I want to marry but my family is preventing it until I finish high school
"And among His(swt) Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts
Asalam Alaykum! Please I need help hope someone gets back to me ASAP in sha'Allah..
I want to get married, but my family won't allow me to get married to this guy because we aren't the same race; I don't care about race.
I'm still in high school my last year in sha'Allah and he's almost finishing college.
I spoke to my family and tried to convince them but it's not working. I want to marry him without my family knowing it because I need to get married and they're not allowing me. I want to live with my family while he's finishing college.
He's able to support me now but we don't live in the same state and I have to finish high school here and also my family said I could get married when I'm done with high school. I'm scared that if my family won't allow me to get married I might do something haram. I want to tell them about our marriage when he moves to my state and he finishes college.
Please help me! I don't know what to do and make dua for me that Allah will guide me in the right direction.
- Osmannai000
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Salaam sister Osmannai.
I was sad to read your post. What I am not sure about is if your parents are refusing this particular brother or if they are allowing you to only marry him after high school. Please clarify this.
I am afraid that you cannot force your parents to agree to allow you to marry. But what you must not do my dear sister is marry secretly. This is wrong in Islam. One of the conditions of marriage is that it is publicised. Secret marriages also cause a whole lot of problems such as lies, abortion, loss of respect and loss of rights. Dear sister you both deserve better than this.
My advice to you is first and foremost stop unecessary, unislamic contact with this brother if you have been in contact. All contact between you and him should be within islamic boundaries. Absolutely no meeting alone without your mahram present. This is for your protection and his to prevent haraam from happening. There are countless examples of people who disregarded that rule and fell into haraam. Sister please do not be one of them. May Allah save us all, Ameen! Also strongly avoid talking on the phone. I know this is difficult but InshaAllah will keep you safe from zina.
Also kindly speak to your parents again. Encourage the brother to officially make a proposal by visiting your parents. Find out your parents fears, acknowledge them and get ready to make a compromise with them. For instance they may be concerned its too early. Let them know you are ready. Your family will feel hurt and betrayed if you marry secretly and then have to tell them later, and will most likely strongly reject him. So please handle thsi in islamic mature way and get him to approach them. Let them get to know this brother.
Ask them if you can do nikah or at very least get engaged. If they are worried about him supporting you, reassure that you will not move out straight away. Use hadith and Qur'an to explain importance of marrying young and how race in islam is not important. It is character and deen which counts. Nikah will mean that you can be alone and meet. However engagement does NOT constitute marriage so if you get engaged you cannot be alone with him,. If they still refuse try to ask an islamic pious respected person to convince your parents.
Make sure you take the right steps.
I pray that Allah swt helps you in this situation.
Ameen
I have provided some links below which may be of use to you InshaAllah
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/marry-without-permission-parents/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/can-we-marry-without-parents-consent/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/married-over-phone/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/marriage-without-telling-parents/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/marry-without-consent/
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Dear Child,
There is no one in this life who is going to care more about you and your well being than your parents. They have spent the last what...17 years raising you. Surely for them to ask you to wait until you finish high school before marrying is a very small request if you consider the sacrifices that they have made for you over the years?!
Listen to your parents, believe it or not...they have your best interests at heart.
Salam