Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Me and my cousin would like to get married but there’s a problem, help please?.

Aslaam walaykum am a male 23 yo just going too keep it simple and straight, me and my cousin I will call her by the letter (S) have liked each other for quite while we are in love and there is no other person like her anywhere. She is my first cousin her mum is my mum younger sister here is where the problem starts my auntie (S) mum married from outside the family long time ago and my dads side of the family didn't like it and they don't get on never talk or visit the only side that gets on with my auntie (S mum) is my mum her older sister and my mums side. we both love each other so much if I was too tell my mum that I would like too marry (S) my mum would say no because she is scared of my dads reaction but my grandad and nani (my mums and auntie father and mum) will probably most likely say yes. (S) father really likes me as well but the problem is that my father does not get on with my auntie (S) mum and whenever my auntie comes down too her mums and dads my grandads and nanis my father never goes too visit them my mums side of the family will be okay with it but it's just my father and his side of the family that will most likely would not like it too happen I really love her she's wears a headscarf gets along well with my sisters when ever she comes down with my auntie too visit, she goes university and she can cook I don't understand what the problem is what is my father side trying too protect or show honour, pride by keeping there word and not letting go of the old problem the problem that my auntie (S) mum married outside the family ages ago I don't understand why my father and his side are like this my auntie (S mum) even said too her and me that she would love her daughter (S) too marry me as am the perfect guy but she can't see it happening because of my father and his side of the family please give some advice thank you.


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3 Responses »

  1. Okay that was a lot of information. Wow. Brother I would advise you to sit both of your parents down at the same time and discuss this in a respectful way (they are your parents after all). This is a very delicate subject and should therefore be treated as so. As for your parent most likely even if your father does not agree, chances are your mother will bring him around and when you are discussing this, stand your ground by telling them this is what you want and all of the reasons why you should marry her but, again, do it, respectfully. Yes, I'm saying prepare before hand as we all know how our parents can be. After your side of the family has been neutralized, take the necessary steps e.g. Go to her father and ask her for her hand (even tho your he already knows, cuz your mother told her sister who told him) it shows that you are both serious and following the deen/religion on this matter. Pray before anything as if it right Allah swt will make it easy if it is right. Inshallah everything works out for the best.

  2. It might be a good strategy to systematically probe your dads relatives first: how do they feel about your auntie? It there more than the marriage outside the family as a reason to avoid her? How do they stand to your planned marriage?
    It may well be that many of them do not hold (or no longer hold) any personal grudge against your auntie and only avoid contact either out of deference for your father or because it would be awkward to start after such a long time. It may well be that twenty years ago they considered a marriage outside the family bad, but no longer hold on to such antiquated ways of thinking. Every relative of your dad who would not oppose the marriage you can rally for your cause. The greatest win would be of course the support of your dads parents if they are still alive. Your dad would have a hard time turning down your wish if he finds himself without allies and even his own parents supporting you.
    Please give us an update later so we know whether our advice was of any use.

  3. Hey please help me
    I m fallen in love with my cousin and i told him about my feelings he respect me and even we never ever touch each other
    The problem is one day he told me that he had sex 3 times in his past
    When he told me all about this i cried alot but i still love him i dont care what he did in his past
    I cried becuz i never touch or talk another boy and i start my hijab too even most of the boys confess their feelings to me and tried to kiss me but i refused them only for him
    But he is changed now he become a such gud muslim can i marry him
    Becuz i heard in hadees that
    Pak womens are for pak men and pak men are for pak womens and napak women are for napak men and napak men are for napak women
    Please help me

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