Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We want to be together but his parents won’t allow it due to cultural differences

"O Mankind, We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other. Verily the most honored of you in the sight of God is he who is the most righteous of you" (Quran 49:13).

"O Mankind, We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other. Verily the most honored of you in the sight of God is he who is the most righteous of you" (Quran 49:13).

Salam,

I have been involved with a man for 4 years now, and we have finally decided to pursue marriage. To be honest, it has been a very rough 4 years. His family is not a religious family but rather a more cultural family. Even upon meeting him he knew very little about Islam and I took it upon myself to teach him the teachings of Islam and Alhamdoulilah his love Islam and Allah (swt) has grown. His family does not pray, drinks alcohol and in general does not practice Islam. He himself did not know how to pray and previously drank alcohol etc.

He asked me how to teach him how to pray and  since he has been a much more religious man. I see a great future with this man, I not only love him for his character and sincerity but also for the sake of Allah, to inshAllah meet in the akhira. However, although his mother knew of me for a long time she never approved because we are of different cultures. Recently, he spoke with his mother in hopes of getting her support to ask for my hand. She once again refused, stating that I do not speak their language and that she will not support us and she will cease contact with him if he chooses to marry me.

I am so hurt by this words cannot describe. He is now torn between me and his family, and even though islamically their means for denial are wrong we both have no idea how to gain the support of his family. He does not want to lose his family but he also do not want to lose me. I know Islamically he would be a good husband to me InshAllah, but how can you gain the support of those that do not practice or family that is against you based in cultural differences?

Any advice is much appreciated

JazakAllah,

sarsoura92.


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2 Responses »

  1. Salam sister ,

    Pray salat estekhara and it will either work things out inshallah or maybe just not meant to be.

  2. Assalamu'alaikum sister,

    May Allah Reward you for your effort and protect you against evils.

    You taught him Islam for the sake of Allah. This is a matter different from your niyyah to marry him (I hope I am right). So, hope for reward for what you did for thr sake of Allah and keep the matter of marriage separate.

    Yes, their reasons for denial are wrong. And in fact, if he marries their choice, the lady is likely to be like they are - non practicing. It is required that one's spouse has good character.

    Well, no one can do anything about changing the decision of his mother, but you can do du'a to Allah. The hearts of all servants are between two fingers of Allah. He turns them to where He Wills. Pray that his mother's heart turns towards you.

    Try talking to her (not about marriage, just say salam, talk to her, get along with her, etc.). If she is not direclty accessible, look for a route through her daughter if she has any, or someone else.

    Do not cross the Shar'i limits while you both like each other. And if things work, that is well, but if they don't, then go your ways by saying:

    Qadarullah, wa ma Shaa'a Fa'al (Allah Had Decreed, and whatever He Wills, He Does)

    Perform two raka'aat of Salatul Istikharah and trust in Allah that He Will show you a way out and will make the way easy for you if this man is good for your deen, dunya and aakhirah.

    Obey Allah and His Messenger, whether you get married to him or someone else, and May Allah Bless you. If this works in the negative, it will be difficult to deal with it initially, but if you remain dutiful to Allah, you will see that you will find a better man, in sha Allah.

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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