I am Atheist and my boyfriend says I must convert to Islam to do Nikah with him, what is the truth on this?
Maybe all I have ever know about Islam is a big misconception. What is the truth?
In the Koran it states that a Muslim man can marry a Jewish/Christian girl. According to my boyfriend this is true but I must convert to Islam to make the marriage legal. Why the total contradiction? He told me that in Nikah I must state something along the lines of 'there is only one god and that is Allah'. I said that's fine I would say that to marry him but I'd lie and then go into a church and to contradict it. But he said saying those words means that I will convert to Islam. Which is the last thing I want.
I read that if somebody converts to Islam and then leaves the religion that the penalty is death, he agreed with this and stated that it doesn't happen these days but I have read it does happen. So if I did marry him I would have to lie to all his family and friends and say I am Muslim. He also stated to me that if we marry and I don't do Nikah that it would be an illegal marriage and any child bore after this would be illegal/haram.
I am a young women and have had partners in the past and have engaged in fornication. I also did this with him and he has scared me as he has stated that he will only do that with one woman in his life, and if she leaves him he will be alone for life as he cannot do that act with any other woman. I love him and don't want to do this to him. He does not seem like the 'stereptypical' Muslim as he cooks for me, cleans, looks after me so much and pays for everything and is quite shy-basically the exact opposite to Western men!
I also want to point out that he is a Pakistani Muslim, who seems to be more liberal than Saudis and Palestinians. I think I love him but am so confused. One side of me looks at him and thinks he could never do that to me but I could be blinded by lust? The other makes me think I'm being naive.
I did tell him that I would either marry him without converting or leave him-which would hurt so, so much. Today, I told him there is no way I would ever convert and then he told me he would wait for me, then I repeated it. Somehow, he then explained to me that has been trying to convince to convert since he met me. I do realise this as he has sent me a number of links to look at, loaned me books and showed me various videos on youtube. I have an endless amount of questions but this seems to be the main obstacle right now.
I am from a Roman Catholic country and society and never saw a Muslim until I moved abroad. My parents are very worried about me as they know nothing about the religion-apart from the bad press on the TV.
I am terrified, confused, lost, worried and have no one to turn to for advice. I would appreciate any response from anyone.
Thanks,
C.L.
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Hi C.L,
I'm kind of confuse in the beginning you wrote you are Atheist, right? and at the end you said you are from a Roman Catholic country, so what are your beliefs??? .... If you are Atheist there is a contradiction about Islam because Islam is base on "there is just one God and just he has to be worship." I had a relationship with a Saudi guy and i learned a lot about Islam, and i think he asked you to convert because he don't want to have troubles with you and his family because the religion. As I said before if you are Atheist that's means that you denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings. On the other hand, Allah mean EVERYTHING for Muslim people.
As Muslim he know that he is in a haram relationship, because he can't have one before marriage, and is not right to have sexual intercourse as well. I would advise you to think consciously about the future of this relationship because both come from two different beliefs, there may be too much love in your relationship but the beliefs and traditions will weigh more in the future. I am a woman pregnant of a Saudi, and we are separated because his family did not accept me and that will happens with the family of your boyfriend/fiance, because you do not have a belief in one God and to praise Him.
Good luck sister.
Hi C.L.
Sorry to hear about your difficult predicament. First of all, I want to clear up some misconceptions or incorrect facts you have been given.
Marrying a non-Muslim
Islamically a Muslim man can marry from the people of the book (i.e. Christian, Jewish or Muslim girl), but he is not permitted to marry from any other religion or belief, including atheism. So if you are an athiest, he cannot marry you Islamically. So there is no contradiction. What is true is that while it is allowed to marry a Christian or Jewish lady, it is not really recommended as it can cause problems, especially after having children. For this reason, Muslim men often avoid marrying other than Muslim women. As Islam plays a big part in our lives, it helps to have a partner on the same journey as us.
Converting to Islam.
Allah (God) says in the Quran: "There is no compulsion in religion." This is clear. This means no one can be forced into anything good or bad. We each have our own free will and we are responsible for the choices we make. If we choose to do good, then great. If not then it is up to us. But no one has the right to pressure us into anything. If we want to do a good deed, it should come from us willingly not forced - otherwise it loses its value.
In other words, your conversion must be sincere for your to be able to marry him and for your own sake to. You cannot lie to God and you shouldn't lie to yourself. Be true to yourself.
Leaving the Religion.
I wouldnt concern yourself with the penalty of leaving the religion. You will not be sentenced to death - especially if you are not living in an Islamic country. We no longer have a Khalifah and Islamic sentences cannot be carried out in non-Muslim country. As Muslims we should always endeavour to gently guide others and be kind and merciful as we hope that Allah will be Merciful with us. The main point again is dont convert if you are not sincere - it will only cause you pain and you dont want to live a lie.
Nikah and Legality.
It is true that without a nikah, the marriage will be wrong Islamically. Children should also be born from wedlock and be legitamate. However a child bears none of his parents (or anyone elses) sin. Children are pure, no matter what religion/how they were conceived. Of course I am not condoning pre-marital sex or having children out of wed-lock but children cannot be 'haraam.' Its the premarital sex thats wrong.
Your feelings.
Listen to your instinct. If you are confused back off and have a think about what you want and what you dont want. This guy should certainly not be in a relationship with you Islamically. He should work on his own Islam before trying to force you into it.
Misconceptions - Do your research.
My advice to you, take a step back a bit. Open your mind and look into Islam at your own pace. Do not listen to the media's take on Islam. It is distorted and wrong. Islam is not about killing people, or crashing planes or hating non-Muslims. As Muslims we believe in one God -we call Him Allah. He has no father, no sons, no daughters, no family. He is One and He loves His creation. Another point to add is Islam comes from the Arabic Salamah. Which means submission, sincerity and peace. These qualities are important in Islam.
Reading the Qur'an
Reassure your parents that you will not convert without researching properly first. Just make sure that the sources you read are correct and authentic. If you read the Quran, dont open it and read one line. Read it consecutively and make sure you understand the context in which its written. At least check the sentence before it. If you can find a Muslim lady who has good knowledge and can help you, then this would be very useful. Again take it slow, when your ready.
Also if you believe in God, ask Him to guide you to the truth and settle your heart. Abnd make the right way obvious for you.
If you have any questions about Islam or your situation, any concerns then please feel free to comment on here and ask. This page is dedicated to your questions. I hope this has been of help to you, God willing, and I pray that your life is filled with guidance, light and happiness.
Ameen.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Hello if you are an atheist that is another thing, but as you told you were born and raised as Catholic, so there shouldn't be any problem for you to marry him. As Muslims can marry Christian and Jewish women.
But if you are an atheist, it won't apply. Most of the atheist have become atheist during last two centuries. There are reasons for it, most prominent is the inconsistencies between The Bible and science. But believe me, this is due to the fact of human intervention and editing Biblical content over a period of 2-3 thousand years.
If you read the Holy Quran you won't find any contradiction, and you would see miraculous and precise description of some scientific facts clearly indicating that is from God, the creator.
Second factor for atheism is the reaction against Church and its oppressive behavior for last two thousand years. If you just sit down and think about the premesis of Atheism, you would find soon that its foundations are weak and created on the above two factors.
However, the case with Islam is completely different. We have the book of God in its original state (which is no less than a miracle in itself that it didn't change a bit in last 1500 years) plus Islam didn't have a theocratic structure like Church. Although Khilafah did exist but that was very different in its structure and purpose. In fact during the heyday of Khilafah, scientific, cultural, and financial superiority accumulated within Islamic world. Only when Muslims gave up the teaching of Islam to explore the world and scientific research, Islamic world saw a decline.
You can research more on this on your own. I would suggest that you should revert to Christianity first and continue reading Islam. Meanwhile you can marry him as a Christian. U hope once you find out that Islam is in fact the upgraded version of Christianity (we have 90% same tenant) minus some absurdities that turn off atheists e.g., believing Christ and Holy Ghost as God (as atheists don't believe in one God, not to talk of 3 😉
This is the practical thing. Revert to Christianity first and research Islam. Meanwhile marry him. If you convert to Islam first that will solve all problems. I told the above solution as it would be difficult for you to switch to a faith you have no knowledge of and which is badly represented in media.
I pray that may God guide you and fulfill your wish. Ameen. I am so moved by such stories that I realize the eloquence of the verse of the Holy Quran that says "and this is among His signs that He created for you mates and put love and mercy in your hearts" Surah Al-Rum v (don't remember the exact verse number) (Surah is chapter, Al+-Rum is the chapter's title)
I am also from Pakistan,that's why I am really interested in your case.Bye.
Dear C.L
Given your beliefs I would strongly recommend Against marrying this guy, especially if you were to Pretend to convert. Nothing good will come out of a Lie!