Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need urgent help – his parents won’t let us marry!

Rejected by Family

His parents have rejected me

I am a 27 year old from Bangladesh. 6 month ago I fall in love with a Kashmiri guy. He proposed me through facebook. Initially i rejected his proposal. I told him that is not possible bcoz we r from different countries. Though both we r sunni Muslim. But that time he assured me that he can manage nd convince his parents. After that we become serious about our relationship nd committed to marry.we deeply love each other. Everything was going ok.But in the last month, he Cought by his parents. They directly reject me.they said they can't accept any girl from different state. His mother said she will die if he marry me. His family situation is very worst. He is under depression. None of his family member treat his very well. He tried to convince his parents but he failed
Last week he told me he can't continue relationship with me. Its impossible to marry me.if he will marry me the situation will become more worst. He told me not to contact with him. He suddenly stopped all communication with me.
I want to marry him with the consent of his parents. I can't marry anyone elese..i m crying all day long..what should I do now?


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14 Responses »

  1. If a guy really wants u he would keep the relationship & fight for it till u get married! But this guy seems like he listens to his parents which is a bad side for u because his parents are not allowing u & I am having a slightly similar situation with that too so ur not the only one!
    If you get in a relationship make sure that u introduce to the family before with all this committment. The reason why is because they start to get to know u more & possibly agree to get married to the guy that u love. But my advice is now that u got caught and his parents don't want u to get married I suggest to leave that dude alone because he did not fight for u to stay & his parents are pathetic!! So just let it go & make a change in yourself.

  2. Hi dear, I telling you from my experience, it is much better for you not to marry a Kashmiri or Pakistani or Arab Muslim. The Mudlim men from region act as very smart and nice gentle men, but after married they show their face, and treat their women as slaves. The men from these reagion believe women are the product of rape and sex, and treat them as second class citizens.

    Your culture on the other hand is different , since you are living in a moderate country. You will not be able to survive with these radicals.

    Don't forget that Ahhah always does good thins for us, and he knows what is right for us. Therefore, don't get upset if your relationship move forward. You will get your is just a matter of time, don't lose your patience, pray salatul thajud if you can since you are looking for serious relationship. You must look for someone who has similar personalities like you. Believe me or not , it took me 2 years and 3 months for me to find my love one after praying thajud and doing Nafal fasting on every Monday and Thursday.

    • You had some good advice only, racist at the same time. I can assure you a lot of pakistani men don't see women as 'products of rape' yes there is some bad treatment of women as there is in every country but there are many who are kind and live happily with their wives, I would know - I have family there. Please dont spread ignorance that has no basis in Islam.

    • That's a very big generalization you're making. Would you say Nouman Ali Khan, a Pakistani, or Mufti Menk, an Arab is that way? I'm sorry you met someone bad in your life but there are good people out there. The difficulty in finding someone good is in every race and religion.

      I could generalize and say every Arab is like Mufti Menk or every Pakistani is like Nouman Ali Khan but they're not. But at the same time I'm sure there good people in both.

  3. Wow really ? you meet a guy on Facebook and you come to a point that you cry.......why.....Islamically before any decisions to get Nikkah ...we as muslums should see that person face to face and ask them important questions regarding deen 1st then whatever you choose...
    THIS IS WHAT HSPPENS AS A RESULT OF WRONG ACTIONS THAT TAKE PLACE....SOMEONE ALWAYS GETS HURT...THAT'S WHY WE MUST FOLLOW THE WAY THAT ALLAH WANTS US TO LIVE in this world as the example shown and taught by our beloved prophet Muhammad PBUH who is the best of mankind.

  4. I am in the same situation. but, I am now seeing where my guy is coming from. he's been nothing less of an angel in my life. but, knowing the way we two are, he's giving in to his mom's wishes.
    all I can say is, we can just pray that God helps us. if we are meant to be we will. Same goes for anyone going through this type of situation. not everyone is lucky to get who and/or what they want

    • AD: he's been nothing less of an angel in my life. but, knowing the way we two are, he's giving in to his mom's wishes

      It happens quite often after using the girl, a guy all of sudden declare they are being forced to marry their cousin or their mom is going to die. To me it is just a common excuse. A good mother would like to see her son happy. If a guy is serious about getting married, he should tell his family as soon as he meets her.

  5. Sister,
    From your condition it is obvious that he does'nt want to marry you. You can't marry him. I suggest that you forget him. Continue your life. Stop crying. He can't see you crying and suffering. I can understand your problem because i have faced it. And i tell you what? If you carry on like this *YOU WILL GET HURT* in the end. I suggest that you look after youself. Try to love yourself . Remember! Allah hears all the words you say. So pray to him. Cry for the forgiveness of Allah. And you will get Good result in the end. Try to become social with your own family. If you want to marry then i suggest that you find someone in your country. Somone who is pious and fears Allah. Someone you can met and discuss mutually both of your requirements.
    What happened with you is due to the fact that you found someone on Facebook and wanted to marry him.
    Our prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) Didn't teach us this.
    You can find a lot of girls who married someone they found on facebook and then got divorced because after marriage they found that the person they married is not suitable for them.
    The person that you want to marry do you think he is financially stable?
    Do you think he will be commited to you for the rest of your life?
    Pick yourself up. Stop crying. Wipe your tears. Fear ALLAH and come into this life.
    This was the lesson I learnt when the same thing happened with me.
    May Allah give you the strength to move on. Ameen!

    • assalamu alaykum sister...

      i jus wnt to say im so happy u cud get past it...mashaAllah.. may Allah give u better and give strength to others who need to take this step....its very hard to have the strength to give it up after for so long thinking ur life is going 2 be with this person..may Allah guide us all to right decisions amin

  6. don't waste your time on him, most guys look for time pass online and make false promises

  7. How can you even think of marrying some one you met on Internet? Now a days even extremist are using Internet playing as lovers to trap and brainwash people. Girls are being used to honey-trap boys.

    You remember what happened in Dhaka few weeks back.

    The guy you met may not be even from Kashmir. He could lie about every thing and you will never find out the truth. He may be married and looking for a girl friend etc .

  8. Just one thing for you that i heard once upon a time from a KASHMIRI old man itself..who was apparantely our SHIKARA rider while we were on a tour to Kashmir (IOK) And that was..

    "Yahan aasman aur Insaan pe kabhi bharosa mat karna, woh be waqt badal ta hai"

    Which means -

    "Here dont trust the Skies and a man, coz they change in a quick of time"

    So.. Beware sister !

  9. You need to help yourself get over this guy, you fell in love, it was wrong, but youre human and we all do that at some point. You need to find things that make you happy, even research how to heal heartbreak theres a lot of information out there that will help you. Make tawbah and dont tell yourself things like 'I cant live without him' because 1) that's not true 2) it makes you feel worse. You cant control him or the situation and remember if he was your 'true love' or the right man for marriage he would have married you despite his parents rejection as their rejection had no basis in Islam. This is why we dont have 'love' before marriage because marriage is a sign of a mans commitment and seriousness about a woman and a sign of his love after which a woman can allow herself to be in love and no one is hurt from situations like this. Be gentle on yourself and kind to yourself.

  10. If I were the parents, I wouldn't let you marry this boy either.

    Virtual relationships are very intoxicating and lead to virtual infatuations and virtual "proposals". All you know about this person is what he reveals on his FB profile and through FB chat. Are you going to get married on Facebook, too? Of course not.

    My point is that you should look for a potential spouse "in real life", not on a social media site. If you find someone suitable, they should meet you and your family in real life, and propose to you honourably.

    You will move on eventually, once you recognize that this was simply a social media infatuation and nothing more.

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