Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Incestous feeling for my younger sister; please help

Incest is traumatising.

Hello,

I extremely need  help on this issue.  I am 22 years of age and Muslim by faith. From last few years , i used to watch porn and sexual stories on Internet. Where i got to read about the incest, slowly i started having these kind of feelings about my younger sister. But I never tried it do so. Last night we both were sleeping on the same bed, after some time i went towards her and kept my hand around her waist and started caressing on her back n neck ( still don't know it was intentionally or not) but she didn't reacted.

But after some time when i open my eyes, she was awakened and looked at me. She didn't said anything, but moved away from me. In the morning she didn't said anything about last night and behaving normally cause she is very innocent (only 18 years of age). But i am regretting now, that i have done a big sin. I am very depressed now that what should i do, cause am feeling very guilty.

Please help me, to seek forgiveness from Allah on this issue, n what must i should Do.

786.

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38 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKAAUM-
    DEAR MR 786 I AM SURPRISED THAT YOUR PARENTS DONT KNOW THE AGE WHEN THE DAUGHTER IS SEPERATED FROM THE BROTHERS FOR SLEEPING AND LIVING AND CHANGING CLOTHES-
    2ND YOU ARE HAVING VERY WEAK IMAN SO YOUR EYES TRUN TOARDS YOUR OWN SISTER BECAUSE OF THE TARINING FROM PORN

    SO KEEP AWAY FROM HER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE OTHERWISE THE SABNTITY OF THE RISTHA WILL END AND SHE MIGHT NOT SEE YOUR FACE FOR LIFE-

    HOPE YOU WILL SERIOUSLY MOVE AWAY FROM HER/HER ROOM HER LIVING AND CLOTHES CHANGING PLACES AND IF POSSIBLE YOU CAN ASK FORGIVENESS FROM HER NOW NOW -SAYING YOU DIDNT KNOW HOW AND WHEN IN THE SLEEP YOPUR HAND WENT ON HER SO THAT THE POISON SEED YOU HAVE SOWN BECOME DAED NOW ITSELF OR ELSE IT MIGHT BECOME BIG TREE OF HATREDNESS AS SHE IS 18 YEARS SHE MIGHT NOT BE MANY DAYS IN YR HOUSE SO TRY TO MAKE HER TRUST NORMAL ON YOU AS A BROTHER-
    PRAY TO ALLAH BEFORE TELLING HER SO THAT ALLAH WILL CLEAR HER MIND FROM THE DIRTY ACT YOU DID-AND THAT NORMALCY IS ESTABLISHED LIKE BEFORE-

    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF-

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    You have indeed committed a grave sin, and it is imperative that you repent and ensure it never happens again. She is your sister and should be able to feel safe in your company.

    It is important that you seek help for your obsession with porn and incestuous thoughts - if you can, speak to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Avoid any situation in which you would be close to your sister - definitely don't share a bed again, and work hard on lowering your gaze. Fill your time with constructive activities and studying Islam. Most importantly, beg Allah's forgiveness and help.

    If possible, try to move out of the house if you live with your sister. You are her mahram, and as such have a responsibility to protect her, including from yourself.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. Assalamu alaikum,

    Brother.. you are in serious trouble. First stop watching that porn and reading stories from internet or whatsoever. Repent and seek forgiveness from Allah SWT. Don't ever get these intentions again and i believe she is behaving normally because of not that she is open for those actions you did with her but she is unable to express her hesitation and disgust that her own brother who she thought will protect her and take care of her is behaving like this.

    Comon man at 18 years of age she too knows the difference between good and bad, the brotherly hug and this action of caressing on her back n neck. Stay away from her, don't sleep in the same bed. Concentrate on someother things when you get any urges.. like pray or do something but never ever get near hear and do that dirty thing of yours. You said you are depressed and feeling guilty and i am sure that Allah SWT knows the best of your state of heart.

    Don't approach her to ask for any forgiveness.. it will be embarassing but do show that you are sorry for what you did in any other ways. Pray, listen to any islamic teachings, praise Allah SWT, talk about Islam in your home.. this way i believe you can send the message that you are a changed man and you will never do it again.

    May Allah SWT purifies our heart and gives us the power to control our desires.

  4. Dear brother RJ,

    Please read his post again, he never said his sister is telling him to do that.

    "But after some time when i open my eyes, she was awakened and looked at me. She didn't said anything, but moved away from me. In the morning she didn't said anything about last night and behaving normally"

  5. What is it a boy??? I thought girl lol omg.....

    786.....You both are not even allowed to sleep in one bed if you are a boy. She reached her puberty and in islam brother sister siblings cant sleep together they need to sleep separate.....the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “When your children reach the age of seven, separate their beds

  6. Brother stop watching all non sence things on internet. Make dua from Allah to protuct yourself and all others from this type of evil things. Please do not share the place where you sleep and try to stay away. I am not a scholar to provide you a solution, but being a muslim brother I can advice you.

  7. ASA 786,

    Brother this is a psychological issue. You need to see a psychologist.please please do this at once! This ia dangerous as she is around alot bcos she is your sister. Brother incest is not natural thus people who commit it nirmally breed children with more health and genetic problems. Plus this is a girl that coukd be traumatized for life! Get help!

  8. Never said that the sister asked for the brother to do that.

    Its strange that parents allow them to sleep in the same bed. Its unheard of.
    Its strange that they themselves don't think think its creepy seeing as they are 18 and 22.
    Its strange that she didn't push him and move away at the first instance..and didnt say anything.

    And how is it not intentional? Its just all very weird.

    He does need professional help.
    The parents need to know whats going on.
    Its just all pretty bizzare.

  9. Brother,

    My advice for you is that you should stop watching porn immediately and repent to Allah. What porn does is make us get desensitized by what is the right intimacy with your spouse only and makes you search for other abnormal ways to gain pleasure (such as incest, homosexuality, etc.) but know that your feelings are not natural since before watching porn you never had any feelings for your sister.

    At this age you should sleep separately from your sister because she is 18 years old and is considered an adult in some countries. You say that she is 18 and innocent but I am sure that by this age she knows between what is right and what is wrong. Don't ruin your relationship with her and try to move out if you can or at least move to another room. She already has to be careful around men who are not her mehram, she doesn't deserve to be extra careful around her own brother. She may even end up not trusting any man if you continue to do this and later on it may affect her married life in the future (when she gets married inshAllah).

    Of course ask Allah to forgive you and to help you. Only He understands your suffering. I suggest you go to a psychologist to sort out these feelings you have and after everything is resolved I recommend you try your best to get married. This way you will be able to let out your desires in a halal way and maybe porn will be a thing of the past and hopefully this will be too. Hide your sins but do not continue to do them in secret. You don't need to let anyone know of this, just keep asking for forgiveness and never do it again.

  10. You are ruining the relationship between brother and sister. In addition, you will make her depressed for the rest of her life. She will hate you so much that she will never see your face again. Stop right now. She is 18! She knows more than you for sure. Apologize to her, it was mistake while you were half asleep and it will never happen again. DO NOT sleep in same room. Stay away from her.You are supposed to protect her!!! Stop watching porn, its hard but you have to start trying. You won't be able to stop instantly but make intention that within 2 weeks there will be no porn in your life. Its like quit smoking. Start praying regularly in Jamah, go to mosque or musillah. Help yourself. Listen religios lecture, plenty on youtube. Make friends with alem brothers. You have a disorder, now take action to cure yourself. Save your sister and save yourself from hell fire. May Allah give you towfiq.

  11. Assalamualaikum

    It seems that you already know that you have done bad things and you came in here seeking advice on how to correcting and refraining from bad deeds. So I will get to the point.

    You have dug a deep hole for yourself and you have fallen into it. It will be struggle to get out but if you are willing to get out then here are a few suggestions.

    1) Start fasting on regular basis as it will lower your libido.

    2) Stop sleeping in the same room with your sister. If possible apologize to her and you can make the excuse that you thought it was all happening in the dream so that the sister brother bond is not damaged beyond repair.

    3) To take your mind of bad thoughts, focus on activities that keep you occupied. Playing sports, learning about new stuff, helping some one. Volunteering some place.

    4) Instead of reading bad stuff on internet, read something else. You might find it hard to start reading Islamic literature, so you can start by reading some literature which may not be as beneficial for you but will be good enough to keep your mind away from bad thoughts. I know of some classic stuff in english but probably you may want to read something in your native language.

    5) If you can find someone to talk to who will not judge you but rather advise you and listen to you then talk to that person in your moment of weakness.

    Inshallah you will overcome your struggles.

    JZK

  12. Assalam alaikum,

    Everyone has given great advice.

    What I will say is that, not only will you make your sister depressed, but it will tear her apart inside to the point it will hurt her constantly. That emotional pain will be BEYOND REPAIR - by that I mean she will have to learn to COPE with it constantly but it will never ever repair. It is like a wound that never heals. We can't compare this to a haram relationship between two willing people--not only is it haram, but it is also sexual abuse. I personally do not care that she is 18 because you are in a position of trust and Islamically, a position of protection and one degree higher being a Mahram to her.

    If you do something like this to her, the repercussions will be something like this. She will stop trusting Mahram men her in life. Quite possibly, a non-Mahram man who comes into her life, shows her some love and comforting words will make her possibly inclined towards him. After that, she would most likely get into a haram relationship with him. This isn't simply about you sinning - you could put her in a very dark place making her inclined towards sinning to try to comfort the pain of this. There are a lot of there other things she could do, but trust me, none of them would be good at all.

    Mulla Naseerudin gave a great plan for you to follow. Get yourself away from you sister and if you are able to do those things, do them. If you still can't control your desires, get married if possible, but whatever you do, DO NOT even think (let alone touching) a single sexual thought about your sister.

    May Allah protect us from the accursed shaitaan. Ameen.

  13. Assalamu alaikum,

    Dear editor brothers.. please publish my post i've been waiting for almost a month and still its not published. I can see the posts which were created after me were published.

    Excuse me if i am wrong.. Allah knows the best.

    • Maybe you edit your post middle of waiting if so then your post will go back again as new. Thats what happened to me last year.

      • Awww... i did that :-(.. Jazakallahu khairan for telling me that..

      • No sister, the original date of posting remains same. muslim boy, your post was submitted on 4th April. It will take approximately fortnight for it to be published. Please have patience. Thanks.

        Abu Abdul Bari
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  14. Assalaam alykum, I think this is the outbreak of outsighting tHe sunnah you should know your islam by learnig its doctrines and its essence. The proahet swalawatullah wassalaam alaihi said thAt every youngman should get married as soon as she mature but if not they should fast. So Brother I do edge for the best of your aqiyda plz. Fast as much as you can for the acceptable days as the scholars do say(also the scientiststeach us); if you are able to control your hunger then you wiLl be able control you desires(including canal desires that do face you), do strong exercises, and behold to the lot of rightious dees and keep you self busy in beneficial things you will succeed Inshallah. My last advice plz don't use to expose your evils to public. Bt rather seek the way to solve those evils especially by reading islam. Allah barri ta'la knows best. Subhaana lakaallumma wabihamdika ash-hadu anlaa ilaha illa anta astaghfiruka wa atuu ilaika.

  15. assalamualykum
    it is immensly disturbing that our muslim youth is being eaten up by west sponsered porn internet.... brother u r in great trouble but. regretting and repenting is an islamic way.... brother embed deen in ur life , take medication which reduce lust. and move away from ur home for atleast a few months

  16. I doubt if it is a true or a fake post. For everyone knows that, not only for muslims, everyone, including your parents should have known it is so inappropriate for you and your sister sleeping the same bed. In the same bed with your 18 yrs old sister!!! This is a family malfunction!

    If it is a real post and it really happened, follow the advise that are given here.

    • Sister Nadia,

      If we do not acknowledge problems, we can't fix them. Just because we are Muslims, doesn't mean we are free of sin. Unfortunately, very very unfortunately, family members do sexually abuse other family members and break trust.

      Allah guide us all. Ameen!

      • hey sis...ameen... i wz impressed by ur statement that juz bcuz we r muslims v r free of sins.....
        may allah de almighty guide u in da right and da rest of uz..ameen

    • Lake of space/rooms may be the reason. I know one family where a husband and wife share one room and 2 adults (brother and sister) share the other room.

  17. I have a freind he also sressed by getting the same evil thoughts about her sister but just thoughts nothing more than that at the time of his teenage 15 or 16 but as per his statement he felt guilt after some days then everything was fine,he is 25 now and he suddenly rembered that time again and he is feeling guilty again of the same same thing he is very depressed and he repented but still he is not satisfied he is getting worse day by day coz of that incident that how those thoughts came in his mind that time... he is feeling ashamed of his teenage now suggest sone advices for him as he is loosing selconfidence now

    • There's no need to feel guilty about thoughts that were not acted upon, and certainly not thoughts from 10 years ago when he was a teenager. Teenagers have new hormones surging and also have not fully developed their sense of inhibition, so it's not unusual for teens to do things that they might regret later as adults. As long as his behavior is proper and he is doing his best to be a good Muslim, let him be at peace, Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  18. this is very bad,are u married and why were u in her bed?do tauba and explain to ur sister that u were half asleep and didnt know what u was doing and say sorry to her.

    • good muslima: do tauba and explain to ur sister that u were half asleep and didnt know what u was doing and say sorry to her.

      Not a good idea. You are telling this boy to lie that he did not know what he was doing. OP has mentioned his sister was kind of awake when he did this.

  19. As earlier said he was teen and those thoughts made him to do masterburation as expected for a teen so for him he is sinful guy and he has done a major sin... rply asap

    • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      Allah mentions he is extremely forgiving and constantly merciful at the end of the very ayah which prohibits us from having sex with our mothers, daughters, sisters and so on. "No doubt, Allah was always ghafoor(extremely forgiving), rahim(always merciful)"

      http://quran.com/4/23

      حُرِّمَتْ عَلَيْكُمْ أُمَّهَاتُكُمْ وَبَنَاتُكُمْ وَأَخَوَاتُكُمْ وَعَمَّاتُكُمْ وَخَالَاتُكُمْ وَبَنَاتُ الْأَخِ وَبَنَاتُ الْأُخْتِ وَأُمَّهَاتُكُمُ اللَّاتِي أَرْضَعْنَكُمْ وَأَخَوَاتُكُم مِّنَ الرَّضَاعَةِ وَأُمَّهَاتُ نِسَائِكُمْ وَرَبَائِبُكُمُ اللَّاتِي فِي حُجُورِكُم مِّن نِّسَائِكُمُ اللَّاتِي دَخَلْتُم بِهِنَّ فَإِن لَّمْ تَكُونُوا دَخَلْتُم بِهِنَّ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَحَلَائِلُ أَبْنَائِكُمُ الَّذِينَ مِنْ أَصْلَابِكُمْ وَأَن تَجْمَعُوا بَيْنَ الْأُخْتَيْنِ إِلَّا مَا قَدْ سَلَفَ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا

      He also promises that he forgives ALL sins.

      قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
      Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."
      http://quran.com/39/53-61

      So tell him not to despair of Allah's mercy as that is a greater sin than masturbation.

      • But is masturbation while doing these thoughts (about mahram) considered equivalent to incest?

        • Thoughts are not the same as actions. We are not punished for our thoughts. However, one should try to control his thoughts and not dwell on the haram, because thinking of the haram constantly will often lead to doing it.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  20. I need a response

  21. Thanx brother mahmud for sorting out the problem

  22. But what about intentionally thinking such incestuous thoughts for pleasure? Like intentionally masturbating while thinking thoughts about a man that is marram, like a brother or uncle or something like that. Please help

    • Please please help me

    • Rifqa: But what about intentionally thinking such incestuous thoughts for pleasure? Like intentionally masturbating while thinking thoughts about a man that is marram, like a brother or uncle or something like that. Please help

      You need to stop that. You may be sending wrong signals to your brother, uncle or some thing like that which could lead to bad stuff.

      What is that you would like to happen?

  23. Dear Brother,
    I also experienced similar sort of incident in my childhood. I could not overcome my feelings of deep guilt . Then I gathered courage and fell in her feet to ask forgiveness. Only then I became normal and she also realized my state. I can give you tips how to perform this.

    • hey can you help me? i also did a similar thing to my sister when I was 14 and she was my elder sister 19 or 20 please due to obession with porn and now i really hate myself and sometimes i want to kill my self please help me
      and what was your incident? please share.....

      • Don't hate yourself, and don't kill yourself. This act of yours is not praiseworthy, but it's more common than you think among siblings. Also, you were young and your sister may have forgiven you already. If you sense that she hasn't, try to have a conversation with her about it and say sorry.

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