I handed my wife over to another man, in order to have the UK citizenship
Lonely man
Assalamoalaikum
My parents came to the UK. When I was 2 my dad had an affair with his former professor's daughter. He married her as his second wife so that he could have access to her father's wealth. My mum found out about his affair and second marriage and fought with him. My dad divorced her and my mum moved to her sister's house to live with her in Lancashire.
My mum lacked a lot of education and was not aware of her rights regarding child custody. My dad took me forcibly away from my mother and since she wasn't officially divorced ( he had divorced her Islamically, not officially) there was no legal way she could take me back as she could not prove she was divorced. He divorced her officially later.
My parents didn't have British nationality, my mum received it some years later, but my father took me with him to live in Australia so that I would not get British citizenship and I would be kept away from my mother.
I had a difficult time all my life with my selfish and self-absorbed stepmother.
As soon as I graduated from university I left home, despite my father's pleas and got married and started my job as a human resources advisor. I traced my mother in the UK, she was living with her family there, her whole extended family was settled in the UK. I travelled to the UK and had a joyous, tearful reunion with my mum, who had prayed every single day of her life to see me again, happy and healthy.
Despite her advice, I decided I wanted to live with her permanently. I didn't just want to visit her from time to time. I consulted the visa companies and they all told me that except for the Youth Mobility Scheme, there was no way I could live in the UK, and even that visa was for 2 years and un-extendable.
I also looked for alternative routes to the UK by checking up on nationality rules for other European countries, but their rules were just as strict as the UK. I considered moving my mum to Australia, but she didn't want to be separate from her family in the UK, she had become very attached to them and their children's families after all those years. Plus, she didn't want to be in the same country that my father was living in.
I knew there was now only one avenue I could come to the UK permanently....marriage. but I was already married and I didn't want to hurt my wife in any sort of way, so instead of getting married myself I asked my wife to do this...
I asked her to 'divorce' me on paper ( I wouldn't sign, though), but we would remain married Islamically and continue to live together.
I paid a man I knew to have a paper marriage with my wife for British citizenship. They married on paper.
I felt bad for doing this. After all I was lying and deceiving. And I was sinning. But I just thought this would save my wife any grief from me myself marrying again, and I was blinded by my love for my mother and desire to be with her. Me and my wife lived in the UK with me on the Youth mobility Scheme Visa so that I could work for 2 years.
But that man started to emotionally blackmail my wife. I noticed that my wife was becoming more depressed day by day. I asked her what was wrong but she just kept on crying. She disappeared for a few nights at a time and not tell me where she was. I gave up on asking her as she never told me.
Once she became eligible for British citizenship she applied for settlement. She became naturalised here and divorced that other man. But after she 're-married' me on paper, she broke down and told me that she was sooo sorry.
She had committed zina, and was expecting that man's baby. I was shocked. She was so sorry, she said. She had sinned and betrayed me.
I began self-introspection. I realised it was all my fault. I had handed over my wife to another man with my own hands. It was all my fault. I had committed sins too...being so blinded in my love and obsession for being with my mum, I had lied and deceived and made fun of the sacred concept of the 'Nikah'.
If she was blinded out of love for him, so was I for my mother. So I forgave her. After all we all do sins. And if Allah is the Most Merciful why shouldn't we forgive?
My wife repented to Allah for her sins and so did I. We decided to start our life afresh. But we decided not to abort her baby from that man, as abortion after 120 days is a sin, and we didn't want to do sins anymore. But as she approaches the last month, a thousand emotions are going through my mind right now at the same time.
I don't know how I will handle it. I will raise that child as my own but I don't know how I will handle the birth of someone else's baby.
Please give me advice? I need help.
~ Talha Khawaja
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Salam brother,
It truely became very complicated. Now you just have to wipe it all and start fresh. Please treat the new born as your own child and In Sha Allah will forgive the sins. Nothing much u can do at this moment except accepting the fact. Try to make things better rather than having emotional break down which will make things only worse. May Allah give u and ur wife towfiq and lots of blessing for the new born. Ameen.
ASAWRWB,
Brother i wont sit here and tell you that your actions were wrong as i am sure you know. People do this things all the time and just treat it as a business transaction and dont even entertain the thought of having intimacy. In your case this didnt happen.which is a lack of self control on your wifes part. Look the child deserves a good stable home i hope you have learned from this mistake and do the right thing as this child needs two pious parents... No one is perfect and i dont and will not judge you but going forward brother repent and seek ALLAHs swt mercy
Salaams,
Speaking strictly toward the logistics of what you described, I understand that in order for you to move to UK you needed to marry a UK citizen to get your own citizenship. Being married to someone who was a non-citizen, I understand how it would be necessary for you to "divorce" your wife so you could re-marry a citizen.
The part I don't understand is why your wife needed to remarry someone at all. If she was not a UK citizen, then it seems to me she could have stayed single while you married another lady, got your citizenship, and then perhaps took her back as a second wife and gave her citizenship through your own. Instead, you asked her to get the citizenship by remarrying, and then bring you in under her. I think this whole problem started when you made YOUR issue of wanting to become a UK citizen your wife's problem to solve. You should have tried to keep her out of the equation as much as possible.
Since this is such an abnormal situation, and the resultant emotions and reactions you both are probably having are beyond the scope of what usually occurs in our day to day decisions and mistakes, I really think you both need to find a Muslim counselor to process what happened. I think it's great that you both are trying to put the past behind you, but you will need someone to help you both fully resolve it to make sure that it doesn't creep up as you raise the child and end up sabotaging the relationship you are trying to rebuild. Not only that, but the child itself has rights to know its father and have a relationship with him. You can't deny the child or the parent that, regardless of why you did what you did.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum brother Talha,
What you have done is unbelievable. You were so much blinded by your mother's love, that you did injustice with your wife. Of course, she is responsible for her Zina, but you are equally responsible because you opened the doors to it.
You should do Tawbah so that Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala Forgives you and so that He Forgives your wife.
If the citizenship does not come with ease, it doesn't mean that you give the most valuable diamond you have, to buy a handful of peanuts. Does this make sense? This is what you have done, brother. Your wife is a gem, but you gave her away. First of all, say sorry to her and make her happy. Then do Tawbah to Allah and ask her to do Tawbah.
Yes you have made a huge mistake, but that does not make you doomed forever. You should haste to seek Allah's Forgiveness, because the doors of His Forgiveness are open until a person dies or until the sun rises from the west.
Allah Says in Surah az Zumar:
39:53
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."
In this case, aborting the child can not be an option. Hence you should let the child be born and take care of it. But remember that you can not give this child your name. And he or she will be called by the biological father's name. Giving your name to a child who is not yours is not allowed in the Sharee'ah.
So, accept the child, do tawbah and look for halaal ways of living in the UK, rather than going for ways such as what you chose in the past.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam Alaikum...
Please listen to this Brother.
Salam,
Is it actually a sin to marry someone with the intention of obtaining citizenship only?.
Nowadays alot of women who marry men from "back home" are worried about their intentions so they delay the husband from getting their citizenship to understand their intentions or hold on to them longer because they are worried the man will divorce them.
Is it ok for them to divorce their wife once they have got what they wanted or is it a sin?
Salaams,
Marrying for citizenship purposes is not a reason given to marry within Islam. Not only that, but it's illegal. Even though I've never read anything specifically stating this, my understanding that breaking the laws of the land is not adviseable for Muslims.
I think the system that some immigrants have set up to marry and thus obtain citizenship to other countries is an abuse of marriage, and a mockery of what Allah decreed marriage to be. Considering the fact that there are several avenues to citizenship (although some may be especially arduous or time consuming) there should be no reason for such marriages to take place.
In my opinion, the only purpose for marriage should be the genuine desire to share your life with someone who you find to be compatible. Marrying someone for citizenship purposes, in my view, is no different from a mutah marriage, which most reputable scholars classify as haraam.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I think is sooo wrong for somebody to marry someone for a citizenship,I know alot of guys that came from my country using girls for citizenship, they treat them bad mean to them is really sad when they get what they want and leave. What is done is done pray to Allah to forgive you and your wife.
I don't understand why you could not get british citizenship on the basis of your natural mother being british. Both my children have british nationality on the basis of their mother being british, although they were not even born in the uk, and we havent' been there for the last 12 years.
also this custom of pretending to marry someone for citizien ship is completely wrong. And yet it is so common. The masjids should warn people about this.
As-salamu Alaykum,
Your situation is very complicated.
Is it possible that your wife's "husband" threatened to tell the authorities about the scheme unless she slept with him? If so, it may be that she was trying to protect you from being deported or going to jail. And if this is the case, this may help you better understand and accept your wife's motivations for her actions (although they were obviously wrong).
So many people treat the issue of marrying for citizenship lightly, but deception and sin are always involved.
Insha'Allah people will learn from this story and realize that marriage and divorce are no joking matter.
@Talha Khawaja
Seriously?
First of all, as per Islamic principles, you cannot marry your "WIFE" to another person in any context; this is haram practice in absolute sense.
You paid a man to have a "paper marriage" with your wife for British citizenship, correct? Well, this is akin to prostitution.
Like this or not; you are unlikely to have PEACE in your life after this kind of development. It is also possible that your wife may RESENT you for pushing her in this kind of situation and may possibly LEAVE you in the future, if she cannot find PEACE either. This CHILD from ANOTHER MAN will be a CONSTANT REMINDER to both of you for the grave sins you both committed and may also become a source for the breaking-point of your marriage in the future. People like you deserve no sympathy.
Women are emotionally delicate individuals; do not play with them or you will end up getting played as well. You have given your wife a taste for extra-marital relationship; I hope that she stays loyal to you after this kind of exposure but their is no guarantee.
However, their is one thing you CAN DO: Never ever attempt to jeopardize your and your wife's DIGNITY with SICK PRACTICES like these.
I wonder how you FACE your mother after this kind of act. If you were so desperate to meet her, you should have considered to marry a British women (with consent from your wife) and obtained British citizenship through her OR you should have sorted this matter out via British embassy after doing some research in this regard. I pity you.
@Talha Khawaja Seriously? First of all, as per Islamic principles, you cannot marry your "WIFE" to another person in any context; this is haram practice in absolute sense.......You paid a man to have a "paper marriage" with your wife for British citizenship, correct? Well, this is akin to prostitution.
It was a paper marriage and she was not supposed to sleep with the man, but she did it. I don't know how it is prostitution, she divorced her husband and married another man.
I think he should have aborted the child in the early stages because if the childs real father got to know this in future he can again blackmail them for his son.
I am sure that he will not be happy to see the real father interfearing in their life again. this will spoil their relationship.