Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Repentance for having a relationship with a married man

Dunya

Assalamualaikum!

I am a 20 year old muslim who stepped into a haraam relationship with a married man. I was very innocent when it all started 5 years ago and thought i would become his second wife. But now im in a situation where i feel myself responsible for ruining his relations with his wife.

I love him sincerely and He too loves me truely and is just waiting for my approval for marriage. To make it clear i have not committed zina and he never asked me for it also. He is very true and loyal to me. All the matters of his life he shares with me at any cost. He does everything possible to make me happy and put me out of trouble. I am very very happy with him.

My family and his family are closely related so i know every detail about him from both the ways. His relation with his wife is not at all good. They hardly talk if there is no fight. Its been 7 years and they don't have a kid because of his wife's health issues and he is getting her treated as well. So basically his family life is a complete mess for which he's always under stress and tells me that im the only hope in his life.

Very late i realised what i was doing was wrong. Unintentionally i was drifting him away from his wife. And now I'm very guilty about it and feel that allah swt is punishing him for the sins we are committing. Earlier i thought i would become his second wife and everything would get sorted. We never have been caught by anyone by being such close. But now im sure my parents would never agree to do so as it would spoil many lives and many relations.

I tried a lot to make him realise that this was wrong and lets repent for what we have done. But he refuses. He blackmails me emotionally telling he would die without me and he would do something to himself as i was the only hope he had in life.

Im sure i don't want to ruin his wife's life and I'll not do anything without my parents will. I'm really guilty and i want to repent. I want him to realise that its not right to do so.

Also i feel that they aren't blessed with a kid by allah for the sins he has committed. He is 30 now and badly wants a child. Is it possible that me being in his life is the reason allah is punishing him? And if so, if i leave his life and repent, will allah forgive him and bless them both with a chid?

Please do guide me on how should i PEACEFULLY end this chapter. I want him to give his wife the love and respect he has for me and stay happy with her and i want him to repent for the sins committed by him with me.

Your guidance is very important for me and will be highly appreciated!

Jazakallah..

sabha

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9 Responses »

  1. I had relations with a married man. DONT DO THIS PLEASE. HE PROMISED ME MARRIAGE. AND NOW IM ALONE WITH OUR SON (9 weeks old). I wish I listened to people when they said to stay away. You'll find another man, you'll be his number 1 inshallah

    • In this case what will be father name ? In case if he disappears like in ur case

      • What do you mean exactly?

        • What I meant is if her kid is born out of zina and that guy ran away then what name of father you give to the kid ..

          • I don't know. I keep thinking about the day when his going to ask "why do you have a dad, and I don't". The only answer I fell is acceptable for an absent father is "his dead". But his not. He lives just 15 minutes from my house. And all children need both parents. As for what name I'll give. The truth. Hopefully one day they can form a relationship.

  2. If he is so unhappy in his marriage why has he not left his wife?

  3. NOW ur worried about his wife and ur perents not agreeing for this marrieg??? Why didnt u think about this before giving him hopes showing him dreams which u knew cant come true??? Why u think about his wife now?? If u think if u leave him now he will "respact and love" his wife then ur wrong! His mind and heart is with u whether u leave him or stay with him nothing will change. From the begaining u knew hes married then what made u step in to this relitionship in first place.?? Why u didnt think about his wife and ur perents before?? Dont fool urself by saying allah is punishing him for having relitionship with u. Im sure his wife might be also dasprite to have a child not just him. I dont think allah will punish her for wht her husband is doing. Him and his wife is just being tested by allah. Dont give it the name of "punishment".

    If ur not scared of becoming his secound wife. Truly want to marry him and not giving him false hopes then my advice is to talk to ur perents. Try to make them undertand ur feelings and his. As u said he really wants children, marry him so he can have children with u when his wife's health gets better and ready for child then she can have a child with him too. His wife might not eccpet this in first place but if shes understanding loves her husband and she knows how much he wants a child then she might also agree for him to marry u. But if u cant fight for self and him with ur perents to get married then leave him alone and foucs on ur life. If u didnt know wht were u doing then. Now u know exactly wht ur doing so think carefully then diside. Once u disided dont change ur mind again. Sorry if i sound too harsh or hurt u.

  4. Leave this man, leave him alone and run far away. Your opening can of worms and playing with fire do not do this to yourself and don't you feel ashamed being with someone else's man shame on you and him. Strong advise don't have something that's not yours. If things between him and his wife isn't good how come he is still with her.Open your eyes he is playing you and your wasting your time. Use your energy to ask forgiveness and find someone who isn't married.

  5. Asalamoalaikum,

    Sister I’m glad that you are realizing what you’re doing is wrong and feeling guilt over it too. Simply put, you are not Islamically allowed to have a relationship with a non-mahram man, let alone a married man. You need to put an end to this haram relationship now.

    This man is responsible for his own actions and so are you. If he is emotionally blackmailing you about harming himself that is his choice, not yours. I understand you’ll feel horrible leaving him like this but really there is no peaceful way to end things other than no contact at all. On judgement day this very man who is threatening to hurt himself for you will be telling Allah swt that you wronged his soul by interfering in his marriage. That day he’ll only be thinking of himself and how to save face in front of Allah swt. So send him a final brief message saying good-bye and cut all modes of communication with him.

    Lastly, his wife does not deserve any of this. I’m sure she already feels lonely in her marriage as is and if she doesn’t already have a clue of what’s going on, imagine the day she’ll find out how she will feel. If you were her, would you forgive someone who played a role in destroying your marriage? One day you will get married as well and I’m sure you’ll want to be the only woman in your husband’s life. Treat Allah’s creatures justly and He will treat you justly, insha Allah.

    -Hopeful Sister

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