Parents not agreeing with my decision and want to fight me… not sure what to do
Married to a non-Muslimah
Salam, I have a semi similar situation but a little different and I'm lost here...
My story as following, my family (parents) live in Jordan, I live here in USA close to my brothers and 2 are married and one not married, however I'm the youngest in the family (27 year old) and my parents are super old fashioned where they want arranged marriages to take place, and they want virgins and muslims and from good / rich family (doctors lawyers etc...) however 2 years ago I started talking to some girl (online on facebook) and we became good friends together, a year later of our chatting together, we started to talk on the phone daily for hours and hours, I started to love the girl (she is Belarusian and she is 28 and have a child from Indian man who is muslim and abandon her and her child...
she is not a muslim but willing to learn, however I decided to meet her in person without letting anyone know from my family as I know they will fight with me and tell me brutal things. so I flew to spain and she went on vacation there and we met together, we spent together 1 week and got to know each others and hangout with each others and had good times together, she was staying at her hotel and mine was like within 3 mins walking distance of hers.
after that I came back, I tried to make her apply for USA visa but she got rejected, that was the chance i wanted to introduce her to my family, however that didn't workout, and my love for her kept growing stronger and stronger, so i decided to marry her, so I arranged a wedding for me and her in Mexico and we got married.
I came back and told my family about this, and there first response was "divorce her" and gave me choice between them and her... now I told them this is bull choices.... I wont choose between either, I love both and she did nothing wrong and they should give her a chance, but my elder brother whos married with a child kept calling her bitch and calling her son "son of a bitch" that she gave birth from a man and never married him blah blah, and called her communist and many other hurtful things, now all these things they said and started to tell me that I love her more than my family and over my mother and my father and threaten me they will kick me out of the house and never talk to me and my parents dont want me to know where they will die and nothing....
now I'm pretty lost on what to do... my wife is very nice and educated *lawyer* and my family wont even have a chance with her to know her... so i dont know what to do and what to say and how to keep both sides happy,
i really love my family and i really love my wife and i dont want to lose either side...
- MahmoudS
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Well that's a tough situation but I guess maybe they'll come around but if they don't I think you should have told your family about her first because then most likely your love for your family is greater than this girl no matter how good she is in my opinion family is much more valuable. They care for you I have family like that too they exchange harsh statements when they don't approve of something but I don't know you or this girl I'm just stating from my experience family always right brother well in my case I was blind and stupid and did not wish to see. I chose a guy who embarassed and humiliated me over my family. You wanna know something my family stuck around well why I'm telling you this from the Internet people tell you what you want to hear and I tried that twice but the two ppl that I met over the Internet the real them was something different I mean personality wise. Maybe your and escape for this girl but I think you should sit with your family and if they don't want her If I was you family family and they want the best for you and even in the deen parents are important nd they love you more than anyone else there just trying to protect you cause they want no harm to come to you. I mean I guess there thinking what do you know about this girl via net? You wang to raise this child huge responsibility? I also read once cause the last guy wanted to nikah with me behind my parents back but I never did but you have to think of it If your brother came to you and this scenario what would you advice? I know family can say some harsh things but there just angry that you never opened up with them why make it a secret if they can accept the girl as your wife maybe they'll come around but do you really want to live your life fighting for someone that well you say you know but your family you've known your whole life they care for you brother they just want their very best don't let shatan fool you, we'll inshallah they'll come around but the choice is your but if they don't listen I don't know what to tell you its your life but ahead before you do something think if my sibling came to me with your scenario what would you advice them, inshallah kheir!:)
is you wife a christian or a jew ?
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May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
well, if your wife is willing to revert to islam and raise your kids as through moslems, the i advice you not to divorce her. your family will always come around some day, some times.
but if she is not willing to revert to islam, or to raise your kids as moslems, then i urge you to consider divorcing her.
you said she is very good and kind, then i advice you to not divorce her. if you can, save your marriage with her even though you are facing challenges from your family, provided she accept that your children shall be raised muslims
make sure you teach her islam, and try to convince her to accept islam.
Assalamualaikum,
Brother, a woman is married for four reasons as our Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam informed us:
Narrated Abu Hurairah ﺭَﺿِﻲَ اﻟﻠﻪُ ﻋَﻨْﻪُ : The Prophet ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said, ``A woman is married for four (things), i.e. her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should take possession of (marry) the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.'' (Bukhari)
Brother, what did you marry her for?
Yes, a Muslim man is allowed to marry a woman among Christians and Jews. But the condition is: "chaste woman among them".
You have made a mistake and should repent to Allah. Do not divorce her, but let her learn Islam and convince herself that Allah Is her Lord and Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam is His Messenger. If she does that successfully, she can become a Muslim and you can remarry.
I am in no position to say your marriage was invalid, but to keep away from sins and displeasure of Allah, in my opinion you should do this.
Avoid intimacy until she decides, lest you should commit zina. But do not divorce her right away and grieve her. Give her time to decide and learn the deen.
This is my personal opinion. And Allah Knows Best.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor