Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Want to marry a revert but family won’t accept..

age difference

Salaam brothers and sisters,

I have an issue which is important for me to receive correct islamic advice and I trust on here I can get an answer.

I am pakistani lad who has been together with an Indian girl for 6 years which I understand is wrong in islam and am trying to fix it. She reverted to islam 3 months ago and is very much into her deen without any pressure from my end. We want to get married however my family won't accept it due to culture and how my family want a girl who's Pakistani so families can build relationships too.

This girl is willing to sacrifice anything for me however I'm finding it very difficult because my mother has been through a lot with other family issues and I don't want to put her through anything else. I'm starting to feel like I'm stuck and don't want to put this girl i want to marry through this because she doesn't deserve it.

What do I do? I want to marry her but mum won't agree due to culture and what other people would think! What action should I take which is correct islamically?

HASAN

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7 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    Islamically, if you wish to marry a Muslim girl, your parents don't have to agree. The only people whose agreement is essential are you, the girl in question, and her wali. It is of course preferable for both families to be supportive, but if your parents are refusing on un-Islamic grounds, then you are within your rights to proceed anyway.

    Rather than worrying about cultural concerns and what other people would think, you and your family should be more concerned about whether the girl in question is pious and of good character. If you are concerned that your mother would prioritise cultural concerns, it might help to have an imam or a respected relative (or member of your community) to discuss the matter with her. InshaAllah, once your mother looks beyond these issues, she will be able to consider if this girl is a suitable wife for you based on Islamic standards.

    Please remember, though, that you and this girl are not mahram before nikah, which means you both still need to observe appropriate boundaries. As she is a recent revert, she may not be fully aware of the details of how men and women should interact in Islam, so it would be helpful for you to ensure your knowledge in this area is sufficient to guide how the two of you interact. Remember that you both need to repent for any transgressions that have occurred, and take steps to avoid any repetition.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. As the answer above has mentioned, no, you do not need your parents' permission to marry her, but you do need her wali's permission. Taking the fact that she had just recently reverted and assuming her parents are non Muslims, then they cannot be her Wali and she can appoint an imam or someone similar as her Wali. Now, about the cultural differences, this is nothing as you are both of south Asian BG culture differences shouldn't be a problem.
    Hope I was of some help.

  3. Salaam,

    i have read the above and am in a similar situation -

    a young man i was speaking with recently approached his Pakistani family and was met with the same refusal - rather then look at the islamic thought behind it they have completely refused me and will not meet me either, they dislike i am indian and questions why i am a revert - although this was done 4 years prior to me meeting him,
    sadly, he also has decided that he does not wish to go against his parents and now will marry who they ask him to although for a long time he led me to believe this was not the case,

    in the meantime, he has been so rude to me to force me to disappear away from him which has been hurtful as i feel i have never wronged him,

    i really need clarity on this - has he responded in an unislamic manner? or is he allowed to go along with what they say even though it has nothing to do with islam?

    if i had known this would be the case i would never have wasted any time speaking with him.

    please advise me? he has shown not one single bit of remorse for the pain he has caused me....

    salaam

    • Have some self respect,

      Why would you want to be with someone who has abused and deceived you, prior to even getting married?

      You need to learn about the religion you are claiming you belong to, it seems you are not very familiar with its regulations, and this has caused you to suffer, trust me, you would not feel so aggrieved if your relationship with this man had not had transgressed the limitations Allah has put forth in regards to non mehram relations.

      I hope inshallah you can feel better soon, but you should
      count yourself lucky, why would you want such a man?

  4. Assalaamu alaikumm,

    I have deep feelings for a guy who is from a different religion.
    Its pleasing for me to hear from him that he wants to become a muslim just to spend his life with me. I have tried to make him realise what Islam is! How is it different from other religions,and why should one choose to take ISLAM as their religion..
    Being "ENLIGHTED" (i use this word cuz i had to go down low and tell him things bit by bit ,making him doubt his religion because if one doesn't ask questions one will never be aware of what is right )

    now that I have told him that I can only marry him if he's a muslim, because i would never convert as for me BESHAQ Islam is the best religion to choose. Now he has started to avoid haraam things like not eating Chicken from the shops who don't pray while they slay it and many different things i told him that he should do..

    My question is , Should I marry him if he reverts? ( i trust him,bt still doubtful of the fact that even if he reverts would he really devote himself towards allah? He has promised me .. And INSHAALLAH i would pray god to lead him in the right path..
    Please pray.. Please.. 🙂

    • Arshia: I have deep feelings for a guy who is from a different religion......Its pleasing for me to hear from him that he wants to become a muslim just to spend his life with me...... Should I marry him if he reverts? ( i trust him,bt still doubtful of the fact that even if he reverts would he really devote himself towards allah? He has promised me .. And INSHAALLAH i would pray god to lead him in the right path..

      Have you talked to your parents about marrying this guy? How long have you known him? How did you meet him?

    • How are you so aware of what this guy is up to? and how have you managed to develop such deep feelings?
      do you not know that it is completely forbidden to have any unnecessary relations with a Non mehram man?

      You should stay away from this guy, he is not permissible for you to interact with, if he is sincere about his devotion to Islam, let him come back to you or rather your parents, when he has established islam, and ignore his nonsense of the promise to devote himself to Allah when he has married you, if you believe this you are with respect, very naive, Muslims devote themselves to Allah because they love and fear him, not in order to marry someone.... Men make promises to women in order to have their way and my sister 100% of the time when they do thisthey are being deceptive, do not fall into the same traps so many young women do, observe the limits Allah has set and your heart/feelings will inshallah be protected.

      Sister don't waste your time praying for a man who is increasing you in sin, direct him to the mosque and bid him farewell .................

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