhlaaq' and know how he is like. Else getting pregnant with a kid and these disturbances in life won't give much peace either. Why not use a provision which Allah has allowed for us?

    49. O ye who believe! If ye wed believing women and divorce them before ye have touched them, then there is no period that ye should reckon. But content them and release them handsomely. - Surah Al Ahzaab.

    We have this beautiful system in Islam of divorce without touching wives and you have to observe no iddah, if a person you marry, you know him after marriage as inapprpopriate seek a divorce and move on in life and wait for another one Allah sends your way.

    Islam makes life easy, it does not ask us to remain stuck in a "disturbed" life, rather it encourages separation when there is no peace and makes it easy for us to keep our goal of life as Allah and makes us easy to be dedicated to it in hardships and ease.

    You are suffering, you know your surroundings, your situation the best after Allah Ta'laa. So think well and choose the best options for yourself.

    I pray to Allah for your well being and that of your kids. May Allah restore happiness and joy in your life.

    Hope the advice helps.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

    • salam brother munib,i just read ur comment and wallah i start crying..atleast i know that there still a good man like u here in this world..i nevr had the chance to meet my husband before marriage,for before knowing him i start practicing islam.and i know that in islam its not allowed to have relationship..its my fault brother coz i joined a singlemuslim.com and he ask for my number and start talking to me.he ask me for marriage since the day he talk to me.as a muslim,i ask him if he do pray 5x.he talk a lot about islam which made me think that he is a good muslim man for he knows a lot about islam and he have beard too ..he knows a lot about hadith and sharing me what he knows..as a new practicing islam snce i grow up with non muslim family,i thought how lucky i am to find someone who can teach me.the day i met him is the day of our nikkah.at that day i start wearing niqab.i nevr wear niqab before for i thought hijab is fine..but when i start reading hadith about niqab,i came to know that muslim woman must have to wear it.i tried my very best to be a good wife to him.to please him and do everything i can for him..im 5 yrs older than him.he told me that he marry me coz he want reward from Allah swt for helping such a divorcee sister like me plus helping my kids and gave them the chance to have a father.but since he found another woman in the same single muslim site..he start behaving bad towards me.he used to call me bad names and hurt me physical too.i can bear all the pain but seeing my daughter being beaten by him was so hard for me to accept..i feel really stuck coz im pregnant and my mum cant look after me for shes working 6days a week and staying where she is working.i dont know where else to go.and he keep telling me too that surely Allah will gona give me punishment if i will to leave him.but what i dont understand if he asking me to leave the house,hes telling me that he wont gonna be punished for i am not a good wife.he keep telling me that i am rude,ungrateful and disobedient.he wants me to say yes all the time,and agree with all his decisions.how could i agree with him getting another wife when he couldnt even feed us and he is not working even.am i being so ungrateful whenevr im telling him to find a job coz im feeling shy asking my mum for support all the time.he said,why i wouldnt let my mum to support me when its my mum responsibility for i am her daughter.i thought once i am married ,its my husband responsibility to feed me,clothe me and provide me shelter.he keep telling me to leave his house if he asked me to leave.coz its not my house and i dont have the right to stay in his house.ya Allah,whenevr i prayed istikhara and tahajud and asking Allah to keep me and my kids away from him if he is not good for my deen,for my eeman and for our life.the next day,were having a big fight and hes asking me to leave the house..could it be the sign that Allah wants to show me what kind of a husband i have?i really dont know brother what is the good and islamically thing for me to do..i dont want to be punished by Allah.the woman that he wanna marry,start swearing on me and my husband just telling me that its good for me coz im texting her and telling her not to marry my husband..im not the type of a person who would swear and use bad words.all im just telling to her to find someone else coz my husband is not capable to have another wife at the moment.ya Allah brother pls make dua for me..

      • salaamu'alaykum sister.

        if he is not providing for you sister, then you have to leave him as he has no qawaama, responsibily over you.

        i sincerely ask Allaah to find you agood husband as there are many out there.
        marry a man with imaan and sunnah.and find out who he really is next time.

  3. Assalamualikum,

    my heart is breaking read your story, for any reason is not right to abuse kids.
    Pray istikhara and don't worry much about being single, Allah SWT is the best provider and comforter..
    please sis for the kids shake.. her emotional state will break in the future if that continue. Life is not about having husband and marriages.

    my dua is with sis, may Allah SWT makes ease anything, amin

    big hug

    • assalamu alaikum muslimah, i'm 100% agreed with your post except one thing, you said that, life is not about having husband and marriage, it's not true, i want ask you please can you live without marriage? It seem difficult for most women to live without marriage apart from old woman.

      • waalaikumsalam brother,

        what i mean from that, don't focus on being marriage because its Allah SWT authority about having spouse or not. our job is ikhtiar do the best, effort and have tawakul on Allah SWT. Isn't it allah SWT created us to do ibadah ? and isn't it ibadah is not only by nikah or marriage ? many forms of ibadah that we can do

        If you focus on being marriage, satan will play on our mind being despair for not marry they will makes us forgot about other blessing that Allah SWT granted in our life beside being marriage..
        be granted for what we have start from having air to breath etc

        also its about see the other half of the glass or positive thinking

        Allohu alim

  4. Assalamu alaikum Warhamathallahi Wrbkathuhu,

    Subhanallah, i just cannot believe how he can behave in such manner. He has knowledge enough to know that he should keep a beard but sadly not enough knowledge on how to treat his wife!!
    I felt really sad reading your post, ukhti..and subhanallah, i cannot even imagine the pain your in atm. Sis, i fear for your health and your kids health aswell, so just leave him ukhti. He has already done enough damage and i dont think you should wait any futher, And dont worry about being single, surely Allah(swt) has planned all this in your life and inshallah, he will give you a husband better than him.

    Ukhti, at such hard times, turn to your creator...mashallah, continue to pray tahajjad..and most importantly..make lots of duas aswell.

    Inshallah, May Allah(swt) make it easy for you and bless you in this life and the hereafter. You're definetely in my duas sis.

    Take care,

    Your sister in Islam.

  5. ASA sister:

    First of all, Im happy to hear what a good muslim, mother, wife and person you are. You have such a kind heart and it shows in every word you used. ( Never did you talked bad about your husband nor that other woman)

    But, Im afraid that is not enough!! Honey!! Leave this man before it is too late! If you are paying for everything, he is not working, then why do you need him? I would say to kick him out but we both know that will not happen, so you must get your two kids and your stuff and run from him. You can establish a new peaceful home for your kids, yourself and the one on the way. You should have never let him raise his hand to your child!! He is not a man my dear, because a man that slaps his own pregnant wife and makes her bleed is not a man... You dont need him, HE needs YOU!! Let that other woman see for herself what a "good muslim" he is...

    And just for the record, you are not failing in your marriage...its the bad husbands you find. Just because you have two kids (and now, one on the way) does not mean you have to settle for the first one that talks nice to you!!

    MY ADVICE TO YOU SISTER, RUN AWAY BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!! (I would have called the police on him and got him arrested, to rot in jail)

    May Allah give you the strength you need to do so, and bless your kids and your pregnancy!

    Sister AMIRA

    • Also I dont know if you live in the United States or not but if you do...there are many resources you can use.
      *there is medicall
      * food stamps
      * rent assistance
      * Electricity assistance
      there is W2, which is something here in my state that gives you $ every month, but you have to qualify and based on what you have said you sooooo qualify...

      Let me know if you need help applying for these, as i can help you ( i did this at my old job for mothers like you :) )

      • salam sister amira,thanks for wanting to help me..but im not in the us..im here in the uk and my visa is still in the home office.still waiting for the result whether they will give me or not..i tried asking help from government but noone would want to help me till i get a visa..all my previous husband and my currently husband nevr help me to get a visa..i nevr ask them too coz i dont want them to think that i married them for a reason to get a visa..if Allah wills that ill get it,inshaAllah i will get..im applying for a visa on the behalf of my kids since they were born here and Allahu alam if they will give us or not..if not,then maybe Allah dont want us to stay in this country.im just staying here for my kids future and for their safety. coz the place where i live in philippines is not safe place for them.drugs are evrywhere and even my own family using it too.i dont want them to grow up in such environment.wallah i dont know what else to do..i dont get nothing benefit apart from the support of my mum and the father of my eldest one.

        • ASA sister:
          Im so sorry to hear that! I hate ur situation. Is there anything else besides prayers i can do for you? PLEASE LET ME HELP U AND UR CHILDREN!! I WISH I COULD BRING U AND THEM HOME WITH ME!! :( is there away i can help u with ur visa??

          AMIRA

  6. salams sisters

    first of all a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig tight HUG to you. My heart goes for you, you story almost brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could bring you to my house and pamper you for a few weeks, and look after your kids, as if they were mine. I really mean it.

    This is my 2nd marriage. and i am not too happy in it. never had any children from first and its been 3 yrs in this marriage, no children till now. even though my marriage is not working, i am too scared to leave it and find another man. Allah save us all and give us happy companions.

    My ADVICE -- do not divorce him. to feel accepted in this society, you need to have that label of married. and alos to say that your kids have a dad somewhere. But , do not live with him

    DON'T LEAVE HIM, DON'T LIVE WITH HIM. can't you move out and stay in some other house, mayb with your mum. let him come to his senses. if he is going to marry, he will anyway marry, whether you are with him or away from him.
    if you are away atleast you will get some safety and your daughter will too. you won't have to spend money on him, and will save a lot.

    very complicated situation. for a man in islam, it is so easy. but a woman can't do much without her husband's permission. she can't just walk out of the house when her husband has said NO.
    I will remember you in my prayers.

    • hawahihawa, you remind me of someone who is stuck in a hole and can't get out; and since she can't get out, she doesn't want anyone else to get out either. You say your marriage is not working but you are too scared to leave. But is your situation the same as this sister? Are you being insulted and physically abused? If not, then it's not fair to compare your situations.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. salam brother,i just read ur comment and wallah i start crying..atleast i know that there still a good man like u here in this world..i nevr had the chance to meet my husband before marriage,for before knowing him i start practicing islam.and i know that in islam its not allowed to have relationship..its my fault brother coz i joined a singlemuslim.com and he ask for my number and start talking to me.he ask me for marriage since the day he talk to me.as a muslim,i ask him if he do pray 5x.he talk a lot about islam which made me think that he is a good muslim man for he knows a lot about islam and he have beard too ..he knows a lot about hadith and sharing me what he knows..as a new practicing islam snce i grow up with non muslim family,i thought how lucky i am to find someone who can teach me.the day i met him is the day of our nikkah.at that day i start wearing niqab.i nevr wear niqab before for i thought hijab is fine..but when i start reading hadith about niqab,i came to know that muslim woman must have to wear it.i tried my very best to be a good wife to him.to please him and do everything i can for him..im 5 yrs older than him.he told me that he marry me coz he want reward from Allah swt for helping such a divorcee sister like me plus helping my kids and gave them the chance to have a father.but since he found another woman in the same single muslim site..he start behaving bad towards me.he used to call me bad names and hurt me physical too.i can bear all the pain but seeing my daughter being beaten by him was so hard for me to accept..i feel really stuck coz im pregnant and my mum cant look after me for shes working 6days a week and staying where she is working.i dont know where else to go.and he keep telling me too that surely Allah will gona give me punishment if i will to leave him.but what i dont understand if he asking me to leave the house,hes telling me that he wont gonna be punished for i am not a good wife.he keep telling me that i am rude,ungrateful and disobedient.he wants me to say yes all the time,and agree with all his decisions.how could i agree with him getting another wife when he couldnt even feed us and he is not working even.am i being so ungrateful whenevr im telling him to find a job coz im feeling shy asking my mum for support all the time.he said,why i wouldnt let my mum to support me when its my mum responsibility for i am her daughter.i thought once i am married ,its my husband responsibility to feed me,clothe me and provide me shelter.he keep telling me to leave his house if he asked me to leave.coz its not my house and i dont have the right to stay in his house.ya Allah,whenevr i prayed istikhara and tahajud and asking Allah to keep me and my kids away from him if he is not good for my deen,for my eeman and for our life.the next day,were having a big fight and hes asking me to leave the house..could it be the sign that Allah wants to show me what kind of a husband i have?i really dont know brother what is the good and islamically thing for me to do..i dont want to be punished by Allah.the woman that he wanna marry,start swearing on me and my husband just telling me that its good for me coz im texting her and telling her not to marry my husband..im not the type of a person who would swear and use bad words.all im just telling to her to find someone else coz my husband is not capable to have another wife at the moment.ya Allah brother pls make dua for me..

    • Assalamu alaykum Sister Ysrah,

      Do not cry, have hope in Allah's mercy. He is able to bring night out of the day and bring day out from the night, Allah, He is able to do all things.

      Sister, I pray to Allah for you. You also pray and we all here, whosoever read this, Insha Allah, will pray to Allah to help you.

      Sister Ysrah, keep strong, Allah has made you a Muslim and tested you and you have kept firm in faith, all praise be to Allah. Keep being more firm.

      Try to find other sisters from the Phillippines who could be of some help to you. I think you must be having at least some contacts living in this country for long, so try and seek their support. Try to find for yourself some assistance and place to live.

      I pray to Allah that you get the visa soon and along with it, the appropriate rights to take benefits available to UK citizens. If brother Wael could take note and provide her contact of someone in the UK to help her out, it would be amazing Alhamdulillaah. If there is none, still sister in this struggle you have Allah with you and He is enough as a Helper and as a Defender. Trust Him.

      Wait for visa, be patient, until you are unable to find the right place, stay in the house, keep your kids away from him, try to protect your kids from his hands and pray to Allah for quick help.

      In this time do not tell any woman not to marry him. Let her continue her acts and herself realize the ill effects of keeping company of this man.

      May Allah make it easy for you. Keep to patience, protect yourself and the kids, seek advice and support from your local contacts and once you have the visa, try to find a way to move out of this.

      Insha Allah, Allah will bring good news your way soon. Take care of yourself and the kids.

      May Allah help you and protect you.

      Salaam,
      Your brother.

      • salam brother i just found out last night that the woman that my husband wanna get married is pregnant from her ex husband..is it possible for him to marry her?i dont understand why my husband really want to get rid of me when i am 6months pregnant of his own blood and he wanna look after the other woman while he knows that she is pregnant with her ex husband..my husband told me that if im making it hard for him to get another wife,i should let him marry one of the cousin of my mum.im still with him brother and just the other night he start calling me names whenevre he ask me to leave and im not leaving..how could i leave,when i dont even have a place to go..im still taking all the abusing he does to me..

        • Assalamu alaykum Sister Ysrah,

          May Allah ease your way ahead and give you sabr followed by contentment from Him.

          Sister, what about your visa? Any progress on that part?

          If he is willing to marry another woman, you should know why he wants to do so? What is his intention of not caring and infact abandoning a six month pregnant wife?

          I probably think he is an immature guy looking for fun and adventure making a joke of marital relationships. Please bear with patience now, with Sabr, Allah will make ways for you. The one thing which is required from you the most now is Sabr. Please be patient until you deliver the child and are ready to move and take government benefits Insha Allah.

          You may seek some legal assitance in the matter as well. Get to know what you can do legally to keep him in his limits and not harm you or the kids by his actions.

          But if you cannot do that, then still you have to keep to Patience, you have to keep Sabr. Pray to Allah and keep Sabr, Allah sees you, He sees your pain and He sees how you ask Him to relieve this pain from you. Allah is the seer of all that you do. So pray to Him, surely His help will come and this time will pass by quickly, Insha Allah.

          Continue prayers. Let him marry as many women as he wants. Just keep to patience and turn a deaf ear to his ill words. When he asks to leave, tell him you have a child from him in you and you are his wife and he cannot just use Islam as he likes. Make him read Surah 65 At Talaaq, it mentions of divorce as well as the scene of pregnancy and post pregnancy. Tell Him to fear Allah if He does not heed to Allah's commands in the Qur'an.

          Insha Allah this may help you well.

          Salaam,
          Your brother.

  8. As salamu alaykum sister ysrah,

    I don´t know there, but here to beat a child has criminal charges, be careful about this, when the child go to school or to the doctor, they can report the abuse to the police and you are consenting, .... think about it, this is not a light subject,...you are pregnant, I can feel your situation is very delicate, but you should set priorities, insha´Allah.

    Sister to marry anyone and under any circumstance is not the solution, I wouldn´t say a word if this man was good to you and your babies, but he is acting wrong with all of you. You said he doesn´t respect you and you allow this kind of behaviour but you are resenting inside of yourself, what is stopping you from putting an end to this hell?

    To divorce is always the last of the solutions, but this man is not acting islamically with you.

    You are not being supported in any way, he is being abusive to your children and to you, sister why don´t you go to your mother? She is the one supporting you any way.

    To be with a man like this, better to wait and not be with any man for a while, this is my personal opinion.

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. LEAVE him. He is using you. Did you marry him because you guys dated before marriage? Or did he ask for your hand in marriage out of love? Well I think its best to leave him because it wont get any better later. You know him more than anyone so if you married him out of the blue then don't bother working it out. But if you guys have a history together and there is more good memories than bad with him try to work it out. But from what I read, he doesnt respect you and leave him! There are other good men who will respect you. Try to find a older man who is more respectful. I will keep you in my prayers Inshallah.

    • salam sister..we never had relationship before marriage and never seen him before marriage..the first time we met is when the day of our nikkah..sukran for all the advice..pls include me in all ur duas..inshaAllah i will keep praying and ask Allah swt to give me strength and keep me away from him if he is not good for me and for my kids..i am so depressed and taking anti depression tablet and pregnant at the same time..couldnt think proper but never i forget to pray to allah to guide me and let me do things that is good for us.thanks for all the advice,it just make me more determine to leave him than to try working things out.he wouldnt change his mind to have another wife,this is not really what matters to me..but knowing he couldnt fulfill his obligation towards his family,he is not capable financially,thats what i cant accept why he have to marry again if he knows he is not capable really..and plus hurting my kids that is not his kids is more worst.i can bear all the pain and hrting hes doing towards me but to see my kid suffer aswell is not fair i know.and its all my fault wallah..pls continue to make dua for me..

  10. I will definatley pray. Trust me. I know its hard. And dont take any medication. reading dua and praying everyday is your medication. Believe me I cried many times and was stressed out to but what made me feel better is why stress over someone who is not stressing over me? He should be crying over you? Maybe you guys just need space for him to realize he needs you. YOu never know. This will bring you two closer or move you apart. SO be patient. Patience is sooooo hard but only time will tell. I know he loves you and he just feels comfortable. Take time to be alone with your kids so you wont feel that anxiety. Turn your phone off. Give it like a week or something. But if it doesnt happen there are others out there. But i will keep praying for you and as well for my self because my situation is kind of crazy too. lol.... many blessing to you and your family. And congratulations on the little one. YOur blessed to have kids :) we are here for you anytime you feel like talking.

  11. Leave him, Im married to a man just like yours. I take care of my kids food,clothing,etc and I buy for him nothing for myself while he takes care of his wife and kids in his country, I am done with my husband it took me 10yrs to understand that I can do better and that God is with me. Please get rid of him, he has no right to marry another woman and God he says only marry another one for reasons, what the hell are you gonna take care of his other wife because he can't provide for her? He is just like my husband he don't care about no one but his self good luck sister.

  12. I am here in uk at the moment I will get you to a safe house, your visa and finance. It brake my heart to hear he beat your little girl I have 2 girls 2 years old and 1 year old and pregnant with my 3 rd which is a son due in oct. If you don't go he will some day kill your daughter or rape her. Your want to be a good Muslim save your kids what your doing is not being a good Muslim sister

    • @ Aarifah

      Are you a Muslim?

      She is a good Muslim, she is suffering a lot and she has already mentioned her set of troubles repeatedly in her posts.

      You may be rich, so you see her not being a good Muslim, but she is not having enough money and is suffering because of this.

      If you have enough money and you wish to help her as you wrote, help her out, the editors Insha Allah will give you her email address.

      But do not pass on comments like that to a person who is already "fixed" and "stuck" in this.

      @ Editors,

      Please get the two sisters in contact, I think this could be something helpful for Sister Ysrah.

      Peace,
      Munib.

    • salam sis..i respect everything uve said..i know that i shouldnt be staying with my husband at all..but in my case..i dont have a choice wallah..i tried calling the refugee,the assylum but noone wants to help me..im trying to do watevr i can..but inshaAllah if Allah wills that well get a visa..i wud surely gona leave him..im pregnant and my due is this coming oct aswell,,my kids are 3yrs old and nearly one yr old..im not getting any help from government..ive go tno family here apart from my mum who is working fulltime and dont have time to help me out..shes living in her workplace and me and my kids are not allowed to stay there..she does help me financially but not enough though for me to pay for my rent..the money shes giving me is just enough to pay our food,my kids needs and the rest for the electric bills..my husband is not working at all,his house is free..

  13. Ysrah,

    I am sorry for not noticing your post before. I live in the UK and will try to guide you towards organisations that can help you inshaAllah. I will email you.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • thats a big help sis..sukran wallah..ill wait for ur email sis..may Allah swt bless u

      • Ysrah, I emailed you two days ago.

        Check your junk box, perhaps my email has gone ther.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • sis i used to delete all my junk box..im sorry..ill gve u my email add again..or perhaps u already knows it..im so sorry sister..can u email me again if its possible..sukran

          • sister this is so sad for you and your children, What keeps going around in my mind is "21 year old man who married twice divorced women with 2 kids and wants to marry another while you are pregnant with kids both women older than him, he's living in your councli house and does not work and beat your child," sister this man is not right in the head full stop, get out of this mess and save yourself and children, some times that is the only solution is to just leave you have tried your best to make this work dont blame yourself, i have a 20 yrs brother and could not imagine him taking on such responsibility, if he came to me one day and said iam marrying a divorced women with kids i would tell him not to shame us and hurt the women and her kids because he could not handle it, 21 is way to young to take that on, their are grown men who find it hard to be responsibility for one family let alone 2.

  14. salaamu'alaykum sister.

    i really feel it for you.

    you are indeed very very patient, and Allaah gives the patient their reward without limit in jannah.

    i ask Allaah to find you a better husband.

    and what he said about Allaah will become agry with you if you leave him, is absolutely nothing but what he said from his backside.

    this is not a man sister.

    divorce is certainly halaal in this case.

    i have many good/caring male relatives who are looking for a good/honest/greatfull wife like you, but we just dont know eachother, and first you have to leave this coward, wallaahi, he has NO QAWWAAMAH/RUJUULAH.

    whereas you have every effeciency a muslim woman can have.

    Allaah ma'ak Ukht

  15. sukran sisters and brothers for all the advice..still dont have any choice at the moment but to stay with him still..but i nver gve up and steadfast n my prayer and inshaAllah i wish Allah has a great plan for me and for my kids..and Allah will gve what is the best for all of us ameen

  16. Hi Ysrah,

    I would just like to tell you how much I admire you and how you cope with those terrible things.

    Inshallah your life is getting better and I pray for you and your children

    Salam
    Mo

    • salam..mo thank u so much..until now i am still dealing everythng patiently..inshaAllah Allah will gonna compensate me for everything if not here atleast n the akhira..

  17. salaam sister my english is not good but i try my best sista i heard you sad story then i start crying but insh allah do one thing please when go out take your daughter whith you walahi i am crying now sister when you at home some times the child do noughty tell her dont do that before him sister please make sure your children will safe dont think any thing even your self when you are in home close to them please dont allow any thing insha allah you will get good news i prayer for you you will good life sist walahi my english is not good but i cant control my self

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